Some people say that the increasing business and cultural contact between countries is positive developments, while others think that many countries will lose their national identities as a result. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

A developed country is defined by its economics and social. Vietnam is an example, the governments of Vietnam are trying to make agreements with other countries to increase their business and culture. However, some people think that they may lose their national fabric as a consequence. Both ideas have their points, I will discuss both views in this essay.
First of all, from my perspective, an optimistic rise would be made if countries make more contact with culture and business with other countries. If a business contract is made, there will be an immediate increase in economics. The new market will see a huge investment by a numerous number of entrepreneurs and investors, which makes more potential business in the local area grow strongly. Furthermore, the contract will create enormous opportunities for businesses to both export and import to other countries. A significant amount of local products will be imported so that culture can be adopted, which can make quality of life better.
On the other hand, culture that is imported can make a huge change to local culture. People may seem to modernize their life, as it happens, they forget about their native culture. Moreover, local products will not have less opportunities after the importer comes. Besides that, several native enterprises will not be able to compete with foreign enterprises. Local people tend to visit foreign businesses more than the local ones, which makes more and more businesses go bankrupt.
In conclusion, increasing business and cultural contact is definitely a positive development, however, it may have some downsides. The government needs to precisely contact other businesses or else it may lend to some problem that is unpredictable.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"A developed country is defined by its economics and social." -> "A developed country is characterized by its economic and social aspects."
Explanation: The term "characterized by" is more precise and formal than "defined by," and "economic and social aspects" is a more accurate and formal way to describe the components of a developed country.
"the governments of Vietnam are trying to make agreements" -> "the Vietnamese government is attempting to forge agreements"
Explanation: "The Vietnamese government" is more specific and formal than "the governments of Vietnam," and "forge" is a more precise verb than "make" in the context of diplomatic agreements.
"increase their business and culture" -> "enhance their commercial and cultural ties"
Explanation: "Enhance their commercial and cultural ties" is more specific and formal, focusing on the relationships between countries rather than just "business and culture."
"Both ideas have their points" -> "Both perspectives have merits"
Explanation: "Perspectives have merits" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "ideas have their points," which is somewhat colloquial.
"an optimistic rise would be made" -> "a significant improvement could occur"
Explanation: "A significant improvement could occur" is clearer and more formal than "an optimistic rise would be made," which is awkwardly phrased.
"a numerous number of entrepreneurs and investors" -> "a large number of entrepreneurs and investors"
Explanation: "A numerous number" is redundant; "a large number" is more concise and appropriate for formal writing.
"makes more potential business in the local area grow strongly" -> "stimulates the growth of local businesses"
Explanation: "Stimulates the growth of local businesses" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "makes more potential business."
"A significant amount of local products will be imported" -> "a substantial quantity of local products will be imported"
Explanation: "A substantial quantity" is more precise and formal than "a significant amount," which is somewhat vague.
"can make quality of life better" -> "can improve the quality of life"
Explanation: "Improve the quality of life" is a more formal and standard phrase than "make quality of life better."
"People may seem to modernize their life" -> "People may appear to modernize their lifestyles"
Explanation: "Appear to modernize their lifestyles" is more precise and formal, and "lifestyles" is the correct plural form.
"as it happens, they forget about their native culture" -> "as a result, they may overlook their native culture"
Explanation: "As a result, they may overlook their native culture" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "as it happens."
"Local products will not have less opportunities" -> "Local products will face fewer opportunities"
Explanation: "Face fewer opportunities" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea than "have less opportunities."
"several native enterprises will not be able to compete" -> "several indigenous enterprises may struggle to compete"
Explanation: "May struggle to compete" is more precise and less definitive than "will not be able to compete," which is overly absolute.
"Local people tend to visit foreign businesses more than the local ones" -> "Local residents tend to frequent foreign businesses more than local ones"
Explanation: "Frequent" is a more precise verb than "visit," and "local residents" is more formal than "Local people."
"which makes more and more businesses go bankrupt" -> "resulting in an increasing number of business failures"
Explanation: "Resulting in an increasing number of business failures" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "makes more and more businesses go bankrupt."
"it may lend to some problem that is unpredictable" -> "it may lead to unforeseen problems"
Explanation: "Lead to unforeseen problems" is more formal and precise than "lend to some problem that is unpredictable," which is awkward and unclear.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the impact of increasing business and cultural contact between countries. It presents the positive aspects of such interactions, such as economic growth and opportunities for local businesses, while also acknowledging the potential downsides, including the risk of losing national identity and local businesses struggling against foreign competition. However, the discussion could be more balanced, as the positive aspects are elaborated more than the negative ones.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide a more equal exploration of both perspectives. This could involve dedicating a similar amount of detail to the negative impacts as is given to the positive ones. Additionally, including specific examples or data to illustrate the points made would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position favoring the positive aspects of increased contact, stating that it is "definitely a positive development." However, the transition to discussing the negative impacts could be smoother, as it may confuse readers about the author’s overall stance. The conclusion reiterates the positive view but does not effectively synthesize the discussion of both sides.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and ensure that this stance is consistently reflected throughout the essay. Using transitional phrases to link the discussion of both views and clearly indicating when shifting from one perspective to another would also help maintain clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as economic growth and cultural exchange, but these points are not always fully developed or supported with concrete examples. For instance, the mention of "a significant amount of local products will be imported" lacks specific examples of what these products might be or how they would enhance quality of life.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the author should aim to elaborate on each point made. Providing specific examples, statistics, or case studies would help to substantiate claims and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic. Additionally, ensuring that each idea is clearly linked back to the main argument would enhance coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of increased business and cultural contact. However, some sentences, such as "the governments of Vietnam are trying to make agreements with other countries," could be seen as slightly off-topic, as they do not directly relate to the broader discussion of national identity and cultural impact.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all statements directly relate to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to answering the question. Additionally, avoiding unnecessary details that do not support the main argument will help keep the essay concise and relevant.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in balance, clarity, support, and focus would enhance its effectiveness and potentially raise the band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intention to discuss both views. The body paragraphs are organized to first present the positive aspects of increased business and cultural contact, followed by the negative implications. However, the transition between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing economic benefits to cultural impacts is somewhat abrupt, which may confuse the reader about the relationship between these points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the other hand," "Conversely," or "In contrast" can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively. Structuring the essay with a more defined progression of ideas will improve clarity.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is essential for readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more developed. For example, the first body paragraph could benefit from more detailed examples or evidence to support the claims made about economic benefits.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument. Expanding on each point with examples or data will provide depth and strengthen the argument. Additionally, consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "on the other hand," and "in conclusion." These phrases help to connect ideas and signal shifts in the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "which makes more potential business in the local area grow strongly" lacks a clear connection to the previous sentence, making it less cohesive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "therefore" to create more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately and enhances the clarity of the argument. Practicing the use of different cohesive devices in writing exercises can help improve this aspect.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments in a logical manner, enhancing the organization, development of paragraphs, and variety of cohesive devices will contribute to a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "optimistic rise," "business contract," "huge investment," and "local products." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expression. For instance, the phrase "huge" is used multiple times, which detracts from the overall lexical richness. Additionally, phrases like "make agreements" and "contact with culture and business" could be expressed more diversely.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should explore synonyms and alternative phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "huge," they could use "substantial," "significant," or "considerable." Furthermore, varying sentence structures and incorporating idiomatic expressions could also enrich the vocabulary used in the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the governments of Vietnam are trying to make agreements" could be more accurately expressed as "the Vietnamese government is seeking to establish trade agreements." Additionally, the term "national fabric" is somewhat vague and could be better articulated as "national identity" or "cultural heritage."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by considering the context in which words are used and selecting terms that are more specific. For example, instead of "modernize their life," they could say "adopt modern lifestyles," which is clearer and more precise.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "economics" (should be "economic"), "numerous number" (should be "numerous"), and "lend to some problem" (should be "lead to some problems"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as reading extensively and using spell-check tools. Additionally, creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can help reinforce correct spelling. Proofreading the essay before submission is also crucial to catch and correct any spelling mistakes.

