Some people say that wild animals have no place in the 21st century, and the protection is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the rapidly evolving world, wild animals are being less attentioned by humans. This has caused controversial debate because any attempt to protect such animals will lead to time and money-consuming. Personally, I totally disagree with this aspect which has many potential risks for communities and the global.

On the one hand , wild fauna has a crucial responsibility in the food chain, ecological balance, and biodiversity. Specifically, predators such as lions, tigers, and wolves are essential for controlling the population of herbivores, which in turn help to regulate the growth of plants and prevent overgrazing. Also, bees and birds play an important role in pollinating plants and trees, which is indispensable for agriculture and the production of food.

Furthermore, such animals pose a valuable asset. By investing heavily in animal welfare and cultivating Animal sanctuaries, national parks or zoos , the government can promote the tourism industry which contributes to generate income for the local communities and government budget. This can not only broadcast the country's biodiversity to tourists around the world but also enhance the process of globalization. Countries like China and Japan , with their strong emphasis on this field , serve as prime examples of this approach 's potential.

Last but not least, animals are an indispensable component of scientific and medical research.To illustrate, thanks to insulin from pigs, the treatment of diabetes becomes easier or white mice are the test subjects of the first risky research products. It is from those animals that researchers can succeed in making drugs, vaccines or other specialized medicinal herbs, which have a direct impact on the cure of human well-being.

