Some people believe that the government should not spend money on international aid when they have their own disadvantaged people like the homeless and unemployed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The masses suppose that the government budget is unnecessary to be provided to international support while the rate of unemployment and homelessness is still high in their own country. In my opinion, I partly disagree with this view owing to its pros and cons.
On the one hand, there are several reasons supporting the opinion that the government should donate money to help undeveloped countries. Firstly, it is considered one of the best ways to strengthen international relations and create a strong bond between nations. For instance, during the Vietnam war, the Russian government decided to support Viet Nam by providing military aid, additional food, especially financial assistance up to 357 million rubles. Thanks to this significant help, Vietnam partly escaped difficulties in all aspects and gradually stabilized citizens’ lives; therefore, the friendly relation between these two countries is highly appreciated, leading to many policies which enhance the benefits of both countries. Additionally, it is an elevation of humanity when international aid is sent to countries in trouble. All people on the earth are divided into many different ethnicities and countries; however, by nature, humanity is the core connected feature among individuals. Therefore, crossborder support is understandable, helping others when they are in difficulty is a praiseworthy action.
On the other hand, there are also sensible arguments that contributing foreign aid is unreasonable. To begin with, many people suppose that curbing domestic issues is paramount. It’s complicated to assist others while your problems still remain unsolved, the state budget is an important financial source to focus on country development, so when the rate of unemployment and homelessness is high, that funds should be prioritized to solve these urgent issues before being used to support foreign countries. Furthermore, foreign assistance sometimes causes unnecessary consequences since there is a possibility that the countries being helped will become dependent on the subsidized money and in more debt instead of developing further.
In summary, contributing to international aid brings both merits and demerits. Depending on financial capacity and future plans, the state should consider and make the best decision.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The masses suppose" -> "Many people believe"
Explanation: "The masses" is somewhat vague and informal; "Many people" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing. "Suppose" implies a speculative or uncertain attitude, whereas "believe" is more direct and assertive, fitting the context better.
"is unnecessary to be provided" -> "need not be allocated"
Explanation: "Is unnecessary to be provided" is awkward and verbose. "Need not be allocated" is more concise and maintains the formal tone required in academic writing.
"the rate of unemployment and homelessness" -> "unemployment and homelessness rates"
Explanation: "The rate of" is redundant when referring to rates. Using "unemployment and homelessness rates" simplifies the phrase and enhances clarity.
"In my opinion, I partly disagree" -> "I partially disagree"
Explanation: "In my opinion, I partly disagree" is redundant. "I partially disagree" is more direct and avoids unnecessary repetition.
"donate money to help undeveloped countries" -> "provide financial assistance to developing countries"
Explanation: "Donate money" is informal and vague; "provide financial assistance" is more precise and formal. "Undeveloped countries" is less accurate than "developing countries," which is the standard term in international development contexts.
"strengthen international relations and create a strong bond" -> "enhance international relations and foster strong bonds"
Explanation: "Strengthen" and "create a strong bond" are somewhat redundant. "Enhance" and "foster" offer a more nuanced and academically appropriate choice of verbs.
"the Russian government decided to support Viet Nam" -> "the Russian government chose to support Vietnam"
Explanation: "Decided" is less formal than "chose," which is more precise in an academic context. Also, "Viet Nam" should be "Vietnam" for consistency with standard English usage.
"additional food, especially financial assistance up to 357 million rubles" -> "additional food and financial assistance totaling 357 million rubles"
Explanation: "Especially" is informal and can be replaced with "and" for clarity. The phrase "totaling 357 million rubles" is more precise and formal than "up to 357 million rubles."
"All people on the earth are divided into many different ethnicities and countries" -> "Humans are diverse in ethnicity and nationality"
Explanation: "All people on the earth" is redundant and informal. "Humans are diverse in ethnicity and nationality" is more concise and academically appropriate.
"crossborder support" -> "cross-border support"
Explanation: "Crossborder" is a hyphenated compound adjective; "cross-border" is the correct form in formal English.
