Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than history. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than history.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In our modern society, people believe that History is one of the most optimal academic disciplines, while some citizens think that Science and Technology educational fields are more crucial than historic domain. This essay will elaborate on both viewpoints and I support strongly for the latter view.
On the one hand, there are various positive points for learners to study History. To commence, history is prone to help students have profound insights about their culture, coupled with the formation and the development of a country. Moreover, it is considered as a great method for people to not only comprehend the role of time-honored traditions but also preserve and pass down to the following generations. Another justification is that there is the need for scholars to learn history in order to avoid encountering with erroneous activities in the past. This evidence suggests that modern governments offer suitable policies which are gained knowledge from historical protagonists to build a thriving nation.
On the other hand, I cite that people tend to explore distinct scientific and technological aspects because technology will take the centre stage in almost domains of human life. It is critical to remember that fields of science are applying in daily tasks helping their life more convenient. If their offspring learn higher education in other countries, parents easily communicate each other no matter the distance due to the innovation of modern applications. Furthermore, the improvement of applied science assist develop in different fields, including academicians, scientists, policy-makers, and people from all walks of life. The invention of e-commerce allows online learning offers students education from anywhere without having face-to-face classes.
In conclusion, I advocate that although history is a compulsory subject at school, science and technology are also taught for learners to equip them with the skills set they need to walk firmly into the world ahead.

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Errors and Improvements:

