Some people say that it is impossible for a country to be both economically sucessful and have a clean environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that it is impossible for a country to be both economically sucessful and have a clean environment.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that if a country has an economic succession, it does not have a clean environment. Although, in some countries that develop in service and travel, they can still protect the environment.
Nowadays, in most developed countries because of heavy industry and exploitation, their environments are suffered some bad effects. Firstly, increasing heavy industry requires many factories that use fossil fuels like coal and oil. This leads to a large of carbon emissions and waste discharge to the environment. That is the reason for the air pollution and water pollution. Second, exploiting minerals also impacts the environment. As we can see, in some countries, oil spills are threatening the ecosystems under the sea. They are losing their habitat and are on the brink of extinction.
However, some countries choose to boost their economy by developing travel or having some waste treatments also have few environmental impacts. For example, Japan is known as one of the most developed countries in Asia and has a clean environment. They focus on building and advancing hot travel spots. This will attract lots of tourists from around the world and the local people. They almost do not impact the environment. Besides, some countries developed in heavy industry also have some solutions for pollutants. They almost use some renewable sources of energy like solar energy, wind energy, and hydropower. This nearly does not affect the habitat surrounding and friendly to the environment.
In conclusion, a country that chooses heavy industry also has some bad effects on the environment but there are still some solutions to this problem. I hope in the future, most countries will have a developed economy and can still protect the environment.

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Errors and Improvements:

