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Some people suggest that the government should spend money putting more works of art like paintings and statues into towns and cities to make them attractive places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people suggest that the government should spend money putting more works of art like paintings and statues into towns and cities to make them attractive places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people assert that the authorities should spare no expense to erect monuments and sculptures to enhance aesthetic value in major cities. While it is undeniable that works of art contribute to a vibrant city and promote economic and tourism prospects, I totally disagree with this view due to concerns related to monetary allocation and unstable development.

One of the primary rationales is that the construction of artistic works is more likely to misallocate not only monetary investment but also substantial areas indeed despite stimulating the potentially tourist-based economy. In particular, the US has an array of renowned sculptures, typically, the Statue of Liberty, attracting an influx of visitors, contributing to a flourishing city. However, such considerable investments engender insufficient public funding for pragmatic concerns such as education, health, and transport systems in some countries, especially developing ones that should have a more emphasis on science and technology over erection of sculptures . Consequently, this may deteriorate the national economy together with the residents’ living standard.

Another contributing factor is that monuments and murals are primarily centered in megalopolises with numerous prospects while the others are probably ignored, resulting in a greater disparity among regions. This, consequently, creates undesirable social issues in less developed zones such as unemployment, poverty, and even crime, which is on account of unequal distribution of resources. With the disproportionate evolution, the government might be in charge of dealing with numerous issues arising apart from these aforementioned concerns associated with outsized budget share.

Admittedly, there are a great number of individuals who argue that the construction of monuments brings about a range of beneficial aspects. The building of statues of historical figures, for instance, not only instills senses of pride for younger generations but also boosts international friends' understanding via imparting knowledge about domestic history and culture, additionally, such masterpieces and sculptures also enhance aesthetic beauty for the regions. However, it is right to some extent due to the fact that they fail to consider the prodigality of such constructions possibly stems from frequent subsequent maintenance and refurbishments due to natural disaster impacts or vandalism. Therefore, the wastage to these constructions is unnecessarily redundant.

In conclusion, although many individuals advocate the demand to offer statues and murals aesthetically beautifying their surroundings, I contend that the prospective outcomes cannot outweigh the adverse implications. Therefore, the government should judiciously consider apportioning the national budgets into practical alternatives to ensure a balanced approach.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Many people assert that" -> "Numerous individuals argue that"
    Explanation: Replacing "Many people assert that" with "Numerous individuals argue that" introduces a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic language.

  2. "totally disagree" -> "strongly disagree"
    Explanation: Changing "totally disagree" to "strongly disagree" enhances the strength of the statement, making it more assertive and suitable for academic discourse.

  3. "related to monetary allocation" -> "pertaining to budget allocation"
    Explanation: Substituting "related to monetary allocation" with "pertaining to budget allocation" maintains formality while offering a more specific term for financial distribution.

  4. "indeed despite" -> "and may lead to"
    Explanation: Replacing "indeed despite" with "and may lead to" improves the sentence structure, making it clearer and more academically sound.

  5. "an array of renowned sculptures, typically, the Statue of Liberty," -> "an array of renowned sculptures, such as the Statue of Liberty,"
    Explanation: Adding "such as the Statue of Liberty" provides a more specific example, enhancing clarity and precision.

  6. "attracting an influx of visitors" -> "drawing an influx of visitors"
    Explanation: Changing "attracting" to "drawing" results in a more active and formal verb choice, improving the overall tone.

  7. "engender insufficient public funding" -> "divert public funding inadequately"
    Explanation: Replacing "engender insufficient" with "divert inadequately" offers a more precise and formal expression, emphasizing the misallocation of funds.

  8. "that should have a more emphasis on science and technology over erection of sculptures" -> "which should prioritize investments in science and technology rather than the construction of sculptures"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence and using "which should prioritize" improves clarity and maintains formality.

  9. "monuments and murals are primarily centered" -> "monuments and murals are predominantly concentrated"
    Explanation: Substituting "centered" with "concentrated" adds a more formal and accurate term, aligning with academic style.

  10. "creates undesirable social issues" -> "gives rise to undesirable social issues"
    Explanation: Replacing "creates" with "gives rise to" introduces a more formal and nuanced expression, suitable for academic writing.