"optimal" -> "optimum"
Explanation: "Optimal" is more commonly used in contexts related to efficiency or functionality, while "optimum" better conveys the idea of being the best or most favorable choice in academic discourse.
"historic domain" -> "historical domain"
Explanation: "Historic" refers to events of great importance in history, while "historical" pertains to anything related to the past. In academic writing, it’s more appropriate to use "historical" when referring to the domain of history.
"elaborate on both viewpoints" -> "explore both perspectives"
Explanation: "Elaborate" implies adding more detail or explanation, while "explore" is more fitting in this context as it suggests a comprehensive examination of different viewpoints.
"strongly for" -> "strongly in favor of"
Explanation: "Strongly for" is colloquial; "strongly in favor of" is a more formal expression commonly used in academic writing to indicate strong support for a particular viewpoint.
"To commence" -> "To begin with"
Explanation: "To commence" is less common in academic writing and sounds overly formal. "To begin with" is a more appropriate and natural way to introduce a point.
"prone to help" -> "helpful in"
Explanation: "Prone to help" is awkward phrasing. Using "helpful in" provides a clearer and more concise expression of the intended meaning.
"insights about their culture" -> "insights into their culture"
Explanation: "Insights into" is the idiomatic expression used to convey gaining understanding or knowledge about something. It’s more appropriate in academic writing than "insights about."
"formation and the development" -> "formation and development"
Explanation: The article "the" before "development" is unnecessary and makes the phrase less concise. Removing it streamlines the sentence without altering its meaning.
"not only…but also" -> "not only…but also"
Explanation: This construction is correct, but it’s typically followed by parallel structures. However, "comprehend the role of time-honored traditions" and "preserve and pass down to the following generations" are not parallel. Consider revising for consistency.
"encountering with erroneous activities" -> "encountering erroneous activities"
Explanation: "Encountering with" is redundant; "encountering" alone suffices to convey the idea of coming across or facing something.
"suitable policies which are gained knowledge from" -> "appropriate policies informed by"
Explanation: The phrase "which are gained knowledge from" is awkward and unclear. "Informed by" is a more concise and precise way to express the idea of policies based on knowledge gained from historical protagonists.
"take the centre stage" -> "take center stage"
Explanation: "Centre" is the British spelling of "center," but in academic writing, it’s preferable to use the American spelling for consistency.
"almost domains" -> "almost all domains"
Explanation: "Almost domains" lacks clarity and grammatical correctness. Adding "all" improves the sentence’s clarity and conveys the intended meaning more effectively.
"helping their life more convenient" -> "making their lives more convenient"
Explanation: "Helping their life more convenient" is grammatically incorrect. Using "making their lives more convenient" provides a clearer and more precise expression of the idea.
"offspring" -> "children"
Explanation: "Offspring" is a more formal term, but "children" is more commonly used and appropriate for general writing.
"no matter the distance" -> "regardless of the distance"
Explanation: "No matter the distance" is less formal than "regardless of the distance" and may be considered too colloquial for academic writing.
"assist develop" -> "assist in developing"
Explanation: "Assist develop" lacks the necessary preposition. Using "assist in developing" corrects the grammatical error and maintains formal language.
"academicians" -> "academics"
Explanation: "Academicians" is a less common and more formal term compared to "academics," which is more commonly used and suitable for general writing.
"walk firmly into" -> "navigate confidently through"
Explanation: "Walk firmly into" is metaphorical and less precise. "Navigate confidently through" is a more precise and fitting expression for entering or dealing with a situation effectively.
"ahead" -> "ahead."
Explanation: Ending the sentence with a period provides proper punctuation for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument by discussing the importance of History and Science/Technology in education.
- How to improve: While the essay addresses both viewpoints, it could provide a more nuanced exploration by delving deeper into the specific advantages and drawbacks of each subject.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay clearly states the author’s preference for Science and Technology over History.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, the author could provide more explicit transitions between paragraphs and ensure that each paragraph reinforces the chosen stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the benefits of studying History and Science/Technology but lacks depth in elaboration and examples.
- How to improve: To enhance support, include specific examples, statistics, or historical references to illustrate key points and strengthen arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains on topic by discussing the importance of History and contrasting it with Science and Technology.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the topic and avoids tangential discussions.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a decent understanding of the prompt and effectively presents arguments for both sides. To improve, the author should focus on providing more detailed explanations, examples, and maintaining a consistent position throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization by presenting both viewpoints on the importance of History versus Science and Technology. It starts with an introduction that outlines the two perspectives, followed by body paragraphs that elaborate on each viewpoint separately. However, there could be a smoother transition between paragraphs to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transition phrases or sentences to connect ideas between paragraphs. For instance, phrases like "Moving on to the opposing perspective," or "Contrary to the arguments in favor of History," can aid in smoother transitions and improve coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, which is essential for clarity and organization. However, some paragraphs could be more focused and coherent. For example, the second paragraph covers various points about the importance of studying History, but each point could be expanded into separate paragraphs for better clarity and structure.
- How to improve: Aim for topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly introduce the main idea. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into shorter ones to maintain focus and coherence. For instance, the points about cultural insights, tradition preservation, and learning from past mistakes could each have their own dedicated paragraphs.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "Moreover" and "Furthermore," to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices, and some connections between ideas feel abrupt.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay to create smoother transitions between ideas. This could include using a wider range of transition words and phrases, such as "In addition," "On the contrary," or "Conversely," to provide more nuanced connections between arguments. Additionally, consider using cohesive devices within paragraphs to strengthen the coherence of individual arguments. For example, within the paragraph discussing the importance of studying History, cohesive devices could be used to show the relationship between different reasons provided, enhancing the overall cohesion of the paragraph.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, incorporating words and phrases such as "optimal," "academic disciplines," "profound insights," "time-honored traditions," "erroneous activities," "thriving nation," "distinct," "applied science," "innovation," and "e-commerce." However, there is a lack of diversity in vocabulary usage, with some repetition and reliance on basic terms ("learners," "people," "fields").
- How to improve: To enhance your lexical resource, strive to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary throughout the essay. Consider using synonyms or exploring more nuanced terms to express your ideas. Additionally, be mindful of repetitious phrases and aim to diversify your language further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecise or awkward language. For example, the phrase "profound insights about their culture" could be more precisely expressed as "deep understanding of their culture." Similarly, "erroneous activities" could be replaced with "mistakes" or "missteps." Additionally, some expressions lack precision, such as "technology will take the centre stage," which could be clarified to specify the increasing importance of technology in various aspects of life.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that precisely conveys your intended meaning. This may involve replacing vague or general terms with more specific and accurate ones. Pay attention to the context in which you use vocabulary to ensure it aligns closely with your intended message.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of spelling accuracy. While there are no major spelling errors, some minor mistakes are present, such as "higher education in other countries," where "in" should be "of," and "offers students education," where "offers" should be followed by "an" or "access to." These errors do not significantly impede comprehension but indicate a need for greater attention to detail in spelling.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider employing strategies such as proofreading carefully before submitting your work, utilizing spell-check tools, and actively seeking to expand your vocabulary to reinforce correct spelling patterns. Additionally, reviewing commonly misspelled words and practicing spelling exercises can help strengthen your spelling skills over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and simple sentences. There is a conscious effort to vary sentence structures, although some improvement could be made in utilizing more sophisticated structures, such as conditional sentences or inverted sentences. For instance, "Moreover, it is considered as a great method for people to not only comprehend the role of time-honored traditions but also preserve and pass down to the following generations" exhibits a compound sentence structure with a subordinate clause, showcasing complexity.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating conditional sentences to express hypothetical situations or inverted sentences for emphasis. For instance, instead of "If their offspring learn higher education in other countries, parents easily communicate each other no matter the distance due to the innovation of modern applications," try "Were their offspring to pursue higher education abroad, parents would effortlessly communicate regardless of distance, courtesy of modern technological innovations."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies throughout the essay. For example, "people believe that History is one of the most optimal academic disciplines" could be revised to "people believe that history is one of the most important academic disciplines." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases ("To commence") and incorrect usage of articles ("learn higher education" should be "pursue higher education").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is advisable to carefully proofread the essay, paying particular attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. Utilize grammar-checking tools or seek feedback from peers to identify and correct errors. Additionally, practice incorporating varied punctuation marks effectively to enhance clarity and coherence in writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In our contemporary society, some individuals believe that History holds significant importance as an academic subject, while others argue that disciplines such as Science and Technology surpass historical studies in relevance. This essay will discuss both perspectives, with a personal inclination towards the latter view.

On one hand, there are compelling arguments in favor of the study of History. To begin with, exploring historical narratives provides valuable insights into one’s culture and the processes of nation formation and development. Additionally, studying history is not only conducive to understanding time-honored traditions but also to their preservation and transmission to future generations. Moreover, a thorough grasp of history can help individuals avoid repeating past mistakes and inform the formulation of appropriate policies by drawing lessons from historical experiences.

On the other hand, there is a growing tendency to prioritize the exploration of various scientific and technological domains, given their pervasive influence across almost all aspects of human life. It is noteworthy that advancements in science and technology play a central role in making lives more convenient, with applications ranging from daily tasks to long-distance communication facilitated by modern innovations. Furthermore, the continuous development of applied sciences contributes to progress in diverse fields, including academia, scientific research, policymaking, and everyday practicalities. For instance, the advent of e-commerce has revolutionized education, enabling students to access learning materials and participate in online classes from anywhere, transcending the limitations of traditional classroom settings.

In conclusion, while History undoubtedly holds its place as a fundamental subject in school curricula, the growing significance of Science and Technology cannot be overlooked. Both disciplines play pivotal roles in equipping learners with the skills and knowledge necessary to navigate confidently through the world ahead. Therefore, a balanced approach that incorporates both historical studies and scientific exploration is essential in providing students with a comprehensive education suited to the demands of the modern era.