Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

On the one hand, There are some individuals support that the need for category of offence should be fixed punishments. It’s fair in the criminal justice systems. Example when you pass away the red lights in anywhere, you’ll pay a fine with a specific money which aren’t rise. If, punished than more money with specific money by traffic officer, you can sue that one. Additionally, It is piece of cake to control and avoid being circumvented by criminals. For instance, penalties can be applied for reduction by criminals unless having a unchanged punishments. Consequently, it is not considered in any problems so as to change a level of crimes.
On the other hand, a significant percentage of individuals tend to agree that circumtances of a crime and criminal’s motivation should influence on punishment. This can lead to avoid false convictions, finally you can receieve a good response from people are fined. A driver crashes into a boy who accross by road suddenly, offence will base on the level of hurt of boy so this driver, who isn’t circumvented with highest crime, is so grateful if this boy isn’t severe injuries . Anually, the need for revising and supplementing the level of punishment to fit the individual crimes. Because of having the more and more a great deal of sophistiacted and severce offence are carried out by criminals. That’s why we need take into account when deciding on the punishment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "There are some individuals support" -> "There are individuals who support"
   Explanation: Replacing "There are some individuals support" with "There are individuals who support" corrects the grammatical structure and aligns with a more formal expression.

2. "It’s fair in the criminal justice systems." -> "It is equitable within the criminal justice system."
   Explanation: Substituting "It’s fair in the criminal justice systems" with "It is equitable within the criminal justice system" maintains formality and improves clarity by using a more precise term for fairness.

3. "Example when you pass away the red lights" -> "For instance, when you violate a red traffic signal"
   Explanation: Changing "Example when you pass away the red lights" to "For instance, when you violate a red traffic signal" enhances clarity by using proper terminology and a more formal expression.

4. "which aren’t rise" -> "that does not increase"
   Explanation: Replacing "which aren’t rise" with "that does not increase" corrects the grammatical error and provides a more formal alternative.

5. "If, punished than more money with specific money by traffic officer," -> "If penalized with an amount beyond the specified fine by a traffic officer,"
   Explanation: Correcting "If, punished than more money with specific money by traffic officer," to "If penalized with an amount beyond the specified fine by a traffic officer," improves the sentence structure and maintains formality.

6. "It is a piece of cake to control and avoid being circumvented by criminals." -> "It is feasible to control and prevent circumvention by criminals."
   Explanation: Replacing "It is a piece of cake to control and avoid being circumvented by criminals" with "It is feasible to control and prevent circumvention by criminals" maintains formality and avoids the use of informal expressions.

7. "penalties can be applied for reduction by criminals unless having unchanged punishments." -> "penalties can be imposed to deter criminals, maintaining consistent punishments."
   Explanation: Substituting "penalties can be applied for reduction by criminals unless having unchanged punishments" with "penalties can be imposed to deter criminals, maintaining consistent punishments" improves clarity and aligns with a more formal style.

8. "Consequently, it is not considered in any problems so as to change a level of crimes." -> "Consequently, there are no significant issues in altering the severity of punishments for crimes."
   Explanation: Changing "Consequently, it is not considered in any problems so as to change a level of crimes" to "Consequently, there are no significant issues in altering the severity of punishments for crimes" provides a more formal and precise expression.

9. "circumtances" -> "circumstances"
   Explanation: Correcting the spelling error "circumtances" to "circumstances" ensures accuracy in the text.

10. "lead to avoid" -> "lead to avoiding"
    Explanation: Replacing "lead to avoid" with "lead to avoiding" corrects the grammatical structure for proper expression.

11. "finally you can receieve" -> "ultimately, you can receive"
    Explanation: Substituting "finally you can receieve" with "ultimately, you can receive" corrects the spelling error and maintains formality.

12. "boy who accross by road suddenly" -> "boy who crosses the road suddenly"
    Explanation: Correcting "boy who accross by road suddenly" to "boy who crosses the road suddenly" ensures proper grammar and clarity.

13. "offence will base on the level of hurt of boy" -> "offense will be based on the extent of harm to the boy"
    Explanation: Changing "offence will base on the level of hurt of boy" to "offense will be based on the extent of harm to the boy" improves the sentence structure and uses more appropriate language.

