Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary society, due to the ongoing environmental exacerbation which the primary culprits are climate change and human activities, the likelihood of various species devastation significantly increases. It therefore posits that abundant attention and resources are allocated in wildlife and bird conservation. I would express my strong disapproval of this notion before proposing my point of view.

One compelling rationale is the lack of the residents' awareness for biodiversity in several regions, leading to the substantial decrease of characteristic endangered fauna. Moreover, although the authorities and environmentalists have decreed various laws regarding global ecosystem protection, there are plenty of individuals who engage in illegal activities such as poaching or trading rare animals or birds. One obvious example is Vietnam, despite strict supervising and lavish rewards for wildlife protection, many areas are reluctant to practice preservation campaigns, contributing to the decrease of national endangered species such as tigers or bears. And there are almost no exceptions for this persistent issue, forcing more emphasis and expense from the government.

On the other hand, though numerous attention and resources are invested in order to alleviate this phenomenon, the detrimental consequence of climate change on fauna is inevitable. Due to the rising temperature in recent years, the Antarctic permanent frosts are likely to be melted, leading to the territory decrease of some species, causing the demise of animals such as penguins or polar bears. Additionally, continental fauna are significantly affected. Mexico, for instance, a species of monkeys is reported dead due to rising temperatures, posing a risk of some animals and birds extinction, especially in tropical countries. As a result, more sufficient concerns and investment is essential to mitigate and rescue our ecosystem.

To recapitulate, the attention and resources of the authorities for environmental issues regarding fauna is entirely valid. Therefore, it is practical for citizens to raise their awareness and contribute efforts to biodiversity maintenance.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"due to the ongoing environmental exacerbation" -> "due to the ongoing environmental degradation"
Explanation: "Exacerbation" is not typically used to describe environmental issues. "Degradation" is a more precise and commonly accepted term in academic contexts to describe the deterioration of the environment.
"the likelihood of various species devastation" -> "the likelihood of widespread species extinction"
Explanation: "Devastation" is too vague and emotive for academic writing. "Extinction" is the scientifically accurate term for the death of a species, making it more suitable for formal writing.
"abundant attention and resources are allocated" -> "substantial attention and resources are allocated"
Explanation: "Abundant" is somewhat informal and imprecise. "Substantial" provides a more measured and formal tone suitable for academic writing.
"I would express my strong disapproval of this notion" -> "I strongly disapprove of this notion"
Explanation: "I would express" is redundant; "I strongly disapprove" is more direct and assertive, aligning better with academic tone.
"lack of the residents’ awareness" -> "lack of resident awareness"
Explanation: "The residents’ awareness" is awkwardly phrased. Simplifying it to "resident awareness" improves clarity and formality.
"characteristic endangered fauna" -> "endangered fauna"
Explanation: "Characteristic" is unnecessary and redundant in this context. "Endangered fauna" is straightforward and precise.
"engage in illegal activities such as poaching or trading rare animals or birds" -> "engage in illegal activities such as poaching and trading endangered species"
Explanation: "Rare animals or birds" is too vague and imprecise. "Endangered species" is the correct term and is more specific.
"lavish rewards for wildlife protection" -> "substantial rewards for wildlife protection"
Explanation: "Lavish" implies excessive or extravagant, which may not be the intended meaning. "Substantial" is more neutral and appropriate for formal writing.
"reluctant to practice preservation campaigns" -> "hesitant to implement conservation efforts"
Explanation: "Practice preservation campaigns" is awkward and unclear. "Implement conservation efforts" is more precise and commonly used in environmental contexts.
"forcing more emphasis and expense from the government" -> "requiring increased emphasis and funding from the government"
Explanation: "Forcing" is too strong and informal; "requiring" is more appropriate for formal writing. "Expense" is vague; "funding" is the correct term in this context.
"the detrimental consequence of climate change on fauna" -> "the detrimental impact of climate change on fauna"
Explanation: "Consequence" is less specific than "impact," which is the more commonly used term in academic discussions of environmental effects.
"the Antarctic permanent frosts are likely to be melted" -> "the Antarctic ice sheets are likely to melt"
Explanation: "Permanent frosts" is incorrect; "ice sheets" is the correct term for the frozen regions of Antarctica. "Melt" is more accurate than "be melted."
"Mexico, for instance, a species of monkeys is reported dead" -> "Mexico, for example, a species of monkeys has been reported extinct"
Explanation: "Is reported dead" is incorrect; "has been reported extinct" is the correct phrase for describing the status of a species. "For instance" is more formal than "for example."
"more sufficient concerns and investment is essential" -> "more significant concerns and investment are essential"
Explanation: "More sufficient" is incorrect; "more significant" is the correct adverbial form. "Concerns" should be plural to match "investment."

