Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people believe that advertising is incredibly flourishing in being persuasive for us to pay for their products. Others consider that we are neglecting advertising due to its familiarity. We will discuss both perspectives in this essay before offering a balanced viewpoint.

Regarding the success of advertising, I acknowledge that the advancement of advertisements has been quite astonishing in the past decade. By adding lively videos and voices to the ad, companies can effortlessly attract viewer's attention to their marketing strategy, but this is not the main factor. In addition, the product they aim to sell in the ad always comes with convincing benefits and advantages, though the effects may not be as magical as what people see on TV. As a result, this method indirectly manipulates the mentality of viewers, thus persuading them to buy the product based on its effect.

However, we should also not deny that advertising is partly facing a downfall as it has become more common in people's lives. By trying to convince viewers to buy their products which they claimed to be useful, many companies were sued due to their deceptive ads. It is apparent that not every medicine can cure sickness, nor every candy is tasty like everything we see on TV. This exaggeration in advertising has led to disappointment in users who chose to believe and pay for what they have seen online and considered useful. Therefore, many people have lost faith in advertising and decided to boycott them. As a consequence, the popularity of advertising has gone through a downgrade in the past few years, it is no longer persuasive and considered redundant and useless by many viewers.

In conclusion, while advertising has been tremendously successful at convincing viewers to afford its product, it has also gone through many scandalous points that may no longer attract any attention from people.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "incredibly flourishing in being persuasive" -> "remarkably effective in persuading"
   Explanation: The phrase "incredibly flourishing in being persuasive" is awkward and unclear. "Remarkably effective in persuading" is more direct and maintains a formal tone suitable for academic writing.

2. "we are neglecting advertising" -> "we are becoming desensitized to advertising"
   Explanation: "Neglecting" implies a lack of attention or care, which is not the intended meaning here. "Becoming desensitized" accurately describes the diminishing impact of advertising on people.

3. "lively videos and voices" -> "engaging visuals and audio"
   Explanation: "Lively" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "Engaging" is more precise and appropriate for describing the effectiveness of advertising elements.

4. "effortlessly attract viewer’s attention" -> "easily capture the viewer’s attention"
   Explanation: "Effortlessly" is informal and imprecise. "Easily" is more formal and suitable for academic contexts.

5. "this is not the main factor" -> "this is not the primary factor"
   Explanation: "Main" is less formal than "primary," which is preferred in academic writing for emphasizing importance.

6. "the product they aim to sell in the ad" -> "the product advertised"
   Explanation: "The product they aim to sell in the ad" is redundant and verbose. "The product advertised" is concise and maintains clarity.

7. "comes with convincing benefits and advantages" -> "offers convincing benefits and advantages"
   Explanation: "Comes with" is less formal and slightly vague. "Offers" is more direct and appropriate for describing the actions of advertising.

8. "magical as what people see on TV" -> "as compelling as those depicted on television"
   Explanation: "Magical" is overly emotional and informal. "Compelling" is more neutral and academically suitable, and "those depicted on television" is more precise than "what people see on TV."

9. "partly facing a downfall" -> "partially declining"
   Explanation: "Facing a downfall" is informal and imprecise. "Partially declining" is more formal and specific.

10. "trying to convince viewers to buy their products which they claimed to be useful" -> "attempting to persuade viewers to purchase products they claim are useful"
    Explanation: "Trying to convince" is informal and slightly vague. "Attempting to persuade" is more formal and precise, and "purchase" is more formal than "buy."

11. "many companies were sued" -> "numerous companies faced legal action"
    Explanation: "Were sued" is somewhat informal and lacks specificity. "Faced legal action" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

12. "not every medicine can cure sickness" -> "not all medicines can cure illnesses"
    Explanation: "Sickness" is less formal and vague. "Illnesses" is the correct plural form and more formal.

13. "every candy is tasty like everything we see on TV" -> "every candy is as appealing as those depicted on television"
    Explanation: "Tasty like everything we see on TV" is informal and lacks precision. "Appealing as those depicted on television" is more formal and specific.

14. "gone through a downgrade" -> "experienced a decline"
    Explanation: "Gone through a downgrade" is informal and unclear. "Experienced a decline" is more precise and formal.

