Some people say that art subjects such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Education)

Art helps children develop their aesthetics in painting or drawing. Some people think that art should not a main subject for high school students. In this essay, I’m going to discuss why I disagree with this point.

On the one hand, art should not be mandatory subject because it is waste time for some students who are not interested in art or they don’t have talent in art. They don’t have time to focus on other subjects. Maybe they want to attend to other talented classes like dancing class or cooking class to boost their skills.

On the other hand, I think art should a main subject because art helps people feel relax after studying many difficult subjects like math, chemistry, physical. They can draw what they imagine in their mind or they can borrow art to draw many things which they cannot talk to anyone. Besides that, they are also taught about pictures in the past which are drawn by famous artist in the world like Van Gogh, Leonardo da Vinci. Therefore, they can wide their knowledge because they know how long the artist draw the picture and what is the meaning of that picture.

Additionally, students can create when they learning art. It is because they can draw anything they want so that they can advance their creativity and make their own picture by their style. Creativity is an important factor for student to make their pictures become more abundant.

In conclusion, art subject make some students feel bored because it take many time of their free time. Nevertheless, art offers students a lot of merits such as relaxation and creativity.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Art helps children develop their aesthetics in painting or drawing." -> "Art fosters aesthetic development in children through painting and drawing."
Explanation: The phrase "fosters aesthetic development" is more precise and academically appropriate than "develop their aesthetics," which is somewhat vague and informal. Additionally, using "through" instead of "in" clarifies the medium by which aesthetic development occurs.
"Some people think that art should not a main subject for high school students." -> "Some individuals believe that art should not be a primary subject for high school students."
Explanation: "Some individuals believe" is more formal than "Some people think," and "primary subject" is more specific than "main subject." Also, correcting the grammatical error "should not a" to "should not be" improves the sentence structure.
"I’m going to discuss" -> "I will discuss"
Explanation: "I will discuss" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than the contraction "I’m going to."
"it is waste time" -> "it is a waste of time"
Explanation: "a waste of time" is the correct idiomatic expression, and the article "a" is necessary before "waste of time."
"They don’t have time to focus on other subjects." -> "They lack the time to focus on other subjects."
Explanation: "Lack the time" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of not having sufficient time.
"Maybe they want to attend to other talented classes" -> "Perhaps they wish to enroll in other specialized classes"
Explanation: "Perhaps" is more formal than "Maybe," and "enroll in" is more precise than "attend to" in this context. "Specialized classes" is also more specific than "talented classes."
"I think art should a main subject" -> "I believe that art should be a core subject"
Explanation: "I believe that" is more formal than "I think," and "core subject" is a more precise term than "main subject."
"it is waste time" -> "it is a waste of time"
Explanation: See explanation for point 4.
"They can draw what they imagine in their mind" -> "They can create what they envision in their minds"
Explanation: "Create" is more specific and academically appropriate than "draw," and "envision" is more formal than "imagine."
"they can borrow art to draw many things" -> "they can use art to depict various subjects"
Explanation: "Use art to depict" is more precise and formal than "borrow art to draw," and "various subjects" is more specific than "many things."
"wide their knowledge" -> "broaden their knowledge"
Explanation: "Broaden" is the correct verb form for the context, whereas "wide" is an adjective.
"make some students feel bored" -> "cause some students to feel bored"
Explanation: "Cause" is more formal and appropriate than "make," and "to feel" is grammatically correct in this context.
"it take many time of their free time" -> "it consumes a significant amount of their free time"
Explanation: "Consumes a significant amount of" is more precise and formal than "take many time of," which is grammatically incorrect and awkward.
"merits such as relaxation and creativity" -> "benefits such as relaxation and creativity"
Explanation: "Benefits" is a more formal synonym for "merits," aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding whether art should be compulsory in high school. The writer presents a clear disagreement with the notion that art should not be mandatory, which is a positive aspect. However, the response could be more balanced; while the writer mentions reasons against making art compulsory, the arguments for its inclusion could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the mention of art as a means of relaxation and creativity is good, but it lacks depth and specific examples.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are explored in more detail. Providing specific examples or studies that demonstrate the benefits of art education, as well as addressing counterarguments more comprehensively, would strengthen the essay.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that art should be a compulsory subject, which is evident from the introduction and conclusion. However, the transition between the arguments could be smoother. The phrase "On the one hand" introduces the opposing view, but the subsequent argument against art being mandatory lacks a strong rebuttal, which may confuse readers about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their disagreement with the opposing view and provide a stronger counterargument. Using phrases like "However, I believe that…" can help clarify the writer’s stance and improve coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of art for relaxation and creativity. However, these ideas are not fully extended or supported with sufficient detail. For example, the mention of famous artists and their works is a good start, but it would benefit from elaboration on how this knowledge impacts students or enhances their learning experience.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, discussing specific projects or activities that illustrate how art fosters creativity would make the argument more compelling.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the relevance of art in education. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of students’ alternative interests, which could be seen as somewhat tangential. This could detract from the main argument about the necessity of art education.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central argument. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all arguments are relevant and contribute to the overall thesis.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, it would benefit from deeper exploration of ideas, more robust support for arguments, and improved coherence in transitions. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition fromthe first paragraph, which argues against making art compulsory, to the second paragraph, which supports it, lacks a clear linking statement. This can confuse readers about the overall argument. The points made in each paragraph are relevant but could be better connected to enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to signal shifts in argument. For example, phrases like "Conversely" or "On the other hand" can help clarify the contrasting viewpoints. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the thesis statement, reinforcing the main argument throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more developed. The first body paragraph presents a point against compulsory art but lacks depth and supporting examples. The second paragraph, while more detailed, could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. This helps guide the reader and sets the stage for the supporting details that follow. Additionally, consider expanding on each point with more examples or explanations to provide a fuller argument. For instance, when discussing relaxation, you could include specific examples of how art can alleviate stress.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to contrast the two viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed. For example, phrases like "Additionally" and "Besides that" are used, but their effectiveness is diminished due to repetition and lack of variety.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In addition" to introduce supporting ideas, and "However," "Nevertheless," or "Conversely" to present counterarguments. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to enhance the flow of ideas rather than disrupt it. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can help improve their application in writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments. By focusing on enhancing logical organization, developing paragraphs more fully, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher score in coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it is somewhat limited in variety. Phrases like "art helps children develop their aesthetics" and "they can draw what they imagine" show some lexical variety. However, the repetition of words such as "art," "students," and "subject" indicates a lack of synonyms or alternative expressions. For example, using "visual arts" or "creative subjects" could enhance the lexical range.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should actively seek synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "art," they could use terms like "creative disciplines" or "artistic pursuits." Keeping a thesaurus handy while writing can help in identifying alternatives.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "it is waste time" instead of "it is a waste of time," and "art should a main subject" instead of "art should be a main subject." These errors can lead to confusion and detract from the clarity of the argument. Additionally, phrases like "borrow art to draw" are unclear and could mislead the reader.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity. For example, revising sentences to ensure they follow standard English structure will enhance precision. The phrase "borrow art to draw" could be rephrased to "use inspiration from existing artworks." Engaging in exercises that emphasize sentence structure and clarity can also be beneficial.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "waste" instead of "waste," "relax" instead of "relax," and "artist" instead of "artists." These errors can undermine the professionalism of the writing and distract the reader. The phrase "make some students feel bored" could be improved to "may cause some students to feel bored."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can build confidence and reduce mistakes in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. Focusing on expanding vocabulary, ensuring grammatical accuracy, and enhancing spelling will significantly elevate the quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For example, the sentence "Art helps children develop their aesthetics in painting or drawing" is straightforward but lacks complexity. Additionally, phrases like "art should not a main subject" and "art should a main subject" show a lack of variety and grammatical correctness. The essay relies heavily on basic sentence forms, which limits the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences. For instance, they could use subordinate clauses to add depth, such as "Although some argue that art is not essential, I believe it plays a crucial role in student development." This not only diversifies the structure but also improves clarity and engagement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "should not a main subject" should be "should not be a main subject," and "it is waste time" should be "it wastes time." Additionally, punctuation is often missing or misused, such as in "art should a main subject because art helps people feel relax," where "relax" should be "relaxed," and a comma could enhance readability. The incorrect use of articles and verb forms further contributes to the overall grammatical inaccuracies.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly verb forms and the use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that each sentence is complete and correctly structured will enhance clarity. Reading more complex texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument, it requires significant improvement in both the range of sentence structures and grammatical accuracy to achieve a higher band score. Engaging in targeted practice and revision will be essential for the writer’s development.

