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Some people believe that the development of artificial intelligence will make human labour obsolete. Others think that work performed by humans will be important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that the development of artificial intelligence will make human labour obsolete. Others think that work performed by humans will be important.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is a common belief that the succeed in artificial intelligence will make human labour becoming outdated . However, I firmly suppose that human play an important part in workforce. In this essay, I will discuss both of view then give my own opinion and try to give some clear example to support my view.

On the one hand, replacing humans with machine or artificial intelligence was believed that could be automatically programmed. Therefore, it could work more efficient and generate increase the income. Because of solving the problem quickly without any assisting from people, Artificial intelligence could work accurately and reduce mistaken during the process. This is improve the productivity and the quality of product in many factories. For instance, robots and machines was applied in amazon's port working automatically without human's management. These technologies decrease the manufacture because it can get the information from customers , packaging the goods then transport to the deliver… all of these stage was performed automatically by artificial intelligence.

Nevertheless, I support the idea that humans is an essential part of workforce and machine is not as well as humans. It is true that machine is programed to work a certain jobs without any creativity, whereas humans have many creative inventions in work to help them complete the work quickly. They can work in many fields relevant to art, health, food cuisine… . Moreover, people can distinguish and handle the problems during work, while machines or AI cannot repair itself and it easily to get error when the problem arise. For example, robotic surgery is limited and it need supervision of surgeons which ability only owned by human ( doctors).

In conclusion, machines make human obsolete and human is important in work performing . For these reason, it is clear that human is essential with workforce and never be replaced by robots.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "the succeed in artificial intelligence" -> "the success in artificial intelligence"
    Explanation: Replacing "succeed" with "success" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the clarity of the sentence.

  2. "make human labour becoming outdated" -> "render human labor obsolete"
    Explanation: Substituting "make human labour becoming outdated" with "render human labor obsolete" provides a more formal expression, avoiding the informal tone of "make" and "becoming outdated."

  3. "I firmly suppose" -> "I firmly believe"
    Explanation: Changing "I firmly suppose" to "I firmly believe" strengthens the expression and aligns it with a more assertive and formal tone.

  4. "human play an important part" -> "humans play an important role"
    Explanation: Replacing "human play an important part" with "humans play an important role" maintains formality and accuracy in describing the contribution of humans in the workforce.

  5. "discuss both of view" -> "discuss both views"
    Explanation: Removing the unnecessary "of" in "discuss both of view" streamlines the sentence and adheres to standard academic language.

  6. "could be automatically programmed" -> "could be programmatically automated"
    Explanation: Substituting "automatically programmed" with "programmatically automated" introduces a more precise and formal term to describe the automation of machines or artificial intelligence.

  7. "generate increase the income" -> "generate increased income"
    Explanation: Changing "generate increase the income" to "generate increased income" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances clarity.

  8. "Artificial intelligence could work accurately and reduce mistaken" -> "Artificial intelligence could work accurately and reduce errors"
    Explanation: Replacing "reduce mistaken" with "reduce errors" offers a more accurate and formal term for describing the improvement in accuracy.

  9. "This is improve the productivity and the quality of product" -> "This improves productivity and product quality"
    Explanation: Correcting "This is improve" to "This improves" provides a grammatically sound and concise expression.

  10. "port working automatically without human’s management" -> "port operating automatically without human intervention"
    Explanation: Substituting "working" with "operating" and "human’s management" with "human intervention" refines the language to convey the automated functioning of the port in a more formal manner.

  11. "These technologies decrease the manufacture" -> "These technologies streamline the manufacturing process"
    Explanation: Changing "decrease the manufacture" to "streamline the manufacturing process" offers a more precise and formal description of the impact of technologies on manufacturing.

  12. "because it can get the information from customers" -> "as it can retrieve information from customers"
    Explanation: Substituting "because it can get" with "as it can retrieve" introduces a more formal and precise expression.

  13. "transport to the deliver" -> "transport for delivery"
    Explanation: Changing "transport to the deliver" to "transport for delivery" corrects the preposition usage and improves the clarity of the sentence.

