Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is believed that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. However, other people think that is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. In my opinion, I think that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things but in this essay, I will discuss both views on this phenomenon.

On the one hand, there are some reasons for the loss of interest among audiences. In the late five years, the advertisements had begun to connect with the actors to make the advertisements as films. For people who often watch television, they can find some similarities between the film and the ads. It can become boring when we watch too many advertisements that have the same plots which make many audiences remember how the next step will be.

On the other hand, there are many reasons for the success of advertisements to attract the audiences' attention. First of all, with the widespread use of social media nowadays, the ads are becoming more creative and more convenient than those five years ago. For example, when we watch an interesting advertisement, we can search them on the internet and read the information of the item, reviews, feedback and so on. Secondly, people now are more creative and the demand of users is continuously increasing. There are more beautiful, necessary and modern items that notice the users and make the customers interested in them. Understanding the thoughts of children is also very useful because children are now more modern than those in the past, they can be attracted by colorful toys and make their parents buy these for them.

To sum up, some advertisements are very successful at persuading us to buy things, but some are very boring and can not make people pay attention to them. From my standpoint, it is obvious that advertising industry are becoming much more attractive day by day

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is believed that" -> "It is widely acknowledged that"
   Explanation: "It is widely acknowledged that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a general opinion or belief in academic writing, enhancing the tone and credibility of the statement.

2. "extremely successful" -> "highly effective"
   Explanation: "Highly effective" is a more academically appropriate term than "extremely successful," which can sound overly emotional and informal in this context.

3. "I think that" -> "I contend that"
   Explanation: "I contend that" is a more assertive and formal expression, suitable for academic writing, compared to the more casual "I think that."

4. "is so common that we no longer pay attention to it" -> "has become so ubiquitous that it is often ignored"
   Explanation: "Has become so ubiquitous that it is often ignored" uses more precise vocabulary and avoids the contraction "it’s," aligning better with formal academic style.

5. "In the late five years" -> "In the past five years"
   Explanation: "In the past five years" is grammatically correct and clearer than "In the late five years," which is incorrect and confusing.

6. "the advertisements had begun to connect with the actors" -> "advertisements began partnering with actors"
   Explanation: "Begun partnering with" is a more direct and formal way to express the action of collaboration, improving the sentence structure and clarity.

7. "make the advertisements as films" -> "transform the advertisements into films"
   Explanation: "Transform the advertisements into films" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "make the advertisements as films."

8. "It can become boring" -> "It may become tedious"
   Explanation: "It may become tedious" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express the potential for something to become dull or uninteresting.

9. "which make many audiences remember how the next step will be" -> "which leads many viewers to anticipate the next step"
   Explanation: "Leads many viewers to anticipate the next step" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague and informal "remember how the next step will be."

10. "the ads are becoming more creative and more convenient" -> "advertisements are becoming more innovative and more accessible"
    Explanation: "Advertisements are becoming more innovative and more accessible" uses more precise and formal vocabulary suitable for academic writing.

11. "the demand of users is continuously increasing" -> "user demand is continually increasing"
    Explanation: "User demand is continually increasing" is a more concise and formal way to express the ongoing growth in demand.

12. "There are more beautiful, necessary and modern items" -> "There are more aesthetically pleasing, essential, and modern products"
    Explanation: "Aesthetically pleasing, essential, and modern products" uses more precise and formal adjectives, enhancing the academic tone.

13. "notice the users and make the customers interested in them" -> "capture the attention of users and pique the interest of customers"
    Explanation: "Capture the attention of users and pique the interest of customers" is a more formal and precise way to describe how products engage with their audience.

14. "Understanding the thoughts of children is also very useful" -> "Understanding children’s preferences is also highly beneficial"
    Explanation: "Understanding children’s preferences is also highly beneficial" uses more precise language and avoids the informal "thoughts," which is less specific in this context.

15. "they can be attracted by colorful toys" -> "they are drawn to colorful toys"
    Explanation: "They are drawn to colorful toys" is a more formal and concise way to express the attraction of children to toys.

