Some people say cultural traditions are destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Other say this is the only way to save such traditions. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

In the modern society, there is a tendency that cultural heritages are used for tourism profits. Several individuals oppose this development due to their belief that traditions could be destroyed, while others think that this is a way to save one’s culture. From my own perspective, I strongly believe that this issue contains both advantages and disadvantages, and will present my ideas in the following essay.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why people believe that using cultural traditions as money-making attractions might destroy a country’s cultural area. Firstly, an increased quantity of tourists may lead to a larger consumption; Therefore, the rate of people littering around in these cultural areas could increase, which also contributes to soil pollution. Moreover, sometimes, because of language barriers that foreign people do not understand what to do and especially what to not do. To be more specific, there might be some rules that are allowed for them but prohibited for us so without guidance these tourists may commit such crimes that they do not even know. This can be exemplified by the fact that in Van Mieu – Quoc Tu Giam which is one of the cultural heritage sites of Vietnam, several turtle statues experienced damages, critically to the head part.
On the other hand, there are a range of compelling reasons why it is a good idea to attract tourists by cultural areas. First of all, when many individuals know about a culture, that culture is unlikely to vanish. This can be exemplified by the fact that for thousands of years, humans have been passing knowledge or culture through one to one; Therefore, the culture can be preserved as a large number of individuals know about it. Secondly, when being used as money-making attractions, cultural traditions could be repaired and maintained regularly. Since the tourism profits earned from these cultural locations go directly back to itself. For example, in Vietnam, after a long period of opening for tourism purposes, these cultural areas are closed for maintenance, using the profit earned from entrance’s tickets.
In summary, despite opening more doors for tourists to travel in these cultural traditions might lead to a few environmental problems and damages by physical acts, nations could earn not only tourism profit but also attractions from the globe about their culture. Moreover, environment-harmful acts and physical contacts to historical projects can be easily avoided by reinforced security teams in those cultural areas.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In the modern society" -> "In contemporary society"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "modern," which can be vague and overly broad in this context.
"there is a tendency that" -> "there is a tendency for"
Explanation: "For" is the correct preposition to use in this context, enhancing grammatical accuracy and formality.
"used for tourism profits" -> "utilized for tourism revenue"
Explanation: "Revenue" is a more specific and formal term than "profits," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"Several individuals oppose" -> "Some individuals oppose"
Explanation: "Some" is a more natural and less absolute term than "several," which can imply a larger number than intended.
"their belief that traditions could be destroyed" -> "the belief that traditions could be destroyed"
Explanation: Removing "their" clarifies that the belief is not attributed to a specific group, aligning with the impersonal tone of academic writing.
"this is a way to save one’s culture" -> "this serves as a means of preserving one’s culture"
Explanation: "Serves as a means of preserving" is more formal and precise than "is a way to save," which is somewhat colloquial.
"On the one hand" -> "On one hand"
Explanation: "On one hand" is a more concise and formal way to introduce contrasting ideas in academic writing.
"an increased quantity of tourists" -> "an influx of tourists"
Explanation: "Influx" is a more precise term that conveys a sudden and significant increase in tourists, which is more appropriate in this context.
"littering around" -> "littering"
Explanation: "Littering" is the correct verb form, and removing "around" avoids redundancy and maintains a formal tone.
"because of language barriers that foreign people do not understand what to do and especially what to not do" -> "due to language barriers, which may lead to misunderstandings about what to do and what not to do"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the cause-and-effect relationship and avoids the awkward construction of "what to do and especially what to not do."
"To be more specific" -> "Specifically"
Explanation: "Specifically" is a more concise and formal adverb suitable for academic writing.
"commit such crimes that they do not even know" -> "commit such crimes unknowingly"
Explanation: "Unknowingly" is a more precise and formal way to express lack of knowledge or intent, improving the academic tone.
"critically to the head part" -> "severely damaging the head"
Explanation: "Severely damaging the head" is a clearer and more formal way to describe the extent of the damage.
"a range of compelling reasons" -> "a variety of compelling reasons"
Explanation: "Variety" is a more precise term than "range," which can be vague and less specific in this context.