In conclusion, investing in wild animals and natural tourism is undoubtedly important for a nation's economic and medical progress, essential for sustainable and holistic development. Only by embracing and implementing this broader view can we ensure that progress benefits both such animals and all members of society that lead to a more equitable and prosperous future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"wild animals are being less attentioned by humans" -> "wild animals are receiving less attention from humans"
Explanation: The original phrase "being less attentioned" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The corrected version "receiving less attention" is grammatically correct and more natural in formal academic writing.
"time and money-consuming" -> "time-consuming and costly"
Explanation: The phrase "time and money-consuming" is redundant and informal. "Time-consuming and costly" is more precise and formal, avoiding redundancy and enhancing clarity.
"Personally, I totally disagree" -> "I strongly disagree"
Explanation: "Personally" is unnecessary in this context, and "totally" is somewhat informal. "I strongly disagree" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing.
"On the one hand" -> "On one hand"
Explanation: "On the one hand" is correct, but "On one hand" is more concise and still maintains the formal tone.
"wild fauna" -> "wildlife"
Explanation: "Wild fauna" is redundant as "wild" is already implied by "fauna." "Wildlife" is the correct term and more commonly used in academic contexts.
"predators such as lions, tigers, and wolves" -> "predators, such as lions, tigers, and wolves"
Explanation: Removing "such as" before the list of examples is more concise and follows standard academic style guidelines.
"By investing heavily in animal welfare and cultivating Animal sanctuaries, national parks or zoos" -> "By investing heavily in animal welfare and establishing animal sanctuaries, national parks, and zoos"
Explanation: "Cultivating" is not the correct term for creating sanctuaries, parks, or zoos. "Establishing" is more precise and appropriate. Also, removing "or" before the list of institutions makes the sentence more formal.
"which contributes to generate income" -> "which generates income"
Explanation: "Contributes to generate" is awkward and redundant. "Generates" is the correct verb form for this context.
"This can not only broadcast" -> "This not only broadcasts"
Explanation: "Can not only" is grammatically incorrect. "Not only" is the correct form for this usage.
"Countries like China and Japan, with their strong emphasis on this field, serve as prime examples of this approach ‘ potential" -> "Countries such as China and Japan, with their strong emphasis on this field, serve as prime examples of this approach’s potential"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "Japan" corrects the punctuation, and removing the space before "serve" aligns with formal writing standards.
"thanks to insulin from pigs" -> "thanks to insulin derived from pigs"
Explanation: "Derived from" is more precise and formal than "from," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"white mice are the test subjects of the first risky research products" -> "white mice serve as the test subjects for the first risky research products"
Explanation: "Serve as" is more formal and precise than "are the test subjects of," and "for" is the correct preposition to use with "test subjects."
"which have a direct impact on the cure of human well-being" -> "which directly impact human health"
Explanation: "Have a direct impact on the cure of human well-being" is awkward and verbose. "Directly impact human health" is more concise and maintains the formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a disagreement with the notion that wild animals have no place in the 21st century and that their protection is a waste of resources. The author provides three main arguments: the ecological importance of wild animals, their economic benefits through tourism, and their role in scientific research. Each point is relevant to the question, showcasing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, the essay could include a brief acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint. This would demonstrate a more balanced approach and allow for a deeper exploration of the topic. For instance, the author could mention potential arguments for the opposing view before refuting them.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author’s position is clear and consistent throughout the essay. The use of phrases such as "Personally, I totally disagree" establishes a strong stance from the outset. Each paragraph reinforces this position by providing supporting arguments. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother to maintain the flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, the author could use more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs and ideas. For example, phrases like "In addition to this," or "Moreover," could help to guide the reader through the progression of arguments more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, with specific examples illustrating the importance of wild animals in ecological balance, tourism, and medical research. The examples are relevant and help to substantiate the claims made. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration to enhance depth.
- How to improve: To extend ideas, the author could provide more detailed examples or statistics to support their claims. For instance, when discussing the economic benefits of wildlife tourism, including specific figures or case studies of successful national parks could strengthen the argument. Additionally, elaborating on the implications of losing biodiversity could provide a more compelling case.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with each paragraph contributing to the overall argument against the idea that wild animals are unnecessary in the modern world. There are no significant deviations from the main topic, which is commendable.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, the author should ensure that each point directly ties back to the central thesis. To enhance this, a concluding sentence in each paragraph could explicitly connect the argument back to the main question, reinforcing the relevance of each point to the overall position.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating the suggested improvements, the author could elevate their writing to an even higher level of clarity and persuasiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that wild animals have no place in the 21st century. The ideas are organized into distinct paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the ecological importance of wild animals, while the second focuses on their economic benefits through tourism. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for example, the shift from ecological roles to economic benefits feels abrupt and could benefit from a clearer linking sentence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the ecological roles of wild animals, a sentence like "In addition to their ecological importance, wild animals also contribute significantly to the economy through tourism" would create a more seamless transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different points, which aids readability and organization. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples. However, the introduction could be more structured; it presents the writer’s opinion but could more clearly outline the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the introduction includes a brief overview of the main arguments that will be elaborated upon in the body paragraphs. This could be done by adding a sentence that summarizes the key points, such as "This essay will explore the ecological, economic, and medical significance of wild animals."
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "Furthermore," and "Last but not least," which help to signal the progression of ideas. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "which" is used frequently to introduce clauses, which could lead to a monotonous reading experience.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "which," try using "that," "this," or "these" to introduce clauses. Additionally, using phrases like "In addition," "Moreover," or "Conversely" can help to create a more dynamic flow of ideas and reduce redundancy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in the logical organization of ideas, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices used could elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "ecological balance," "biodiversity," "pollinating," and "sanctuaries." These words are relevant to the topic and show an ability to discuss complex ideas. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "time and money-consuming" could be expressed more elegantly as "time-consuming and costly." Additionally, the use of "valuable asset" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with a more specific term that reflects the benefits of wildlife conservation.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition and to express ideas more precisely. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "animals," consider using "wildlife," "fauna," or "species" to add variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "predators" and "herbivores," which accurately describe the roles of different animal types in the ecosystem. However, there are moments of imprecision, such as the phrase "the treatment of diabetes becomes easier," which could be misleading. It would be more accurate to say that insulin derived from pigs has been crucial in diabetes management. Additionally, the phrase "broadcast the country’s biodiversity" is not the best choice; "showcase" or "promote" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using terminology that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This involves choosing words that reflect the specific context and avoiding vague expressions. Reading academic articles or essays on similar topics can help in understanding how to use vocabulary more precisely.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good spelling, with only a few minor errors. For instance, "attentioned" is incorrect; the correct term should be "attended to." Additionally, "time and money-consuming" should be hyphenated as "time- and money-consuming." The phrase "the process of globalization" is correctly spelled, but the spacing before commas (e.g., "on the one hand ,") is inconsistent and detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on common spelling errors and ensuring proper punctuation and spacing. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify mistakes that may be overlooked during the writing process.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and varied clauses. For instance, the use of phrases like "which in turn help to regulate the growth of plants and prevent overgrazing" showcases effective subordination. Additionally, the essay employs conditional structures, as seen in "if we embrace and implement this broader view," which adds depth to the argument. However, some sentences are overly complex or awkwardly phrased, such as "This has caused controversial debate because any attempt to protect such animals will lead to time and money-consuming," which could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with "On the one hand" or "Last but not least," try beginning with an engaging fact or statistic to draw readers in. Additionally, ensure that complex sentences maintain clarity; breaking down overly complicated sentences into simpler ones can enhance readability.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. However, there are notable issues with punctuation and word choice. For example, the phrase "being less attentioned by humans" is incorrect; the correct form would be "receiving less attention from humans." Additionally, there are unnecessary spaces before commas, such as in "On the one hand , wild fauna," which detracts from the professionalism of the writing. The use of "which is indispensable for agriculture and the production of food" is grammatically correct but could be more concise.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to common word forms and phrases. For instance, use "receiving less attention" instead of "being less attentioned." Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma placement, to avoid unnecessary spaces. Regular practice with grammar exercises and proofreading can help identify and correct these issues before finalizing the essay. Lastly, consider using a grammar-checking tool to catch minor errors that might be overlooked during self-editing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on simplifying complex sentences and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy, the writer can further enhance the clarity and professionalism of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the rapidly evolving world, wild animals are receiving less attention from humans. This has caused a controversial debate because any attempt to protect such animals will be time-consuming and costly. Personally, I strongly disagree with this perspective, as it has many potential risks for communities and the globe.

On one hand, wildlife has a crucial responsibility in the food chain, ecological balance, and biodiversity. Specifically, predators such as lions, tigers, and wolves are essential for controlling the population of herbivores, which in turn helps to regulate the growth of plants and prevent overgrazing. Additionally, bees and birds play an important role in pollinating plants and trees, which is indispensable for agriculture and the production of food.

Furthermore, such animals pose a valuable asset. By investing heavily in animal welfare and establishing animal sanctuaries, national parks, or zoos, the government can promote the tourism industry, which generates income for local communities and the government budget. This not only broadcasts the country’s biodiversity to tourists around the world but also enhances the process of globalization. Countries such as China and Japan, with their strong emphasis on this field, serve as prime examples of this approach’s potential.

Last but not least, animals are an indispensable component of scientific and medical research. To illustrate, thanks to insulin derived from pigs, the treatment of diabetes becomes easier, and white mice serve as the test subjects for the first risky research products. It is from these animals that researchers can succeed in making drugs, vaccines, or other specialized medicinal herbs, which have a direct impact on human health.

In conclusion, investing in wild animals and natural tourism is undoubtedly important for a nation’s economic and medical progress, essential for sustainable and holistic development. Only by embracing and implementing this broader view can we ensure that progress benefits both these animals and all members of society, leading to a more equitable and prosperous future.