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a disagreement with the notion that too much attention and resources are allocated to wildlife and bird conservation. The author presents arguments supporting the need for more attention and resources, citing issues such as illegal poaching and the impacts of climate change on species. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which would provide a more balanced discussion and strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the author should consider briefly outlining the perspective that too much attention is given to wildlife conservation before refuting it. This would not only demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic but also enhance the overall argument by showing awareness of differing opinions.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the idea that too much attention is given to wildlife conservation. The author’s stance is evident from the introduction through to the conclusion. However, the phrase "I would express my strong disapproval of this notion" could be more assertively stated to reinforce the position. Additionally, the conclusion could more strongly reiterate the main arguments made throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the author should use more definitive language in the introduction and conclusion. Phrases like "I strongly disagree" or "It is essential" can convey a firmer stance. Furthermore, summarizing the key points in the conclusion will reinforce the position taken throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The author presents relevant ideas regarding the lack of awareness and the impact of climate change on wildlife. Specific examples, such as the situation in Vietnam and the effects of rising temperatures on species, effectively support the arguments. However, some points could be further developed. For instance, while the mention of illegal activities is important, providing more detail about specific laws or conservation efforts could enhance the argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the author should aim to include more specific examples and data to support their claims. This could involve discussing successful conservation programs or statistics on species decline, which would provide a stronger foundation for the arguments made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of wildlife conservation and the allocation of resources. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, while the effects of climate change are relevant, the connection to resource allocation could be made clearer. The mention of "detrimental consequences of climate change" could be more explicitly tied back to the argument about the necessity of conservation efforts.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the author should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of resource allocation. Clarifying how each argument supports the need for more resources in conservation efforts will help keep the essay tightly aligned with the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents compelling arguments, but it could benefit from more balanced consideration of opposing views, clearer language, and deeper elaboration of ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that present distinct points, and a conclusion that summarizes the argument. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each body paragraph focuses on a specific rationale supporting the author’s viewpoint. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the lack of awareness among residents, while the second addresses the impact of climate change on wildlife. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that connect the ideas between paragraphs more explicitly. For instance, at the end of the first body paragraph, a sentence could be added to indicate that the discussion will now shift to another significant factor affecting wildlife, such as climate change. This would help the reader follow the progression of the argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity and readability. Each paragraph is focused on a single main idea, which is a strength. However, the conclusion could be more developed to reinforce the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs. Currently, it feels somewhat abrupt and does not fully encapsulate the discussion.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only summarizes the main points but also reiterates the significance of the argument. Adding a final thought or a call to action could provide a more impactful ending. Additionally, consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly outline the main idea that will be discussed.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "moreover," "on the other hand," and "as a result," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices feels repetitive, particularly the reliance on "moreover" and "additionally" to introduce new points.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "moreover," alternatives like "furthermore," "in addition," or "besides" could be employed. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help reduce redundancy and improve cohesion throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are opportunities for improvement in transitions, paragraph development, and the variety of cohesive devices used. Implementing these suggestions can help elevate the essay’s clarity and effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "environmental exacerbation," "biodiversity," "characteristic endangered fauna," and "detrimental consequence." These choices reflect a good understanding of the topic and an ability to express complex ideas. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "attention and resources" could have been substituted with synonyms or paraphrased to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "attention and resources," you might use "focus and funding" or "efforts and investments" in different parts of the essay. This will not only diversify your vocabulary but also keep the reader engaged.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the likelihood of various species devastation" could be more clearly expressed as "the likelihood of various species becoming extinct." Additionally, "the Antarctic permanent frosts are likely to be melted" could be more precisely stated as "the permanent ice in Antarctica is likely to melt." These adjustments would enhance clarity and precision.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity when selecting vocabulary. When you identify phrases that could be misinterpreted or are awkwardly constructed, consider rephrasing them for better clarity. Reading your essay aloud can help you catch these issues, as you may notice phrases that sound awkward or unclear.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no glaring errors that would impede understanding. However, the phrase "the Antarctic permanent frosts" could be misinterpreted; "frosts" might be better replaced with "ice" or "glaciers" to reflect the correct terminology associated with the Antarctic environment.
- How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread your essay carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools can help catch minor errors, but also consider reading your work multiple times, focusing specifically on spelling and word choice. Additionally, familiarizing yourself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary with a band score of 7, there are opportunities for improvement in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring clarity in word choice, and engaging in thorough proofreading, the essay can achieve an even higher score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the opening sentence effectively employs a complex structure: "In contemporary society, due to the ongoing environmental exacerbation which the primary culprits are climate change and human activities, the likelihood of various species devastation significantly increases." This showcases the writer’s ability to convey intricate ideas. Additionally, the use of phrases like "One compelling rationale is…" and "On the other hand…" indicates a good command of discourse markers that help in structuring arguments. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be simplified for clarity, such as "the likelihood of various species devastation significantly increases," which could be more clearly stated as "the likelihood of various species being devastated significantly increases."
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For example, using participial phrases ("Having considered the evidence…") or conditional clauses ("If more resources were allocated…") could enhance the complexity of the writing. Additionally, varying the length of sentences—mixing shorter, impactful sentences with longer, more detailed ones—could improve readability and engagement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are some issues with punctuation and grammatical constructions that could be improved. For example, in the phrase "the likelihood of various species devastation," the noun "devastation" should be preceded by "being" to form "the likelihood of various species being devastated." Additionally, the sentence "One obvious example is Vietnam, despite strict supervising and lavish rewards for wildlife protection, many areas are reluctant to practice preservation campaigns," is a run-on sentence that could benefit from a semicolon or a conjunction to separate the two independent clauses.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on ensuring that all noun phrases are correctly constructed and that complex sentences are punctuated properly. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of commas, could be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for run-on sentences and ensuring that each clause is properly connected would improve clarity and coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, attention to sentence clarity and punctuation could elevate the writing further. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, due to the ongoing environmental degradation, primarily caused by climate change and human activities, the likelihood of various species extinction significantly increases. It therefore posits that substantial attention and resources are allocated to wildlife and bird conservation. I would express my strong disapproval of this notion before proposing my point of view.

