Some people say that what children watch on TV influences their behaviour while others say the amount of time children they spend watching Tv influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people say that what children watch on TV influences their behaviour while others say the amount of time children they spend watching Tv influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In contemporary society, the perception of TV content varies widely among different cultural backgrounds. There is ongoing debate about whether the content or the duration of watching TV significantly affects children’s behaviors. I believe that both are significant factors in shaping the cognitive development of teenagers.
On the one hand, the amount of time watching TV may influence the youth’s attitude and result in various consequences. Excessive television viewing might entail addiction, resulting in a lack of time for physical activities. In fact, many studies have suggested a strong correlation between TV watching and a sedentary lifestyle, which might contribute to their reluctance to exercise and give rise to obesity. By the same token, young adolescents are more susceptible to eye strain if they excessively watch television, potentially leading to long-term visual impairment. Vietnam is a prominent exemplification where numerous teenagers are short-sighted at an early age due to long watching time daily without resting their eyes properly, thereby implicating the detrimental influence of massive viewing time.
In addition to the duration, I assert that the nature of the content also plays a crucial role in the young’s manners. First, children are more likely to imitate what they are exposed to, which may have detrimental effects on their behaviors. This is particularly noticeable in violent programs, extended exposure to these programs could contribute to aggressive manners. As a result, they may behave inappropriately toward others at school such as bullying, or tend to engage in delinquency such as assault, which could increase the intensity of their aggressive attitude in the future. Nevertheless, I believe that children can obtain potential benefits of educational content or relaxation if they spend an adequate amount of time on TV viewing.
In conclusion, I argue that not only the viewing period but also televised content can have adverse impacts on children’s growth, associated with the deterioration in their physical health and violent attitudes. Ultimately, parents need to supervise their children’s watching activity and set time limits for this to help them develop comprehensively.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In contemporary society" -> "In the contemporary society"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "contemporary society" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formal tone of the sentence. -
"the perception of TV content" -> "perceptions of television content"
Explanation: Changing "the perception of TV content" to "perceptions of television content" pluralizes the noun to reflect the diversity of views, aligning with the context of varying cultural backgrounds. -
"both are significant factors" -> "both are significant factors in shaping"
Explanation: Adding "in shaping" clarifies the role of the factors, specifying that they contribute to the development of teenagers, which enhances the precision of the statement. -
"the amount of time watching TV" -> "the duration of television viewing"
Explanation: Replacing "the amount of time watching TV" with "the duration of television viewing" uses more formal and precise language suitable for academic writing. -
"might entail addiction" -> "may lead to addiction"
Explanation: "May lead to" is a more precise and formal expression than "might entail," which is less commonly used in academic contexts to describe causality. -
"result in various consequences" -> "result in various consequences"
Explanation: This is a redundant repetition. Removing the second "various" corrects the redundancy and maintains the formal tone. -
"young adolescents" -> "young adolescents"
Explanation: This is a typographical error. The word "adolescents" should not be repeated. -
"short-sighted" -> "myopic"
Explanation: "Myopic" is a more precise and medically accurate term than "short-sighted," which is less formal and more colloquial. -
"long watching time daily" -> "prolonged daily television viewing"
Explanation: "Prolonged daily television viewing" is a more formal and precise way to describe the excessive television watching, aligning better with academic style. -
"implicating the detrimental influence" -> "indicating the detrimental influence"
Explanation: "Implicating" is not the correct term here; "indicating" is the appropriate verb to suggest that the evidence suggests or shows the influence. -
"the young’s manners" -> "the young people’s behavior"
Explanation: "The young people’s behavior" is more specific and appropriate than "the young’s manners," which is awkward and unclear in this context. -
"may have detrimental effects on their behaviors" -> "may have detrimental effects on their behavior"
Explanation: Changing "behaviors" to "behavior" corrects the grammatical number agreement, aligning with the singular subject "their behavior." -
"could contribute to aggressive manners" -> "could contribute to aggressive behavior"
Explanation: "Behavior" is the correct term here, as "manners" is not typically used to describe aggressive actions. -
"tend to engage in delinquency such as assault" -> "may engage in delinquent behavior such as assault"
Explanation: "May engage in delinquent behavior" is more precise and formal than "tend to engage in delinquency," which is vague and less formal. -
"children can obtain potential benefits" -> "children can derive potential benefits"
