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Some people suggest that the government should spend money putting more works of art like paintings and statues into towns and cities to make them attractive places To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people suggest that the government should spend money putting more works of art like paintings and statues into towns and cities to make them attractive places
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is asserted that the government should invest the national budget in locating an increasing number of artworks like paintings and statues inside metropolises to make them appealing destinations. This essay will elaborate on several reasons why I completely agree with this notion.
The foremost reason supporting my argument is that putting more works of art into towns and cities to attract visitors might be beneficial to the local people. More precisely, valuable sculptures, such as pictures and statues could be appealing to various tourists who desire to have more insights into historical and architectural values of regions. As a result, tourism can provide local people with many employment opportunities like tourist guides, history presenters, etc, thus making a handsome profit, ultimately improving their quality of life.
An additional reason in favor of my view is that this policy can be positive to the national development. In fact, a great number of foreigners who are insterested in historical and architectural values of artworks are believed to visit the cities and towns, thereby increasing the overall revenue of national tourism. This is exemplified by the fact that Statue of Liberty, located in the center of New York city, has risen the USA’s revenue to over 100 million USD per year by attracting a range of visitors, thus contributing to the national development.
In conclusion, I advocate that locating sculptures in metropolitant areas might bring various benefits, given that this policy might supply occupations for local people and make a substantial contribution to the nation as well.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "pictures and statues" -> "paintings and sculptures"
    Explanation: Using "paintings and sculptures" instead of "pictures and statues" employs more precise and formal terminology, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

  2. "valuable sculptures, such as pictures and statues" -> "significant artworks, including paintings and sculptures"
    Explanation: Replacing "valuable sculptures, such as pictures and statues" with "significant artworks, including paintings and sculptures" provides a more sophisticated and encompassing description of the art forms, aligning with academic language.

  3. "thus making a handsome profit" -> "thus generating substantial income"
    Explanation: Substituting "making a handsome profit" with "generating substantial income" maintains formality and expresses the financial benefit more precisely.

  4. "national development" -> "economic advancement"
    Explanation: Changing "national development" to "economic advancement" adds precision and formality, aligning with a more academic style.

  5. "a great number of foreigners who are insterested" -> "a significant number of foreign individuals interested"
    Explanation: Replacing "a great number of foreigners who are interested" with "a significant number of foreign individuals interested" enhances precision and avoids informal language.

  6. "thereby increasing the overall revenue of national tourism" -> "thus contributing to the overall revenue of national tourism"
    Explanation: Substituting "thereby increasing" with "thus contributing to" maintains coherence while using a more formal expression.

  7. "Statue of Liberty, located in the center of New York city" -> "The Statue of Liberty, situated in the heart of New York City"
    Explanation: Changing "Statue of Liberty, located in the center of New York city" to "The Statue of Liberty, situated in the heart of New York City" enhances formality by providing a more specific and refined description.

  8. "has risen the USA’s revenue" -> "has boosted the USA’s revenue"
    Explanation: Replacing "has risen" with "has boosted" offers a more precise and academically appropriate term for describing the increase in revenue.

  9. "making a substantial contribution to the nation as well" -> "making a significant contribution to the country"
    Explanation: Substituting "making a substantial contribution to the nation as well" with "making a significant contribution to the country" maintains formality and provides a more precise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "It is asserted that the government should invest the national budget in locating an increasing number of artworks like paintings and statues inside metropolises to make them appealing destinations. This essay will elaborate on several reasons why I completely agree with this notion."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction effectively presents the writer’s position, stating agreement with the idea of investing in artworks for cities. However, to enhance clarity, it would be beneficial to include a brief preview of the main reasons that will be discussed in the essay. This could provide a roadmap for the reader, making the essay more structured and easier to follow.
    • Improved example: "It is argued that allocating the national budget to install artworks in cities enhances their appeal. In this essay, I will elaborate on why I strongly support this idea, focusing on the benefits to local communities and the national economy."
  2. Quoted text: "The foremost reason supporting my argument is that putting more works of art into towns and cities to attract visitors might be beneficial to the local people. More precisely, valuable sculptures, such as pictures and statues could be appealing to various tourists who desire to have more insights into historical and architectural values of regions."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The development of the first reason is well-done, providing a clear rationale for supporting the idea. However, to strengthen this section, consider offering a specific example or personal experience related to the positive impact of artworks on local communities. This would add depth to the argument and make it more convincing.
    • Improved example: "The foremost reason supporting my argument is that putting more works of art into towns and cities can significantly benefit local communities. For instance, in my hometown, the installation of a public mural not only attracted tourists but also led to the establishment of local art markets, providing new economic opportunities for residents."
  3. Quoted text: "An additional reason in favor of my view is that this policy can be positive to the national development. In fact, a great number of foreigners who are insterested in historical and architectural values of artworks are believed to visit the cities and towns, thereby increasing the overall revenue of national tourism."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The second reason is adequately developed, citing the Statue of Liberty as an example. However, for a more comprehensive argument, consider elaborating on how increased tourism revenue contributes to broader aspects of national development, such as infrastructure or education. This would provide a more holistic view of the impact of artworks on national progress.
    • Improved example: "Another compelling reason supporting my view is the positive impact on national development. Beyond attracting tourists, increased revenue from tourism can be channeled into vital areas like infrastructure and education. For instance, the funds generated from the influx of visitors to cultural landmarks can be directed towards improving local schools and public amenities, fostering overall national development."

