Some people say that globalization will lead to a loss of cultural identity. Others think that globalization will result in world peace and harmony. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Globalization presents many benefits including promoting global economic growth. However, this requires the homogenization of the language and the culture to facilitate the exchanges. Some people argue that a common culture is likely to build a world of peace and harmony. I firmly believe that learning about different cultural expressions is crucial to enhance the cooperation and the peace across borders, but cultural identity must be protected and promoted by the government to preserve the history of civilization in the world.
The homogenization of the cultural expressions stemming from globalization is indispensable to foster the trade and the sharing of knowledge within different countries. Doing international business obligates multinational firms not only to communicate in the same language, but also to learn and work with the common culture. Therefore, this global practice leads to the emergence of a global culture. The phenomenon enhances the harmonization between different nations through the suitable communications, and the understanding of cultural differences. Clearly, improving the worldwide relationship allows avoiding many international conflicts, ensuring global peace.
On the other hand, the global culture is dominated by the culture of the developed countries, driving to the loss of cultural identity of other countries. This drawback erases the cultural diversity and the cultural distinction, negatively impacting the young citizens in their personal development. Without the patriot feeling, the population cannot effectively contribute to the advancement of their own country. As a result, it is crucial that the government must support the cultural industries, such as music, film and arts, protecting their cultural identity. This raises public awareness to protect their own national history, ensuring the maintenance of national integrity.
In conclusion, the risk of losing cultural identity cannot be denied in the face of the development of global culture. Then, the government has the responsibility to protect local cultural expressions, meanwhile, it is also important to promote the education of their population about international culture.

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Errors and Improvements:

"However, this requires the homogenization of the language and the culture to facilitate the exchanges." -> "However, this necessitates the standardization of language and culture to facilitate exchanges."
Explanation: Replacing "homogenization" with "standardization" and refining the phrase improves formality and precision in conveying the idea of making language and culture uniform for better exchanges.
"Some people argue that a common culture is likely to build a world of peace and harmony." -> "Some argue that a shared culture is likely to foster a world of peace and harmony."
Explanation: Substituting "common" with "shared" and rephrasing the sentence enhances the sophistication of the language without sacrificing clarity.
"I firmly believe that learning about different cultural expressions is crucial to enhance the cooperation and the peace across borders, but cultural identity must be protected and promoted by the government to preserve the history of civilization in the world." -> "I strongly contend that acquiring knowledge about diverse cultural expressions is crucial to bolster cooperation and peace across borders. Simultaneously, governmental efforts are imperative to safeguard and promote cultural identity, preserving the history of global civilization."
Explanation: Introducing "strongly contend," refining the sentence structure, and using more specific terms like "bolster" and "imperative" contribute to a more formal and precise expression of the author’s viewpoint.
"The homogenization of the cultural expressions stemming from globalization is indispensable to foster the trade and the sharing of knowledge within different countries." -> "The standardization of cultural expressions resulting from globalization is indispensable to promote trade and the exchange of knowledge among different countries."
Explanation: Replacing "homogenization" with "standardization" and simplifying the structure of the sentence enhances clarity and maintains a formal tone.
"Doing international business obligates multinational firms not only to communicate in the same language, but also to learn and work with the common culture." -> "Engaging in international business compels multinational firms not only to communicate in a common language but also to understand and collaborate within a shared culture."
Explanation: Replacing "doing" with "engaging in," and refining the sentence structure with more specific terms improves formality and precision.
"The phenomenon enhances the harmonization between different nations through the suitable communications, and the understanding of cultural differences." -> "This phenomenon facilitates harmonization between nations through effective communication and understanding of cultural differences."
Explanation: Streamlining the sentence structure and using more direct language enhances the formal tone and clarity of the statement.
"Clearly, improving the worldwide relationship allows avoiding many international conflicts, ensuring global peace." -> "Clearly, enhancing global relationships helps prevent numerous international conflicts, ensuring global peace."
Explanation: Substituting "allows avoiding" with "helps prevent" and refining the sentence structure improves formality and conciseness.
"This drawback erases the cultural diversity and the cultural distinction, negatively impacting the young citizens in their personal development." -> "This drawback erases cultural diversity and distinction, negatively impacting the personal development of young citizens."
Explanation: Simplifying the sentence structure and eliminating repetition enhances clarity and maintains a formal tone.
"Without the patriot feeling, the population cannot effectively contribute to the advancement of their own country." -> "Without a sense of patriotism, the population cannot effectively contribute to the advancement of their own country."
Explanation: Using "a sense of patriotism" instead of "the patriot feeling" improves precision and formality.
"As a result, it is crucial that the government must support the cultural industries, such as music, film and arts, protecting their cultural identity." -> "As a result, it is crucial for the government to support cultural industries, such as music, film, and the arts, in order to protect their cultural identity."
Explanation: Eliminating redundancy, specifying the cultural industries, and refining the sentence structure contribute to a more formal and precise expression.
"This raises public awareness to protect their own national history, ensuring the maintenance of national integrity." -> "This fosters public awareness to safeguard their national history, ensuring the maintenance of national integrity."
Explanation: Substituting "raises" with "fosters" and refining the sentence structure enhances formality and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay provides a comprehensive discussion of both views on globalization—those who believe it leads to peace and harmony and those who think it results in a loss of cultural identity. The introduction clearly presents both sides, and the body paragraphs delve into the arguments supporting each perspective. The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and reiterates the importance of protecting cultural identity.
- How to improve: While the essay adequately addresses all parts of the question, consider enhancing the depth of analysis in the body paragraphs by providing more nuanced examples and exploring the implications of the arguments in greater detail.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout by expressing a personal opinion that supports the preservation of cultural identity in the face of globalization. The author consistently reinforces this position in each paragraph.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the author’s opinion in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. This can enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. Each paragraph introduces a new aspect of the argument, and examples are provided to illustrate the points made. The language used is clear, and the essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, consider exploring alternative perspectives or counterarguments briefly. This can add depth to the analysis and showcase a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the impact of globalization on cultural identity and peace. However, there are moments where the connection between sentences could be smoother, and a few ideas are presented in a slightly disjointed manner.
- How to improve: Focus on improving the transition between sentences and paragraphs to create a more seamless flow of ideas. Ensure that each point contributes directly to the overall argument, avoiding any tangential discussions that may distract from the main topic.

