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Some people do not go directly to college but travel or work for a short time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people do not go directly to college but travel or work for a short time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Recent years have witnessed an ongoing/ a persistent trend towards individuals taking a year out to travel or work prior to stepping into colleges. Despite having admittedly minor drawbacks involving potential proneness of orientation loss, I would contend that its advantages in terms of practical skills’ development and accurately identifying their pursuits in college.

To begin with, it is inevitably arguable that spending a short time experiencing may render freshmen gradually disorientated. Chief among these is that Some individuals may mistakenly believe that they have ample time to gain experience and divert their attention from their initial academic plans. Those common misperceptions may drive them to lose track of their initial orientation regarding academic plans and momentum, thus, the proposal of having a gap year resulting in orientation loss seems justifiable. However, those inconveniences can be mitigated by seeking guidance from parents and peers to help maintain a smooth transition into college including reimplementing a suitable schedule that aligns with their educational requirements.

Nevertheless, I am convinced that the aforementioned disadvantages are overshadowed by these following advantages, in terms of honing practical skills and having much time to figure out their desirable field. Regarding the former, once taking a year out before college, people potentially spend time self-discovering and enhance essential soft skills, such as problem-solving and time-management to step forwards. This facilitates a well-prepared and advanced knowledge when individuals return to college. With regard to the latter, this time taken off can support students to explore different interests while gaining experience and maturity before beginning college. It gives young people time to make an informed choice about the path they wish to pursue, as well as the experience of real-world situations to match academic theories and societal demands. Consequently, the outcomes of gap year potentially nourish career trajectory to a large extent.

In conclusion, despite the possible minor inconveniences, I am firmly of the opinion that the benefits of taking a gap year to travel or work before starting college are substantial. This experience can offer valuable opportunities for personal and professional development, ultimately contributing to a more successful and fulfilling academic journey.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Recent years have witnessed an ongoing/ a persistent trend towards individuals taking a year out to travel or work prior to stepping into colleges."
    -> "Recent years have witnessed a sustained trend of individuals taking a gap year for travel or work before entering college."
    Explanation: Replacing "ongoing" with "sustained" and "stepping into colleges" with "entering college" enhances formality and clarity, respectively.

  2. "Despite having admittedly minor drawbacks involving potential proneness of orientation loss, I would contend that its advantages in terms of practical skills’ development and accurately identifying their pursuits in college."
    -> "Despite its admittedly minor drawbacks, such as the potential for orientation loss, I would argue that the benefits lie in the development of practical skills and the accurate identification of one’s pursuits in college."
    Explanation: Simplifying the sentence structure and rephrasing for clarity while maintaining formality.

  3. "To begin with, it is inevitably arguable that spending a short time experiencing may render freshmen gradually disorientated."
    -> "Firstly, it is arguable that a brief period of experiential activities may gradually disorient freshmen."
    Explanation: Replacing "inevitably arguable" with "arguable" and restructuring for conciseness and formality.

  4. "Chief among these is that Some individuals may mistakenly believe that they have ample time to gain experience and divert their attention from their initial academic plans."
    -> "Primary among these concerns is the misconception that some individuals may have ample time to gain experience, diverting their attention from their initial academic plans."
    Explanation: Improving sentence structure and replacing "Chief among these is that Some individuals" with "Primary among these concerns is the misconception that some individuals" for clarity and formality.

  5. "Those common misperceptions may drive them to lose track of their initial orientation regarding academic plans and momentum, thus, the proposal of having a gap year resulting in orientation loss seems justifiable."
    -> "Such common misperceptions may lead individuals to lose track of their initial orientation regarding academic plans and momentum. Thus, the notion that a gap year leads to orientation loss seems justifiable."
    Explanation: Streamlining the sentence for clarity and formality, avoiding redundancy.

  6. "However, those inconveniences can be mitigated by seeking guidance from parents and peers to help maintain a smooth transition into college including reimplementing a suitable schedule that aligns with their educational requirements."
    -> "Nevertheless, these inconveniences can be mitigated by seeking guidance from parents and peers, facilitating a smooth transition into college, including the reimplementation of a schedule aligned with their educational requirements."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, avoiding repetition.

  7. "Nevertheless, I am convinced that the aforementioned disadvantages are overshadowed by these following advantages, in terms of honing practical skills and having much time to figure out their desirable field."
    -> "Nevertheless, I am convinced that the aforementioned disadvantages are outweighed by the following advantages, specifically in terms of honing practical skills and having ample time to determine their desired field."
    Explanation: Replacing "overshadowed by these following" with "outweighed by the following" for precision and formality.

  8. "Regarding the former, once taking a year out before college, people potentially spend time self-discovering and enhance essential soft skills, such as problem-solving and time-management to step forwards."
    -> "Concerning the former, taking a gap year before college allows individuals to potentially engage in self-discovery and enhance essential soft skills, such as problem-solving and time management, to advance."
    Explanation: Clarifying the sentence structure and using more formal language, avoiding unnecessary words.

  9. "With regard to the latter, this time taken off can support students to explore different interests while gaining experience and maturity before beginning college."
    -> "Regarding the latter, this time off can enable students to explore various interests, gaining experience and maturity before commencing college."
    Explanation: Replacing "taken off" with "off" for conciseness and maintaining formality.

