Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In this day and age, advertisement has become more prevalent and pervasive with the initial purpose to augment the sales . Nevertheless, some products being advertised are not suitable for the demand of consumers. From my perspective, I partly agree with the view of this development based on some reasons that are explained in this essay.
On the one hand, advertisements have played an important role in boosting sales of unnecessary products due to two reasons. When people start to launch a project to advertise some products, this is an indirect way to create awareness and communicate the value of products, which can lead to increased sales of products that consumers might not have otherwise considered.. For example, a new digital device such as a laptop is launched by advertising,which helps to familiarize the public with its features and benefits. This approach is vital for consumers to make informed decisions for a new product. Additionally, advertising is instrumental in building a brand’s identity. Through consistent messaging and imagery, ads create a brand's image and emotional appeal, which can foster consumer loyalty, leading to improved sales of products.
On the other hand, even though some things that are in demand are advertised, it still helps people learn a little bit about the products. At first, some people could be drawn to product commercials and show interest in them. This exposure could stimulate their curiosity, prompting them to look out more information online or from other sources. For example, an advertisement for a cutting-edge medical device or health supplement could encourage consumers to research the benefits, drawbacks, and user opinions of the product even if they do not personally require it.
In conclusion, while advertisements undoubtedly play a significant role in enhancing sales and shaping consumer perceptions, they still serve to educate consumers, potentially leading them to seek out more information and make more informed decisions even if they are not immediately needed.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"has become more prevalent and pervasive with the initial purpose to augment the sales" -> "has become increasingly prevalent and pervasive, primarily to enhance sales"
Explanation: "Augment" is less common in this context and can be replaced with "enhance" for clarity and formality. Also, the phrase "with the initial purpose" is awkwardly phrased; "primarily to" is more direct and formal.
"some products being advertised are not suitable for the demand of consumers" -> "some advertised products do not meet consumer demand"
Explanation: "The demand of consumers" is awkward and vague. "Consumer demand" is more direct and precise.
"I partly agree with the view of this development" -> "I partially agree with this perspective"
Explanation: "Partly" is less formal than "partially," and "view of this development" is vague; "perspective" is more specific and academic.
"boosting sales of unnecessary products" -> "increasing sales of non-essential products"
Explanation: "Boosting" is somewhat informal and "non-essential" is more precise than "unnecessary" in this context.
"When people start to launch a project to advertise some products" -> "When companies initiate advertising campaigns for certain products"
Explanation: "People start to launch a project" is vague and informal; "companies initiate advertising campaigns" is more specific and formal.
"this is an indirect way to create awareness and communicate the value of products" -> "this serves as an indirect means of raising awareness and communicating product value"
Explanation: "This is an indirect way" is informal and vague; "this serves as an indirect means" is more formal and precise.
"which can lead to increased sales of products that consumers might not have otherwise considered" -> "which may lead to increased sales of products that consumers might not have otherwise considered"
Explanation: "Can" is less formal than "may," which is more appropriate for academic writing.
"a new digital device such as a laptop is launched by advertising" -> "the launch of a new digital device, such as a laptop, is facilitated through advertising"
Explanation: "Is launched by advertising" is awkward and unclear; "is facilitated through advertising" is more precise and formal.
"helps to familiarize the public with its features and benefits" -> "helps to familiarize the public with its features and advantages"
Explanation: "Benefits" is a bit too general; "advantages" is more specific and formal.
"instrumental in building a brand’s identity" -> "crucial in shaping a brand’s identity"
Explanation: "Instrumental" is less specific; "crucial" is more emphatic and suitable for academic writing.
"even though some things that are in demand are advertised" -> "although some products in demand are advertised"
Explanation: "Some things that are in demand" is awkward and vague; "some products in demand" is clearer and more formal.
"it still helps people learn a little bit about the products" -> "it still educates consumers about the products"
Explanation: "Helps people learn a little bit" is informal and vague; "educates consumers" is more precise and formal.
"could be drawn to product commercials and show interest in them" -> "may be attracted to product commercials and express interest in them"
Explanation: "Could be drawn to" is less formal; "may be attracted to" is more precise and formal.
"This exposure could stimulate their curiosity, prompting them to look out more information online or from other sources" -> "This exposure could stimulate their curiosity, prompting them to seek additional information online or from other sources"
Explanation: "Look out more information" is incorrect and informal; "seek additional information" is correct and formal.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the aim of advertising. The writer acknowledges that advertising boosts sales of unnecessary products while also suggesting that it can educate consumers. However, the response could be more explicit in stating the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "I partly agree" is somewhat vague and does not clearly delineate the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should clearly articulate their stance at the beginning of the essay and consistently refer back to it throughout. For instance, they could specify what percentage of advertising they believe is aimed at unnecessary products versus necessary ones, providing a more nuanced response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position, but it lacks clarity and consistency. The phrase "I partly agree" introduces ambiguity, and the subsequent paragraphs do not consistently reinforce this position. The discussion of both sides is somewhat balanced, but it does not strongly advocate for one side over the other.
- How to improve: The writer should maintain a clear position by using more definitive language. Instead of "partly agree," they could specify whether they lean more towards agreement or disagreement and provide stronger supporting arguments for that stance. Additionally, summarizing the position in the conclusion can help reinforce clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to advertising’s role in sales and consumer education. However, the support for these ideas could be more robust. For example, while the writer mentions that advertising can create awareness and brand identity, these points could benefit from more detailed examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve this area, the writer should aim to provide more specific examples and elaborate on the implications of their points. For instance, discussing a particular case where advertising led to increased sales of an unnecessary product or a study showing consumer behavior changes due to advertising would add depth to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the role of advertising in relation to consumer needs. However, some points, such as the discussion about curiosity and research, could be seen as tangential. While they relate to the educational aspect of advertising, they do not directly address the main aim of advertising as stated in the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central question of whether advertising’s main aim is to improve sales of unnecessary products. They could outline their main arguments in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph ties back to these points, avoiding any deviations that do not directly support their thesis.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, outlining the writer’s perspective. The body paragraphs are organized to present contrasting views, with the first paragraph discussing the role of advertising in boosting sales of unnecessary products and the second addressing the educational aspect of advertising. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between the points made in each paragraph is somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly connect the ideas. For instance, phrases like "Conversely" or "On the other hand" can help signal a shift in perspective. Additionally, ensuring that the conclusion ties back to the main arguments presented in both body paragraphs can reinforce the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the role of advertising in promoting unnecessary products, while the second explores the educational benefits of advertising. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth; the first paragraph is more developed than the second, which may leave the reader wanting more detail on the latter point.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by expanding on the second body paragraph. This could involve providing additional examples or elaborating on how advertising educates consumers. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, guiding the reader through the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the flow could be improved with more varied devices. For example, the transition between sentences within paragraphs could benefit from additional linking words or phrases to enhance clarity and connection.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. Consider using devices such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "however" to connect ideas within and between sentences. This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a stronger command of language. Additionally, varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more engaging and cohesive writing style.

