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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children).
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Amid the ongoing advancements in education, there's a widespread belief that high school programs should involve mandatory community service to encourage students' civic engagement. However, I respectfully disagree with this idea. Imposing obligatory communal work could have several adverse effects on both volunteers and society.

Traditionally seen as a selfless act, youth volunteering has, in some places, transformed into mandatory duties. Some educational institutions mandate students' engagement in communal work to foster civic responsibility among young people. Yet, this approach might not only breed apathy and reluctance toward social service but could also lead to accidents. For instance, in certain American states, contributing to public welfare is a requirement for getting into college. However, assigning tasks that exceed the abilities of inexperienced students, like building an orphanage, could pose safety hazards due to their lack of experience.

Beyond the potential risks mentioned, forcing teenagers into charity work might contradict the inherent generosity of volunteerism. Mandatory service, despite its noble intentions, can sometimes carry negative and disciplinary implications. It echoes measures imposed on individuals for wrongdoing, similar to how the justice system mandates service for convicted individuals. This perception might foster resentment among the youth, expressing frustration towards what should be an act of kindness, potentially nurturing a generation disillusioned with the system.

In conclusion, volunteering thrives best when it stems from genuine willingness. Making it compulsory not only jeopardizes individuals and society but also undermines the selfless essence of volunteering itself.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "high school programs should involve mandatory community service" -> "high school programs should incorporate obligatory community service"
    Explanation: Replacing "involve mandatory" with "incorporate obligatory" maintains the formal tone and enhances precision by using stronger and more formal language, aligning better with academic writing standards.

  2. "However, I respectfully disagree with this idea." -> "However, I hold a differing perspective on this matter."
    Explanation: Substituting "respectfully disagree" with "hold a differing perspective" maintains formality while expressing disagreement in a more sophisticated manner, suitable for academic writing.

  3. "Imposing obligatory communal work" -> "Enforcing mandatory community service"
    Explanation: "Imposing obligatory" can be replaced with "enforcing mandatory" for a more formal and direct phrasing, commonly used in academic discussions.

  4. "transformed into mandatory duties" -> "evolved into compulsory responsibilities"
    Explanation: Substituting "transformed into mandatory" with "evolved into compulsory" maintains formality and provides a more varied and precise expression.

  5. "mandate students’ engagement" -> "require students to participate"
    Explanation: Changing "mandate students’ engagement" to "require students to participate" offers a clearer and more direct expression, adhering to academic language standards.

  6. "might not only breed apathy" -> "could potentially cultivate apathy"
    Explanation: Replacing "might not only breed" with "could potentially cultivate" maintains a formal tone while emphasizing the potential outcome more effectively.

  7. "pose safety hazards" -> "present safety risks"
    Explanation: "Pose safety hazards" can be replaced with "present safety risks" for a more formal and precise expression within an academic context.

  8. "echoes measures imposed on individuals" -> "resembles measures enforced upon individuals"
    Explanation: Replacing "echoes measures imposed on" with "resembles measures enforced upon" offers a more formal and nuanced vocabulary choice, fitting for academic discourse.

  9. "expressing frustration towards" -> "voicing dissatisfaction with"
    Explanation: Replacing "expressing frustration towards" with "voicing dissatisfaction with" offers a more sophisticated and precise way of conveying emotions in a formal context.

  10. "nurturing a generation disillusioned with the system" -> "cultivating a generation disenchanted with the system"
    Explanation: Substituting "nurturing a generation disillusioned with" with "cultivating a generation disenchanted with" provides a more polished and formal expression suitable for academic discourse.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument, acknowledging the belief in mandatory community service but firmly presenting a disagreement. It discusses the potential adverse effects on volunteers and society, addressing the idea comprehensively.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider delving deeper into the benefits proponents might argue for mandatory service, providing a more nuanced view while maintaining the stance against it.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance against mandatory community service. Each paragraph reinforces this viewpoint, emphasizing the negative implications.
    • How to improve: To bolster clarity, strengthen the introduction by explicitly stating the position. Additionally, ensure each paragraph links back explicitly to the main thesis for added coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently, providing examples to support arguments. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration to deepen the discussion.
    • How to improve: Expand on the potential positive outcomes proponents argue for mandatory service, then counter these with compelling arguments against them. This will enrich the depth of analysis.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly remains focused on the topic of mandatory community service, discussing its implications without significant deviation.
    • How to improve: Ensure all supporting examples directly relate to the central theme. Avoid tangents or generalizations that stray from the topic.

Improvement Suggestions:

  1. Thesis Refinement: Strengthen the introduction by explicitly stating the opposition to mandatory service while briefly previewing the main points of disagreement.

  2. Depth in Counterarguments: Explore potential benefits or counterarguments in favor of mandatory service to create a more balanced discussion. Dissect these arguments while refuting them effectively.

  3. Elaboration of Examples: Expand on the examples provided, especially regarding the adverse effects on volunteers and society, to provide a more detailed and comprehensive understanding.

  4. Consistent Linkage: Ensure each paragraph aligns explicitly with the thesis statement, reinforcing the central argument and maintaining a consistent stance throughout.

  5. Avoid Generalizations: Be specific when discussing potential consequences of mandatory service, providing concrete examples or evidence to strengthen arguments.