"helping others when they are in difficulty is a praiseworthy action" -> "assisting others in times of need is commendable"
Explanation: "Helping others when they are in difficulty" is verbose and informal. "Assisting others in times of need" is more concise and formal. "Praiseworthy" is less specific than "commendable," which is more commonly used in academic discourse.
"curbing domestic issues is paramount" -> "addressing domestic issues is paramount"
Explanation: "Curbing" is less commonly used in this context; "addressing" is more direct and appropriate for formal writing.
"the state budget is an important financial source to focus on country development" -> "the state budget is a crucial financial resource for national development"
Explanation: "Important financial source to focus on country development" is awkward and verbose. "A crucial financial resource for national development" is more streamlined and formal.
"the rate of unemployment and homelessness is high" -> "unemployment and homelessness rates are high"
Explanation: Similar to earlier, "the rate of" is redundant when referring to rates. Using "unemployment and homelessness rates" simplifies the phrase and enhances clarity.
"in more debt instead of developing further" -> "in debt and hindering further development"
Explanation: "In more debt instead of developing further" is awkward and unclear. "In debt and hindering further development" is clearer and more direct, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether governments should prioritize domestic issues over international aid. It acknowledges reasons supporting international aid (strengthening relations, humanitarian aspects) and arguments against it (domestic prioritization, potential negative consequences).
- How to improve: To improve, ensure a more balanced exploration of both perspectives throughout the essay. While both sides are touched upon, a deeper analysis of how these considerations weigh against each other would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially disagrees with the idea of diverting funds from international aid to domestic issues. The stance is clear but could be more consistently reinforced throughout the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: Strengthen clarity by explicitly stating the stance at key points, such as in topic sentences of body paragraphs, and consistently reinforcing it with supporting arguments and evidence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented with examples (e.g., Vietnam war, potential consequences of aid dependency) and generally extended with reasoning. However, some examples lack detailed elaboration, particularly regarding the direct relevance to the essay’s arguments.
- How to improve: Extend ideas by providing more specific examples that directly tie back to the main arguments. Ensure each supporting point is clearly connected to the overall thesis and furthers the argument effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing whether governments should prioritize domestic issues over international aid. However, there are moments where the focus on international relations slightly deviates from directly addressing aid allocation.
- How to improve: Maintain a strict focus on the prompt throughout. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to the argument about international aid versus domestic issues.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the prompt and effectively presents arguments both for and against prioritizing international aid over domestic issues. To improve to a higher band score, ensure a more nuanced analysis of the arguments presented, maintain a consistent and clear position throughout, and provide more detailed and relevant examples to support the points made.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting both sides of the argument clearly in separate paragraphs. Each paragraph focuses on either supporting international aid or arguing against it, which enhances clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To further improve logical organization, ensure each paragraph maintains a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the essay prompt. Additionally, consider using transitions more consistently between paragraphs to strengthen the overall coherence of the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph is adequately developed with main ideas and supporting details, providing a structured approach to discussing the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph develops a single main idea comprehensively. Avoid overly long paragraphs that might dilute the clarity of individual arguments. Consider using topic sentences that clearly introduce the focus of each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices such as ‘on the one hand…on the other hand’, ‘to begin with’, and ‘furthermore’, which effectively link ideas within and between paragraphs. These devices contribute to the overall coherence by guiding the reader through different aspects of the argument.
