: Some people think fashion is important. Some others do not care about fashion. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

: Some people think fashion is important. Some others do not care about fashion.
Discuss both views and give your opinion?

In the contemporary era, fashion stands as a ubiquitous facet of human culture, stimulating intense debates about its role and relevance in society. While a school of thought holds the belief that fashion holds paramount importance in society, others dismiss it as trivial and superficial. From my standpoint, I support the former perspective.
Admittedly, it is apparently understandable why some hold that the pursuit of fashionable clothing has had a considerable bearing on both individuals and the environment. Foremost among these concerns is the way fashion fosters superficial values and materialism. The constant pressure to follow trends often leads to overconsumption and financial strain, compelling individuals to constantly update their wardrobes to maintain social status, thereby exacerbating societal emphasis on appearance at the expense of substance. Additionally, the production and disposal of clothing heavily contribute to environmental degradation. The extensive use of chemicals, energy-intensive processes, and excessive water consumption in textile manufacturing harm ecosystems and pose risks to human health, further exacerbating the environmental crisis.
Conversely, those who advocate for fashion argue that it provides numerous benefits that outweigh the potential drawbacks. The primary reason is that fashion serves as a powerful medium for creative expression, enabling individuals to express their personality, culture, and interests through their clothing. For instance, wearing traditional attire can convey pride in one’s heritage, while choosing avant-garde styles reflect an artistic and unconventional approach to self-expression, thus enhancing the diversity of personal and cultural identities. Furthermore, the fashion industry significantly drives economic growth by encompassing diverse sectors such as design, manufacturing, retail, and marketing. Fashion brands and retailers generate substantial revenue through the sale of clothing, accessories, and cosmetics, contributing significantly to national GDP and creating numerous job opportunities, which in turn supports economic stability.
In summary, while there are some sufficient justifications to support the view that some individuals are indifferent towards fashion, I am firmly convinced that fashion holds greater significance.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In the contemporary era" -> "In the modern era"
   Explanation: "Contemporary" can sometimes imply a focus on the present moment, whereas "modern" encompasses a broader historical context, making it more suitable for academic writing.

2. "stands as a ubiquitous facet" -> "is a ubiquitous aspect"
   Explanation: "Aspect" is more precise and academically appropriate than "facet" in this context, as it directly relates to the nature of fashion in society.

3. "stimulating intense debates" -> "provoking intense debates"
   Explanation: "Provoking" is a more formal and precise term than "stimulating" in academic contexts, indicating a more deliberate and significant influence on discussions.

4. "a school of thought holds" -> "a school of thought maintains"
   Explanation: "Maintains" is more formal and precise than "holds," which can sound slightly informal and vague in academic writing.

5. "paramount importance" -> "paramount significance"
   Explanation: "Significance" is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe the importance of something, making it a more natural choice than "importance."

6. "it is apparently understandable" -> "it is understandable"
   Explanation: Removing "apparently" simplifies the sentence and aligns better with formal academic style, which tends to avoid unnecessary adverbs.

7. "foremost among these concerns" -> "chief among these concerns"
   Explanation: "Chief" is a more formal synonym for "foremost," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

8. "fosters superficial values and materialism" -> "promotes superficial values and materialism"
   Explanation: "Promotes" is a more precise verb than "fosters" in this context, as it directly indicates the encouragement of these values.

9. "compelling individuals to constantly update" -> "compelling individuals to continually update"
   Explanation: "Continually" is more formal and precise than "constantly," which can sound slightly informal.

10. "exacerbating societal emphasis on appearance at the expense of substance" -> "exacerbating societal emphasis on appearance at the expense of substance"
    Explanation: This is a correction to maintain parallel structure and clarity in the list of items being compared.

11. "The primary reason is that" -> "The primary reason is that fashion"
    Explanation: Starting the sentence with "fashion" directly addresses the topic, making the sentence more direct and formal.

