Some people believe that universities should only offer places to young students who receive high marks at school. Others think that universities should offer a place to anyone of any age. Discuss and give your opinion.

Many people think that universities should provide a private place for young students when they get flying colors, while some people think that private places can be used by all ages without having to achieve high scores. From my personal perspective , I completely agree to some extent with both opinions.

On the one hand, there are numerous compelling reasons why I agree with the first opinion. Firstly, when young students get flying colors therefore they must learn a lot, not only hard-working but also intelligence. Secondly, ensuring after graduation, young students can have career prospects therefore universities set up young students to try hard. For example, this is a good condition to help poor young students try to study and this is applied by many universities in this era.

On the other hand, there are convincing reasons why I believe that offering a place can accept people of all ages. As I see it, we should not evaluate intellectual potential through the age of a person. Furthermore, people should not assess intellect through academic results and should not be considered the only factor that determines a person’s opportunity to pursue higher education in all ages. In recent years, many old people are still pursuing studies and they have acquired knowledge very well.

In conclusion, I can understand why some people have two opinions but it seems to me that both are correct to some extent. I think many universities should create conditions to help students study in a good way.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many people think" -> "Many individuals believe"
Explanation: Replacing "think" with "believe" provides a more formal tone suitable for academic writing, enhancing the precision of the statement.
"get flying colors" -> "achieve high grades"
Explanation: "Get flying colors" is an idiomatic expression that is too informal for academic writing. "Achieve high grades" is a more precise and formal alternative.
"private places can be used by all ages" -> "private facilities can be accessible to individuals of all ages"
Explanation: "Private places" is vague and informal; "private facilities" is more specific and formal. "Accessible to individuals of all ages" clarifies the intended meaning and maintains a formal tone.
"I completely agree to some extent with both opinions" -> "I partially concur with both perspectives"
Explanation: "Completely agree to some extent" is redundant and informal. "Partially concur" is more precise and academically appropriate.
"when young students get flying colors therefore they must learn a lot" -> "when young students achieve high grades, they must study diligently"
Explanation: "Get flying colors" is an idiomatic expression that is too informal for academic writing. "Achieve high grades" is more formal, and "study diligently" is a more precise description of the effort required.
"not only hard-working but also intelligence" -> "not only diligent but also intellectually gifted"
Explanation: "Hard-working" is too informal and vague; "diligent" is more precise and formal. "Intellectually gifted" is a more accurate term than "intelligence" in this context.
"ensuring after graduation" -> "ensuring that after graduation"
Explanation: Adding "that" clarifies the conditional relationship, making the sentence grammatically correct and more formal.
"young students can have career prospects therefore universities set up young students to try hard" -> "young students can secure career prospects, prompting universities to support them in their endeavors"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly constructed and unclear. The revised version clarifies the cause-and-effect relationship and uses more formal language.
"this is a good condition to help poor young students try to study" -> "this arrangement benefits disadvantaged young students in their academic pursuits"
Explanation: "This is a good condition" is vague and informal. "This arrangement benefits" is more specific and formal, and "disadvantaged young students" is a more precise term than "poor young students."
"offering a place can accept people of all ages" -> "offering access to facilities can accommodate individuals of all ages"
Explanation: "Offering a place can accept people" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Offering access to facilities can accommodate individuals" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"we should not evaluate intellectual potential through the age of a person" -> "we should not assess intellectual potential solely by age"
Explanation: "Evaluate" and "through the age of a person" are redundant; "assess solely by age" is more concise and formal.
"people should not assess intellect through academic results" -> "intellectual ability should not be solely measured by academic performance"
Explanation: "Assess intellect through academic results" is somewhat informal and vague. "Intellectual ability should not be solely measured by academic performance" is more precise and formal.
"should not be considered the only factor that determines a person’s opportunity to pursue higher education in all ages" -> "should not be the sole determinant of a person’s eligibility for higher education across all age groups"
Explanation: "Considered the only factor" is informal and vague; "be the sole determinant" is more precise and formal. "Across all age groups" is a clearer and more formal way to express "in all ages."
"I can understand why some people have two opinions" -> "I can comprehend why some individuals hold divergent views"
Explanation: "Can understand" is somewhat informal; "can comprehend" is more academically appropriate. "Hold divergent views" is a more formal way to describe differing opinions.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives on the issue of university admissions based on academic performance and age. The writer presents arguments for both sides, indicating an understanding of the prompt. However, the discussion lacks depth in exploring the implications of each viewpoint. For instance, while the essay mentions that high-achieving young students may have better career prospects, it does not delve into the potential benefits of admitting older students or those with lower scores, such as diverse experiences or perspectives they bring to the academic environment.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide a more balanced analysis of both viewpoints. This could include discussing the advantages of admitting students of all ages, such as fostering a more inclusive learning environment or the value of life experience in education. Additionally, incorporating specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a clear position by stating agreement with both sides. However, the phrase "I completely agree to some extent with both opinions" is vague and undermines the clarity of the writer’s stance. The conclusion reiterates this ambiguity, stating that both opinions are correct to some extent without clearly favoring one over the other.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to establish a more definitive position. This could involve clearly stating a preference for one viewpoint in the introduction and then supporting that position with well-developed arguments throughout the essay. A stronger conclusion that reflects this stance would also enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented but lack sufficient development and support. For example, the claim that "young students can have career prospects" is made without elaboration on how universities facilitate this or why it is significant. The argument about older students acquiring knowledge is also underdeveloped, lacking specific examples or evidence to substantiate the claim.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples, such as successful older students or programs that support diverse age groups in universities. Additionally, using data or research findings to back up claims would strengthen the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt regarding university admissions based on age and academic performance. However, some sentences are somewhat convoluted and could lead to confusion. For instance, the phrase "this is a good condition to help poor young students try to study" is unclear and does not directly relate to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should strive for clarity and coherence in sentence structure. Simplifying complex sentences and ensuring that each point directly relates to the main argument will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, using clear topic sentences for each paragraph can guide the reader through the writer’s thought process.