14. "is so grateful if this boy isn’t severe injuries" -> "is appreciative if this boy doesn’t sustain severe injuries"
    Explanation: Replacing "is so grateful if this boy isn’t severe injuries" with "is appreciative if this boy doesn’t sustain severe injuries" corrects the sentence structure and maintains a formal tone.

15. "Anually" -> "Annually"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error "Anually" to "Annually" ensures accuracy in the text.

16. "more and more a great deal of sophistiacted and severce offence are carried out by criminals." -> "an increasing number of sophisticated and severe offenses are perpetrated by criminals."
    Explanation: Changing "more and more a great deal of sophistiacted and severce offence are carried out by criminals" to "an increasing number of sophisticated and severe offenses are perpetrated by criminals" improves clarity and uses more formal language.

17. "That’s why we need take into account when deciding on the punishment." -> "That is why we need to take into account when deciding on the punishment."
    Explanation: Replacing "That’s why we need take into account when deciding on the punishment" with "That is why we need to take into account when deciding on the punishment" corrects the sentence structure and maintains formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

• Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 5

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both perspectives outlined in the prompt. It acknowledges the argument for fixed punishments and considers the alternative viewpoint that factors like circumstances and motivations should influence the penalty. However, there are issues with coherence and clarity due to language and structural problems, hindering a comprehensive coverage of both sides.
  • How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, consider structuring the essay into distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint. Ensure clarity in presenting arguments, supporting examples, and contrasting ideas for each perspective. Use transitional phrases to delineate shifts between viewpoints for better coherence.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 5

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a stance supporting the consideration of circumstances and motivations in determining punishments. However, the expression lacks clarity due to grammatical errors and unclear sentence structures.
  • How to improve: Focus on sentence structure and grammar to convey ideas more clearly. Explicitly state the chosen position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Provide a clear and concise thesis statement to guide the essay, ensuring that each paragraph reinforces this chosen position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 5

  • Detailed explanation: The essay introduces ideas but lacks in-depth development and elaboration. There are attempts to present examples, like traffic violations and accidents, to support the argument but they lack specificity and coherence.
  • How to improve: Extend ideas by providing specific, relevant, and well-developed examples. Ensure coherence between examples and arguments. Include explanations that link back to the central thesis, illustrating the impact of considering circumstances on crime and punishment.

• Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 5

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally remains relevant to the prompt, discussing the contrasting views on fixed punishments versus considering circumstances. However, the lack of clarity and coherence affects the essay’s focus.
  • How to improve: Enhance coherence and clarity in arguments to maintain a stronger connection to the prompt. Ensure each example and argument directly relates to the discussion of fixed punishments versus situational considerations.

Overall, while the essay attempts to cover the required elements, it suffers from significant issues related to language proficiency, coherence, and structural organization. Focusing on clarity, coherence, and specific examples relevant to the prompt will significantly enhance the essay’s effectiveness and overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

• Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 5

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some logical organization but lacks overall progression. The ideas are presented in a somewhat haphazard manner, making it challenging for the reader to follow a clear line of thought. For instance, the introduction does not effectively set the stage for the subsequent discussion, and the body paragraphs lack a cohesive flow between ideas.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider restructuring the essay with a more organized introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas progress logically from one to the next. This will help the reader follow the argument more easily.

• Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 6

  • Detailed explanation: The essay’s paragraphing is occasionally illogical, and the central topic may be unclear at times. While there is an attempt to use paragraphs, their effectiveness in conveying distinct ideas is inconsistent. This affects the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on providing a clear and concise topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader. Ensure that each paragraph discusses a single main idea, and use transitions between paragraphs to create a smoother flow. This will contribute to a more coherent and reader-friendly structure.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 4

  • Detailed explanation: The essay’s use of cohesive devices is inaccurate, and there is a lack of substitution and referencing. The connection between ideas is weak, making it difficult for the reader to understand the relationships between sentences and paragraphs.
  • How to improve: Work on incorporating a variety of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases. Ensure that there is clarity in referencing previous and upcoming points. This will help create a more cohesive and interconnected essay, improving overall coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 6