12. "enabling individuals to express their personality, culture, and interests" -> "enabling individuals to express their personalities, cultures, and interests"
    Explanation: Pluralizing "personality," "culture," and "interests" corrects the grammatical error and maintains consistency in plural form.

13. "thus enhancing the diversity of personal and cultural identities" -> "thus enhancing diversity in personal and cultural identities"
    Explanation: Removing "the" before "diversity" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains the formal tone.

14. "sufficient justifications" -> "sufficient justification"
    Explanation: "Justification" should be singular when referring to a single reason, aligning with grammatical correctness and formal style.

15. "I am firmly convinced" -> "I am convinced"
    Explanation: Removing "firmly" simplifies the statement and maintains a formal tone, as "convinced" is sufficient to convey the author’s certainty.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the importance of fashion. The first part discusses the perspective that fashion is superficial and contributes to materialism and environmental issues. The second part presents the counterargument that fashion promotes creative expression and economic growth. Each viewpoint is articulated clearly, and the author provides a balanced discussion before stating their own opinion, which is that fashion is indeed important.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the nuances within each viewpoint. For instance, the author could briefly mention that while fashion can lead to negative consequences, it can also inspire positive social movements or promote sustainability. This would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the complexity of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear position throughout the essay, consistently supporting the view that fashion is important. The opinion is stated early on and reiterated in the conclusion, which helps to unify the essay. The use of phrases like "From my standpoint" and "I am firmly convinced" reinforces the author’s stance.
  • How to improve: While the position is clear, the author could strengthen their argument by integrating more personal insights or examples that illustrate why they believe fashion is significant. This could involve discussing personal experiences or citing specific instances where fashion has had a positive impact on society.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the negative impact of fashion on materialism and the environment, as well as the positive aspects of creative expression and economic contribution. Each idea is supported with relevant examples, such as the mention of traditional attire and the economic benefits of the fashion industry.
  • How to improve: To further extend and support ideas, the author could include more specific examples or statistics, particularly when discussing the economic impact of fashion. For instance, citing figures related to job creation or revenue generated by the fashion industry could provide a stronger foundation for the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing both views and the author’s opinion without straying into unrelated areas. The structure is logical, moving from one viewpoint to the next and concluding with a clear personal stance.
  • How to improve: To ensure continued focus, the author should avoid overly complex sentences that might confuse the reader. Simplifying some of the language and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea would help maintain clarity and relevance to the topic.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task requirements and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating more nuanced discussion, personal insights, and specific examples, the author could elevate their score even further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical organization of ideas. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and presents both viewpoints. The body paragraphs are structured effectively, with the first paragraph discussing the negative aspects of fashion and the second paragraph highlighting its positive contributions. This clear division aids the reader in understanding the contrasting perspectives. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the argument, reinforcing the writer’s opinion. However, there could be a more explicit connection between the two body paragraphs to enhance the overall flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the contrasting ideas between paragraphs. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "In contrast" can be used at the beginning of the second body paragraph to signal the shift in perspective more clearly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument. The introduction sets the stage, and the conclusion wraps up the discussion well. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph more explicitly.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each paragraph to clearly indicate the main idea. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "One significant criticism of fashion is its tendency to promote superficial values," which would immediately inform the reader of the paragraph’s focus.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "foremost among these concerns," "conversely," and "furthermore," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied expressions that indicate relationships between ideas, such as cause and effect or examples.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "for instance" to introduce examples, "therefore" to indicate conclusions, or "despite this" to show contrast. This will enhance the essay’s cohesiveness and make the connections between ideas more explicit.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with logical organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and flow of their argument, potentially achieving an even higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "ubiquitous," "superficial values," "overconsumption," and "avant-garde" showcasing the writer’s ability to employ varied and sophisticated language. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be further diversified. For example, the phrase "holds paramount importance" could be replaced with alternatives like "is of utmost significance" or "is critically important," which would enhance the lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition and enhance the richness of the language. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "fashion," consider using "apparel," "attire," or "clothing" in different contexts throughout the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where precision could be improved. For instance, the phrase "the pursuit of fashionable clothing has had a considerable bearing" could be more directly stated as "the pursuit of fashion significantly impacts." The term "superficial values" is apt, but the phrase "societal emphasis on appearance at the expense of substance" could be clearer if rephrased to emphasize the contrast more effectively.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and directness in their language. Practicing rephrasing complex sentences into simpler forms can help maintain the intended meaning while improving readability. Additionally, using contextually appropriate phrases will ensure that the vocabulary aligns perfectly with the ideas being expressed.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "contemporary," "environmental," and "significance" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of spelling conventions. This accuracy contributes positively to the overall impression of the essay.
  • How to improve: To maintain and further enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to practice writing and proofreading their work. Engaging in activities such as reading extensively and using spelling tools or apps can also help reinforce correct spelling habits. Regularly reviewing commonly misspelled words can be beneficial as well.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 7. By focusing on expanding vocabulary variety, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving an even higher score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "The constant pressure to follow trends often leads to overconsumption and financial strain" effectively convey intricate ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "while choosing avant-garde styles reflect an artistic and unconventional approach to self-expression," showcases the writer’s ability to articulate nuanced arguments. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of variation in the length of sentences, which can detract from the overall flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound and complex sentences, varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Fashion," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses to create a more engaging rhythm. Additionally, employing rhetorical questions or exclamatory sentences could further enrich the essay’s style.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the grammatical accuracy in the essay is strong, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "the pursuit of fashionable clothing has had a considerable bearing" is correctly structured, demonstrating the writer’s grasp of verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. However, there is a punctuation issue in the phrase "while choosing avant-garde styles reflect an artistic and unconventional approach," where "reflect" should be "reflects" to agree with the singular subject "choosing avant-garde styles." Additionally, the use of commas could be improved for clarity, particularly in longer sentences.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread for subject-verb agreement and ensure that all verbs align correctly with their subjects. Furthermore, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences can enhance clarity. For instance, breaking up longer sentences with appropriate punctuation can help readers follow the writer’s arguments more easily. Engaging in grammar exercises focused on common pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and punctuation rules, could also be beneficial.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the writer can further elevate the quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, fashion stands as a ubiquitous aspect of human culture, provoking intense debates about its role and relevance in society. While a school of thought maintains that fashion holds paramount significance in society, others dismiss it as trivial and superficial. From my standpoint, I support the former perspective.