15. "no longer persuasive and considered redundant and useless" -> "no longer effective and viewed as redundant and ineffective"
    Explanation: "Persuasive" and "useless" are too informal and absolute. "Effective" and "ineffective" are more measured and appropriate for academic discourse.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both viewpoints on advertising effectiveness: one side believes advertising is persuasive, while the other argues that people ignore it due to its ubiquity. The author concludes with their own balanced opinion.

  • The essay acknowledges the effectiveness of advertising in persuading consumers, citing techniques like visual appeal and persuasive language. It also discusses the counter-argument that advertising has become so pervasive that people ignore it.

  • However, the response could be strengthened by directly addressing each viewpoint more explicitly in separate paragraphs, ensuring a clear separation between arguments for and against, followed by a well-defined personal opinion.

  • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, explicitly dedicate separate paragraphs to each viewpoint: one focused on the success of advertising in persuading consumers and the other on its increasing ineffectiveness due to saturation. Ensure a clear transition to the author’s balanced view in the conclusion, summarizing the discussion without introducing new arguments.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout by acknowledging both sides of the argument regarding advertising effectiveness and concluding with a balanced perspective.

  • The author’s opinion that advertising is both successful yet facing challenges due to oversaturation is consistently supported throughout the essay.

  • However, to enhance clarity, ensure each body paragraph directly relates back to the author’s stance, reinforcing why they believe advertising is both successful and facing challenges.

  • How to improve: Strengthen clarity by explicitly linking each body paragraph to the author’s stance. Use topic sentences that clearly state the perspective being discussed (e.g., "While advertising is undeniably successful, its pervasive nature has led to…"). This will help maintain a clear and consistent position throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas with examples but could benefit from further development and support.

  • Examples such as the use of persuasive techniques in advertising (e.g., visual appeal, persuasive language) are provided but are somewhat generalized. Specific instances or studies could strengthen the argument.

  • The essay discusses the negative consequences of deceptive advertising, providing a compelling argument against its effectiveness.

  • How to improve: Extend the essay by including more specific examples or case studies to illustrate points about advertising effectiveness. Develop arguments further by exploring nuanced aspects of advertising’s impact on consumer behavior. This will enrich the essay and provide more robust support for the presented ideas.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally veers into broader discussions not directly related to the prompt.

  • While the essay primarily discusses advertising’s persuasive power versus its oversaturation, there are moments where the focus shifts to general issues with advertising (e.g., lawsuits against deceptive ads).

  • Ensure that all points directly relate back to the prompt’s core question about advertising’s effectiveness and consumer perception.

