Some people claim that the government should provide free healthcare. Others think that it is better to invest money on education and culture. Discuss both views and give you opinion.

The investment of government is currently a concerning problem of every country, some residents believe that free healthcare should be offered, others think education and culture is more important to contribute. Although both schools. Although both of schools provide their rationales, I agree more with the latter perspective.
On the one hand, there are many civilians believe that health is the most necessary part that government have to concern, and there are two principal factors that contributing to the escalation of this problem. Initially, there are lots of people do not have enough money to afford good hospitals, so if government offer free healthcare, there will be more people saved from the death. Consequently, more and more people will have enough health to work and make money for themselves and for the country. Secondly, by providing free healthcare, people will not have to worry about health issues. Therefore, residents can focus on working, searching and studying, which help the country become more flourish.
On the other hand, I strongly concur that education and culture is more vital to be invested. Firstly, education plays a crucial key on developing any country, which can create lots of opportunities to become stronger at any fields. Actually, the more money government provide on education, the more flourish the country is, studies decide almost everything, without it, all types of fields will drop immediately. Secondly, like education, culture is also extremely important for every nations. Indeed, human beings rely on culture, it brings specific characteristics of each country and each civilians, which is indispensable.
Althought health is really necessary for the flourish of each country, we can not deny the necessary of education and culture which play an essential part of human beings.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The investment of government is currently a concerning problem" -> "Government investment is currently a pressing concern"
Explanation: "Government investment" is a more precise term than "the investment of government," and "pressing concern" is a more formal and appropriate term than "concerning problem."
"some residents believe" -> "some individuals believe"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal and precise than "residents" in this context, which refers to people in general rather than those living in a specific place.
"others think education and culture is more important" -> "others consider education and culture to be more important"
Explanation: Adding "to be" clarifies the verb phrase, making it grammatically correct and more formal.
"both schools" -> "both perspectives"
Explanation: "Perspectives" is more appropriate here as it refers to the viewpoints being discussed, whereas "schools" is ambiguous and incorrect in this context.
"there are many civilians believe" -> "many civilians believe"
Explanation: Removing "there are" simplifies the sentence structure and maintains the formal tone.
"government have to concern" -> "government must concern"
Explanation: "Must concern" is grammatically correct and more formal than "have to concern."
"there are lots of people do not have enough money" -> "many individuals lack sufficient funds"
Explanation: "Many individuals lack sufficient funds" is more precise and formal than "there are lots of people do not have enough money."
"if government offer free healthcare" -> "if the government offers free healthcare"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "government" corrects the article usage, and "offers" is the correct verb form.
"there will be more people saved from the death" -> "more lives will be saved"
Explanation: "More lives will be saved" is a more direct and formal way to express the idea.
"more and more people will have enough health to work" -> "more people will be able to work"
Explanation: "Be able to work" is a more natural and precise expression than "have enough health to work."
"which help the country become more flourish" -> "which helps the country become more prosperous"
Explanation: "Helps" is the correct verb form, and "prosperous" is a more formal synonym for "flourish."
"I strongly concur" -> "I strongly agree"
Explanation: "Concur" is less commonly used in informal writing and can be replaced with "agree" for clarity and formality.
"plays a crucial key on developing" -> "plays a crucial role in developing"
Explanation: "Role" is the correct noun to use here, and "in" is the correct preposition for indicating involvement.
"the more money government provide on education" -> "the more funds allocated to education"
Explanation: "Funds allocated to education" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of money spent on education.
"studies decide almost everything" -> "academic achievements determine almost everything"
Explanation: "Academic achievements" is a more specific and formal term than "studies," and "determine" is more precise than "decide."
"all types of fields will drop immediately" -> "all sectors will decline immediately"
Explanation: "Sectors" is a more specific term than "fields," and "decline" is a more formal synonym for "drop."
"Althought" -> "Although"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error.
"we can not deny the necessary of education and culture" -> "we cannot underestimate the importance of education and culture"
Explanation: "Cannot underestimate the importance" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of not denying the significance of something.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives regarding government investment in healthcare versus education and culture. The first paragraph presents the argument for free healthcare, mentioning the lack of access to good hospitals and the benefits of a healthy workforce. The second paragraph supports the view that education and culture should be prioritized, detailing the importance of education for national development and the role of culture in defining a society. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both views, as the argument for healthcare is less developed compared to the argument for education and culture.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both perspectives are equally explored. This could involve providing more detailed examples or statistics to support the argument for free healthcare, as well as a more thorough discussion of the implications of investing in education and culture. Additionally, a clearer conclusion that summarizes both views before stating the writer’s opinion would strengthen the overall response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is clear in favor of investing in education and culture, as indicated in the concluding sentence. However, the essay lacks a consistent emphasis on this position throughout. The first paragraph discussing healthcare presents valid points but does not clearly indicate that these points are being acknowledged only to contrast with the writer’s main argument. The use of phrases like "I agree more with the latter perspective" could be more assertive and integrated into the discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their stance at the beginning of the essay and reinforce it throughout each paragraph. Using transitional phrases that indicate agreement or disagreement with the points being made can help clarify the writer’s position. For instance, phrases like "While some argue for healthcare, I believe…" can guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly in the discussion of education and culture, which are well-supported with reasoning. However, the support for the healthcare argument is weaker, lacking specific examples or data that could make the argument more compelling. The ideas about education and culture are somewhat generalized and could benefit from more specific examples or case studies to illustrate their importance.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the points made. For instance, citing successful countries that have invested heavily in education or cultural initiatives could strengthen the argument. Additionally, providing statistical evidence about the impact of healthcare on economic productivity would bolster the healthcare argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirement to discuss both views and give an opinion. However, there are moments where the language becomes unclear or convoluted, such as in phrases like "the more flourish the country is" and "which help the country become more flourish," which detracts from the clarity of the argument. These language issues can distract from the main points being made.