Admittedly, it is understandable why some hold that the pursuit of fashionable clothing has had a considerable bearing on both individuals and the environment. Chief among these concerns is the way fashion promotes superficial values and materialism. The constant pressure to follow trends often leads to overconsumption and financial strain, compelling individuals to continually update their wardrobes to maintain social status, thereby exacerbating societal emphasis on appearance at the expense of substance. Additionally, the production and disposal of clothing heavily contribute to environmental degradation. The extensive use of chemicals, energy-intensive processes, and excessive water consumption in textile manufacturing harm ecosystems and pose risks to human health, further exacerbating the environmental crisis.

Conversely, those who advocate for fashion argue that it provides numerous benefits that outweigh the potential drawbacks. The primary reason is that fashion serves as a powerful medium for creative expression, enabling individuals to express their personalities, cultures, and interests through their clothing. For instance, wearing traditional attire can convey pride in one’s heritage, while choosing avant-garde styles reflects an artistic and unconventional approach to self-expression, thus enhancing diversity in personal and cultural identities. Furthermore, the fashion industry significantly drives economic growth by encompassing diverse sectors such as design, manufacturing, retail, and marketing. Fashion brands and retailers generate substantial revenue through the sale of clothing, accessories, and cosmetics, contributing significantly to national GDP and creating numerous job opportunities, which in turn supports economic stability.

In summary, while there are some sufficient justifications to support the view that some individuals are indifferent towards fashion, I am convinced that fashion holds greater significance.