Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is said that our priority in the society is to preserve endangered plants and animals, while others say that more crucial environmental issues should be addressed. I believe that taking account of other important environmental problems is more significant due to the essential need of human life.
Many advocate for solving environmental issues associated with humanity. In recent days, matters such as global warming, pollution, volcanic eruption,… occur in our daily life. If there are no public and government involvement in such these problems, people around the world will face several ramifications. For example, WHO lists all potential dangers of dust air pollution that people will suffer from such as low breathing rate, lung cancer and this organisation also does the same with other environmental issues. It is therefore agreed that this should be highly concerned by the majority of people and government.
On the other hand, those oppose to this say extinct plants and animals should be tackled first. Many species provide medical needs, prevent harmful animals and diseases which are beneficial to people. However, they only represent a small fraction globally and do not have any significant impacts to people. For instance, thylacines are claimed to be extinct in Australia, these nocturnal animals hunt down snakes and scorpions which are the main threats to the Australian living around their habitats. However, due to advancements of technology, they can deal with this without their help.
In conclusion, the loss of particular species of plants and animals is indeed a problem that need to be solved. Nevertheless, individuals should care more about other environmental issues to save human life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives outlined in the prompt, discussing the importance of preserving endangered species as well as highlighting other significant environmental issues. It acknowledges the debate between prioritizing species preservation and addressing broader environmental concerns.
  • How to improve: While the essay covers both views, it could benefit from a more thorough exploration of the complexities involved in balancing these priorities. Providing deeper analysis and perhaps considering counterarguments would enhance the comprehensiveness of the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that prioritizes addressing broader environmental issues over the preservation of specific species. This stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.
  • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, the essay could explicitly state the author’s position in the introduction and reinforce it throughout by consistently aligning arguments and examples with this position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in their development and support. It briefly mentions various environmental issues such as global warming and pollution but fails to thoroughly explore their significance or provide substantial evidence or examples.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should elaborate more on each environmental issue introduced, providing specific examples, statistics, or expert opinions to bolster the arguments and enhance the overall persuasiveness and coherence of the essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay touches on various environmental issues, it mostly stays on topic by discussing the significance of addressing broader environmental concerns compared to species preservation. However, there are instances where the relevance of examples provided could be clearer.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the central argument of the essay. Avoid tangential discussions or examples that do not directly contribute to supporting the main thesis.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, supporting evidence, and coherence. By providing more thorough analysis, examples, and maintaining focus on the central argument, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a somewhat logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction presenting both viewpoints and the author’s opinion. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas. The discussion of environmental issues associated with humanity in the first body paragraph is somewhat disjointed, with examples such as global warming, pollution, and volcanic eruptions listed without a clear progression or connection. Similarly, the second body paragraph shifts abruptly to discussing the opposition viewpoint without a smooth transition.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the body paragraphs more cohesively. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea, then provide supporting details and examples that directly relate to that idea. Use transitional phrases to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs, creating a more cohesive flow of thought throughout the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different ideas, but their effectiveness varies. Each paragraph attempts to focus on a specific aspect of the discussion, such as environmental issues associated with humanity or the importance of endangered species. However, the paragraphs lack uniformity in length and depth of discussion. The second body paragraph, in particular, is shorter and less developed compared to the others.
  • How to improve: Ensure consistency in paragraph structure and depth of analysis. Aim for a balanced approach where each paragraph presents a coherent argument or discussion point supported by relevant examples and explanations. Consider expanding on ideas in shorter paragraphs to provide more depth and clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates some cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve coherence. For instance, phrases like "on the other hand" and "in conclusion" help signal shifts between different viewpoints and the conclusion. Additionally, pronouns like "they" and "these" are used to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, enhancing continuity.