  • How to improve: Maintain focus by consistently tying arguments back to the prompt’s specific questions. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to evaluating the effectiveness of advertising in persuading consumers. This will ensure a more coherent and focused response.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively discusses various aspects of advertising’s impact. By refining the structure to explicitly address each viewpoint, reinforcing the author’s stance with clear connections in each paragraph, enriching examples with specific details, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at organization. It starts with a clear introduction outlining the two opposing views and the author’s stance. However, there is a tendency towards repetition and lack of clear progression in the body paragraphs. The first body paragraph discusses the success of advertising, while the second focuses on its drawbacks. The conclusion briefly summarizes these points without adding new information.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each body paragraph develops a distinct aspect of the topic. For instance, the first paragraph could focus solely on the effectiveness of advertising, supported by specific examples or data. The second paragraph should then explore the negative impacts or criticisms of advertising in more detail. Avoid repetitive phrases and aim for a clear progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, but they are somewhat uneven in length and clarity of focus. Each paragraph attempts to address a separate aspect of advertising but could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more cohesive development. For instance, the second paragraph could be split into two paragraphs—one focusing on the deceptive nature of ads and the other on loss of trust and boycotts.
  • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea of the paragraph. Develop each idea fully with relevant examples or explanations. Consider restructuring paragraphs to maintain focus and coherence within each.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses basic cohesive devices such as "however," "therefore," and "in conclusion" to link ideas between sentences and paragraphs. While these devices are used, they are somewhat repetitive and could be more varied to enhance coherence. Additionally, transitions between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother.
  • How to improve: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices such as "furthermore," "on the other hand," "despite," etc., to show more sophisticated linking of ideas. Ensure these devices are used appropriately and sparingly to avoid overuse. Work on improving the flow between sentences and paragraphs by using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the task and presents a clear stance, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. These suggestions aim to enhance clarity and coherence, ultimately improving the overall effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, including terms like "flourishing," "astonishing," "manipulates," "deceptive," and "exaggeration." These words are generally appropriate and contribute to the development of the arguments.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety further, consider incorporating more precise and nuanced vocabulary related to advertising and persuasion. For instance, using terms like "coercive tactics," "subliminal messaging," or "consumer psychology" could add depth and specificity to the discussion. Also, diversifying lexical choices beyond basic adjectives and verbs to include specialized terminology can elevate the sophistication of the analysis.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with moderate precision. For instance, terms like "advancement," "manipulates," and "deceptive" are used effectively to convey specific meanings related to advertising and its impact. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, phrases such as "this is not the main factor" could be replaced with more precise terms like "secondary influence" or "ancillary factor" to strengthen clarity and specificity.
  • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by consistently selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. This can be achieved by using domain-specific vocabulary and avoiding vague or overused terms. Proofreading with a focus on vocabulary precision can help identify areas for improvement.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally adequate. Common words are spelled correctly, such as "persuasive," "astonishing," and "deceptive." However, there are some minor errors, such as "due to its familiarity" (could improve with "due to familiarity") and "considered redundant and useless" (could improve with "deemed redundant and useless").
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider using spell-check tools while writing and proofreading carefully for common errors. Practicing writing under timed conditions with a focus on correct spelling can also help in maintaining accuracy under pressure.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in vocabulary usage and spelling, which aligns with a Band 6 score for Lexical Resource. To achieve a higher score, focus on expanding the range of vocabulary with more specialized terms and consistently aiming for precise and accurate word choices throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at utilizing various sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout. For instance, there are simple declarative sentences ("Some people believe that advertising is incredibly flourishing…"), compound sentences ("Regarding the success of advertising, I acknowledge that… but this is not the main factor"), and complex sentences with subordinate clauses ("However, we should also not deny that advertising is partly facing a downfall…"). These structures contribute to clarity and coherence in presenting arguments.
  • How to improve: To enhance variety, consider integrating more complex sentence structures with embedded clauses or using rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion for emphasis. Also, ensure that each sentence structure choice aligns closely with the intended meaning to avoid unnecessary complexity.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy with minor errors. For example, "in being persuasive for us to pay for their products" could be revised to "in persuading us to buy their products." Punctuation is generally correct but occasional errors in comma placement ("By adding lively videos and voices to the ad, companies can effortlessly attract viewer’s attention to their marketing strategy, but this is not the main factor.") detract slightly from clarity.
  • How to improve: Focus on eliminating minor errors in articles (e.g., "the ad" instead of "ad") and prepositions. Pay close attention to comma usage to ensure it enhances readability and clarity. Review the use of complex sentence structures to ensure they are correctly punctuated, particularly around coordinating and subordinating conjunctions.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of varied sentence structures and generally accurate grammar and punctuation, attention to refining these elements further will support achieving a higher band score. Integrating more sophisticated sentence constructions and meticulous proofreading for grammatical accuracy and punctuation will enhance the overall coherence and effectiveness of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some argue that advertising is remarkably effective in persuading us to purchase their products, while others contend that we are becoming desensitized to its presence. Both perspectives merit consideration.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that advertising has evolved significantly in recent years. With engaging visuals and audio, advertisements can easily capture the viewer’s attention. However, the mere novelty of these elements is not the primary factor. The product advertised typically offers convincing benefits and advantages, though these may not be as compelling as those depicted on television. Consequently, advertising subtly influences consumer attitudes, encouraging purchases based on perceived effectiveness.

On the other hand, there is a growing perception that advertising’s impact is partially declining due to its ubiquity. Attempting to persuade viewers to purchase products they claim are useful has resulted in numerous companies facing legal action for deceptive practices. It is evident that not all medicines can cure illnesses or every candy is as appealing as those depicted on television. This exaggeration has led to disillusionment among consumers who feel misled by online advertisements. Consequently, trust in advertising has experienced a decline, with many viewers now viewing it as redundant and ineffective.

In conclusion, while advertising has been remarkably effective at persuading consumers, its ubiquity and occasional deceptive practices have led to skepticism and decreased effectiveness. As consumers become more discerning and demand transparency, the future of advertising lies in ethical practices that prioritize honesty and genuine consumer benefit.