  11. "Admittedly, there are a great number of individuals who argue that" -> "Admittedly, a considerable number of individuals contend that"
    Explanation: Using "a considerable number of individuals contend that" enhances formality and precision, maintaining the academic tone.

  12. "boosts international friends’ understanding" -> "enhances international friends’ comprehension"
    Explanation: Changing "boosts" to "enhances" and "understanding" to "comprehension" results in a more sophisticated and appropriate expression.

  13. "it is right to some extent due to the fact that" -> "this holds true to some extent because"
    Explanation: Substituting "it is right to some extent due to the fact that" with "this holds true to some extent because" offers a more concise and formal expression.

  14. "prodigality of such constructions" -> "extravagance of such structures"
    Explanation: Replacing "prodigality of such constructions" with "extravagance of such structures" introduces a more precise and formal term.

  15. "wastage to these constructions is unnecessarily redundant" -> "resources allocated to these constructions are unnecessarily redundant"
    Explanation: Changing "wastage to these constructions" to "resources allocated to these constructions" improves clarity and formalizes the language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does address all parts of the question by presenting a clear opinion against the suggestion that the government should spend money on artworks. The essay discusses concerns related to monetary allocation and uneven development.
    • How to improve: While the essay covers the main points, providing more nuanced examples or exploring potential benefits before refuting them could enhance the depth of the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently expressing disagreement with the idea of spending on artworks. The stance is evident in each paragraph.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph directly connects to the central thesis and avoids potential ambiguity.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas logically, supporting the viewpoint with examples such as the Statue of Liberty and discussing potential negative consequences. However, some ideas could be more elaborated for a comprehensive argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, provide more detailed examples and consider exploring counterarguments before refuting them.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the impact of spending on artworks on practical concerns like education, health, and regional disparities.
    • How to improve: Maintain a focused discussion on the economic and aesthetic aspects related to spending on artworks. Avoid slight deviations to ensure a more concise response.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a coherent and well-organized argument against the suggestion of government spending on artworks. To improve, consider deepening the analysis of supporting examples and maintaining a more focused discussion on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a commendable attempt at organization, presenting a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the organization could be improved by enhancing the coherence between ideas within paragraphs. Some sentences within paragraphs feel disconnected from the main argument and might confuse the reader. For instance, the discussion about unequal resource distribution is introduced but not thoroughly connected to the main argument about government spending on art.
    • How to improve: Focus on maintaining a stronger connection between ideas within each paragraph. Ensure that each supporting point aligns closely with the central argument of the paragraph. Utilize transitional phrases to guide the reader through the logical progression of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but their effectiveness is hindered by a lack of clarity and cohesion within them. Each paragraph should ideally contain a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that provide evidence or elaboration. In this essay, some paragraphs lack this clear structure, making it challenging to follow the flow of ideas.
    • How to improve: Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main point of that paragraph. Follow this with supporting details or examples that directly relate to the topic sentence. Consider restructuring paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited use of cohesive devices. While some linking words and phrases are employed (e.g., ‘however’, ‘consequently’), their usage is somewhat repetitive, and there’s a need for a broader variety of cohesive devices to strengthen the connections between sentences and ideas.
    • How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices used. Incorporate a wider range of transition words and phrases (‘moreover’, ‘nevertheless’, ‘in addition to’, etc.) to create a more seamless flow between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that these cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect ideas logically.

Overall, to elevate the Coherence and Cohesion score, concentrate on refining paragraph structure, enhancing the logical progression of ideas within paragraphs, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. This will significantly improve the essay’s readability and clarity, making the argument more cohesive and compelling.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary throughout. The writer employs varied and sophisticated vocabulary, such as "rationales," "engender," "pragmatic concerns," and "disproportionate evolution." These choices enhance the overall quality of expression.
    • How to improve: While the range of vocabulary is strong, consider incorporating more idiomatic expressions or nuanced language where applicable. This could further elevate the lexical richness of the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary precisely, with accurate word choices that convey the intended meaning. For example, the use of "misallocate," "prodigality," and "judiciously" demonstrates a precise command of language.
    • How to improve: Continue to be vigilant about precision, ensuring that each word used aligns precisely with the intended meaning. Avoid unnecessary repetition and explore alternatives for frequently used words to enhance variety.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy with minimal errors. Notable words, including technical terms, are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: Maintain the diligence in spell-checking, especially for less common or specialized vocabulary. Additionally, consider proofreading for typos or minor errors that might have been overlooked.

