Some people think employers should not care about the way their employees dress, but the quality at work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think employers should not care about the way their employees dress, but the quality at work.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary society, some entrepreneurs prone to concentrate on the quality at work rather than pay attention to dressing standards of employees while a variety of big organizations requires their workers to wear formal clothes. In my viewpoint, I firmly believe that employers should not imply strict rules about dressing and focus more on making strategic approaches to enhance the work productivity.
On the one hand, wearing comfortable clothes can be the method to boost the confidence of workers in terms of giving them a sense of privacy. As a result, instead of amazing people by fancy clothes, workers can focus on their tasks and plans which handed by executive leaders. For instance, data analysts in Vietcombank company have to work under a lot of pressure because they have to deal with an enormous amount of data. Therefore, employers do not force them to dress fancy like white-collar workers and they merely follow the personal KPI of each employee. Furthermore, in some individuals’ perspectives, color can be considered as a therapy, which determine the mood in working process. Obviously, in some creative fields such as designing interiors, producing visual arts, employees incline to show their true colors with personal styles so that they can creat a comfortable zone to have a sense of creativity.
On the other hand, clothes are not the main criteria regarding to working assessment but in some certain circumstances, they need to be required with a view to create professional images for individuals. Firstly, in business negotiation, employees can be the representatives of the company so decent they need to guarantee the company’s reputation by dressing formally. For instance, every airrlines provide uniforms for their flight attentdants so that they can display the company’s features such as France’s airlines booked a well-known designer, Yves Saint-Laurent, to make their unique costume. That uniform is a prove to the luxury and high-quality service provide by a French airrline. Hence, dressing formally in working environment can prevent employees from sophisticated situations such as sexual harrashments, especially young women. Nowadays, more female employees have to cope with that issue because media sexualize the symbol of women in white-collar jobs and in some countries, the government implied a regulations to force women not to wear mini-skirts at workplaces. Therefore, formal clothes can be a lifebuoy under some certain situations that the body of employees can be assaulted.
In conclusion, only does the formality or uniformity is the criteria when workers take part in professional activities such as negotiation or signing contracts. Entrepreneurs should not imply strict rules about clothes so that employees can be judged by their work productivity not the outlook.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "prone to concentrate" -> "tend to focus"
   Explanation: "Prone to concentrate" is awkward and less common. "Tend to focus" is more natural and academically appropriate, improving readability and formality.

2. "pay attention to dressing standards" -> "focus on dress standards"
   Explanation: "Dressing standards" is a less common and slightly awkward phrase. "Dress standards" is the standard term used in formal contexts, enhancing clarity and precision.

3. "requires their workers to wear" -> "mandates that their employees wear"
   Explanation: "Requires" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Mandates" is more specific and formal, suitable for academic writing, and "employees" is the correct term for formal organizations.

4. "In my viewpoint" -> "In my view"
   Explanation: "In my viewpoint" is redundant as "view" already implies a perspective. Simplifying to "In my view" maintains formality and avoids redundancy.

5. "making strategic approaches to enhance" -> "adopting strategic approaches to improve"
   Explanation: "Making" is less precise in this context. "Adopting" is more appropriate for describing the implementation of strategies, and "improve" is more commonly used in academic texts than "enhance" in this context.

6. "amazing people by fancy clothes" -> "impress others with formal attire"
   Explanation: "Amazing people" is informal and vague. "Impress others" is more precise and formal, and "formal attire" is a more appropriate term than "fancy clothes" in an academic context.

7. "handed by executive leaders" -> "assigned by senior management"
   Explanation: "Handed by executive leaders" is awkward and unclear. "Assigned by senior management" is clearer and more formal, suitable for an academic essay.

8. "data analysts in Vietcombank company" -> "data analysts at Vietcombank"
   Explanation: "Company" is redundant after "Vietcombank," which is already a company name. "At" is more appropriate than "in" for indicating location within an organization.

9. "determine the mood in working process" -> "influence the mood during the work process"
   Explanation: "Determine" is too strong and absolute; "influence" is more accurate and contextually appropriate. "During the work process" is clearer than "in working process."

10. "in some certain circumstances" -> "in certain circumstances"
    Explanation: "Some certain" is redundant. "Certain" alone is sufficient and more formal.

11. "decent they need to guarantee" -> "they must ensure"
    Explanation: "Decent" is not the correct word here; "ensure" is the appropriate verb for guaranteeing something. Simplifying to "they must ensure" improves clarity and formality.