16. "it is obvious that advertising industry are becoming much more attractive day by day" -> "it is evident that the advertising industry is becoming increasingly attractive day by day"
    Explanation: "It is evident that the advertising industry is becoming increasingly attractive day by day" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language, enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to discuss both viewpoints regarding advertising effectiveness: one side arguing it persuades successfully, while the other asserts that people are immune to it. The author’s opinion, though stated, lacks a comprehensive exploration throughout the essay.
  • The essay acknowledges both perspectives briefly but does not delve deeply into each viewpoint. For instance, it mentions reasons why people might ignore ads (repetitive plots) and why ads succeed (social media and creative content), but lacks depth and analysis.
  • How to improve: To enhance task response, the essay should offer a more balanced and nuanced exploration of both views. Rather than superficially mentioning reasons, provide specific examples or studies that illustrate the impact of advertising on consumer behavior. Ensure the opinion is integrated more cohesively throughout the essay, perhaps by linking it explicitly to the discussed viewpoints.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The author’s position is stated in the introduction ("advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things"), and reiterated briefly in the conclusion ("advertising industry are becoming much more attractive"). However, the essay occasionally veers off-topic, discussing factors like children’s preferences without connecting them directly to the main argument.
  • The position is generally clear but could be strengthened by consistently linking each argument and example back to this central thesis. There are instances where the essay diverges into tangential points (e.g., children’s preferences) which dilute the clarity of the stance.
  • How to improve: Focus on maintaining a clear and consistent argument throughout the essay. Each paragraph should directly support the thesis that advertising is either effective or ineffective in persuading consumers. Avoid introducing new ideas that do not directly contribute to reinforcing this main viewpoint.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas such as repetitive advertising plots and the influence of social media on creativity. However, these ideas lack elaboration and critical analysis. For example, while social media is mentioned as a platform for creative advertising, there is no discussion on specific campaigns or their impact.
  • The ideas are somewhat presented but lack depth and detailed exploration. The examples provided are not sufficiently analyzed to demonstrate a thorough understanding or critical engagement with the topic.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the essay by expanding on each idea with specific examples and evidence. Analyze how these examples illustrate the broader argument about advertising effectiveness. Incorporate relevant statistics or case studies to substantiate claims about the impact of advertising on consumer behavior.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally adheres to the topic of advertising effectiveness, but there are instances where it veers into discussions about children’s preferences without clear relevance to the main argument about advertising’s impact on consumers.
  • While the majority of the essay focuses on advertising effectiveness, there are tangential points (e.g., children’s preferences) that distract from the main topic. These diversions detract from maintaining a laser focus on the prompt.
  • How to improve: Maintain strict relevance to the prompt throughout the essay. Ensure that every paragraph and example directly contributes to the discussion of whether advertising successfully persuades consumers or not. Avoid introducing unrelated topics that do not serve to enhance the central argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and attempts to discuss both sides of the issue, it would benefit from deeper analysis, more focused argumentation, and tighter organization to achieve a higher band score for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It attempts to present both views on advertising, starting with the idea that advertising is persuasive but commonplace, followed by arguments for each viewpoint. However, the progression between ideas is somewhat abrupt, lacking smooth transitions between paragraphs. For instance, the shift from discussing reasons for audience disinterest to reasons for advertising success could be better connected.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the main topic of the paragraph. Using linking words and phrases (e.g., "on the other hand", "furthermore", "to sum up") would help guide the reader through the essay’s structure more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different points of discussion. However, paragraph structure varies in effectiveness. Some paragraphs lack a clear topic sentence, making it difficult to discern the main idea at the outset. For example, the second paragraph about audience disinterest could be more focused with a stronger opening sentence that clearly introduces the reasons for this phenomenon.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point of that paragraph. This helps readers quickly understand the focus and progression of ideas. Additionally, ensuring each paragraph maintains a single cohesive theme would strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses basic cohesive devices such as "however", "first of all", and "to sum up" to link ideas and paragraphs. While these are correctly used, their application is somewhat limited. More sophisticated cohesive devices such as pronouns ("these", "those"), synonyms, and parallel structures could be integrated more effectively to enhance coherence.