"when many individuals know about a culture, that culture is unlikely to vanish" -> "as more people become aware of a culture, it is less likely to disappear"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the causal relationship and uses more formal language.
"Therefore, the culture can be preserved as a large number of individuals know about it" -> "Therefore, the culture is more likely to be preserved as more people become aware of it"
Explanation: This revision avoids the awkward construction and clarifies the causal relationship.
"using the profit earned from entrance’s tickets" -> "using the revenue generated from entrance fees"
Explanation: "Revenue generated from entrance fees" is more formal and precise than "profit earned from entrance’s tickets."
"nations could earn not only tourism profit but also attractions from the globe about their culture" -> "nations could not only generate tourism revenue but also attract global attention to their culture"
Explanation: "Generate tourism revenue" and "attract global attention" are more precise and formal terms, improving the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the impact of using cultural traditions as tourist attractions. The first paragraph discusses the negative consequences, such as environmental damage and cultural misunderstandings. The second paragraph presents the positive aspects, including preservation through awareness and maintenance funded by tourism. However, while both sides are mentioned, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the implications of each viewpoint and a clearer connection to the prompt’s request for a discussion of both views.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that each viewpoint is explored in depth, providing a balanced analysis. Including more examples or evidence for both sides would strengthen the argument. Additionally, explicitly stating the implications of each view would clarify the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer states a personal belief that the issue has both advantages and disadvantages, which is somewhat vague. While the essay does present a position, it lacks a strong, consistent stance throughout. The conclusion reiterates the dual nature of the issue but does not clearly favor one side over the other, which can leave readers uncertain about the writer’s ultimate opinion.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should take a definitive stance in the introduction and conclusion. This could involve stating which side they lean towards more strongly, supported by the arguments presented in the body paragraphs. A more assertive conclusion that summarizes the main points while reinforcing the chosen stance would also help.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as environmental damage and cultural preservation, but they are not always fully developed. For instance, the explanation of language barriers lacks depth and could benefit from further elaboration. Additionally, while examples are provided, they could be more relevant or detailed to strengthen the arguments.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made, providing more context and detail. This could involve discussing the broader implications of each argument or providing additional examples that are directly related to the points being made. Ensuring that each idea is thoroughly supported will enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of cultural traditions as tourist attractions. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as the mention of environmental problems without a direct link to how they relate to the preservation of culture. This can detract from the overall coherence of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the main question in each paragraph and ensuring that all examples and explanations are relevant to the discussion of cultural traditions and tourism. A clear outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and maintaining topic relevance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets up the topic and states the writer’s perspective. Each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that outlines the main idea, followed by supporting details. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the potential destruction of cultural traditions due to tourism, while the second paragraph presents the benefits of tourism for cultural preservation. However, the logical flow could be improved; the transition between the two paragraphs feels somewhat abrupt, and the conclusion does not fully synthesize the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases between paragraphs to guide the reader through the argument. For example, phrases like "Conversely" or "In contrast" can help clarify the shift from one viewpoint to another. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion not only summarizes the points made but also reflects on the implications of the discussion, providing a more cohesive wrap-up.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the argument, with clear topic sentences. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first body paragraph is longer and more detailed than the second, which might leave the reader wanting more information on the benefits of tourism.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring that each paragraph contains a similar level of detail. This can be achieved by expanding on the second body paragraph with additional examples or elaboration on the points made. Consider adding a sentence or two that further explains how tourism can lead to cultural exchange or community engagement, which would enrich the discussion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "In summary," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. For instance, the use of "for example" appears multiple times, which could detract from the overall fluency of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "for example," you could use "such as," "for instance," or "this is illustrated by." Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "not only… but also" or "on the one hand… on the other hand," can enhance the sophistication of the writing and improve the overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, there are opportunities for improvement in logical organization, paragraph balance, and the range of cohesive devices used. By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms like "cultural heritages," "money-making attractions," and "environment-harmful acts." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "cultural traditions" and "cultural areas," which could be varied to enhance the essay’s lexical richness. For instance, synonyms such as "cultural practices," "heritage sites," or "traditions" could be employed to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader variety of vocabulary. This can be achieved by making a list of synonyms and related terms before writing, ensuring that different words are used to convey similar ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "cultural traditions," the writer could alternate with "cultural heritage" or "traditional practices."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the rate of people littering around in these cultural areas could increase" could be more clearly expressed as "the likelihood of littering in these cultural areas may rise." Additionally, the phrase "committing such crimes" is misleading, as it implies legal violations rather than cultural misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can involve revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that terms are used in their correct context. For example, replacing "crimes" with "cultural faux pas" would be more appropriate in this context.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with few errors. However, there are minor mistakes, such as "entrance’s tickets," which should be "entrance tickets," and "damages, critically to the head part," which could be more clearly stated as "damage, particularly to the heads." These errors, while not numerous, can disrupt the flow of reading and detract from the overall impression of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and grammatical structures. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or quizzes can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider variety of terms, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "there is a tendency that cultural heritages are used for tourism profits" showcases an understanding of complex sentence formation. However, some sentences are overly long and convoluted, such as "Moreover, sometimes, because of language barriers that foreign people do not understand what to do and especially what to not do." This can hinder clarity and impact.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider breaking down longer sentences into shorter, more concise ones. For instance, the aforementioned sentence could be split into two: "Moreover, language barriers can prevent foreign tourists from understanding local customs. This lack of understanding may lead to unintentional disrespect towards cultural practices." Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence openings and transitions can further diversify the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors. For example, the phrase "the rate of people littering around in these cultural areas could increase" could be more clearly stated as "the rate of littering by tourists in these cultural areas could increase." Punctuation errors are also present, such as the misuse of semicolons and commas, particularly in complex sentences. For instance, "Therefore, the rate of people littering around in these cultural areas could increase, which also contributes to soil pollution" could be improved by removing the comma before "which."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review sentence constructions and ensure clarity. Practicing the use of punctuation rules, especially regarding clauses, can help. For example, ensure that dependent clauses are correctly punctuated. Additionally, proofreading for common grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and correct preposition use, will enhance overall accuracy. Engaging in grammar exercises focused on these areas can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on sentence clarity and grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, there is a tendency for cultural heritages to be utilized for tourism revenue. Some individuals oppose this development due to the belief that traditions could be destroyed, while others argue that this is the only way to save one’s culture. From my perspective, I strongly believe that this issue contains both advantages and disadvantages, and I will present my ideas in the following essay.

On one hand, there are several reasons why people believe that using cultural traditions as money-making attractions might damage a country’s cultural integrity. Firstly, an influx of tourists may lead to increased consumption; therefore, the rate of littering in these cultural areas could rise, contributing to soil pollution. Moreover, due to language barriers, foreign visitors may not understand what to do and, especially, what not to do. Specifically, there might be rules that are acceptable for them but prohibited for locals, so without proper guidance, these tourists may commit such crimes unknowingly. This can be exemplified by the fact that at Van Mieu – Quoc Tu Giam, one of Vietnam’s cultural heritage sites, several turtle statues have experienced severe damage, particularly to the head.

On the other hand, there are a variety of compelling reasons why attracting tourists to cultural areas can be beneficial. First of all, as more people become aware of a culture, it is less likely to disappear. This can be illustrated by the fact that for thousands of years, humans have been passing knowledge and culture from one person to another; therefore, the culture is more likely to be preserved as more individuals become aware of it. Secondly, when cultural traditions are utilized for tourism revenue, they can be repaired and maintained regularly, as the profits generated from entrance fees go directly back into their preservation. For example, in Vietnam, after a long period of being open for tourism, these cultural areas are often closed for maintenance, using the revenue generated from entrance tickets.

In summary, while opening more doors for tourists to experience these cultural traditions might lead to some environmental issues and physical damages, nations could not only generate tourism revenue but also attract global attention to their culture. Moreover, environmentally harmful acts and physical damage to historical sites can be mitigated through reinforced security measures in these cultural areas.