some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Advertising has an ubiquitous presence in our daily lives and many companies spend millions of dollars on advertising to enhance their reputation and sales. Some individuals concern that advertising is so commonplace that people no longer take notice of it, whereas others opine that it still has a powerful impact on customers' behaviours . In this essay, i will analyze both perspectives and present my standpoint on this matter.
On the one hand, the proliferation of commercials might make buyers loose their interest. Nowadays, advertisements become more and more popular in everyday lives. People can easily come across advertisements on social media, advertising posters or leaflets on public transports. Hence, no more people feel inquisitive about these things and often ignore them. Furthermore, many producers launch mass advertising campaigns with the same approach or contents with others which might make people get bored then pay no attention to them.
On the other hand, i would contend that advertising absolutely succeeds in convincing customers to purchase things. Admittedly, advertising is the most effective way to promote their newly-released products to common populace. Through advertisements, ,customers can have a deeper insight into brand's commodities including ingredients, contents, subjects of use which can earn their trust to buy things. Moreover, in advertising industry, manufacturers often understand customer psychology so they implement some marketing strategies such as creating crow effect or offering discount vouchers . This would enable their goods to access more potential consumers and persuade them to buy them.
In conclusion, although both views certainly have some validity, it would be safely deduced that the ubiquitous emergence of advertising plays a key role in stimulating customers to trust on and purchase products rather than making people loose their interest.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals concern" -> "Some individuals are concerned"
Explanation: The verb "concern" should be in the passive form "are concerned" to correctly express the state of being worried or interested in the matter, aligning with formal academic style.
"opine" -> "believe"
Explanation: "Opine" is a less common and somewhat archaic term; "believe" is more straightforward and commonly used in academic writing.
"i" -> "I"
Explanation: Capitalization is necessary for proper nouns and the first-person singular pronoun in English.
"loose" -> "lose"
Explanation: "Loose" is an adjective meaning not tight or free, whereas "lose" is the correct verb meaning to misplace or fail to retain something.
"ubiquitous" -> "widespread"
Explanation: While "ubiquitous" is not incorrect, "widespread" is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe something that is common or prevalent.
"come across" -> "encounter"
Explanation: "Come across" is informal and slightly vague; "encounter" is more precise and formal.
"no more people feel inquisitive" -> "fewer people feel inquisitive"
Explanation: "No more" is incorrect; "fewer" is the correct comparative form for quantities that can be counted.
"often ignore them" -> "often disregard them"
Explanation: "Disregard" is more formal and precise than "ignore" in an academic context.
"launch mass advertising campaigns" -> "conduct extensive advertising campaigns"
Explanation: "Launch" can imply a sudden or initial action; "conduct" is more appropriate for ongoing or repeated actions like advertising campaigns.
"with the same approach or contents with others" -> "with similar approaches or content"
Explanation: The phrase "with the same approach or contents with others" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Similar approaches or content" is clearer and grammatically correct.
"get bored then pay no attention to them" -> "become bored and pay no attention to them"
Explanation: "Get bored" is informal and less precise; "become bored" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"i would contend" -> "I would contend"
Explanation: Capitalization is necessary for proper nouns and the first-person singular pronoun in English.
"common populace" -> "general public"
Explanation: "Common populace" is awkward and unclear; "general public" is a standard term in formal writing.
"customers can have a deeper insight into brand’s commodities" -> "customers can gain a deeper understanding of the brand’s products"
Explanation: "Commodities" is not the correct term here; "products" is the appropriate noun. Also, "gain a deeper understanding" is more formal and precise than "have a deeper insight."
"earn their trust to buy things" -> "gain their trust and encourage them to purchase"
Explanation: "Earn their trust to buy things" is awkward and informal; "gain their trust and encourage them to purchase" is more formal and flows better.
"implement some marketing strategies such as creating crow effect" -> "employ various marketing strategies, such as creating a crowd effect"
Explanation: "Implement" is correct, but "crow effect" should be "crowd effect" for accuracy. Also, "employ" is more formal than "use" in this context.