  • How to improve: Introducing a wider variety of cohesive devices would improve the flow and coherence of the essay. For instance, replacing repetitive phrasing with synonyms or using parallel sentence structures would create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, using cohesive devices within paragraphs to connect sentences would strengthen the internal coherence of each argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the essay prompt and presents coherent ideas, there is room for improvement in structuring paragraphs more clearly and using a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the logical flow and coherence of the essay. These enhancements would help elevate the coherence and cohesion score to a higher band level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is a mix of general and somewhat specific terms such as "advertising," "successful," "persuading," "common," "interest," "audiences," "creative," "convenient," "modern," and "attractive." However, there is a lack of more sophisticated vocabulary or nuanced expressions that could elevate the lexical richness of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider incorporating more precise and varied vocabulary related to advertising and persuasion. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "successful," explore synonyms like "effective," "impactful," or "compelling." Introduce domain-specific terms like "consumer behavior," "marketing strategies," or "target demographics" where appropriate. This will add depth and sophistication to your discussion.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately but occasionally lacks precision. For example, the phrase "late five years" could be clearer with "recent years" or "the past five years." Additionally, terms like "modern items" and "beautiful" could benefit from more specific descriptors to avoid ambiguity.
  • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by using vocabulary that accurately reflects your intended meaning. Replace general terms with more specific ones where possible. For instance, instead of "modern items," specify whether you mean "technologically advanced products" or "contemporary goods." This clarity enhances both precision and reader comprehension.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays adequate spelling accuracy with few errors. Notable errors include "late five years" (should be "recent five years" or "past five years"), and "notice the users" (should be "attract the attention of users"). However, these errors do not significantly detract from overall readability.
  • How to improve: Maintain focus on proofreading to catch minor errors and inconsistencies. Practice using tools like spell checkers or asking someone else to review your writing for spelling accuracy. Developing a habit of reviewing your work systematically can help to eliminate such errors.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a sufficient level of vocabulary and spelling accuracy to achieve a Band 6 in Lexical Resource, further improvement can be achieved by enhancing the range and precision of vocabulary used. This can be achieved through deliberate practice in selecting more specific terms and proofreading thoroughly to ensure accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, with attempts at variety such as conditional sentences ("if…then"), comparisons, and basic connecting phrases. However, there is a tendency towards repetitive sentence structures and some sentences lack complexity, which limits the essay’s fluency and sophistication.
  • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and effectiveness of the essay, aim to incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures. Introduce more complex sentences, such as those with subordinate clauses or inverted word order for emphasis. Utilize rhetorical questions, passive voice constructions, and vary the lengths of sentences to improve flow and engage the reader more effectively.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains fairly accurate grammar and punctuation throughout. There are some instances of minor errors, such as incorrect tense usage ("In the late five years"), inconsistent subject-verb agreement ("ads are becoming"), and awkward phrasing ("it is obvious that advertising industry are becoming"). Punctuation is generally correct, but there are occasional errors in comma usage and sentence structure.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on reviewing and correcting tense consistency and subject-verb agreement. Pay attention to singular/plural forms and ensure verbs agree with their subjects. Additionally, refine punctuation skills, particularly regarding commas for clarity and sentence structure coherence. Practice constructing sentences with clear subject-object relationships to avoid confusion and enhance readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates proficiency in grammar and a moderate range of sentence structures, further diversification of sentence structures and meticulous attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation would elevate the essay’s coherence and sophistication to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that advertising is highly effective in persuading us to buy things. However, some argue that it has become so common that we no longer pay attention to it. In this essay, I will discuss both views on this phenomenon.

On the one hand, there are reasons why some people may lose interest in advertisements. In the past five years, advertisements began partnering with actors to transform the advertisements into films. This trend leads many viewers to anticipate the next step, creating a sense of predictability. When advertisements follow similar plots repeatedly, it can become tedious for frequent television viewers.

On the other hand, there are compelling reasons why advertising continues to succeed in capturing audience attention. Firstly, with the widespread use of social media, advertisements have become more creative and accessible compared to five years ago. For instance, when viewers encounter an intriguing advertisement, they can easily search for more information about the product online, including reviews and feedback. Secondly, consumer demands are evolving, prompting advertisers to innovate with more appealing and modern products. Understanding children’s preferences is particularly crucial as modern kids are drawn to vibrant toys, influencing their parents’ purchasing decisions.

In conclusion, while some advertisements fail to engage viewers due to repetitive content, others effectively persuade consumers to make purchases. From my standpoint, it is clear that the advertising industry is continuously evolving, becoming increasingly captivating over time.