  14. "I support the idea that humans is an essential part" -> "I support the idea that humans are an essential part"
    Explanation: Correcting "humans is" to "humans are" ensures subject-verb agreement in a grammatically correct manner.

  15. "machine is not as well as humans" -> "machines are not as capable as humans"
    Explanation: Changing "machine is not as well as humans" to "machines are not as capable as humans" provides a more accurate and formal comparison.

  16. "programed to work a certain jobs" -> "programmed to perform specific tasks"
    Explanation: Substituting "programed to work a certain jobs" with "programmed to perform specific tasks" improves precision and formalizes the language.

  17. "creative inventions in work" -> "creative innovations in their work"
    Explanation: Changing "creative inventions in work" to "creative innovations in their work" introduces a more formal term and enhances the expression.

  18. "it easily to get error" -> "it is prone to errors"
    Explanation: Correcting "it easily to get error" to "it is prone to errors" improves grammatical structure and clarity.

  19. "robotic surgery is limited and it need supervision" -> "robotic surgery is limited and requires supervision"
    Explanation: Changing "it need supervision" to "requires supervision" improves the formal tone and accuracy.

  20. "which ability only owned by human" -> "an ability only possessed by humans"
    Explanation: Substituting "which ability only owned by human" with "an ability only possessed by humans" offers a more precise and formal expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views, discussing the belief in AI making human labor obsolete and the opposing view that humans remain essential. However, there are instances of unclear expression, such as "the succeed in artificial intelligence will make human labour becoming outdated." The explanation is somewhat superficial and lacks depth in analysis.
    • How to improve: Provide a more detailed exploration of both perspectives, ensuring clarity in expression. Clearly articulate the two views and avoid vague or unclear statements.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that humans are essential in the workforce, as indicated by phrases like "I firmly suppose that human play an important part in the workforce." However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that slightly affect the clarity of the stance.
    • How to improve: Refine the language for better clarity. Avoid awkward phrasing and grammatical errors to strengthen the overall presentation of your position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present, extend, and support ideas but lacks depth and coherence. It provides an example of AI in Amazon’s port but fails to extend or elaborate on how this impacts the workforce or supports the argument. The essay could benefit from more specific examples and detailed explanations.
    • How to improve: Provide more concrete and relevant examples. Elaborate on how AI impacts different sectors and extend your explanations for a more comprehensive understanding. Connect ideas more coherently.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but has a few instances where ideas are not fully developed or are expressed vaguely. For instance, the phrase "because it can get the information from customers, packaging the goods then transport to the deliver…" lacks clarity and does not fully explain the point.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each point is clearly expressed and fully developed. Avoid vague statements, and provide complete explanations for your ideas to maintain focus and relevance.

Overall Feedback:

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the prompt, covering both perspectives on the impact of artificial intelligence on human labor. However, improvements are needed in expression, depth of analysis, and coherence. Strengthen your explanations by providing specific examples, refining your language for clarity, and ensuring a more comprehensive exploration of ideas. Additionally, pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to enhance the overall quality of your response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically but struggles with clarity in expressing ideas. The introduction lacks precision in presenting the essay’s structure and could benefit from a more explicit thesis statement. The body paragraphs discuss each view separately, but the transition between the contrasting opinions could be smoother. There is an attempt to provide examples to support the views, but the connection between the examples and the main argument is occasionally unclear.
    • How to improve: Start the essay with a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed. Use transition sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Ensure that examples directly relate to the arguments being made, enhancing overall coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but there are issues with the structure and effectiveness. Paragraphs lack unity, and ideas within paragraphs are sometimes scattered. For instance, the third paragraph encompasses various points, including efficiency, income generation, and quality improvement. These ideas could be better organized into distinct paragraphs for improved clarity.
    • How to improve: Clearly introduce the main idea at the beginning of each paragraph. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, leading to a more coherent and organized structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("On the one hand," "Nevertheless," "In conclusion"). However, their usage is inconsistent, and the connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened. Additionally, there is room for improvement in the variety of cohesive devices used.
    • How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices for smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Introduce a wider range of connectors to enhance the overall coherence. For example, using words like "furthermore," "however," and "consequently" can contribute to a more cohesive essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, refining the organization, paragraph structure, and cohesive device usage can elevate it to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some repetition of words and phrases. There’s a need for more variety and sophistication in the choice of vocabulary to enhance lexical diversity. For instance, the phrase "Artificial intelligence" is frequently repeated, and alternatives or synonyms could be incorporated to elevate the lexical range.
    • How to improve: To improve, consider using synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and domain-specific vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Artificial intelligence," variations like "AI" or "automated systems" can be employed. Also, introduce more sophisticated and contextually appropriate vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits imprecise vocabulary usage in some instances, leading to a lack of clarity. For example, the phrase "succeed in artificial intelligence" may be a confusion or typo; perhaps it intended to convey "success of artificial intelligence." Such imprecise language affects the overall coherence and understanding of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, carefully choose words that accurately convey your intended meaning. Proofread the essay to catch typos or errors, and ensure that each word is used in its correct context. Consider seeking feedback from peers or educators to identify areas where vocabulary can be refined for better precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "succeed" instead of "success," "becoming" instead of "become," and "play" instead of "plays." These errors impact the overall readability and reflect a need for improvement in spelling accuracy.
    • How to improve: Develop a habit of proofreading your work thoroughly before submission. Utilize spelling and grammar-check tools to catch common errors. Consider dedicating specific time for reviewing and editing your essays to enhance spelling accuracy. Additionally, focus on learning the correct spelling of commonly misspelled words to avoid repeated errors.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. Enhancing these aspects will contribute to a more refined and effective expression of ideas in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences predominate, and while there are instances of complex structures, they are limited. For example, the use of conditional sentences is somewhat lacking. Additionally, sentence construction is occasionally awkward, affecting overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, incorporate more complex and compound-complex sentences. Introduce conditional sentences to express hypothetical situations. Ensure sentence construction is clear and concise, avoiding awkward phrasing. For instance, in the first paragraph, consider restructuring the sentence: "It is a common belief that the succeed in artificial intelligence will make human labour becoming outdated" for better clarity.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits noticeable grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, article use, and word choice. For instance, "the succeed" should be replaced with "success," and "make human labour becoming" should be corrected to "make human labor become." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in lists and incorrect use of ellipses, detract from the overall accuracy.
    • How to improve: Focus on subject-verb agreement, choosing appropriate articles, and refining word choice. Use commas correctly in lists, and ensure ellipses are employed appropriately. For example, instead of "It is a common belief that the succeed in artificial intelligence will make human labour becoming outdated," write "It is a common belief that the success of artificial intelligence will make human labor obsolete."

In summary, while the essay presents a generally effective range of structures, improvements in sentence variety and clarity are advisable. Furthermore, meticulous attention to grammatical accuracy, especially with subject-verb agreement and punctuation, will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is commonly believed that the success in artificial intelligence will render human labor obsolete. However, I firmly believe that humans play an important role in the workforce. In this essay, I will discuss both views and give my own opinion, providing clear examples to support my perspective.

On the one hand, some argue that replacing humans with machines or artificial intelligence could be programmatically automated, resulting in increased efficiency and income generation. By solving problems quickly without human assistance, artificial intelligence can work accurately and reduce errors in various processes. This improvement enhances productivity and product quality in many factories. For instance, robots and machines are applied in Amazon’s port, operating automatically without human intervention. These technologies streamline the manufacturing process by retrieving information from customers, packaging goods, and transporting them for delivery—all performed automatically by artificial intelligence.

Nevertheless, I support the idea that humans are an essential part of the workforce, and machines are not as capable as humans. While machines are programmed to perform specific tasks without any creativity, humans exhibit creative innovations in their work, allowing them to complete tasks efficiently. Humans can work in various fields related to art, health, food cuisine, and more. Moreover, people can identify and address problems during work, whereas machines or AI cannot repair themselves and are prone to errors when problems arise. For example, robotic surgery is limited and requires supervision by surgeons, an ability only possessed by humans (doctors).

In conclusion, while some argue that machines could make humans obsolete, I firmly believe that humans are crucial in work performance. For these reasons, it is evident that humans are essential to the workforce and cannot be replaced by robots.

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