Some people say that advertising is extremely successful in persuading us to buy things . Others think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it

In today’s modern society, advertising is a method that businesses often use to successfully persuade customers to buy them. It is considered that this strategy is a success, while some refuse it. Hence, this essay will discuss both views and provide my own opinion on this statement.

On the one hand, it is a common practice that businesses use to convince customers to buy their goods. This phenomenon is shown clearly when there are special offers that are publicized largely such as limited deals and discount. Customers are tended to go to those stores which contain good deals, resulting in a successful advertisement. Moreover, they are persuaded by advertisements which include compliments or appearances of famous influencers or celebrities. Those are people who contain a large number of fans, obviously increasing sales through advertisements.

On the other hand, it is unavoidable that many people ignore the advent of advertisements on TV and bill board because of the waste of time and annoyance. Ads that they usually see on any social networking platforms are seemed to be annoying and unnecessary. Thus, it maintains an obstacle to them and people will skip it. In addition, ads contain unsuitable product canvase, attracting customers, resulting in low sales, and lesser income. As Consequently, the strategy fails and it leads to heavy money loss.

In conclusion, I think that advertisements is still a great method of businesses to raise their profit, although many refuse it.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In today’s modern society" -> "In contemporary society"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and academically formal term than "modern," which can sound somewhat dated and less specific in this context.
"successfully persuade" -> "effectively persuade"
Explanation: "Effectively" is a more precise term in academic writing than "successfully," as it specifically refers to the outcome of an action, which is more relevant to the context of persuasion.
"It is considered that this strategy is a success" -> "This strategy is considered successful"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and unclear. Reordering the words clarifies the meaning and improves the sentence structure.
"some refuse it" -> "some oppose it"
Explanation: "Oppose" is more specific and appropriate in an academic context than "refuse," which can imply a personal rejection rather than a disagreement with an idea.
"a common practice that businesses use to convince customers" -> "a common practice employed by businesses to convince customers"
Explanation: Adding "employed by" clarifies the agency and provides a more formal tone.
"This phenomenon is shown clearly when" -> "This phenomenon is evident in"
Explanation: "Is evident in" is a more formal and precise way to describe the observation of a phenomenon.
"Customers are tended to go to those stores" -> "Customers tend to visit those stores"
Explanation: "Tend to" is grammatically correct and more natural in this context, replacing the awkward and incorrect "are tended to."
"compliments or appearances of famous influencers or celebrities" -> "endorsements by famous influencers or celebrities"
Explanation: "Endorsements" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "compliments," which is too informal and vague.
"contain a large number of fans" -> "have a large following"
Explanation: "Have a large following" is a more precise and formal way to describe the number of people who support or admire a celebrity.
"it is unavoidable that many people ignore" -> "it is inevitable that many people disregard"
Explanation: "Inevitable" is more formal and precise than "unavoidable," and "disregard" is a more academic term than "ignore."
"waste of time and annoyance" -> "time-consuming and annoying"
Explanation: "Time-consuming and annoying" is a more concise and formal way to describe the negative aspects of advertisements.
"seemed to be annoying and unnecessary" -> "are perceived as annoying and unnecessary"
Explanation: "Are perceived as" is more formal and precise than "seemed to be," which is less definitive and less formal.
"maintains an obstacle to them" -> "poses an obstacle to them"
Explanation: "Poses" is the correct verb to use in this context, indicating the action of presenting an obstacle.
"contain unsuitable product canvase" -> "feature unsuitable product displays"
Explanation: "Feature" is the correct verb for describing the presentation of products, and "displays" is more specific than "canvase," which is incorrect and unclear.
"raising their profit" -> "increasing their profits"
Explanation: "Increasing their profits" is grammatically correct and more formal than "raising their profit," which is singular and less precise.
"although many refuse it" -> "although many oppose it"
Explanation: "Oppose" is more specific and appropriate in an academic context than "refuse," which can imply a personal rejection rather than a disagreement with an idea.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument regarding the effectiveness of advertising. However, it lacks depth in exploring the nuances of each viewpoint. For instance, while the essay mentions that advertisements can persuade customers through discounts and celebrity endorsements, it does not provide specific examples or statistics to substantiate these claims. Additionally, the counterargument about people ignoring advertisements is mentioned but not elaborated upon, leaving the reader wanting more detail on why this occurs.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should ensure that each part of the question is thoroughly explored. Including specific examples, such as case studies or data on advertising effectiveness, would strengthen the argument. Furthermore, dedicating more space to discussing the reasons behind the counterargument would provide a more balanced view.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position of the author is somewhat clear in the conclusion, where they state that advertising is a great method for businesses. However, the essay lacks a consistent stance throughout. The introduction suggests a discussion of both views but does not clearly indicate the author’s own opinion until the end. This can lead to confusion about the author’s perspective.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should state their opinion more explicitly in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" at strategic points can help clarify the author’s stance. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph ties back to the central argument will enhance coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to advertising’s effectiveness and its drawbacks, but these ideas are not fully developed. For example, the mention of celebrity endorsements is a good point, but it lacks further exploration of how this specifically impacts consumer behavior. The supporting details are often vague and lack concrete evidence, which weakens the overall argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing examples, citing studies, or using anecdotes that illustrate the points being made. Each paragraph should ideally contain a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details that are relevant and well-explained.