Overall, while the essay achieves a solid level of coherence and cohesion, addressing the outlined areas for improvement will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Terms like "prevalent," "pervasive," "augment," and "instrumental" showcase some lexical variety. However, the use of phrases such as "some products being advertised are not suitable for the demand of consumers" reflects a more limited vocabulary choice, as "suitable" could be replaced with more precise terms like "necessary" or "essential." The phrase "this is an indirect way to create awareness" is somewhat repetitive and could benefit from synonyms or varied expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "advertised" or "products," consider using alternatives like "marketed" or "goods." Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to advertising and consumer behavior could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "boosting sales of unnecessary products" could be misleading; it implies that all advertised products are unnecessary, which may not align with the argument. Furthermore, the term "cutting-edge medical device" is vague without context, as it does not specify what makes it cutting-edge.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary accurately reflects the intended meaning. Clarifying terms and providing specific examples would enhance understanding. For instance, instead of saying "some things that are in demand are advertised," specify what those "things" are to provide clarity and context.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling, but there are minor errors, such as "advertisement" being used as "advertisement" in the phrase "the initial purpose to augment the sales." Additionally, the phrase "advertising,which helps" lacks a space after the comma, which could affect readability.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully to catch typographical errors and ensure proper spacing. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling commonly used academic vocabulary could also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "When people start to launch a project to advertise some products, this is an indirect way to create awareness and communicate the value of products" effectively convey multiple ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional phrases like "even though some things that are in demand are advertised" showcases the writer’s ability to construct nuanced arguments. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced, which could be diversified further.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the sentence openings. For example, instead of consistently starting with "advertisements" or "this," try using introductory phrases or clauses. Additionally, integrating more rhetorical questions or contrasting structures can add depth and interest to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "the initial purpose to augment the sales" could be more accurately phrased as "the initial purpose of augmenting sales." There are also punctuation issues, such as the missing space before "which" in "advertising,which helps to familiarize," and the double period at the end of a sentence ("considered.."). These minor errors, while not detracting significantly from the overall clarity, can impact the impression of grammatical precision.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully to catch minor errors. Pay particular attention to punctuation, ensuring that commas are used correctly to separate clauses and that there are no missing spaces. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct usage can help solidify understanding and reduce errors in future essays. Engaging in exercises focused on punctuation and sentence structure can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation will enhance the overall quality and precision of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, advertising has become increasingly prevalent and pervasive, primarily to enhance sales. Nevertheless, some products being advertised do not meet consumer demand. From my perspective, I partially agree with this view based on several reasons that are explained in this essay.

On the one hand, advertisements have played an important role in boosting sales of non-essential products for two main reasons. When companies initiate advertising campaigns for certain products, this serves as an indirect means of raising awareness and communicating product value, which may lead to increased sales of products that consumers might not have otherwise considered. For example, the launch of a new digital device, such as a laptop, is facilitated through advertising, which helps to familiarize the public with its features and advantages. This approach is crucial in shaping a brand’s identity. Through consistent messaging and imagery, ads create a brand’s image and emotional appeal, which can foster consumer loyalty, ultimately leading to improved sales of products.

On the other hand, although some products in demand are advertised, it still educates consumers about the products. Initially, some people may be attracted to product commercials and express interest in them. This exposure could stimulate their curiosity, prompting them to seek additional information online or from other sources. For instance, an advertisement for a cutting-edge medical device or health supplement could encourage consumers to research the benefits, drawbacks, and user opinions of the product, even if they do not personally require it.

In conclusion, while advertisements undoubtedly play a significant role in enhancing sales and shaping consumer perceptions, they still serve to educate consumers, potentially leading them to seek out more information and make more informed decisions, even if the products are not immediately needed.