12. "airrlines" -> "airlines"
    Explanation: Typo correction: "airlines" should be spelled correctly.

13. "booked a well-known designer" -> "commissioned a renowned designer"
    Explanation: "Booked" is incorrect in this context; "commissioned" is the correct term for hiring a designer. "Renowned" is more formal than "well-known."

14. "a prove to the luxury and high-quality service" -> "a testament to the luxury and high-quality service"
    Explanation: "A prove" is grammatically incorrect. "A testament" is the correct term, enhancing the formality and accuracy of the statement.

15. "sophisticated situations such as sexual harrashments" -> "sophisticated situations such as sexual harassment"
    Explanation: Corrects spelling error in "harrashments" to "harassment."

16. "implied a regulations" -> "imposed regulations"
    Explanation: "Implied" is incorrect; "imposed" is the correct verb for introducing laws or rules. "A regulations" should be "regulations" for grammatical correctness.

17. "formal clothes" -> "formal attire"
    Explanation: "Formal clothes" is less formal and slightly vague. "Formal attire" is more precise and commonly used in formal writing.

18. "only does the formality or uniformity" -> "only is formality or uniformity"
    Explanation: "Does" is incorrect in this context; "is" is the correct linking verb for the predicate nominative "formality or uniformity."

19. "Entrepreneurs should not imply strict rules about clothes" -> "Entrepreneurs should not impose strict rules regarding attire"
    Explanation: "Imply" is incorrect; "impose" is the correct verb for enforcing rules. "Regarding attire" is more specific and formal than "about clothes."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding whether employers should focus on employee dress codes or work quality. The writer presents a clear stance against strict dress codes, emphasizing the importance of comfort and productivity. However, while both perspectives are mentioned, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the implications of each viewpoint. For instance, the examples provided, such as the data analysts and airline uniforms, illustrate the points made, but they could be further elaborated to strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each side of the argument is explored in more depth. This could involve providing additional examples or discussing potential counterarguments to strengthen the overall analysis. A clearer distinction between the two perspectives would also help in addressing the prompt more comprehensively.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against strict dress codes, stating that employers should prioritize work quality. This position is consistently reflected throughout the essay, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. However, there are moments where the argument could be more explicitly reinforced, such as in the transition between discussing the benefits of casual dress and the need for formal attire in specific contexts.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly link back to their main argument. For example, when discussing the need for formal attire, the writer could clarify how this relates to the overall argument about prioritizing work quality over appearance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the impact of clothing on confidence and the role of uniforms in professional settings. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For example, the mention of color as a therapeutic element in creative fields is intriguing but lacks sufficient elaboration or examples to support its relevance to the main argument.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, when discussing how clothing affects mood or creativity, they could include studies or statistics that support these claims. This would add depth to the argument and make it more persuasive.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the relationship between dress codes and work quality. However, there are instances where the discussion veers slightly off course, particularly when addressing issues like sexual harassment and media portrayal of women. While these points are relevant, they could be more tightly connected to the main argument regarding dress codes.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly support their main argument. They could achieve this by clearly linking each example back to the central thesis and avoiding tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to the argument about dress codes and work quality.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a clear argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity, depth, and relevance of their response, potentially raising their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction outlines the writer’s viewpoint, and each body paragraph addresses a different aspect of the argument. However, the transition between the two main points could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the benefits of casual attire to the necessity of formal attire in certain contexts feels abrupt. The ideas within paragraphs are generally well-developed, but some sentences could be better connected to enhance overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link ideas between paragraphs. For instance, phrases like "Conversely," or "On the other hand," can help signal a shift in perspective. Additionally, summarizing the main point of the first paragraph before transitioning to the second can reinforce the connection between the two arguments.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific argument, which is a strength. However, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the main argument of the essay. For instance, the first sentence of the second body paragraph could more explicitly state that while casual attire has its benefits, there are situations where formal attire is necessary.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of that paragraph. This will provide readers with a roadmap of what to expect. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, which can help maintain clarity and focus.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to contrast different viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, phrases like "As a result" and "Furthermore" are used, but the essay could benefit from a wider variety of devices to enhance cohesion.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a range of linking words and phrases such as "Moreover," "In addition," "Consequently," and "Nevertheless." This will not only improve the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a stronger command of language. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will elevate the overall quality and clarity of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "entrepreneurs," "strategic approaches," and "professional images." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variety in word choice, particularly in phrases like "working assessment" and "working environment." The use of "comfortable clothes" and "fancy clothes" could be expanded with synonyms or related terms to enhance lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary. For example, instead of repeating "clothes," consider using synonyms like "attire," "garments," or "apparel." Additionally, exploring more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic, such as "professionalism," "corporate culture," or "dress code," would enhance the essay’s lexical range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the method to boost the confidence of workers" could be more accurately expressed as "a means of enhancing employee confidence." Additionally, "creat a comfortable zone" contains a spelling error and could be better articulated as "create an environment conducive to creativity." The phrase "the main criteria regarding to working assessment" is awkward and should be rephrased for clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that word choices fit the context. For example, instead of "in some certain circumstances," use "in specific circumstances." Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and reading academic texts can also help in selecting more precise language.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "airrlines" instead of "airlines," "attentdants" instead of "attendants," and "harrashments" instead of "harassments." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the essay and can confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This can include reading the essay aloud to catch errors, using spell-check tools, and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words. Additionally, practicing writing regularly and reviewing spelling rules can help solidify correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. Expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and ensuring correct spelling will contribute to a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" indicates an attempt to structure arguments clearly. However, many sentences are overly complex or awkwardly constructed, which can hinder clarity. For instance, the sentence "As a result, instead of amazing people by fancy clothes, workers can focus on their tasks and plans which handed by executive leaders" is convoluted and could be simplified for better readability.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more varied conjunctions and transition phrases to connect ideas smoothly. Additionally, practice breaking down overly complex sentences into shorter, clearer ones. For example, instead of "which handed by executive leaders," you could say "that are assigned by executive leaders."