  • How to improve: While the essay utilizes basic cohesive devices, diversifying the range of connectors and transition words can further strengthen coherence. Introduce a variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions (e.g., "furthermore," "however"), transitional phrases (e.g., "in contrast," "nevertheless"), and referencing words (e.g., "this," "such"), ensuring they are used appropriately to connect ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Also, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure they facilitate smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly good range of vocabulary, with a variety of words and phrases used throughout. For instance, the essay employs terms such as "preserve," "endangered," "ramifications," "extinct," "beneficial," "habitats," and "advancements of technology." These choices contribute to the overall lexical richness of the essay.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions where appropriate. Additionally, strive for greater precision and relevance in word choice to elevate the overall quality of the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, there are instances where precise vocabulary could be improved. For example, the phrase "matters such as global warming, pollution, volcanic eruption…" lacks specificity and could be strengthened by replacing "matters" with more precise terms like "environmental phenomena" or "ecological challenges."
  • How to improve: Aim to use more precise and nuanced language to convey ideas accurately. Consider consulting a thesaurus or specialized vocabulary lists related to environmental issues to diversify and refine your word choices.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a moderate level of spelling accuracy, with several errors present throughout. For instance, "volcanic eruption" is spelled correctly, but there are errors such as "dust air pollution" instead of "dust air pollution" and "Australian living" instead of "Australians living." These spelling inaccuracies, while not overly frequent, can detract from the overall coherence and professionalism of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools, proofreading carefully, and familiarizing yourself with common spelling patterns and rules. Additionally, practicing writing tasks under time constraints can help improve spelling accuracy in exam settings.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further. Many sentences follow a similar pattern, lacking complexity and variety. For instance, there’s a tendency to start sentences with "Many advocate for…" or "On the other hand, those oppose to…" which can become repetitive and hinder the flow of the essay. While some variation is evident, such as the use of conditional clauses ("If there are no public and government involvement…") and relative clauses ("which are the main threats to the Australian living around their habitats"), it’s not consistently applied throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex constructions such as inversion, parallelism, and varied sentence beginnings. Utilize a mix of simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences to create a more engaging and varied writing style. Additionally, experiment with different sentence lengths to add rhythm and cadence to your prose.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, with few errors. However, there are instances of grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation mistakes throughout the text. For example, in the sentence "Many advocate for solving environmental issues associated with humanity," the preposition "for" is unnecessary, and there’s a lack of parallelism in the list following "global warming, pollution, volcanic eruption…". Additionally, there are errors in subject-verb agreement, such as "they can deal with this without their help," where "they" and "their" do not clearly refer to a specific antecedent.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, parallel structure, and the appropriate use of prepositions. Revise sentences carefully to ensure clarity and coherence, avoiding unnecessary repetition or ambiguity. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar checkers to identify and correct errors more effectively. Additionally, practice writing in a variety of contexts to reinforce grammatical rules and improve overall proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that our primary focus in society should be on preserving endangered plants and animals, while others contend that more pressing environmental issues warrant attention. In my opinion, addressing other significant environmental problems is paramount due to their essential impact on human life.

Many advocate for addressing environmental issues directly affecting humanity. In recent times, issues such as global warming, pollution, and natural disasters have become increasingly prevalent in our daily lives. Without public and governmental intervention, the consequences of these issues could be severe. For example, the World Health Organization (WHO) identifies various health risks associated with air pollution, including decreased lung function and an increased risk of lung cancer. It is therefore imperative that these issues receive widespread attention and action from both individuals and governments.

On the contrary, proponents of focusing on endangered species argue that they play crucial roles in ecosystems and can provide medical benefits and pest control. However, it is important to recognize that while these species are valuable, they represent only a small fraction of the global ecosystem and may not have significant impacts on human life. For instance, the thylacine, once native to Australia, was known for its role in controlling snake and scorpion populations. However, advancements in technology have enabled humans to manage these threats without relying on the presence of such species.

In conclusion, while the loss of particular species of plants and animals is a legitimate concern, it is imperative to prioritize other environmental issues that directly impact human well-being. By addressing issues such as pollution and climate change, we can safeguard the health and sustainability of our planet for future generations.