  10. "Consequently, the outcomes of gap year potentially nourish career trajectory to a large extent."
    -> "Consequently, the outcomes of a gap year can significantly enrich one’s career trajectory."
    Explanation: Replacing "potentially nourish" with "significantly enrich" for precision and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Despite having admittedly minor drawbacks involving potential proneness of orientation loss, I would contend that its advantages in terms of practical skills’ development and accurately identifying their pursuits in college."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction effectively presents the writer’s position; however, it would benefit from a clearer roadmap of the main points that will be discussed in the essay. Providing a brief outline could enhance the essay’s structure and make it easier for readers to follow the argument. For instance, a sentence summarizing the main advantages and potential drawbacks would add clarity.
    • Improved example: "Despite potential drawbacks, such as the risk of orientation loss, I argue that the benefits of practical skills development and accurate identification of pursuits in college outweigh these concerns."
  2. Quoted text: "Chief among these is that Some individuals may mistakenly believe that they have ample time to gain experience and divert their attention from their initial academic plans."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The paragraph discusses the potential orientation loss during a gap year, but it lacks specific examples or personal experiences to support the argument. To strengthen this point, consider providing a concrete example of someone who faced challenges in maintaining focus after a gap year. This would make the argument more persuasive and relatable.
    • Improved example: "For instance, John, a high school graduate, initially intended to pursue engineering but, after a gap year, found himself drawn to a different field due to a lack of clear goals and guidance."
  3. Quoted text: "Those common misperceptions may drive them to lose track of their initial orientation regarding academic plans and momentum, thus, the proposal of having a gap year resulting in orientation loss seems justifiable."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The reasoning is sound, but it could be further strengthened by acknowledging potential counterarguments. For example, briefly mentioning that with proper guidance, the risk of orientation loss can be mitigated would demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
    • Improved example: "While the proposal of a gap year resulting in orientation loss seems justifiable, it’s crucial to acknowledge that with proper guidance from parents and peers, individuals can maintain a clear sense of direction and smoothly transition into college."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a clear position and presents well-supported ideas, but it could benefit from a more explicit outline in the introduction, specific examples to support arguments, and acknowledgment of counterarguments for a more nuanced perspective.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion, meeting the Band 8 criteria. Information and ideas are logically sequenced, and the essay manages all aspects of cohesion effectively. There is a clear progression throughout the essay, with well-structured paragraphs. The writer uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately, enhancing the overall flow of the essay. Paragraphing is done sufficiently and appropriately, contributing to the overall organization of the content.

How to improve:
To further enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer could consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to create an even smoother flow. Additionally, ensuring consistent and precise use of vocabulary related to the topic can elevate the essay’s overall coherence. While the essay generally maintains a formal tone, paying attention to sentence structure and avoiding occasional informality can contribute to a more polished and cohesive presentation. Overall, the essay is strong, but slight refinements can contribute to achieving a Band 9 score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, utilizing a wide range of words with fluency and flexibility. There is evidence of sophisticated control of lexical features, and rare minor errors occur only as ‘slips.’ The candidate skillfully employs uncommon lexical items, conveying precise meanings throughout the essay. The vocabulary is varied, contributing to the overall coherence and cohesion of the text. There are minimal inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, with only occasional errors in spelling and word formation, which do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource further, consider incorporating a few more academic or subject-specific terms related to the essay topic. Additionally, meticulously proofread to eliminate any remaining minor errors in spelling or word formation, ensuring a flawless presentation. Overall, maintaining the current level of vocabulary use while refining accuracy will contribute to achieving an even higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, incorporating complex sentences effectively. There’s a mix of simple and complex forms, contributing to the essay’s readability and depth. While there are instances of minor errors and slight awkwardness in expression, they don’t significantly impede understanding. The control of grammar and punctuation is generally good, although a few errors are present.

How to improve: To aim for a higher score, focus on refining the accuracy of expression. Review sentence structures for clarity and coherence. Additionally, meticulous proofreading can help iron out the remaining minor errors in grammar and punctuation to elevate the overall precision of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, there has been a growing trend where individuals opt for a gap year—either traveling or working—prior to entering college. Despite some potential drawbacks related to losing focus, I believe that the advantages, such as developing practical skills and gaining clarity about one’s academic pursuits, outweigh the disadvantages.

Initially, there is a debatable concern that this time away might cause new students to feel disoriented. One significant risk is that some may mistakenly assume they have sufficient time to gain experience and might veer away from their initial academic plans. Such misconceptions could lead to a loss of direction and momentum in their academic goals. However, these inconveniences can be mitigated by seeking guidance from parents and peers, helping them maintain focus by re-establishing suitable schedules aligned with their educational needs.

Nevertheless, I am convinced that these disadvantages are overshadowed by the advantages, especially in terms of refining practical skills and having the time to explore their desired fields. Regarding the former, a gap year allows individuals to invest time in self-discovery and enhance crucial soft skills like problem-solving and time management. This results in a better-prepared mindset and enhanced knowledge upon returning to college. As for the latter, this time off can enable students to explore diverse interests while gaining experience and maturity, aiding them in making informed choices about their future paths. It offers a chance to bridge academic theories with real-world experiences and societal demands, ultimately nurturing their career trajectories significantly.

In conclusion, despite potential minor inconveniences, I firmly believe that the benefits of a gap year before college are substantial. This experience presents invaluable opportunities for personal and professional development, ultimately contributing to a more successful and rewarding academic journey.

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