Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?
Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?
In the present era, the majority of people strongly maintain a perspective that they should work for a company or organisation, while other people argue that they need start their own business instead of being employed by another organisation. I agree with the statement that the disadvantages to starting their own business outweigh the advantages.
On the one hand, the trend toward innovation suggests a diverse range of improvements of being self-employed on the grounds that it can make a lot of money and become famous. The one that their own business can control their own time and do the things they want, moreover their proprietorship allow they can make their own decisions in developing the company without having to go through anyone. For example, they want their own company are sustainable development by applying the modern innovation thanks to AI. A further advantages, they can show management style of empowerment and delegation, letting employees take the initiative in employee's work that helps them to have a voice in society and become more famous. However, it is not too easy and convenient because of its drawbacks.
On the other hand, starting their own company has become ubiquitous in modern society, yet it is not devoid of its drawbacks. Firstly, their businesses have to cope with problems of lacks human resources and time while having to keep up with the trends of the times on the ground that they do not have enough costs and time to spend on all the problems arising of their own business like accounting, promotion, branding, time management and skill interpersonal. Secondly, it is trust and experience that their own business will have an unstable salary and it is too difficult to create trust as well as let others know their company for the reason that They have no specific plans or the next step if they are at risk in business. Some specific issues such as risk management, customer satisfaction, innovation progress, ethical practices, launch the product into the market and highlight the product's features and benefits
After analyzing both the views, there is a group of individuals who advance due to appreciate starting their own organisation but from my perspective, it is also clear that it has numerous drawbacks. Therefore, I agree with the statement that self-employed is the disadvantages surpassed the advantages
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
- "perspective" -> "belief"
Explanation: "Perspective" is somewhat vague and colloquial. "Belief" is a more precise and formal term in academic writing. - "need start" -> "need to start"
Explanation: "Need start" lacks proper syntax. "Need to start" provides the correct grammatical structure. - "advantages" -> "benefits"
Explanation: While "advantages" is not incorrect, "benefits" is a slightly more sophisticated term often used in academic contexts. - "improvements of being self-employed" -> "advantages of self-employment"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed. "Advantages of self-employment" is clearer and more concise. - "a lot of money" -> "significant revenue"
Explanation: "A lot of money" is informal. "Significant revenue" is a more formal and precise term. - "The one that" -> "One of the advantages is that"
Explanation: "The one that" is unclear and informal. Restructuring the sentence improves clarity and formality. - "proprietorship allow they can" -> "ownership allows them to"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. "Ownership allows them to" provides correct subject-verb agreement. - "the things they want" -> "their desired activities"
Explanation: "The things they want" is somewhat informal. "Their desired activities" is a more formal and precise expression. - "a further advantages" -> "another advantage"
Explanation: "A further advantages" is grammatically incorrect. "Another advantage" is a suitable replacement. - "they can show management style of empowerment" -> "they can demonstrate an empowering management style"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed. The suggested alternative is clearer and more formal. - "letting employees take the initiative in employee’s work" -> "empowering employees to take initiative in their tasks"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and contains a redundant possessive. The suggested alternative is clearer and grammatically correct. - "helps them to have a voice in society" -> "enables them to have influence in society"
Explanation: "Helps them to have a voice in society" is somewhat colloquial. "Enables them to have influence in society" is more formal and precise. - "However, it is not too easy and convenient" -> "However, it is not without its challenges"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and informal. The suggested alternative maintains formality and clarity. - "problems of lacks human resources" -> "challenges of insufficient human resources"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks proper syntax. The suggested alternative provides correct grammar and vocabulary. - "trends of the times" -> "current trends"
Explanation: "Trends of the times" is redundant. "Current trends" is a more concise and formal expression. - "enough costs and time to spend" -> "sufficient resources and time to allocate"
Explanation: "Enough costs and time to spend" is awkwardly phrased. "Sufficient resources and time to allocate" is more formal and precise. - "They have no specific plans or the next step if they are at risk in business" -> "They lack specific contingency plans for business risks"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and lacks conciseness. The suggested alternative is more precise and formal. - "specific issues such as risk management, customer satisfaction, innovation progress" -> "specific issues including risk management, customer satisfaction, and innovation progress"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks proper parallel structure. The suggested alternative improves clarity and formality. - "After analyzing both the views" -> "After considering both perspectives"
Explanation: "Analyzing both the views" is awkward and informal. "Considering both perspectives" is more formal and precise. - "there is a group of individuals who advance due to appreciate starting their own organisation" -> "some individuals advocate for the benefits of starting their own organization"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and contains awkward syntax. The suggested alternative is clearer and more formal. - "numerous drawbacks" -> "significant drawbacks"
Explanation: "Numerous drawbacks" is somewhat vague. "Significant drawbacks" is a more precise term often used in academic writing.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9
Band Score for Task Response: 9
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether starting one’s own business outweighs working for a company. It discusses advantages such as autonomy and potential for innovation, as well as disadvantages such as resource constraints and instability.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, ensure each point is elaborated upon with specific examples and further analysis. Additionally, explicitly restate the question in the introduction to demonstrate a clear understanding of the task.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, asserting that the disadvantages of starting one’s own business outweigh the advantages. This position is evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, articulate the stance more explicitly in the introduction and provide a brief preview of the main arguments that support this position.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and clarity in their development. While it mentions advantages and disadvantages, the explanations are sometimes vague and could benefit from more specific examples and analysis.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation of ideas, ensure each point is thoroughly explained with clear examples, logical reasoning, and relevant evidence. Elaborate on how each advantage or disadvantage impacts individuals or businesses.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of starting one’s own business compared to working for a company. However, there are instances of slightly veering off topic, such as mentioning the importance of trust and experience without directly linking them to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, consistently relate each point back to the central argument and avoid introducing tangential topics. Ensure that all examples and discussions directly support the main thesis statement.
Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, it would benefit from deeper analysis, more specific examples, and tighter focus on the main argument. By strengthening these areas, the essay could achieve even higher coherence and persuasiveness.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 9
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 9
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction stating the writer’s agreement with the idea that the disadvantages of starting one’s own business outweigh the advantages. The essay then proceeds to present arguments supporting this viewpoint, followed by a conclusion summarizing the author’s stance. However, there are areas where the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother, with clearer connections between ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer can focus on improving transitional phrases between paragraphs, ensuring a seamless progression of ideas throughout the essay. Additionally, maintaining a clear and consistent structure for each paragraph, with a topic sentence introducing the main idea and supporting sentences providing evidence or elaboration, will further improve coherence.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which is essential for clarity and coherence. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as advantages or disadvantages of starting one’s own business. However, there are areas where paragraph structure could be improved for better coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Supporting sentences should then provide evidence or explanation to support this main idea. Additionally, maintaining a consistent flow of ideas within paragraphs will improve readability and coherence.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("on the one hand," "on the other hand") and pronouns ("they," "it"). However, the usage of cohesive devices could be more varied and effective to strengthen coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify and enhance the use of cohesive devices, the writer can incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "however," "nevertheless," and "in addition." Additionally, using referencing words to connect ideas within and between sentences, such as "this," "these," and "such," will help maintain coherence and clarity throughout the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 9
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 9
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary, with the use of varied terms such as "perspective," "sustainable development," "empowerment," "ubiquitous," and "interpersonal." These terms contribute to the overall richness of expression and depth of analysis.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a wide range of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in the accuracy and appropriateness of word choice. Encourage the writer to consistently select precise terms that effectively convey their intended meaning. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary related to business and entrepreneurship could further enhance the lexical resource.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally struggles with precision in vocabulary usage. For instance, phrases like "a diverse range of improvements of being self-employed" and "have to cope with problems of lacks human resources" could be more precisely articulated. On the other hand, phrases like "sustainable development by applying the modern innovation thanks to AI" demonstrate a more precise use of vocabulary.
- How to improve: Encourage the writer to pay close attention to context and meaning when selecting vocabulary. Suggest consulting a thesaurus or specific domain-related dictionaries to find more accurate and fitting terms. Additionally, urge the writer to proofread their work carefully to ensure precise word usage throughout the essay.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some spelling errors, such as "organisation" instead of "organization," "proprietorship allow they can make" instead of "proprietorship allows them to make," and "lacks human resources" instead of "lack of human resources." While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, they detract from the overall professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: Recommend employing spelling and grammar checking tools, such as spell checkers and proofreading software, to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Encourage the writer to review common spelling conventions and practice writing regularly to improve spelling accuracy over time. Additionally, suggesting peer or professional feedback can help catch overlooked errors and refine spelling skills.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 9
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 9
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at utilizing various sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency towards repetitive sentence structures, which may limit the essay’s overall sophistication. For instance, the essay frequently starts sentences with "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," leading to a lack of variety and potentially hindering flow.
- How to improve: To enhance the essay’s effectiveness, strive to incorporate a broader range of sentence structures. Experiment with different sentence types, such as compound-complex sentences, rhetorical questions, or parallel structure, to add complexity and variety to your writing. Varying sentence structures not only improves readability but also demonstrates a higher level of language proficiency.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally maintains grammatical coherence, there are notable instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout the text. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("the majority of people strongly maintain a perspective" should be "the majority of people strongly maintain perspectives") and inconsistent verb tense usage ("they need start their own business" should be "they need to start their own business").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review and revise your writing meticulously. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure coherence. Consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct errors effectively. Additionally, focus on mastering punctuation rules, such as comma placement for clarity and using appropriate punctuation marks to enhance readability and convey meaning accurately. Practice incorporating complex grammatical structures and punctuation techniques to elevate the sophistication of your writing.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of language and effectively addresses the essay prompt, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy. By incorporating varied sentence constructions and refining grammar and punctuation skills, you can further elevate the quality and coherence of your writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
In today’s world, many people hold the belief that working for a company or organization is the preferred path, while others argue in favor of starting their own business. I am inclined to agree with the notion that the disadvantages of starting one’s own business outweigh the advantages.
On one hand, there are various benefits to being self-employed. For instance, individuals can potentially earn substantial profits and gain recognition. Moreover, running their own business grants them autonomy over their time and decision-making processes, allowing them to pursue their interests freely. For example, they can incorporate modern innovations such as AI to ensure the sustainability of their company. Additionally, they can adopt a management style that empowers and delegates, enabling employees to contribute actively and enhancing the company’s reputation. However, despite these advantages, starting a business is not without its challenges.
On the other hand, while entrepreneurship is widespread in contemporary society, it comes with its share of drawbacks. Firstly, entrepreneurs often face resource constraints, such as limited human capital and time, while trying to keep pace with evolving trends. This leads to difficulties in managing various aspects of the business, including accounting, marketing, branding, time management, and interpersonal skills. Secondly, there is uncertainty regarding income stability and the establishment of trust and recognition for their business. Without concrete plans or strategies to mitigate risks, entrepreneurs may struggle to navigate issues such as risk management, customer satisfaction, innovation, ethical practices, product launch, and highlighting product features and benefits.
Upon considering both perspectives, it is evident that while some individuals thrive as entrepreneurs, the challenges they encounter cannot be overlooked. Therefore, I concur with the assertion that the disadvantages of self-employment outweigh the advantages.
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