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the task and presents a clear position. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples or personal experiences to enhance the depth of your arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. The introduction provides a clear thesis statement, and each paragraph has a central topic. The essay progresses logically, presenting reasons and examples to support the author’s viewpoint. Cohesive devices are used effectively to connect ideas within sentences, although there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion. The essay uses paragraphing, but not always logically; some paragraphs could be better organized. Overall, there is a clear overall progression in the response.

How to improve:

  1. Cohesion within Sentences: While the essay uses cohesive devices, there are instances where the connection between ideas within sentences may be faulty or mechanical. Ensure that the use of transitional words and phrases contributes to a smooth flow of ideas.

  2. Logical Paragraphing: Work on improving the logical organization of paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas within the paragraph are well-connected. Consider the use of topic sentences to enhance paragraph coherence.

  3. Referencing and Substitution: The essay is generally clear, but there is room for improvement in referencing and substitution. Avoid repetitive use of words and phrases, and consider employing a variety of expressions to enhance overall coherence.

  4. Sentence Structure Variety: To further enhance cohesion, vary sentence structures and lengths. This can contribute to a more engaging and fluid presentation of ideas.

By addressing these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher coherence and cohesion score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision, which aligns with Band 7 criteria. The writer successfully uses less common lexical items and shows awareness of style and collocation. The essay conveys ideas with clarity, and the vocabulary used contributes to a coherent argument. There are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, but they do not significantly impede communication. For instance, the phrase "locating an increasing number of artworks" could be refined for smoother expression, and the term "metropolitant" appears to be a typographical error.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on refining word choice and ensuring accurate collocation. Consider using a wider variety of vocabulary and paying attention to context-appropriate terminology. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors, such as the typographical error in "metropolitant," would contribute to a more polished and accurate expression of ideas. Overall, maintaining a balance between sophisticated vocabulary and precision will further strengthen the essay’s lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, attempting to incorporate varied structures. There is an effort to use complex sentences, although their accuracy tends to be less consistent than simpler sentences. Some errors in grammar and punctuation are present, but they do not significantly hinder communication.

The essay shows an attempt at complex sentence structures, such as the use of conditional phrases and complex sentence constructions. However, there are instances where the complex structures are not accurately formed, leading to occasional errors and issues with clarity. For instance, the phrase "an increasing number of artworks like paintings and statues inside metropolises" could be more succinctly phrased for better clarity and accuracy.

There are noticeable grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as inconsistent verb tenses ("are insterested," "might be beneficial," "has risen") and occasional inaccuracies in word choice ("thus making a handsome profit"). Punctuation errors also occur, affecting the overall flow and readability of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the Grammatical Range and Accuracy score, focus on refining the usage of complex structures. Ensure a more accurate application of complex sentence forms, paying attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and word choice. Also, aim for more consistent punctuation usage to improve the overall clarity and coherence of the essay. Proofreading for grammatical errors and revising sentence structures could significantly enhance the essay’s overall quality and boost the band score. Additionally, strive for a more varied range of sentence structures with increased accuracy to elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

There’s a suggestion that governments should invest in placing more art, such as paintings and statues, in towns and cities to enhance their appeal. I strongly support this idea for several reasons.

One significant reason is that having more artworks in these places can attract tourists, benefiting local residents. Paintings and statues hold historical and architectural value, intriguing tourists seeking insights into a region’s heritage. This influx of tourists can create job opportunities for locals, like tour guides or historians, improving their livelihoods and fostering economic growth.

Furthermore, this strategy can positively impact national development. Art enthusiasts from other countries are drawn to cities and towns rich in historical and architectural artworks. This influx of visitors significantly boosts the overall revenue from tourism. For instance, the Statue of Liberty in New York City has contributed immensely to the USA’s income, attracting diverse visitors and bolstering the nation’s development.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that placing sculptures and artworks in urban areas can yield numerous benefits. It can generate jobs for locals and significantly contribute to the nation’s prosperity.

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