In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the topic and effectively addresses the different aspects of the prompt. To further improve, the author should consider deepening the analysis, explicitly stating their opinion, exploring alternative perspectives, and refining the overall coherence and flow of ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically by presenting both sides of the argument, followed by the author’s opinion. However, the introduction lacks clarity in expressing the author’s opinion, which may confuse the reader. Additionally, the second paragraph jumps from discussing the benefits of global culture to the drawbacks without a smooth transition.
- How to improve: Begin the introduction with a clear statement of the author’s opinion on whether globalization leads to a loss of cultural identity or promotes peace. Improve the transition between paragraphs by providing a more seamless flow of ideas. Consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the shift in focus.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different aspects of the argument. However, the third paragraph is quite lengthy and covers multiple points, which can make it challenging for the reader to follow.
- How to improve: Break down the third paragraph into smaller, more focused paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. This will enhance clarity and make the essay more reader-friendly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of cohesive devices. Additionally, the connection between ideas within sentences can be strengthened.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices, including synonyms, pronouns, and conjunctions, to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs. Pay attention to the logical progression of ideas within each sentence, ensuring a seamless flow of information. Consider using parallel structures for better coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a generally coherent structure, addressing these specific points will enhance its logical organization, readability, and overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It effectively discusses the advantages and drawbacks of globalization, using terms such as "homogenization," "cooperation," and "harmonization." However, there’s room for improvement in incorporating more diverse and sophisticated vocabulary to elevate the lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance your vocabulary range, consider introducing more specialized terms or synonyms where appropriate. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "culture," you could employ synonyms like "cultural heritage" or "societal customs." This will add nuance to your expressions and contribute to a broader vocabulary spectrum.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is generally sound, with key terms accurately conveying intended meanings. However, there are instances where the language could be more precise. For example, the phrase "doing international business obligates multinational firms" might benefit from a more precise term like "compels" or "requires."
- How to improve: Review your essay for opportunities to replace common phrases with more precise and contextually fitting terms. This not only enhances clarity but also demonstrates a more nuanced command of language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a commendable level of spelling accuracy, with very few errors noted. This contributes positively to the overall readability and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: Continue practicing vigilance in spelling, as it greatly aids in maintaining a polished presentation. Consider proofreading strategies, such as reading your work aloud or using spell-check tools, to catch any potential errors. Additionally, expand your exposure to diverse vocabulary to reinforce correct spellings and usage.

In summary, while the essay showcases a solid foundation in lexical resource, refining vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and maintaining the excellent spelling accuracy will further elevate the overall quality of your language use. This, in turn, can contribute to a more sophisticated and impactful expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. While there is an attempt to use varied sentence structures, some sentences are relatively simple and lack complexity. For instance, there is a prevalent use of straightforward sentence structures, such as subject-verb-object constructions, which might limit the essay’s expressiveness.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating complex sentences, compound sentences, and varied sentence beginnings. Utilize subordination and coordination to create a more sophisticated and nuanced expression of ideas. Additionally, experiment with different sentence lengths to add rhythm and flow to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays accurate grammar and punctuation usage. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement is not consistently maintained. For example, in the sentence, "The homogenization of the cultural expressions stemming from globalization is indispensable to foster the trade and the sharing of knowledge within different countries," there is a subject-verb agreement issue with "homogenization" and "is."
- How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement throughout the essay. Review each sentence to ensure that the subject and verb agree in number. Additionally, consider using more complex punctuation marks, such as semicolons or colons, to enhance sentence structure and convey relationships between ideas. Proofread carefully to catch and correct any grammatical errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures and punctuation. To improve, focus on incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and maintaining consistent subject-verb agreement. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy will help enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Globalization brings forth various advantages, notably by fostering global economic growth. However, this necessitates the standardization of language and culture to facilitate exchanges. Some argue that a shared culture is likely to foster a world of peace and harmony. I strongly contend that acquiring knowledge about diverse cultural expressions is crucial to bolster cooperation and peace across borders. Simultaneously, governmental efforts are imperative to safeguard and promote cultural identity, preserving the history of global civilization.

The standardization of cultural expressions resulting from globalization is indispensable to promote trade and the exchange of knowledge among different countries. Engaging in international business compels multinational firms not only to communicate in a common language but also to understand and collaborate within a shared culture. This phenomenon facilitates harmonization between nations through effective communication and understanding of cultural differences. Clearly, enhancing global relationships helps prevent numerous international conflicts, ensuring global peace.

However, this drawback erases cultural diversity and distinction, negatively impacting the personal development of young citizens. Without a sense of patriotism, the population cannot effectively contribute to the advancement of their own country. As a result, it is crucial for the government to support cultural industries, such as music, film, and the arts, in order to protect their cultural identity. This fosters public awareness to safeguard their national history, ensuring the maintenance of national integrity.

In conclusion, while the risk of losing cultural identity cannot be denied in the face of the development of global culture, the government has the responsibility to protect local cultural expressions. Simultaneously, it is essential to promote the education of the population about international culture. Balancing these aspects will contribute to a more harmonious global society, preserving cultural diversity while fostering cooperation and understanding.