In summary, while the essay shows a commendable effort in vocabulary usage, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can significantly improve their Lexical Resource score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "If a business contract is made, there will be an immediate increase in economics" showcases a conditional structure, which is effective in conveying cause and effect. However, the essay relies heavily on straightforward constructions, such as "local people tend to visit foreign businesses more than the local ones," which could be enhanced with more varied sentence openings or the incorporation of relative clauses to add complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses or use different sentence beginnings to create a more engaging flow. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "local" or "people," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses, such as "While many local businesses struggle, others thrive by adapting to new market demands."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "A developed country is defined by its economics and social" is awkward and grammatically incorrect; it should be "A developed country is defined by its economy and social conditions." Additionally, the sentence "the governments of Vietnam are trying to make agreements with other countries" lacks proper capitalization at the beginning. There are also instances of run-on sentences, such as "the government needs to precisely contact other businesses or else it may lend to some problem that is unpredictable," which could be broken into two sentences for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on sentence structure and punctuation, would be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for capitalization and run-on sentences can help improve clarity. For example, breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences can make the writing more accessible and easier to follow.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

A developed country is characterized by its economic and social aspects. Vietnam serves as an example, as the Vietnamese government is attempting to forge agreements with other countries to enhance their commercial and cultural ties. However, some people believe that this may lead to a loss of national identity as a consequence. Both perspectives have merits, and I will discuss both views in this essay.

First of all, from my perspective, a significant improvement could occur if countries increase their cultural and business interactions. When a business contract is established, there will be an immediate boost in the economy. The new market will attract a large number of entrepreneurs and investors, which stimulates the growth of local businesses. Furthermore, such contracts will create enormous opportunities for businesses to both export and import goods. A substantial quantity of local products will be imported, allowing for cultural exchange that can improve the quality of life.

On the other hand, the influx of imported culture can lead to substantial changes in local traditions. People may appear to modernize their lifestyles, and as a result, they may overlook their native culture. Moreover, local products will face fewer opportunities once foreign imports arrive. Several indigenous enterprises may struggle to compete with foreign businesses. Local residents tend to frequent foreign businesses more than local ones, resulting in an increasing number of business failures.

In conclusion, while increasing business and cultural contact is undoubtedly a positive development, it may also have some downsides. The government needs to carefully manage these interactions with other countries; otherwise, it may lead to unforeseen problems that could undermine the local culture.