This essay showcases a strong lexical resource, utilizing a diverse vocabulary to express ideas effectively. The precision in word choice contributes to the clarity of the arguments presented. To further enhance lexical resource, aim for even greater idiomatic expressions and explore alternative vocabulary choices where feasible. Additionally, maintaining the current standard of spelling accuracy is crucial for sustaining the professional quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and compound-complex sentences. The author effectively uses introductory phrases, clauses, and transitions, enhancing the overall coherence. For instance, the essay begins with a complex sentence, "While it is undeniable that works of art contribute to a vibrant city and promote economic and tourism prospects," and employs parallel structure with "education, health, and transport systems" later in the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enrich sentence variety, consider incorporating occasional rhetorical devices or varying sentence lengths strategically. This can add a layer of sophistication to the writing, making it even more engaging for the reader.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are a few instances where the construction of sentences could be refined for clarity. For example, the phrase "monetary investment but also substantial areas indeed despite stimulating" is somewhat convoluted. Breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences or restructuring can enhance clarity without sacrificing complexity.
    • How to improve: Focus on ensuring that complex ideas are expressed in a clear and straightforward manner. Simplify sentences when necessary, and use precise language to convey ideas without ambiguity.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: The punctuation in the essay is mostly accurate, with proper use of commas, periods, and other punctuation marks. However, there are a few instances where commas could be used more judiciously for improved readability. For example, in the sentence "With the disproportionate evolution, the government might be in charge of dealing with numerous issues arising apart from these aforementioned concerns associated with outsized budget share," consider breaking it into two sentences or using semicolons for better clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to sentence structure and use punctuation marks to signal pauses, separations, and relationships between ideas. Practice incorporating semicolons and colons to enhance sentence variety and structure.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. To further elevate the writing, focus on refining sentence structures for clarity and strategically using punctuation for enhanced readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

Numerous individuals argue that governments should invest substantial funds in erecting monuments and sculptures to enhance the aesthetic appeal of major cities. While it is undeniable that works of art contribute to a vibrant city and promote economic and tourism prospects, I strongly disagree with this view due to concerns related to budget allocation and unstable development.

One of the primary reasons is that the construction of artistic works is more likely to misallocate not only monetary investment but also substantial areas. Despite stimulating the potentially tourist-based economy, the US, for instance, boasts an array of renowned sculptures, such as the Statue of Liberty, drawing an influx of visitors and contributing to a flourishing city. However, such considerable investments divert public funding inadequately from pragmatic concerns such as education, health, and transport systems, especially in developing countries that should prioritize investments in science and technology rather than the construction of sculptures. Consequently, this may deteriorate the national economy and residents’ living standards.

Another contributing factor is that monuments and murals are predominantly concentrated in megalopolises with numerous prospects, while other areas are often ignored, resulting in a greater disparity among regions. This, consequently, gives rise to undesirable social issues in less developed zones, such as unemployment, poverty, and even crime, which are on account of the unequal distribution of resources. With disproportionate evolution, the government might be burdened with dealing with numerous issues arising apart from those associated with outsized budget share.

Admittedly, a considerable number of individuals contend that the construction of monuments brings about a range of beneficial aspects. The building of statues of historical figures, for instance, not only instills a sense of pride in younger generations but also enhances international friends’ comprehension by imparting knowledge about domestic history and culture. Additionally, such masterpieces and sculptures also enhance aesthetic beauty for the regions. However, this holds true to some extent because they fail to consider the extravagance of such structures. The resources allocated to these constructions are unnecessarily redundant, possibly stemming from frequent subsequent maintenance and refurbishments due to natural disaster impacts or vandalism. Therefore, the wastage on these constructions is unnecessarily redundant.

In conclusion, although many individuals advocate for the demand to offer statues and murals that aesthetically beautify their surroundings, I contend that the prospective outcomes cannot outweigh the adverse implications. Therefore, the government should judiciously consider apportioning national budgets into practical alternatives to ensure a balanced approach.

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