Bài sửa mẫu

Art fosters aesthetic development in children through painting and drawing. Some individuals believe that art should not be a primary subject for high school students. In this essay, I will discuss why I disagree with this viewpoint.

On the one hand, some argue that art should not be a mandatory subject because it is a waste of time for students who are not interested in or do not possess talent in this area. They may feel that they lack the time to focus on other subjects that are more alignedwith their skills and interests. Perhaps they wish to enroll in other specialized classes, such as dance or cooking, to enhance their abilities.

On the other hand, I believe that art should be a core subject because it provides significant benefits. Art helps students relax after studying challenging subjects like math, chemistry, and physics. They can create what they envision in their minds or use art to depict various subjects that they may find difficult to express verbally. Additionally, students learn about historical artworks created by renowned artists like Van Gogh and Leonardo da Vinci. This knowledge broadens their understanding of art and its significance, as they discover how long it took these artists to create their masterpieces and the meanings behind them.

Furthermore, students can express their creativity while learning art. They have the freedom to draw anything they desire, which allows them to develop their unique style and enhance their creative thinking. Creativity is an essential skill for students, as it enriches their artistic expression and overall learning experience.

In conclusion, while some students may feel bored by art classes because they consume a significant amount of their free time, I believe that art offers invaluable benefits such as relaxation and creativity. Therefore, it should remain a core subject in high school education.