Some people claim that there are more disadvantages of the car than its advantages. Do you agree or disagree? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of having a car.

Some people claim that there are more disadvantages of the car than its advantages. Do you agree or disagree?
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of having a car.

More and more people buy and use their own cars. The advantage for people who have their own car is that they can go everywhere they want at any time they want. They can go with their family and bring there they to the place they want and it also strengh their family’s bond. An own car is the valuable asset that not everyone can buy it. If we in a car, we w Moreover people in the car is different from people ride a bike or a motorbike. They canprotect their health, prevent form diseases that which the air pollution cause. An own car it’s very convenient for people who have that. They don’t have to wait for a taxi or a bus to go to the destination they want. In the other hands, have an own car is good for individual life but with the environment it’s a serious problem. More and more people have an own car, the environment will face to the environment our pollution increase. By that, people must take step to cure our An and the diseases from that problem to the in a bad harm people health. The overload in the hospital will happen.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "More and more people buy and use their own cars." -> "Increasingly, individuals are purchasing and utilizing their own vehicles."
   Explanation: The phrase "Increasingly, individuals are purchasing and utilizing their own vehicles" uses more formal and precise language, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

2. "The advantage for people who have their own car is that they can go everywhere they want at any time they want." -> "The advantage of owning a personal vehicle is that it allows individuals to travel anywhere, at any time, they desire."
   Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the statement, replacing the informal and repetitive structure with a more precise and formal expression.

3. "They can go with their family and bring there they to the place they want and it also strengh their family’s bond." -> "They can travel with their family to the destination of their choice, thereby strengthening their family bond."
   Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, replacing "bring there they to the place they want" with a clearer and more formal expression.

4. "An own car is the valuable asset that not everyone can buy it." -> "A personal vehicle is a valuable asset that not everyone can afford."
   Explanation: This correction addresses grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning, replacing "buy it" with "afford" for a more precise and formal expression.

5. "If we in a car, we w" -> "When riding in a car, we are"
   Explanation: This correction fixes a grammatical error and clarifies the sentence structure, making it more formal and coherent.

6. "people in the car is different from people ride a bike or a motorbike." -> "those in a car differ from those who ride bicycles or motorbikes."
   Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and improves clarity, using "those" instead of "people" for a more formal tone and specifying the types of vehicles.

7. "They canprotect their health, prevent form diseases that which the air pollution cause." -> "They can protect their health from diseases caused by air pollution."
   Explanation: This correction corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning, replacing the awkward and incorrect original phrasing with a more direct and formal expression.

8. "An own car it’s very convenient for people who have that." -> "Owning a car is very convenient for those who possess it."
   Explanation: This revision corrects the grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, replacing "it’s" with "is" and "who have that" with "who possess it" for a more formal and precise tone.

9. "In the other hands, have an own car is good for individual life but with the environment it’s a serious problem." -> "On the one hand, owning a car is beneficial for individual life, but it poses a serious environmental problem."
   Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and improves clarity, replacing the informal and awkward structure with a more formal and precise expression.

10. "More and more people have an own car, the environment will face to the environment our pollution increase." -> "As more individuals acquire personal vehicles, the environment faces increased pollution."
    Explanation: This correction clarifies and formalizes the sentence, replacing the awkward and grammatically incorrect original phrasing with a clear and academically appropriate structure.

11. "By that, people must take step to cure our An and the diseases from that problem to the in a bad harm people health." -> "Consequently, individuals must take steps to address the health issues resulting from this problem."
    Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and improves clarity, replacing the convoluted and incorrect original phrasing with a clear and formal expression.

12. "The overload in the hospital will happen." -> "Hospital overloads are likely to occur."
    Explanation: This correction refines the language, replacing the vague and informal "will happen" with a more precise and formal prediction.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of having a car. However, it falls short in fully exploring the disadvantages, which is a crucial part of the task. The advantages are mentioned, such as convenience and family bonding, but the disadvantages are vague and poorly articulated. For instance, the mention of environmental issues is underdeveloped and lacks specific examples or explanations to illustrate the negative impacts of car ownership.
  • How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are discussed in equal depth. This could involve providing specific examples of how cars contribute to pollution, traffic congestion, or economic costs, alongside the benefits. Structuring the essay to clearly delineate between advantages and disadvantages would also help in presenting a balanced view.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and consistent position regarding whether the disadvantages of cars outweigh the advantages. While it starts with a focus on the benefits, it does not effectively argue for or against the claim presented in the prompt. The transition to discussing disadvantages is abrupt and lacks clarity, which can confuse the reader about the writer’s stance.
  • How to improve: To present a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their agreement or disagreement with the claim in the introduction and reiterate this stance throughout the essay. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help clarify the position. Additionally, summarizing the main argument in the conclusion will reinforce the writer’s viewpoint.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the advantages of car ownership, such as convenience and family bonding, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail. The disadvantages mentioned are vague and lack elaboration, making it difficult for the reader to understand the implications of car ownership fully.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. For instance, when discussing the advantages, providing examples of situations where having a car is beneficial can strengthen the argument. Similarly, when addressing disadvantages, it would be helpful to include statistics or studies that illustrate the negative effects of car usage on the environment or public health.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the topic, particularly in the latter half where the discussion becomes muddled and unclear. Phrases like "the overload in the hospital will happen" are vague and do not directly relate to the disadvantages of car ownership, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that directly relates to the advantages or disadvantages of car ownership. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader and keep the discussion relevant. Additionally, avoiding overly general statements and focusing on specific points will enhance the clarity and relevance of the essay.