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing advertising and its effects on consumer behavior. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing "unsuitable product canvases," which is not clearly defined or relevant to the main argument. This can distract from the central discussion of advertising effectiveness.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. Avoiding vague terms and ensuring that all examples are relevant to the argument will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, a clear outline before writing can assist in maintaining a logical flow of ideas.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the essay needs to be more comprehensive, coherent, and well-supported. Expanding on ideas, providing specific examples, and maintaining a clear position throughout will significantly enhance the quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views on advertising. The body paragraphs are divided into two sections, each addressing one perspective. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the effectiveness of advertising, providing examples like special offers and celebrity endorsements. The second paragraph shifts to the counterargument, discussing how people often ignore ads. This logical division aids in understanding the argument. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to signal a shift in perspective. For example, phrases like "Conversely," or "On the other hand," can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly. Additionally, summarizing the main point of each paragraph at the end could reinforce the logical progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more developed; for instance, the second body paragraph could benefit from more specific examples or elaboration on why certain ads are ignored.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Following the topic sentence, provide supporting details and examples that elaborate on the point being made. This will not only strengthen the argument but also enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to delineate contrasting views. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "As Consequently" is awkward and disrupts the flow of the sentence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," "However," and "For instance." Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly; for example, "Consequently" should not be preceded by "As." Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can help improve fluency and coherence in writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on logical transitions, developing paragraphs more fully, and diversifying cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "persuade," "strategy," "phenomenon," and "annoyance." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "successful advertisement" and "good deals." This limits the overall lexical variety and sophistication expected at higher band scores.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "successful," alternatives like "effective," "impactful," or "persuasive" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "promotional strategies" or "consumer engagement" can add depth.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "customers to buy them" is unclear; it should specify what "them" refers to (e.g., "customers to buy their products"). Similarly, "ads contain unsuitable product canvase" is vague and could confuse readers.
- How to improve: The writer should aim for clarity and specificity in word choice. Instead of "unsuitable product canvase," a more precise term like "misleading advertisements" or "irrelevant product promotions" would enhance understanding. Encouraging the use of contextually appropriate phrases will help convey ideas more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "canvase" (should be "canvas"), "tended" (should be "tend"), and "advertisements is" (should be "advertisements are"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or writing software can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicate an attempt to structure arguments clearly. However, the overall range is somewhat limited, with many sentences following a similar pattern, which can make the writing feel repetitive. Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, such as "Customers are tended to go to those stores which contain good deals," which could be more naturally phrased.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using more complex sentences that incorporate clauses, such as relative clauses or conditional sentences. For example, instead of saying "Customers are tended to go to those stores," you could say, "Customers tend to gravitate towards stores that offer attractive deals." Practicing the use of different conjunctions and varying sentence beginnings can also help create a more dynamic writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and issues with punctuation. For instance, phrases like "this strategy is a success, while some refuse it" are vague and could be clearer. The use of "are seemed to be annoying" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "are seen as annoying." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the unnecessary space before "successfully" in the first sentence and the inconsistent use of commas, which can disrupt the flow of reading.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review subject-verb agreement and verb forms. For example, ensure that singular nouns have singular verbs (e.g., "advertisements is" should be "advertisements are"). Additionally, revisiting punctuation rules, particularly concerning commas and conjunctions, will enhance clarity. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on writing can help identify and correct these common errors.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and structure, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s modern society, advertising is a method that businesses often use to effectively persuade customers to buy their products. It is considered that this strategy is successful, while some oppose it. Hence, this essay will discuss both views and provide my own opinion on this statement.

On the one hand, it is a common practice that businesses use to convince customers to buy their goods. This phenomenon is evident in special offers that are publicized widely, such as limited deals and discounts. Customers tend to visit those stores that contain good deals, resulting in successful advertisements. Moreover, they are persuaded by advertisements that include endorsements by famous influencers or celebrities. These are people who have a large following, obviously increasing sales through advertisements.

On the other hand, it is inevitable that many people ignore the advent of advertisements on TV and billboards because they find them time-consuming and annoying. Ads that they usually see on social networking platforms are perceived as annoying and unnecessary. Thus, it poses an obstacle to them, and people will skip them. In addition, ads that feature unsuitable product displays attract fewer customers, resulting in low sales and lesser income. Consequently, the strategy fails and leads to significant financial loss.

In conclusion, I think that advertising is still a great method for businesses to raise their profits, although many oppose it.