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents relevant arguments, it would benefit from clearer positioning, more developed ideas, and improved coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction outlines the two opposing views and states the writer’s perspective, which is a good start. However, the logical flow within the body paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of high-achieving young students, but the reasoning is somewhat unclear and lacks depth. The phrase "when young students get flying colors therefore they must learn a lot" is vague and could be better articulated to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each point is clearly articulated and supported with specific examples or explanations. For instance, instead of saying "this is a good condition to help poor young students try to study," the writer could specify how universities provide scholarships or support programs that encourage high-achieving students from disadvantaged backgrounds.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph addresses a distinct viewpoint, which helps the reader follow the argument. However, the transitions between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing young students to older students in the second paragraph feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should use topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph and include transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For instance, starting the second paragraph with a phrase like "Conversely, there are also strong arguments for allowing individuals of all ages to attend university" would create a clearer transition.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, phrases like "furthermore," "in addition," and "for instance" could be used more effectively to connect ideas and provide additional support for arguments.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a broader range of linking words throughout the essay. For instance, when introducing examples or elaborating on a point, using phrases like "for example" or "moreover" can help to create a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each cohesive device is used appropriately will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph transitions, and the use of cohesive devices. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of their essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. Phrases like "flying colors," "compelling reasons," and "intellectual potential" show an effort to incorporate diverse vocabulary. However, the overall range is limited, and some phrases are used inappropriately or awkwardly, such as "private places" instead of "places" or "opportunities" in the context of university admissions.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms for key concepts. For instance, instead of repeating "young students," alternatives like "youths" or "younger generations" could be employed. Additionally, using more academic or formal language would elevate the essay’s tone, such as replacing "try hard" with "strive for excellence."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While there are instances of precise vocabulary, there are also notable imprecisions. For example, the phrase "get flying colors" is idiomatic but may not fit the formal context of an academic essay. The use of "therefore" in "when young students get flying colors therefore they must learn a lot" is incorrect; it creates a run-on sentence and confuses the logical connection.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. Instead of "get flying colors," a more precise expression would be "achieve high marks." Additionally, restructuring sentences for clarity, such as breaking complex sentences into simpler ones, would help convey ideas more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors and awkward phrases that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "intelligence" is used correctly, but "hard-working" should be "hard work" or "hardworking" depending on the intended meaning. The phrase "this is applied by many universities in this era" is awkward and could be clearer.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully or use spell-check tools before submission. Practicing commonly misspelled words and familiarizing oneself with academic vocabulary can also help. Additionally, reading academic texts can improve spelling and understanding of contextually appropriate language.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. Focusing on these areas will help the writer achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Many people think that universities should provide a private place for young students when they get flying colors") and compound sentences ("On the one hand, there are numerous compelling reasons why I agree with the first opinion"). However, the use of complex sentences is limited, and some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects clarity. For example, the phrase "when young students get flying colors therefore they must learn a lot" combines ideas in a way that is confusing.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that combine ideas effectively. For instance, instead of using "therefore" inappropriately, a more effective structure could be: "When young students achieve high marks, it indicates not only their hard work but also their intelligence." Additionally, varying the use of introductory phrases and clauses can add complexity, such as using "Although some argue that high marks are essential, others believe that age should not be a barrier to education."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "I completely agree to some extent with both opinions" is awkward; "agree with" is the correct preposition. Additionally, the sentence "ensuring after graduation, young students can have career prospects therefore universities set up young students to try hard" lacks proper punctuation and clarity. The use of commas is inconsistent, and run-on sentences are present, such as the one mentioned above.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions. Practicing sentence combining and breaking down complex ideas into clearer sentences can also help. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules for using commas, particularly in compound sentences. For example, the sentence could be revised to: "Ensuring that young students have career prospects after graduation is crucial; therefore, universities should encourage them to work hard." Regular grammar exercises and proofreading for punctuation errors before submission can also enhance accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical structures, there is a need for greater variety and accuracy to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on complex sentence formation and careful proofreading for grammatical and punctuation errors will significantly improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals think that universities should provide a place for young students who achieve high grades, while some believe that universities should offer a place to anyone of any age without requiring high scores. From my personal perspective, I partially concur with both opinions.

On the one hand, there are numerous compelling reasons why I agree with the first opinion. Firstly, when young students achieve high grades, they must study diligently, not only being hard-working but also intellectually gifted. Secondly, ensuring that after graduation, young students can secure career prospects prompts universities to support them in their endeavors. For example, this arrangement benefits disadvantaged young students in their academic pursuits, and many universities apply this principle in this era.

On the other hand, there are convincing reasons why I believe that universities should accept people of all ages. As I see it, we should not assess intellectual potential solely by age. Furthermore, intellectual ability should not be solely measured by academic performance and should not be the sole determinant of a person’s eligibility for higher education across all age groups. In recent years, many older individuals have pursued studies and have acquired knowledge very well.

In conclusion, I can comprehend why some individuals hold divergent views, but it seems to me that both perspectives are correct to some extent. I think many universities should create conditions to help students study effectively.