- How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., ‘moreover’, ‘in contrast’, ‘consequently’) to enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that each cohesive device used serves to clarify relationships between ideas.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion through its clear organizational structure, effective paragraphing, and varied use of cohesive devices, further enhancements can be made by refining the use of topic sentences, transitions, and a broader array of cohesive devices. These improvements will strengthen the overall clarity and logical progression of ideas, thereby potentially elevating the coherence and cohesion score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of vocabulary. It includes varied terms such as "undeveloped countries," "domestic issues," "paramount," "subsidized money," and "financial capacity." These terms contribute to expressing ideas on international aid, relations between nations, and the implications of foreign assistance.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource further, consider incorporating more nuanced vocabulary related to economic terms (e.g., "economic disparity," "economic aid allocation"), social issues (e.g., "social welfare programs," "poverty alleviation initiatives"), and diplomatic relations (e.g., "diplomatic initiatives," "bilateral agreements"). These additions can enrich the depth and precision of your arguments, making your essay more sophisticated and persuasive.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, there are instances where more precise terms could be employed. For example, instead of "curbing domestic issues is paramount," using "addressing" or "tackling" would enhance clarity and directness. Additionally, terms like "subsidized money" could be replaced with "foreign aid grants" for greater specificity.
- How to improve: Focus on using terms that accurately convey your intended meaning with precision. Consider the context and nuances of the words used to ensure they align closely with your arguments. Use synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition and improve the overall impact of your points.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few minor errors such as "undeveloped" instead of "underdeveloped" and "curbing" instead of "curbing" which slightly affect the clarity of the message.
- How to improve: Proofreading carefully before submitting can help catch these minor errors. Consider using spelling and grammar check tools to identify and correct any mistakes. Additionally, reviewing commonly misspelled words and practicing writing can enhance spelling accuracy over time.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with room for improvement in precision and specific word choice. Focusing on these areas can help elevate your writing to a more advanced level, enhancing both clarity and sophistication in expressing your ideas effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a competent use of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout the essay. For example, simple sentences like "It’s complicated to assist others while your problems still remain unsolved," are balanced with more complex structures such as "Thanks to this significant help, Vietnam partly escaped difficulties in all aspects and gradually stabilized citizens’ lives." This variety enhances readability and coherence.
- How to improve: To further enhance, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures that involve subordinate clauses or phrases. This can add depth and sophistication to the arguments presented. For instance, using conditional sentences or inverted structures could elevate the essay’s syntactic complexity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. There are minor errors, such as "The masses suppose that the government budget is unnecessary to be provided to international support," where "to be provided to" could be revised to "for providing," to improve clarity and accuracy. Punctuation is generally used correctly to separate ideas and clauses, though there are occasional slips like missing commas in complex sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement consistently, especially in more complex sentences. For instance, ensure that plural subjects agree with plural verbs and vice versa. Additionally, pay attention to the use of articles ("a," "an," "the") and prepositions to refine sentence structures. Practicing with more varied sentence types and paying close attention to punctuation rules will further enhance the clarity and coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt with a clear structure and logical arguments. Strengthening the variety of sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many people believe that governments should not allocate funds to international aid when unemployment and homelessness rates are high within their own country. I partially disagree with this perspective due to its complexities.

On one hand, there are compelling reasons to support the idea of providing financial assistance to developing countries. Firstly, it can enhance international relations and foster strong bonds between nations. For example, during the Vietnam War, the Russian government chose to support Vietnam by providing military aid, additional food, and financial assistance totaling 357 million rubles. This significant aid helped Vietnam stabilize and improve its citizens’ lives, thereby strengthening bilateral relations between Russia and Vietnam. Such gestures can lead to beneficial policies that mutually enhance the well-being of both countries. Moreover, assisting others in times of need is commendable and underscores a shared humanity that transcends borders.

On the other hand, there are valid arguments against allocating resources to foreign aid. Many argue that addressing domestic issues such as high unemployment and homelessness should take precedence. The state budget is a crucial financial resource for national development, and prioritizing these internal challenges is essential before extending aid abroad. Furthermore, there is a concern that prolonged foreign assistance might foster dependency and potentially increase the recipient countries’ debt burden, hindering their long-term development.

In conclusion, while providing international aid has its advantages and disadvantages, the decision should consider the country’s financial capacity and future plans. Balancing between domestic priorities and global responsibilities is key to making informed and effective policy choices.