In summary, the essay demonstrates an attempt to engage with the prompt but requires significant improvements in depth, clarity, and organization to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a mix of advantages and disadvantages of car ownership, but the organization is somewhat disjointed. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of having a car to the environmental drawbacks is abrupt. The ideas do not flow smoothly, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Additionally, the essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for framing the discussion.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, start with a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea. For example, begin a paragraph with "One significant advantage of owning a car is…" followed by supporting details. Conclude with a summary that reiterates the main points and offers a final thought on the topic.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay appears to be written in a single block of text, which makes it challenging to identify distinct ideas. Effective paragraphing is crucial for clarity, as it allows the reader to digest information in manageable sections. The current structure does not clearly separate the advantages from the disadvantages, leading to confusion about the main arguments.
  • How to improve: Implement clear paragraph breaks to separate different ideas. Each paragraph should focus on a single point, such as one for advantages and another for disadvantages. For instance, create one paragraph discussing the convenience of car ownership and another addressing the environmental impact. This will help the reader navigate the essay more easily.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "more and more people" and "in the other hands," but these are often misused or repetitive. The lack of variety in cohesive devices detracts from the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, some phrases are unclear or grammatically incorrect, which can confuse the reader (e.g., "prevent form diseases that which the air pollution cause").
  • How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "furthermore," "in addition," or "however" to connect ideas more effectively. Ensure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth and logical. Practicing sentence variety and ensuring grammatical accuracy will also enhance clarity. For instance, revise sentences to eliminate awkward phrasing and ensure they convey the intended meaning clearly.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion. Focus on organizing ideas logically, using clear paragraphs, and employing a variety of cohesive devices to enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. Phrases such as "go everywhere they want" and "bring there they to the place they want" indicate a reliance on basic expressions. Additionally, the repetition of "own car" and "people" throughout the essay suggests a lack of variety in word choice.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "own car," alternatives like "personal vehicle" or "private automobile" could be employed. Furthermore, using phrases like "travel freely" or "enjoy the convenience of personal transport" would enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "bring there they to the place they want" is confusing and grammatically incorrect. Additionally, "strengh their family’s bond" should be "strengthens their family’s bond," indicating a misunderstanding of verb forms. The phrase "prevent form diseases that which the air pollution cause" is also unclear and awkwardly constructed.
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For instance, instead of "bring there they," a clearer expression would be "take their family along." Practicing sentence structure and verb forms through targeted exercises could also help improve precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "strengh" (strength), "An" (a), "the environment will face to the environment" (repetitive and unclear), and "form" (from). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times before submission can help catch and correct errors. Utilizing spell-check tools in word processors can also be beneficial, but the writer should be cautious, as these tools may not catch all contextual errors.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the writer can work towards a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria for future IELTS essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences follow a simple or compound structure, which can lead to a monotonous reading experience. For example, sentences like "They can go with their family and bring there they to the place they want" and "An own car is the valuable asset that not everyone can buy it" exhibit a basic structure without the use of more complex forms such as subordinate clauses or varied sentence beginnings. The essay lacks the use of conditional sentences, passive voice, or varied punctuation that could enhance the complexity of the writing.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "They can go everywhere they want," the writer could say, "Because they have their own car, they can travel anywhere at any time." Additionally, using introductory phrases or clauses can add variety, such as starting with "Although owning a car provides convenience, it also poses environmental challenges."

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, phrases like "bring there they to the place they want" are not only grammatically incorrect but also confusing. The use of "strengh" instead of "strength" and "have an own car" instead of "having an own car" indicates a lack of attention to detail. Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect conjunction usage, lead to run-on sentences, as seen in "If we in a car, we w Moreover people in the car is different from people ride a bike or a motorbike."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper word forms. For instance, changing "people in the car is different" to "people in cars are different" would correct the subject-verb agreement error. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, such as using commas to separate clauses and ensuring correct conjunction usage, will enhance clarity. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and seeking feedback on writing can also help identify and correct persistent errors.

By focusing on these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the grammatical range and accuracy of their writing, ultimately leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

More and more people buy and use their own cars. The advantage for people who have their own car is that they can go everywhere they want at any time they desire. They can travel with their family to the place they want, thereby strengthening their family bond. A personal car is a valuable asset that not everyone can afford. When riding in a car, we are different from those who ride a bike or a motorbike. They can protect their health from diseases caused by air pollution. Owning a car is very convenient for those who possess it. They don’t have to wait for a taxi or a bus to reach their desired destination.

On the other hand, owning a car is beneficial for individual life, but it poses a serious environmental problem. As more and more people acquire personal vehicles, the environment faces increased pollution. Consequently, individuals must take steps to address the health issues resulting from this problem. Hospital overloads are likely to occur.