: Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed (damaged) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion?

In this contemporary age, preservation is a pressing demand, which leads to a contentious debate revolving around whether human beings are causing harm to the Earth or making it a more livable place. From my perspective, while the Earth is being polluted by human activities, many individuals and organizations have made a joint effort to improve its state.
On the one hand, the Earth’s condition has become worse since the era of industrialization. With the establishment and expansion of the chemical industry, many forms of pollutants are being emitted into the environment in both directed and undirected ways, resulting in a decline in quality of life. For example, the greenhouse effect caused by emissions from factories and transportation has become noticeable over the years, also leading to other alarming problems such as global warming and climate change. As a result, human behaviors that contribute to the Earth’s degradation are irrefutable.
On the other hand, concerted efforts to make the world a better living place are adopted on a large scale. Many individuals and firms are joining hands to raise people’s awareness about conservation while improving the Earth’s conditions through educational campaigns and sustainable practices. Furthermore, the advancements in technology also significantly contribute to this trend by allowing more efficient resource use and creating novel cleaner energy sources such as solar electricity and wind energy.
In conclusion, for all the aforementioned reasons, I am convinced that although human activities have undeniably harmed the Earth's condition, people are also making efforts to preserve the environment and improve it as a place to live.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this contemporary age" -> "In the contemporary era"
Explanation: "In this contemporary age" is somewhat redundant and informal. "In the contemporary era" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"a pressing demand" -> "a pressing need"
Explanation: "Demand" typically implies a requirement or necessity, whereas "need" better conveys the urgency and importance of the issue in a more formal context.
"a contentious debate" -> "a contentious issue"
Explanation: "Debate" implies a discussion between individuals, whereas "issue" is more neutral and appropriate for describing a topic of discussion or controversy.
"human beings are causing harm" -> "human activities are causing harm"
Explanation: "Human beings" is too broad and anthropomorphic; "human activities" is more precise and focuses on the actions rather than the individuals themselves.
"made a joint effort" -> "made concerted efforts"
Explanation: "Made a joint effort" is slightly informal and vague. "Made concerted efforts" is more formal and emphasizes the collective action.
"the Earth’s condition has become worse" -> "the Earth’s condition has deteriorated"
Explanation: "Become worse" is somewhat informal and vague. "Deteriorated" is a more precise and formal term that accurately describes the decline in quality.
"many forms of pollutants" -> "numerous types of pollutants"
Explanation: "Many forms" is somewhat vague and informal. "Numerous types" is more specific and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"directed and undirected ways" -> "direct and indirect ways"
Explanation: "Directed and undirected" is not a standard term in environmental contexts. "Direct and indirect" is the correct terminology for describing the impact of pollutants.
"a decline in quality of life" -> "a decline in environmental quality"
Explanation: "Quality of life" is too broad and informal for this context. "Environmental quality" is specific and appropriate for discussing ecological issues.
"irrefutable" -> "undeniable"
Explanation: While "irrefutable" is correct, "undeniable" is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe facts that cannot be disputed.
"a better living place" -> "a better place to live"
Explanation: "A better living place" is awkward and informal. "A better place to live" is the correct idiomatic expression and is more formal.
"raising people’s awareness" -> "raising public awareness"
Explanation: "People’s awareness" is too informal and vague. "Public awareness" is more precise and commonly used in formal writing.
"sustainable practices" -> "sustainable practices"
Explanation: This is a correct and appropriate term for environmental and ecological contexts.
"allowing more efficient resource use" -> "facilitating more efficient resource utilization"
Explanation: "Allowing" is somewhat informal and vague. "Facilitating" is more precise and formal, and "utilization" is a more technical term than "use."
"novel cleaner energy sources" -> "innovative cleaner energy sources"
Explanation: "Novel" is correct but less commonly used in this context. "Innovative" is more widely recognized and appropriate for academic writing.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument presented in the prompt. It acknowledges the harm caused by human activities, particularly through industrialization and pollution, while also recognizing the positive efforts made towards environmental conservation. The introduction sets the stage well by framing the debate, and the body paragraphs provide relevant examples to support both viewpoints. However, the conclusion could be seen as slightly vague in its resolution of the argument, as it does not explicitly state the writer’s definitive stance.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the conclusion could be more assertive in reinforcing the writer’s opinion. A clearer statement reflecting a balanced view or a stronger emphasis on one side could provide a more definitive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that acknowledges both the negative impacts of human activity and the positive efforts towards improvement. However, the position could be more consistently emphasized throughout the essay. While the introduction and body paragraphs present both sides well, the conclusion lacks a strong reiteration of the writer’s opinion, which may leave some ambiguity about their ultimate stance.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should ensure that their position is explicitly stated in both the introduction and conclusion. Using phrases like "I firmly believe" or "In my view" can help reinforce the writer’s stance and ensure it resonates throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a range of ideas, particularly in discussing the negative impacts of pollution and the positive contributions of technology and awareness campaigns. Each point is supported with relevant examples, such as the mention of the greenhouse effect and advancements in cleaner energy. However, some ideas could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the discussion on educational campaigns could include specific examples of successful initiatives.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. Incorporating statistics, case studies, or specific organizations involved in conservation efforts could strengthen the argument and provide a more robust support for the ideas presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the prompt directly and avoiding any off-topic discussions. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument regarding human impact on the Earth. However, the transition between the two sides could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and improve coherence, the writer could use transitional phrases to better link the discussion of negative impacts with the positive efforts. For example, phrases like "Despite these challenges" or "Conversely" could help guide the reader through the argument and reinforce the connection between the two sides of the debate.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With minor adjustments in clarity, elaboration, and coherence, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the debate, followed by two distinct body paragraphs that explore both sides of the argument. The first paragraph effectively discusses the negative impacts of human activity on the Earth, while the second paragraph highlights positive efforts toward environmental improvement. The logical progression from problem to solution is evident, making it easy for the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit topic sentences that clearly indicate the main idea of each paragraph. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "The negative impacts of human activity on the environment are profound and multifaceted," which would immediately signal the focus of the discussion.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs explore opposing views, and the conclusion summarizes the writer’s stance. Each paragraph is coherent and maintains a clear focus, which contributes to the overall clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, consider ensuring that each paragraph contains a clear concluding sentence that reinforces the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could end with a sentence that summarizes the key points discussed, such as, "Thus, the detrimental effects of industrialization on the environment cannot be overlooked."
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," and transitional phrases like "for example" and "furthermore." These devices help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. The use of cohesive devices contributes to the overall coherence of the essay, making it easy to follow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking phrases and connectors. For instance, instead of repeating "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," you could use alternatives such as "in contrast" or "conversely." Additionally, varying sentence structures can enhance the flow; for example, instead of starting consecutive sentences with "many," try using different subjects or introductory phrases to create a more dynamic reading experience.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively presenting a balanced argument. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. Terms such as "preservation," "contentious debate," "pollutants," and "concerted efforts" showcase an ability to articulate complex ideas effectively. The use of phrases like "joint effort" and "irrefutable" adds depth to the argument. However, while there is a good variety, some areas could benefit from more nuanced vocabulary to enhance precision and sophistication.
- How to improve: To elevate the lexical range further, consider incorporating synonyms or more advanced terms in place of simpler words. For instance, instead of "better living place," you might use "habitat" or "environment." Additionally, exploring more specific vocabulary related to environmental science could enrich the discussion, such as "biodiversity," "ecosystem," or "sustainability."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "greenhouse effect" and "global warming" used correctly in context. However, there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "make the world a better living place" is somewhat vague and could be interpreted in multiple ways.
- How to improve: Aim for more precise vocabulary that directly conveys your intended meaning. Instead of "make the world a better living place," consider specifying the improvements, such as "enhancing environmental quality" or "promoting ecological sustainability." This will clarify your argument and demonstrate a higher level of lexical precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a strong command of spelling, with no noticeable errors present. Words like "industrialization," "emissions," and "advancements" are spelled correctly, reflecting a solid understanding of standard English orthography.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, it is beneficial to maintain this standard through consistent practice. Consider engaging in exercises that focus on commonly misspelled words or utilizing spelling apps to reinforce your skills. Additionally, proofreading your work can help catch any inadvertent mistakes that may arise during writing.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a high level of lexical resource, meriting a score of 8. To further enhance your performance, focus on expanding your vocabulary range, ensuring precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy through regular practice.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, phrases like "which leads to a contentious debate" and "while the Earth is being polluted by human activities" show an ability to use subordinate clauses effectively. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar structures, particularly in the second paragraph, where many sentences begin with "With" or "As a result." This can create a monotonous rhythm and reduce engagement.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more introductory phrases or varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "With," you could rephrase to begin with an adverbial clause or a prepositional phrase, such as "Due to the expansion of the chemical industry, many forms of pollutants…" This will create a more dynamic flow and keep the reader’s interest.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. However, there are minor issues with punctuation, particularly in the use of commas. For instance, in the sentence "the greenhouse effect caused by emissions from factories and transportation has become noticeable over the years, also leading to other alarming problems such as global warming and climate change," a comma before "also" would improve clarity. Additionally, the phrase "concerted efforts to make the world a better living place are adopted on a large scale" could be more clearly expressed as "concerted efforts to make the world a better place to live are being adopted on a large scale."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, it is essential to review comma usage, especially in complex sentences. Practicing the rules of comma placement, particularly in compound and complex sentences, will help. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where punctuation may be lacking or where clarity could be improved. Consider revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that each clause is properly punctuated to enhance overall readability.