"to access more potential consumers" -> "to reach a broader consumer base"
Explanation: "Access more potential consumers" is vague; "reach a broader consumer base" is more specific and formal.
"make people loose their interest" -> "cause people to lose interest"
Explanation: "Loose" is incorrect; "lose" is the correct verb form. Also, "cause people to lose interest" is more formal and grammatically correct.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views as required by the prompt. It discusses the viewpoint that advertising is pervasive but ignored by many, and counters with the perspective that advertising remains influential in shaping consumer behavior.
- The introduction acknowledges both sides: the ubiquity of advertising and its potential to be ignored, and its effectiveness in persuading consumers.
- Throughout the body paragraphs, both perspectives are presented. The first body paragraph discusses how advertising may become unnoticed due to its saturation in daily life. The second paragraph argues for the effectiveness of advertising in influencing consumer decisions.
- The conclusion summarizes both viewpoints but leans towards advertising’s effectiveness.
- How to improve: Ensure a more balanced presentation of both viewpoints. The essay leans slightly towards the effectiveness of advertising; to improve, provide stronger evidence or counterarguments for the viewpoint that advertising is ignored.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance that advertising remains effective in persuading consumers.
- The position is clear from the beginning and consistently supported throughout the essay with examples such as advertising strategies and consumer psychology.
- However, it could benefit from acknowledging more explicitly the viewpoint that advertising is ignored and providing stronger counterarguments against it.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of the position by directly addressing counterarguments and providing more balanced support for both perspectives.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately but lacks depth in supporting examples.
- Ideas are introduced with examples like social media advertisements and marketing strategies, but these examples are somewhat general and could benefit from more specific details or studies.
- The second body paragraph attempts to support the argument with examples of marketing strategies, but they are not elaborated upon sufficiently.
- How to improve: Provide more specific examples and elaborate on how these examples support the argument. Include statistics, case studies, or real-world examples to bolster the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally strays into vague or repetitive language.
- Some parts of the essay use imprecise language ("ubiquitous emergence of advertising") and repetitive phrases ("advertising absolutely succeeds"), which could be refined for clarity.
- The conclusion briefly veers off topic by summarizing rather than concluding with a strong final stance.
- How to improve: Maintain focus by using precise language and avoiding unnecessary repetition. Ensure the conclusion reinforces the main argument without introducing new points.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and adequately addresses the task requirements. To improve, focus on providing more detailed support for ideas, balancing the presentation of both viewpoints, and refining language for clarity and precision.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at organizing information. It begins with an introduction that outlines both perspectives, followed by separate paragraphs discussing each viewpoint. However, there are some issues with coherence. For instance, the transition from discussing the negative impact of advertising to its effectiveness lacks clarity. Additionally, the conclusion could better summarize the main points discussed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure each paragraph focuses clearly on one aspect of the topic. Start paragraphs with topic sentences that guide the reader through the argument. Use transition words and phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "However," "In conclusion") to clearly signal shifts between different viewpoints and sections of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: Paragraphs are used, but their structure could be improved. There are instances of run-on sentences that could be broken into smaller, more manageable paragraphs. The third paragraph, for example, could be divided into two or more paragraphs to better organize ideas.
- How to improve: Aim for a clear topic sentence at the start of each paragraph that previews the main idea. Ensure each paragraph focuses on developing a single main point or argument related to the overall thesis. Use transitions between paragraphs to maintain coherence and guide the reader through the essay’s argument effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices (e.g., "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "in conclusion"), but there is room for improvement. Greater variety and more sophisticated use of cohesive devices such as pronouns ("these things," "them") and conjunctions (e.g., "furthermore," "moreover") would strengthen coherence.
- How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices to create stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, use pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas and conjunctions to link sentences logically. Additionally, consider using more advanced cohesive devices like parallel structure and transitional adverbs to improve the flow of ideas throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a clear attempt to address the prompt and organize its ideas, improving coherence through clearer paragraph structure and more varied use of cohesive devices will enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument. These adjustments can help elevate the essay to a higher band score for Coherence and Cohesion in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with attempts at varied expressions such as "ubiquitous presence," "proliferation," "inquisitive," "admittedly," and "stimulating." However, some phrases are repetitive ("more and more," "through advertisements") and there is occasional imprecision ("common populace" instead of "general public").