"economic succession" -> "economic success"
Explanation: "Succession" refers to the sequence of events, while "success" denotes achievement or prosperity in this context, aligning better with the intended meaning of economic prosperity.
"in some countries that develop in service and travel" -> "in some countries that focus on services and tourism"
Explanation: "Develop in service and travel" is vague and lacks precision. Replacing it with "focus on services and tourism" clarifies that these countries prioritize these sectors for economic development.
"they can still protect the environment" -> "they are still able to protect the environment"
Explanation: This change maintains the formality of the sentence by replacing the colloquial "can" with "are able to," enhancing the academic tone.
"heavy industry requires many factories" -> "heavy industry necessitates numerous factories"
Explanation: "Requires many factories" is somewhat colloquial; substituting it with "necessitates numerous factories" maintains the formality of the sentence.
"This leads to a large of carbon emissions" -> "This results in a significant amount of carbon emissions"
Explanation: "A large of carbon emissions" is grammatically incorrect. Replacing it with "a significant amount of carbon emissions" improves clarity and formality.
"exploiting minerals also impacts the environment" -> "mineral exploitation also has environmental impacts"
Explanation: The original phrasing lacks precision. "Impacts" is better used as a noun in this context, enhancing clarity and formality.
"As we can see, in some countries, oil spills are threatening the ecosystems under the sea." -> "Evidently, oil spills in certain countries threaten marine ecosystems."
Explanation: This revision improves the sentence’s academic tone by using "evidently" instead of "As we can see" and by rephrasing for clarity and precision.
"They are losing their habitat and are on the brink of extinction." -> "Resulting in habitat loss and endangered species."
Explanation: This change condenses the sentence for clarity and formality, avoiding repetition of "they."
"countries choose to boost their economy by developing travel or having some waste treatments" -> "countries opt to enhance their economies through tourism development and waste management initiatives"
Explanation: The revised version uses more formal language and specifies the economic strategies of countries more precisely.
"also have few environmental impacts" -> "also have minimal environmental impact"
Explanation: "Few environmental impacts" lacks specificity. "Minimal environmental impact" is clearer and more precise.
"They almost do not impact the environment." -> "They have minimal environmental impact."
Explanation: The revision is more concise and formal, conveying the same meaning with greater clarity.
"they almost use some renewable sources of energy" -> "they predominantly utilize renewable energy sources"
Explanation: "Almost use some" is awkward phrasing. "Predominantly utilize" is clearer and more formal.
"This nearly does not affect the habitat surrounding and friendly to the environment." -> "This has minimal adverse effects on the surrounding habitat and is environmentally friendly."
Explanation: The revised version is clearer and more formal, avoiding the double negative and improving precision.
"In conclusion, a country that chooses heavy industry also has some bad effects on the environment" -> "In conclusion, heavy industrialization in a country inevitably results in adverse environmental effects."
Explanation: The revision strengthens the statement’s formality and clarity by specifying "heavy industrialization" and using "inevitably results" for a more assertive tone.
"I hope in the future, most countries will have a developed economy and can still protect the environment." -> "It is hoped that in the future, most countries will achieve economic development while simultaneously prioritizing environmental conservation."
Explanation: The revised version maintains formality and clarity while avoiding the first-person perspective and utilizing a more academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by discussing the relationship between economic success and environmental preservation. It acknowledges the common belief that economic success often comes at the expense of the environment but also presents examples where countries have managed to balance both aspects to some extent.
- How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, it would be beneficial to delve deeper into the complexities of this issue. Exploring potential challenges in achieving both economic success and environmental sustainability simultaneously, as well as discussing possible trade-offs, could enrich the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that while economic development can have adverse effects on the environment, some countries have implemented measures to mitigate these impacts and achieve a balance between economic growth and environmental protection.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the essay could explicitly state its viewpoint in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, reinforcing the thesis statement throughout the body paragraphs can help reinforce the coherence of the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the impact of heavy industry and exploitation on the environment, as well as examples of countries successfully managing economic development alongside environmental protection measures. However, the elaboration on these ideas could be more thorough, with further analysis and evidence provided to bolster the arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of the discussion, incorporating more specific examples, statistics, or case studies would provide stronger support for the points made. Additionally, connecting ideas more explicitly and logically within and between paragraphs can improve the overall coherence and flow of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the relationship between economic success and environmental preservation as prompted. However, there are instances where the focus could be sharper, particularly in the discussion of countries successfully managing economic growth without significant environmental degradation.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus, ensuring that each paragraph directly contributes to the central argument and avoiding tangential discussions can help keep the essay on track. Additionally, clearly delineating between different aspects of the topic can prevent ambiguity and maintain clarity.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in providing more thorough analysis, strengthening the clarity of the position, and maintaining focus throughout. By incorporating these suggestions, the essay can enhance its depth and persuasiveness, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization of information, with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument, the body paragraphs present supporting points, and the conclusion summarizes the main points and reiterates the stance. However, there are some instances of disjointed transitions between ideas, such as the abrupt shift from discussing negative impacts of heavy industry to examples of countries with cleaner environments.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure smoother transitions between ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs. Use transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the progression of arguments. Additionally, consider restructuring sentences or paragraphs to better connect related ideas, maintaining a coherent flow of thought throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate distinct ideas and arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a single point or aspect of the argument, contributing to overall clarity and organization. However, some paragraphs could be further developed or expanded to fully explore the ideas presented.
- How to improve: Aim to develop each paragraph more fully by providing additional examples, evidence, or analysis to support the main argument. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and cohesive internal structure to effectively convey its point to the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "although," "firstly," "second," "however," "in conclusion"), pronouns ("this," "they"), and parallel structure ("building and advancing hot travel spots"). These cohesive devices help to connect ideas and create coherence within and between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: Continue to diversify and strategically deploy cohesive devices to strengthen the coherence and cohesion of the essay. Consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, such as synonyms, pronoun references, conjunctions, and repetition, to establish clear relationships between ideas and enhance overall readability and coherence. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to maintain coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, covering various aspects of the topic. For instance, it discusses concepts such as economic succession, heavy industry, exploitation, carbon emissions, waste discharge, air pollution, water pollution, oil spills, ecosystems, renewable sources of energy, and habitat preservation.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more nuanced vocabulary and exploring synonyms to avoid repetition. Additionally, introducing specialized terminology related to environmental science and economics could enrich the vocabulary usage.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mixture of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, terms like "heavy industry," "carbon emissions," and "renewable sources of energy" are used accurately to convey specific ideas. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as using "environmental degradation" instead of "bad effects on the environment."
- How to improve: To improve precision, focus on selecting vocabulary that precisely captures the intended meaning. Avoid vague terms and opt for more specific and contextually appropriate language. Consulting a thesaurus or specialized dictionaries can aid in finding precise synonyms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout, with occasional minor errors ("succession" misspelled as "succession," "development" as "develop"). However, these errors do not significantly impede readability or comprehension.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools or proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors before submission. Additionally, practicing spelling through activities such as word drills can reinforce correct spelling conventions.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. There is some variety in the use of sentence lengths and structures, such as compound and complex sentences. For instance, the essay employs simple sentences for straightforward statements ("Some people believe that if a country has an economic succession, it does not have a clean environment.") and complex sentences to provide elaboration and examples ("However, some countries choose to boost their economy by developing travel or having some waste treatments also have few environmental impacts.").
- How to improve: To further enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences, to provide greater clarity and sophistication to your ideas. Additionally, vary the beginnings of sentences to avoid repetitiveness and maintain reader engagement. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "They," try introducing variety by using different subjects or introductory phrases.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates satisfactory grammatical accuracy, with a few instances of errors throughout the text. Examples include grammatical errors such as subject-verb agreement ("increasing heavy industry requires many factories that use fossil fuels like coal and oil") and awkward phrasing ("their environments are suffered some bad effects"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas before coordinating conjunctions in compound sentences ("They focus on building and advancing hot travel spots, which will attract lots of tourists from around the world and the local people.").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, review basic grammar rules related to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure. Practicing sentence construction and proofreading can help identify and correct errors more effectively. Additionally, pay close attention to punctuation rules, especially regarding comma usage in compound sentences and the appropriate placement of commas for clarity and readability. Consider utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers or instructors to further refine your writing skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some argue that a country cannot achieve economic success without sacrificing environmental cleanliness. However, there are instances where countries focusing on services and tourism manage to safeguard their surroundings.

Presently, many developed nations grappling with heavy industry and resource exploitation witness adverse environmental impacts. Firstly, the proliferation of heavy industry necessitates numerous factories reliant on fossil fuels such as coal and oil, resulting in substantial carbon emissions and environmental waste. Consequently, this contributes to air and water pollution. Secondly, mineral exploitation also inflicts damage on the environment. Notably, oil spills in certain countries pose a significant threat to marine ecosystems, leading to habitat loss and endangered species.

Nonetheless, some nations opt to enhance their economies through tourism development and waste management initiatives, minimizing environmental impact. Take Japan, for instance, a leading Asian nation known for its economic prowess and pristine environment. By prioritizing the development of attractive tourist destinations, Japan attracts visitors without significantly impacting its surroundings. Moreover, countries heavily invested in industry have begun embracing renewable energy sources like solar, wind, and hydropower. This shift minimizes adverse effects on surrounding habitats and promotes environmental friendliness.

In conclusion, while heavy industrialization unavoidably yields adverse environmental effects, there exist viable solutions to mitigate these repercussions. It is hoped that in the future, most countries will achieve economic development while simultaneously prioritizing environmental conservation.