By focusing on these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially increasing the overall band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this contemporary era, preservation is a pressing need, which leads to a contentious issue surrounding whether human activities are causing harm to the Earth or making it a better place to live. From my perspective, while the Earth is indeed being polluted by human actions, many individuals and organizations have made concerted efforts to enhance its condition.

On the one hand, the Earth’s condition has deteriorated since the era of industrialization. With the establishment and expansion of the chemical industry, numerous types of pollutants are being emitted into the environment in both direct and indirect ways, resulting in a decline in environmental quality. For example, the greenhouse effect caused by emissions from factories and transportation has become increasingly noticeable over the years, leading to other alarming problems such as global warming and climate change. As a result, human behaviors that contribute to the Earth’s degradation are undeniable.

On the other hand, significant efforts to make the world a better place to live are being adopted on a large scale. Many individuals and firms are joining forces to raise public awareness about conservation while improving the Earth’s conditions through educational campaigns and sustainable practices. Furthermore, advancements in technology significantly contribute to this trend by facilitating more efficient resource utilization and creating innovative cleaner energy sources such as solar electricity and wind energy.

In conclusion, for all the aforementioned reasons, I am convinced that although human activities have undeniably harmed the Earth’s condition, people are also making substantial efforts to preserve the environment and enhance it as a place to live.