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should strive for more precise language and sentence structure. Simplifying complex sentences and avoiding redundancy will help keep the reader engaged and ensure that the main ideas are communicated effectively. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents relevant arguments, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of both perspectives, clearer articulation of the writer’s position, more specific examples to support ideas, and improved clarity in language and structure.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with two main body paragraphs dedicated to discussing each viewpoint. The first paragraph addresses the argument for free healthcare, while the second focuses on the importance of education and culture. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, such as "Although both schools" and "the investment of government is currently a concerning problem of every country." These issues can confuse the reader and detract from the overall coherence of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, transitional phrases could be used more effectively to guide the reader through the argument. For example, starting the second paragraph with "Conversely" or "In contrast" would strengthen the connection between the two viewpoints.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs appropriately, with a clear distinction between the two main arguments. Each paragraph contains relevant information, but the internal structure of the paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first paragraph lacks a clear concluding sentence that summarizes the argument for free healthcare, which would help reinforce the main point.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear beginning, middle, and end. This can be achieved by including a concluding sentence that encapsulates the main idea of the paragraph. Additionally, varying the length and complexity of sentences within paragraphs can enhance readability and engagement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," to signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used incorrectly or awkwardly, such as "the more flourish the country is." This can hinder the flow of ideas and make the argument less persuasive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used correctly and in context will improve the clarity of the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents both viewpoints, attention to detail in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will significantly enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "investment," "contributing," "escalation," and "indispensable." However, there are instances of repetitive phrasing, such as “more flourish” and “more important,” which detracts from the overall lexical variety. The use of phrases like "the most necessary part" and "crucial key" also indicates a lack of sophistication in word choice.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more complex expressions. For example, instead of repeating "more flourish," alternatives like "prosperous" or "thriving" could be used. Additionally, expanding the use of phrases that convey the same meaning in different ways can enrich the essay’s vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the investment of government" instead of "government investment" or "the necessary part that government have to concern," which should be "that the government has to address." Such inaccuracies can lead to confusion and weaken the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. For instance, replacing "concern" with "address" or "prioritize" can clarify the message. Furthermore, ensuring subject-verb agreement (e.g., "government has" instead of "government have") will enhance grammatical accuracy and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Althought" instead of "Although," "nations" instead of "nation," and "flourish" used inappropriately as a noun. These errors can distract the reader and detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools that provide feedback. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or reading it aloud can help catch errors before submission. Familiarity with commonly misspelled words and their correct forms will also aid in reducing mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, it requires improvement in range, precision, and spelling to achieve a higher band score. By diversifying word choice, ensuring precise vocabulary usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can significantly elevate the quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For example, simple sentences like "The investment of government is currently a concerning problem of every country" and "health is the most necessary part that government have to concern" are prevalent. Some complex sentences are attempted, such as "Although both schools provide their rationales, I agree more with the latter perspective," but they are not consistently effective or varied. The use of phrases like "there are many civilians believe" lacks proper grammatical structure, indicating a need for more complex constructions.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice combining simple sentences into complex ones. For instance, instead of saying "health is the most necessary part," the writer could say, "Many argue that health is the most crucial aspect that the government must prioritize." Additionally, incorporating conditional sentences (e.g., "If the government invests in education, it will yield long-term benefits") could enhance the complexity and fluidity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "there are many civilians believe" should be corrected to "there are many civilians who believe." Additionally, the sentence "the more money government provide on education, the more flourish the country is" contains a subject-verb agreement error; it should be "the more money the government provides for education, the more prosperous the country becomes." Punctuation errors are also present, such as the misuse of commas and the incomplete sentence "Although both schools."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of relative clauses. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on writing can help identify and correct these errors. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules for comma usage, particularly in complex sentences, and ensure that each sentence is complete before submission. Reading well-structured essays can also provide models for correct grammar and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant discussion on the topic, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation will significantly raise the overall quality of the writing. Regular practice and feedback will be essential for achieving these improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

The investment of government is currently a pressing concern for every country. Some individuals believe that free healthcare should be provided, while others consider education and culture to be more important. Although both perspectives offer valid arguments, I strongly agree with the latter viewpoint.

On the one hand, many civilians believe that health is the most crucial aspect that the government must address, and there are two principal factors contributing to the escalation of this issue. Initially, many individuals lack sufficient funds to afford quality healthcare services. If the government offers free healthcare, more lives will be saved, and consequently, more people will be able to work and generate income for themselves and the country. Secondly, by providing free healthcare, individuals will not have to worry about health issues. Therefore, residents can focus on working, searching for jobs, and studying, which helps the country become more prosperous.

On the other hand, I strongly concur that education and culture are more vital areas for investment. Firstly, education plays a crucial role in developing any country, creating numerous opportunities for growth in various fields. In fact, the more funds allocated to education, the more prosperous the country becomes. Academic achievements determine almost everything; without a strong educational foundation, all sectors will decline immediately. Secondly, like education, culture is also extremely important for every nation. Indeed, human beings rely on culture, as it brings unique characteristics to each country and its citizens, which is indispensable.

Although health is undeniably necessary for the prosperity of each country, we cannot underestimate the importance of education and culture, which play an essential role in the development of society.