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "entrepreneurs prone to concentrate" should be "entrepreneurs are prone to concentrate." Additionally, phrases like "which determine the mood in working process" should be "which determines the mood in the working process." Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas that could clarify meaning, e.g., "employees can be the representatives of the company so decent they need to guarantee" should have a comma before "so" for clarity.
  • How to improve: Focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that verbs are correctly conjugated. Regularly practice identifying and correcting common grammatical errors. For punctuation, review rules regarding the use of commas, especially in complex sentences, to enhance clarity. Reading your essay aloud can help spot awkward phrasing and punctuation mistakes.

Overall, while the essay presents a coherent argument, enhancing grammatical accuracy and diversifying sentence structures will significantly improve the overall quality and clarity of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, some entrepreneurs tend to focus on the quality of work rather than pay attention to dress standards for their employees, while a variety of large organizations mandate that their workers wear formal attire. In my view, I firmly believe that employers should not impose strict rules regarding attire and should focus more on adopting strategic approaches to improve work productivity.

On the one hand, wearing comfortable clothes can boost the confidence of workers by providing them with a sense of individuality. As a result, instead of impressing others with fancy clothes, employees can concentrate on their tasks and the plans assigned by senior management. For instance, data analysts at Vietcombank often work under significant pressure due to the enormous amount of data they handle. Therefore, employers do not force them to dress as formally as white-collar workers; instead, they merely follow the personal KPIs of each employee. Furthermore, from some individuals’ perspectives, color can be considered therapeutic, influencing the mood during the work process. In creative fields such as interior design and visual arts, employees tend to express their true selves through personal styles, allowing them to create a comfortable environment that fosters creativity.

On the other hand, while clothes may not be the main criteria for work assessment, in certain circumstances, they must ensure a professional image for individuals. Firstly, during business negotiations, employees represent the company and need to guarantee its reputation by dressing appropriately. For example, airlines provide uniforms for their flight attendants to showcase the company’s identity; for instance, France’s airlines commissioned a renowned designer, Yves Saint Laurent, to create their unique uniforms. That attire is a testament to the luxury and high-quality service provided by a French airline. Hence, dressing formally in a work environment can help prevent employees from sophisticated situations such as sexual harassment, particularly for young women. Nowadays, many female employees face this issue because the media often sexualizes the image of women in white-collar jobs. In some countries, the government has imposed regulations to prevent women from wearing mini-skirts at workplaces. Therefore, formal attire can serve as a safeguard in certain situations where employees may be vulnerable to unwanted attention.

In conclusion, formality or uniformity should only be criteria when workers participate in professional activities such as negotiations or signing contracts. Entrepreneurs should not impose strict rules regarding attire, allowing employees to be evaluated based on their work productivity rather than their appearance.