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms and more nuanced vocabulary choices. For instance, instead of "more and more," opt for "increasingly," and replace "common populace" with "general public" for clarity and precision. Reviewing synonyms and antonyms related to key terms can enrich expression.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While there is an attempt to use precise vocabulary ("ubiquitous presence," "proliferation"), some expressions lack precision ("common populace" instead of "general public," "customers" instead of "consumers"). The phrase "customers to purchase things" could be more specific.
- How to improve: Aim for more specific and accurate word choices. For example, replace "customers" with "consumers" and "purchase things" with "make purchases," which sounds more formal and precise. Ensure that each word used contributes clearly to the intended meaning of the sentence.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: There are several spelling errors throughout the essay, such as "loose" instead of "lose," "producers" instead of "producers," and inconsistent use of capitalization ("advertising" vs. "Advertising"). These errors affect readability and coherence.
- How to improve: Proofread carefully to correct spelling errors. Using spell-check tools and reading aloud can help identify and rectify these issues. Additionally, pay attention to capitalization rules for consistency.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary and attempts to address the essay prompt comprehensively, improving lexical precision, range, and spelling accuracy will elevate the quality of expression and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and some complex sentences. However, there is a tendency towards repetitive sentence structures, which can diminish the overall impact and clarity of ideas. For instance, there are instances of sentence fragments ("On the one hand," "On the other hand,") that could be integrated more smoothly into complete sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence forms such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, and passive voice constructions where appropriate. This can add nuance and depth to your arguments. Additionally, strive for coherence by ensuring each sentence flows logically into the next, avoiding abrupt transitions that may confuse the reader.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: While generally coherent, the essay demonstrates inconsistencies in grammatical accuracy and punctuation. There are instances of incorrect verb forms ("become more and more popular," "make buyers loose their interest"), inconsistent use of capitalization ("Social media"), and punctuation errors (missing commas before coordinating conjunctions like "but" and "and").
- How to improve: Focus on refining your grammatical accuracy by reviewing verb conjugations, subject-verb agreement, and correct use of punctuation marks such as commas and periods. Consider using proofreading techniques to catch these errors before finalizing your essay. Paying attention to these details will enhance the clarity and professionalism of your writing, thereby improving overall readability and coherence.

In summary, while your essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents coherent arguments, refining the variety of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy and punctuation consistency will elevate the clarity and sophistication of your writing to achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Advertising has an ubiquitous presence in our daily lives, and many companies spend millions of dollars on it to enhance their reputation and sales. Some individuals believe that advertising is so commonplace that people no longer pay attention to it, while others argue that it still significantly influences customer behavior. In this essay, I will analyze both perspectives and present my standpoint on this matter.

On the one hand, the widespread nature of advertisements may cause people to lose interest. Nowadays, advertisements are prevalent in everyday life, appearing on social media, posters, and public transport leaflets. Consequently, fewer people feel curious about them and often disregard them. Moreover, many companies conduct extensive advertising campaigns with similar approaches or content, which can lead to boredom and lack of attention from the general public.

On the other hand, I would contend that advertising does indeed succeed in persuading customers to make purchases. Undoubtedly, advertising serves as a highly effective tool to introduce new products to the public. Through advertisements, customers can gain a deeper understanding of a brand’s products, including their ingredients, uses, and benefits, which can foster trust and encourage purchases. Furthermore, companies in the advertising industry often employ various marketing strategies, such as creating a crowd effect or offering discounts, to reach a broader consumer base and stimulate purchasing decisions.

In conclusion, while both views have merit, it is evident that advertising plays a crucial role in influencing customers’ trust and purchasing behaviors. Despite concerns about its ubiquitous presence leading to indifference, well-executed advertising campaigns can effectively engage consumers and drive sales. Therefore, I believe that advertising remains a powerful force in modern consumer culture, capable of shaping perceptions and driving consumer choices.