By addressing these points, the essay can augment its coherence, depth, and overall strength in arguing against mandatory community service while ensuring a more comprehensive coverage of the prompt’s facets.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization of ideas. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance clearly. Body paragraphs explore the negative consequences of mandatory community service logically. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, the progression of ideas could be smoother, with a more seamless transition between paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through the essay’s progression. For example, phrases like "Moreover," or "Furthermore" can strengthen the connection between ideas and create a more cohesive structure.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates adequate paragraphing, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs could be more tightly structured. For instance, the second paragraph discusses potential risks, but the connection between the ideas about safety hazards and inexperienced students could be clarified.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Use topic sentences to introduce the main point of each paragraph and transition smoothly between ideas. In the second paragraph, explicitly connect the discussion on safety hazards to the lack of experience among students to improve coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words ("However," "Beyond," "In conclusion") and pronouns ("this idea," "mandatory service"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence, but there is room for improvement in the seamless integration of cohesive elements.
    • How to improve: Work on integrating cohesive devices more naturally. Instead of relying on explicit transition phrases, consider using parallel structures within sentences and paragraphs. This will create a smoother flow and enhance the overall cohesion of the essay. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures to add diversity and maintain reader engagement.

In summary, while the essay effectively presents arguments against compulsory community service, there is room for improvement in the logical organization, paragraph structure, and seamless use of cohesive devices. Strengthening these aspects will contribute to a more cohesive and well-structured essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, employing a variety of words and phrases effectively. For instance, the use of "amid," "widespread belief," "mandatory communal work," and "civic engagement" showcases a sophisticated command of language.
    • How to improve: To further enhance this aspect, consider incorporating more academic or domain-specific vocabulary related to the topic. For example, introducing terms like "social cohesion" or "community development" could contribute to a more nuanced discussion.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is generally effective. However, there are instances where greater specificity could be beneficial. For example, when discussing the potential risks of mandatory service, using concrete examples or specifying the types of accidents that might occur would strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, consider providing specific examples and details, ensuring that each word used contributes to a clearer and more vivid expression of ideas.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Each word is correctly spelled, contributing to the overall clarity of communication.
    • How to improve: Maintain this level of accuracy by continuing to proofread carefully. Consider using tools such as spell checkers or seeking feedback from peers to catch any potential spelling errors.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of vocabulary, with a diverse range of words used effectively. To further enhance lexical resource, focus on incorporating more specific vocabulary and examples to bolster precision and depth in the discussion. Additionally, maintaining the current high level of spelling accuracy is crucial for ensuring clear communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a mix of sentence structures, incorporating both complex and simple constructions. For instance, it includes compound sentences (e.g., "Imposing obligatory communal work could have several adverse effects on both volunteers and society") as well as more straightforward structures. However, there is room for improvement in sentence variety, especially in the use of complex sentences to enhance coherence and sophistication.
    • How to improve: To enhance the essay’s overall quality, consider integrating a greater variety of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences with subordinate clauses to provide more depth and nuance to your ideas. For example, you can use conditional sentences or sentences with relative clauses to convey complex relationships between ideas.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar usage. However, there are instances where minor grammatical errors occur, such as in the phrase "contributing to public welfare is a requirement for getting into college," where the correct preposition should be ‘contributing to public welfare is a requirement for admission to college.’
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to prepositions and verb forms. Review the usage of prepositions in contexts like admissions criteria. Proofread your essay to catch minor grammatical errors and ensure precision in expression.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses punctuation correctly, employing commas, periods, and other punctuation marks appropriately. However, there are a few instances where commas could enhance clarity or where minor punctuation errors occur, such as in the phrase "Mandatory service, despite its noble intentions, can sometimes carry negative and disciplinary implications," where a semicolon might be more suitable.
    • How to improve: Refine your punctuation skills by paying attention to nuances, especially in complex sentences. Consider using a variety of punctuation marks, including semicolons and colons, to convey relationships between ideas more precisely. Proofread carefully to identify and correct any punctuation errors that might affect the clarity of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the midst of ongoing advancements in education, there is a prevailing belief that high school programs should incorporate obligatory community service to foster students’ civic engagement. However, I hold a differing perspective on this matter. Enforcing mandatory community service could potentially cultivate apathy and present safety risks for both volunteers and society.

Traditionally viewed as a selfless act, youth volunteering has, in some places, evolved into compulsory responsibilities. Some educational institutions require students to participate in communal work to instill civic responsibility among young people. Yet, this approach might not only breed apathy and reluctance toward social service but could also lead to accidents. For instance, in certain American states, contributing to public welfare is a requirement for college admission. However, assigning tasks that exceed the abilities of inexperienced students, such as building an orphanage, could pose safety hazards due to their lack of experience.

Beyond the potential risks mentioned, forcing teenagers into charity work might resemble measures enforced upon individuals and contradict the inherent generosity of volunteerism. Mandatory service, despite its noble intentions, can sometimes carry negative and disciplinary implications. It mirrors measures imposed on individuals for wrongdoing, akin to how the justice system mandates service for convicted individuals. This perception might lead to voicing dissatisfaction with the system, fostering resentment among the youth and potentially cultivating a generation disenchanted with the system.

In conclusion, volunteering thrives best when it stems from genuine willingness. Making it compulsory not only jeopardizes individuals and society but also undermines the selfless essence of volunteering itself.

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