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some variety in terms used. However, there is room for improvement as there is repetition of certain words (e.g., "circumvented," "punishment") and limited use of more sophisticated vocabulary. For instance, synonyms for common words like "criminals" and "punishment" could be employed to enhance lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To elevate your score, strive for a greater variety of vocabulary. Replace repetitive terms with synonyms and incorporate more nuanced and precise words to express ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "criminals," consider alternatives like "offenders" or "lawbreakers." Similarly, vary your terminology for "punishment," using words such as "sanctions," "penalties," or "retribution" where appropriate.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary. Certain terms, such as "circumvented," are used accurately, contributing to a precise expression of ideas. However, there are instances where word choice could be more exact, such as in the phrase "you’ll pay a fine with a specific money which aren’t rise," where "specific money" is unclear. Clarity is crucial in achieving precision.
  • How to improve: Aim for greater clarity in your vocabulary choices. Instead of "specific money," specify the amount or use terms like "fixed fine" to enhance precision. Review your essay for instances where vague language may be present and replace it with more precise alternatives. This will contribute to a clearer and more refined expression of your ideas.

• Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 6

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with only a few minor errors, such as "circumtances" (circumstances) and "sophistiacted" (sophisticated). While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, attention to such details is essential for higher band scores.
  • How to improve: Continue to focus on spelling accuracy by proofreading your work carefully. Pay attention to commonly misspelled words and be diligent in correcting any errors. Utilize tools like spell-check to identify and rectify mistakes. Consistent attention to spelling will enhance the overall quality of your writing and contribute to a more polished presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

• Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 4

  • Detailed explanation: The essay primarily consists of simple sentences, with sporadic attempts at using subordinate clauses. For instance, there are instances of simple sentence structures like "There are some individuals support that the need for category of offence should be fixed punishments." Subordinate clauses, when attempted, are often not integrated seamlessly into the sentences, impacting the overall flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating varied sentence types, such as compound or complex sentences. Work on integrating subordinate clauses more effectively to add complexity and coherence to the writing. For instance, instead of a string of simple sentences, aim for a mix of complex and compound sentences to showcase a broader range of structures.

• Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 5

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that impede clarity and precision. These errors include subject-verb agreement issues ("There are some individuals support," "people are fined"), misuse of articles ("the need for category of offence," "a unchanged punishments"), and inconsistent verb tenses ("you can receieve," "accross by road suddenly"). These errors hinder the reader’s comprehension and detract from the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on revising sentence structures for proper subject-verb agreement and consistent verb tenses. Pay attention to the use of articles (a, an, the) to ensure they align with the nouns they modify. Proofreading and practicing specific grammar exercises related to these areas can significantly improve accuracy.

• Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 4

  • Detailed explanation: Punctuation usage in the essay is inconsistent and often incorrect. There are missing commas, such as before introductory phrases ("For instance," "Additionally," "Finally"), and instances of incorrect punctuation, such as missing or misplaced periods and incorrect use of apostrophes ("accross by road suddenly," "crashes into a boy who accross by road suddenly," "criminal’s motivation").
  • How to improve: Focus on mastering basic punctuation rules, especially regarding commas for introductory phrases and periods for sentence endings. Review the specific rules related to apostrophes (possessives vs. contractions) and ensure their correct usage. Practicing writing exercises specifically targeting punctuation rules can help refine these skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an attempt to address the prompt, improvements in sentence structure variety, grammatical accuracy, and punctuation usage are essential to elevate the writing to a higher band score. Practicing diverse sentence structures, revising grammar rules, and honing punctuation skills through targeted exercises will contribute significantly to enhancing the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

On the one hand, there are individuals who support the idea that there should be fixed punishments for each type of offense, deeming it equitable within the criminal justice system. For example, when a person violates a red traffic signal, they are fined a specific amount, and this amount does not increase arbitrarily. If penalized with an amount beyond the specified fine by a traffic officer, one has the option to contest the penalty. Moreover, it is feasible to control and prevent circumvention by criminals by ensuring that penalties can be imposed to deter criminals, thereby maintaining consistent punishments. Consequently, there are no significant issues in altering the severity of punishments for crimes.

On the other hand, a significant percentage of individuals tend to agree that the circumstances of a crime and the criminal’s motivation should influence the punishment. This approach can lead to avoiding false convictions, and ultimately, individuals can receive a more just response when fined. For instance, consider a scenario where a driver crashes into a boy who crosses the road suddenly. In such a case, the severity of the offense will be based on the extent of harm to the boy. The driver, who may not be circumvented with the highest level of crime, is appreciative if the boy doesn’t sustain severe injuries. Annually, an increasing number of sophisticated and severe offenses are perpetrated by criminals. That is why it is crucial to take into account the circumstances and motivation when deciding on the punishment.