Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is a common believe that high school students should be required to be volunteer for unpaid community campaign. I completlely agree with this view and will give my reasons below.
Although community acitivities have numerous benefits, there are still some drawbacks. To begin with, participating in community work may cause a multitude of problems. To students, their timetable is usually full so that they have no time to do volunteer work. This lead to academic pressure or exacerbated student’s performance of school. It is also a tough issue with adults, who automatically become supervisors for students. For example, not all teenagers are mature enough that cause more work and responsibility to organisers. In the same fashion, students may affect some problems on the community.
on the other hand, volunteering activities are considered having advantages outwiegh the drawbacks. It is true that many can be immature but this rewarding experience will make them more soft skills such as problem-solving skill, sympathy, etc which are useful for future career. Additionally, it is such a good escape from academic pressure while spending time on supporting service. Moreover, maybe it can be a daunting task to the supervisors at first but teenagers will improve and adapt as quick as possible. Likewise, the students who were trained may become a volunteer later as adults. In like manner, community will benefit form a society where students are taught to be community-minded these advantages not only positively affect community but also exert good effects on students who directly experience the work.
In conclusion, i would argue that students should join in these volunteering works. For these reasons, it is clear that teenagers are received many valuable experiences while involving in meaningful acitivities.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is a common believe" -> "It is a common belief"
Explanation: "Believe" should be "belief" to correct the grammatical error and maintain the formal tone of the sentence.
"be required to be volunteer for unpaid community campaign" -> "be required to volunteer for unpaid community campaigns"
Explanation: "Volunteer" should not be "be volunteer" as it is incorrect grammatically. Also, "campaign" should be pluralized to "campaigns" to match the plural context of "students."
"I completlely agree" -> "I completely agree"
Explanation: "Completlely" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "completely."
"community acitivities" -> "community activities"
Explanation: "Acitivities" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "activities."
"a multitude of problems" -> "numerous problems"
Explanation: "A multitude of problems" is a bit verbose and less precise; "numerous problems" is more concise and maintains the formal tone.
"their timetable is usually full so that they have no time to do volunteer work" -> "their schedules are typically full, leaving them no time for volunteer work"
Explanation: "Their timetable is usually full so that they have no time to do volunteer work" is awkwardly phrased and informal. The suggested revision clarifies and formalizes the sentence structure.
"This lead to academic pressure or exacerbated student’s performance of school" -> "This leads to academic pressure or exacerbates students’ academic performance"
Explanation: "This lead" should be "This leads" for subject-verb agreement, and "exacerbates" is the correct verb form for "exacerbate." Also, "performance of school" is awkward and unclear; "academic performance" is more direct and appropriate.
"a tough issue with adults, who automatically become supervisors for students" -> "a significant challenge for adults, who often become supervisors for students"
Explanation: "Tough issue" is informal and vague; "significant challenge" is more precise and formal. "Automatically" is too absolute and informal; "often" is more accurate.
"not all teenagers are mature enough that cause more work and responsibility to organisers" -> "not all teenagers are mature enough, thereby placing additional work and responsibility on organizers"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammar.
"on the other hand, volunteering activities are considered having advantages outwiegh the drawbacks" -> "on the other hand, volunteering activities are considered to have advantages outweighing the drawbacks"
Explanation: "Having advantages outwiegh" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Outweighing" is the correct form, and "to have" is necessary for grammatical correctness.
"It is such a good escape from academic pressure while spending time on supporting service" -> "It serves as a valuable escape from academic pressure while engaging in community service"
Explanation: "It is such a good escape" is informal and vague; "It serves as a valuable escape" is more formal and precise. "Supporting service" is unclear; "community service" is the correct term.
"maybe it can be a daunting task to the supervisors at first but teenagers will improve and adapt as quick as possible" -> "it may be a daunting task for supervisors initially, but teenagers can quickly adapt"
Explanation: "Maybe" is too informal and vague; "it may" is more appropriate. "As quick as possible" is informal; "quickly" is more direct and formal.
"i would argue" -> "I would argue"
Explanation: "i" should be capitalized as "I" for proper grammatical form.
"are received many valuable experiences" -> "receive many valuable experiences"
Explanation: "Are received" is grammatically incorrect; "receive" is the correct verb form in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a clear agreement with the idea that unpaid community service should be compulsory for high school students. The author presents both advantages and disadvantages of this viewpoint. However, the exploration of the drawbacks is somewhat limited and lacks depth. For instance, while the essay mentions academic pressure and maturity issues, it does not fully explore how these factors might impact students’ overall well-being or academic performance in a nuanced way.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more balanced analysis by elaborating on the drawbacks with specific examples or statistics. Additionally, including counterarguments or addressing potential solutions to the drawbacks could strengthen the overall argument and demonstrate critical thinking.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of compulsory community service, as indicated in the introduction and conclusion. However, the transition between discussing drawbacks and advantages is somewhat abrupt, which may confuse readers about the author’s stance. For instance, the phrase "on the other hand" could be more effectively used to signal a shift in focus, but it does not clearly delineate the author’s position.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should use clearer transitional phrases and explicitly restate their position when shifting between discussing drawbacks and advantages. This could involve summarizing the main argument at the end of each paragraph to reinforce the overall stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits of community service, such as the development of soft skills and the reduction of academic pressure. However, the support for these ideas is often vague or lacks concrete examples. For instance, the mention of "soft skills" is not elaborated upon, leaving the reader wanting more specific information about which skills are developed and how they are beneficial.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should provide specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the benefits of community service. This could include personal experiences, statistics, or case studies that demonstrate the positive impact of volunteering on students and the community.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic and addresses the prompt. However, there are moments where the focus drifts, particularly in the discussion of drawbacks. The mention of "students may affect some problems on the community" is vague and does not clearly relate back to the main argument about the necessity of community service.