Explanation: "Derive" is a more formal and academically appropriate verb than "obtain" in this context, suggesting the acquisition of benefits through a process. -
"watching activity" -> "television viewing"
Explanation: "Television viewing" is a more specific and formal term than "watching activity," which is too vague and informal for academic writing. -
"set time limits for this" -> "establish time limits for this"
Explanation: "Establish" is a more formal and precise verb than "set" in this context, fitting better in an academic essay.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both aspects of the prompt: the influence of TV content and the amount of time spent watching TV. The introduction outlines the debate, and the body paragraphs provide arguments for both sides. For instance, the first paragraph discusses the negative consequences of excessive TV viewing, such as addiction and obesity, while the second paragraph emphasizes the impact of violent content on behavior. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could benefit from a more explicit comparison between the two views. For example, the author could include a sentence that directly contrasts the effects of content versus time spent watching TV, which would strengthen the discussion of both perspectives.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position that both the content and the duration of TV watching are significant factors influencing children’s behavior. This is evident in the thesis statement and reinforced throughout the essay. The conclusion succinctly reiterates this stance, emphasizing the need for parental supervision.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could improve by explicitly stating the author’s opinion on which factor they believe is more influential. This would provide a stronger personal viewpoint and enhance the overall argument.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, using relevant examples and evidence. For instance, the mention of studies linking TV watching to a sedentary lifestyle and the specific example of Vietnam’s youth experiencing short-sightedness are strong supports for the argument. Additionally, the discussion of the impact of violent content on behavior is well-articulated and substantiated.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the support for ideas, the author could incorporate more statistical data or research findings to back up claims. For instance, citing specific studies or statistics on the correlation between TV viewing and obesity or aggression would provide a more robust foundation for the arguments.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the influence of both TV content and viewing time on children’s behavior. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument without straying off-topic. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the relevance of the discussion.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensuring that each point is directly tied back to the prompt can enhance clarity. The author could explicitly link back to the prompt in the concluding remarks, reiterating how both factors discussed contribute to the overarching issue of children’s behavior.
In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively addresses the prompt. By incorporating more explicit comparisons, statistical support, and clearer links back to the prompt, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and depth in its argumentation.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the debate regarding the influence of TV content versus viewing time on children’s behavior. Each paragraph logically develops the argument, with the first focusing on the effects of viewing time and the second on the nature of content. However, while the ideas are generally well-organized, there are moments where the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition from discussing the negative effects of excessive viewing time to the impact of content could be more explicitly linked to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas in each paragraph. For example, phrases like "In addition to the time spent watching TV, the type of content is equally important" can help clarify the relationship between the two viewpoints. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will aid in guiding the reader through the argument.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the impact of viewing time, while the second addresses the nature of content. However, the conclusion could benefit from a more pronounced summary of the main points discussed, as it currently reiterates the thesis without clearly encapsulating the arguments made in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only restates the thesis but also briefly summarizes the key points made in the body paragraphs. This will reinforce the arguments and provide a clearer closure to the essay. Additionally, consider using subheadings for longer essays to further clarify the structure and guide the reader.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "by the same token," and "in addition to." These phrases help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, there is some repetition in the use of certain cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat formulaic. For example, the phrase "in addition" appears multiple times, which could detract from the overall variety and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "in addition," you could use alternatives like "furthermore," "moreover," or "likewise." Additionally, varying sentence structures can also enhance cohesion; for example, using relative clauses or participial phrases can create more complex and engaging sentences.
Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced discussion of the topic. By focusing on improving transitions, enhancing the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Terms such as "cognitive development," "sedentary lifestyle," "eye strain," and "detrimental influence" show an ability to use academic language effectively. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "watching TV" could be replaced with synonyms like "viewing television" or "television consumption" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of synonyms and phrases related to the topic. Practicing with vocabulary lists specific to media influence and child development could help. Additionally, using a thesaurus to find alternatives for frequently used terms can enhance the richness of the language.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where precision could be improved. For instance, the phrase "the young’s manners" is somewhat awkward and could be more clearly expressed as "young people’s behavior" or "children’s behavior." Similarly, "massive viewing time" could be better articulated as "excessive viewing time" to convey the intended meaning more accurately.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on context when selecting vocabulary. Reading more academic articles on child psychology or media studies could provide insight into more precise language usage. Additionally, revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that word choices align with the intended meaning will strengthen the overall argument.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no glaring errors that detract from the overall readability. However, there are minor issues, such as "exemplification," which is technically correct but could be simplified to "example" for clarity and ease of understanding.
- How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with a Band Score of 7, there is room for improvement in terms of lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the writer effectively uses clauses such as "Excessive television viewing might entail addiction, resulting in a lack of time for physical activities," which showcases the ability to combine ideas. Additionally, the use of transitional phrases like "By the same token" and "In addition to" helps to connect ideas smoothly. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied; for example, the repeated use of "may" and "might" could be diversified with other modal verbs or phrases to enhance the complexity of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, starting sentences with adverbial phrases or using inversion for emphasis can add sophistication. Additionally, integrating more varied conjunctions and relative clauses could enhance the complexity and richness of the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. Punctuation is mostly correct, aiding in the clarity of the arguments presented. For instance, the use of commas in complex sentences is appropriate, as seen in "which might contribute to their reluctance to exercise and give rise to obesity." However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "the young’s manners," which could be more clearly expressed as "the behavior of young people." Additionally, the phrase "Vietnam is a prominent exemplification" could be simplified to "Vietnam is a prominent example," which would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on clarity and conciseness in their expressions. Reviewing sentence constructions for awkward phrasing or overly complex structures can help. Furthermore, proofreading for minor grammatical errors and ensuring that phrases are idiomatic will enhance the overall quality. Engaging with grammar resources or exercises focused on common pitfalls can also be beneficial in refining skills.
Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument with a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. With some attention to diversifying structures and refining clarity, the writer can further enhance their writing quality.
Bài sửa mẫu
In contemporary society, perceptions of television content vary widely among different cultural backgrounds. There is ongoing debate about whether the content or the duration of television viewing significantly affects children’s behavior. I believe that both are significant factors in shaping the cognitive development of teenagers.
On the one hand, the amount of time spent watching TV may influence the youth’s attitudes and result in various consequences. Excessive television viewing might lead to addiction, resulting in a lack of time for physical activities. In fact, many studies have suggested a strong correlation between television viewing and a sedentary lifestyle, which might contribute to their reluctance to exercise and give rise to obesity. By the same token, young adolescents are more susceptible to eye strain if they excessively watch television, potentially leading to long-term visual impairment. Vietnam is a prominent example where numerous teenagers are short-sighted at an early age due to prolonged daily television viewing without resting their eyes properly, thereby indicating the detrimental influence of excessive viewing time.
In addition to the duration, I assert that the nature of the content also plays a crucial role in young people’s behavior. First, children are more likely to imitate what they are exposed to, which may have detrimental effects on their behavior. This is particularly noticeable in violent programs; extended exposure to these programs could contribute to aggressive behavior. As a result, they may behave inappropriately toward others at school, such as bullying, or tend to engage in delinquent behavior such as assault, which could increase the intensity of their aggressive attitudes in the future. Nevertheless, I believe that children can derive potential benefits from educational content or relaxation if they spend an adequate amount of time on television viewing.
In conclusion, I argue that not only the viewing period but also televised content can have adverse impacts on children’s development, associated with the deterioration in their physical health and violent attitudes. Ultimately, parents need to supervise their children’s television viewing and establish time limits for this to help them develop comprehensively.