One compelling rationale is the lack of resident awareness regarding biodiversity in several regions, leading to the substantial decrease of characteristic endangered fauna. Moreover, although the authorities and environmentalists have decreed various laws regarding global ecosystem protection, there are plenty of individuals who engage in illegal activities such as poaching and trading endangered species. One obvious example is Vietnam; despite strict supervision and lavish rewards for wildlife protection, many areas are hesitant to implement preservation campaigns, contributing to the decrease of national endangered species such as tigers and bears. There are almost no exceptions to this persistent issue, forcing increased emphasis and funding from the government.

On the other hand, though numerous attention and resources are invested in order to alleviate this phenomenon, the detrimental impact of climate change on fauna is inevitable. Due to the rising temperatures in recent years, the Antarctic ice sheets are likely to melt, leading to the territorial decrease of some species and causing the demise of animals such as penguins and polar bears. Additionally, continental fauna are significantly affected. Mexico, for instance, has reported a species of monkeys extinct due to rising temperatures, posing a risk of further animal and bird extinction, especially in tropical countries. As a result, more significant concerns and investment are essential to mitigate and rescue our ecosystem.

To recapitulate, the attention and resources of the authorities for environmental issues regarding fauna are entirely valid. Therefore, it is practical for citizens to raise their awareness and contribute efforts to biodiversity maintenance.