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the thesis. This could involve revising any ambiguous statements and ensuring that all examples and arguments clearly support the central idea of the essay. Additionally, creating an outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and ensuring relevance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, stating agreement with the idea that unpaid community service should be compulsory for high school students. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion. However, the organization of ideas within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph begins with a discussion of drawbacks but lacks a clear transition to the second body paragraph, which discusses the advantages. This creates a somewhat disjointed flow of ideas. The conclusion summarizes the argument but does not effectively tie back to the points made in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the drawbacks, a phrase like "Despite these challenges, there are significant benefits to community service" could lead into the advantages more smoothly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines its main point will help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure could be more effective. The first body paragraph discusses drawbacks but combines multiple ideas without clear separation, making it harder for the reader to follow. The second body paragraph, while focused on advantages, also lacks distinct separation of ideas, leading to a somewhat cluttered presentation of thoughts.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea. Start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. For example, in the first body paragraph, separate the issues of academic pressure and supervision into distinct paragraphs. This will not only clarify your argument but also improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand" and "moreover," which help in contrasting ideas and adding information. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "In like manner" is used but feels somewhat forced and does not effectively connect the ideas presented.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of transition words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "moreover," you could use "in addition" or "furthermore." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to enhance clarity. For example, using "however" to introduce a contrasting idea can help clarify the relationship between sentences.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "unpaid community service," "volunteer," "academic pressure," and "soft skills." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the terms "students" and "community." Phrases such as "volunteering activities" and "community work" are used, but there is a lack of synonyms or varied expressions that could enhance the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "students," alternatives like "young people," "teenagers," or "youth" could be employed. Additionally, varying expressions for "community service" could include "voluntary work," "charitable activities," or "civic engagement."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, the phrase "should be required to be volunteer" is grammatically incorrect and awkwardly phrased; it should be "should be required to volunteer." Additionally, the term "soft skills" is used correctly, but the phrase "more soft skills" is awkward and could be better expressed as "develop essential soft skills." Furthermore, "the students who were trained may become a volunteer later as adults" could be more clearly stated as "students who receive training may become volunteers in adulthood."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity in expression. Regular practice with sentence structures and seeking feedback on phrasing can help. Utilizing resources like thesauruses or vocabulary-building exercises can also aid in selecting more precise words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that affect its overall quality. Words such as "believe" (should be "belief"), "completlely" (should be "completely"), "acitivities" (should be "activities"), "outwiegh" (should be "outweigh"), and "form" (should be "from") are misspelled. These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps by keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them frequently. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check tools can help catch errors before submission. Reading more widely can also reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and employs some relevant vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in lexical range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences present. For example, the sentence "This lead to academic pressure or exacerbated student’s performance of school" is a compound sentence but lacks complexity and sophistication. The use of phrases like "not all teenagers are mature enough that cause more work" indicates a struggle with more intricate sentence constructions.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "students may affect some problems on the community," they could say, "students may inadvertently contribute to problems within the community if they are not adequately prepared for their roles." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. For instance, "It is a common believe" should be "It is a common belief," and "completlely" is a misspelling of "completely." Additionally, the phrase "this lead to academic pressure" should use the past tense "led." Punctuation errors include the lack of capitalization at the beginning of the sentence "on the other hand" and the absence of commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, such as verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can help identify mistakes. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially with compound and complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For example, the writer could revise "For these reasons, it is clear that teenagers are received many valuable experiences" to "For these reasons, it is clear that teenagers receive many valuable experiences," correcting both the verb form and improving clarity.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on diversifying their sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy through careful proofreading and practice.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is a common belief that high school students should be required to volunteer for unpaid community campaigns. I completely agree with this view and will give my reasons below.

Although community activities have numerous benefits, there are still some drawbacks. To begin with, participating in community work may cause a multitude of problems. For students, their schedules are typically full, leaving them no time for volunteer work. This leads to academic pressure or exacerbates students’ academic performance. It is also a significant challenge for adults, who often become supervisors for students. For example, not all teenagers are mature enough, thereby placing additional work and responsibility on organizers. In the same fashion, students may create some problems in the community.

On the other hand, volunteering activities are considered to have advantages that outweigh the drawbacks. It is true that many can be immature, but this rewarding experience will help them develop soft skills such as problem-solving skills, sympathy, etc., which are useful for their future careers. Additionally, it serves as a valuable escape from academic pressure while engaging in community service. Moreover, it may be a daunting task for supervisors initially, but teenagers can quickly adapt. Likewise, the students who are trained may become volunteers later as adults. In like manner, the community will benefit from a society where students are taught to be community-minded. These advantages not only positively affect the community but also exert good effects on students who directly experience the work.

In conclusion, I would argue that students should participate in these volunteering activities. For these reasons, it is clear that teenagers receive many valuable experiences while involving themselves in meaningful activities.