Some people think it is more important to plant more trees in open spaces in towns and cities than to provide more housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, cities around the world have experienced a rapid increase in population, making a lot of people debate whether it is more important to plant more trees in open spaces in towns and cities than to provide more housing. In my opinion, I will support the idea of planting more trees than building housing.
Having a lot of direct advantages for opinion as planting more trees than providing housing. As the population in urban areas rises quickly which has caused a large amount of waste and increasingly serious environmental pollution. so planting more trees will reduce environmental pollution. Beside that, planting many flowers will help the city have a good looking view, it may increase the number of travelers to sightseeing.
Moreover, there are many indirect effects when having more space for planting than. Nowadays, although the cities are large and very developed, there are still having a lot of housing about 3 floor, we can use them to development to high-rise apartment to providing staying place and focus for quality of life for residents. In addition, building a park with many trees is also a good choice, it provides space for people, especially children and older people to have a place to exercise and entertain themselves.
In conclusion, I believe planting more trees than building houses is more important. This impacts the city by direct and indirect with various benefits.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"making a lot of people debate" -> "prompting widespread debate"
Explanation: "Prompting widespread debate" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "making a lot of people debate," which is too informal for academic writing.
"In my opinion, I will support" -> "I support"
Explanation: Removing "In my opinion, I will" simplifies the sentence and aligns better with academic style, which typically avoids unnecessary repetition.
"Having a lot of direct advantages for opinion as" -> "Offering numerous direct advantages"
Explanation: "Offering numerous direct advantages" is more formal and precise than "Having a lot of direct advantages for opinion as," which is awkwardly phrased and unclear.
"As the population in urban areas rises quickly which has caused" -> "As the rapid urban population growth has caused"
Explanation: "As the rapid urban population growth has caused" is more concise and academically appropriate, avoiding the awkward construction of "As the population in urban areas rises quickly which has caused."
"Beside that, planting many flowers will help the city have a good looking view" -> "Furthermore, planting flowers enhances the city’s aesthetic appeal"
Explanation: "Furthermore, planting flowers enhances the city’s aesthetic appeal" is more formal and precise, replacing the informal "Beside that" and the vague "good looking view."
"it may increase the number of travelers to sightseeing" -> "it may attract more tourists"
Explanation: "It may attract more tourists" is more specific and formal than "increase the number of travelers to sightseeing," which is awkward and unclear.
"there are many indirect effects when having more space for planting than" -> "there are numerous indirect benefits to allocating more space for planting"
Explanation: "There are numerous indirect benefits to allocating more space for planting" is clearer and more formal than the vague and awkward "there are many indirect effects when having more space for planting than."
"we can use them to development to high-rise apartment" -> "they can be repurposed as high-rise apartments"
Explanation: "They can be repurposed as high-rise apartments" is grammatically correct and more formal than "we can use them to development to high-rise apartment," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.
"building a park with many trees is also a good choice" -> "establishing a park with numerous trees is also advantageous"
Explanation: "Establishing a park with numerous trees is also advantageous" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the casual tone of "a good choice."
"it provides space for people, especially children and older people to have a place to exercise and entertain themselves" -> "it offers recreational spaces for individuals, particularly children and the elderly"
Explanation: "It offers recreational spaces for individuals, particularly children and the elderly" is more formal and precise, replacing the informal "people" and "older people."
"This impacts the city by direct and indirect with various benefits" -> "This has both direct and indirect impacts on the city, yielding various benefits"
Explanation: "This has both direct and indirect impacts on the city, yielding various benefits" corrects the awkward and grammatically incorrect original phrase, improving clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the debate between planting trees and providing housing but focuses predominantly on the benefits of planting trees over housing without fully exploring counterarguments or alternative perspectives.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should strive for a more balanced approach by considering both sides of the argument. This could involve discussing the importance of housing in urban development alongside the benefits of tree planting, thus providing a more comprehensive analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position supporting the idea of planting more trees rather than building housing. This stance is consistently presented from the introduction to the conclusion.
- How to improve: While clarity is commendable, further strengthening the position with more nuanced reasoning and acknowledging potential counterarguments would enhance the persuasive effect of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas in the essay are presented but lack detailed development and support. For instance, while mentioning benefits such as pollution reduction and aesthetic improvements, these points are not expanded upon with specific examples or data.
- How to improve: To enhance the essay, each idea should be elaborated with examples or evidence. For instance, discussing specific urban areas where tree planting has led to environmental improvements or citing studies linking green spaces to community health would strengthen arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the importance of planting trees versus building housing. However, it briefly touches on converting existing low-rise housing to high-rise apartments, which slightly deviates from the main focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the central theme of whether planting trees is more important than providing housing. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly support the main argument.

In summary, while the essay effectively presents a clear position favoring tree planting over housing, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of the topic, deeper development of ideas with specific examples, and stricter adherence to the central theme throughout. Integrating these improvements would elevate the coherence and persuasiveness of the essay, potentially raising the band score by addressing the identified weaknesses.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction stating the author’s opinion clearly. However, the body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and cohesive progression of ideas. For instance, the transition between discussing direct advantages (environmental benefits and aesthetic appeal) and indirect effects (reusing existing housing for high-rise development and creating parks) could be smoother and more structured.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, each body paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea. Ensure that ideas within paragraphs are well-developed and logically connected. Use linking words and phrases (e.g., furthermore, in addition) to establish connections between sentences and paragraphs.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs but struggles with coherence within them. Each paragraph discusses a different aspect of the topic (e.g., environmental benefits, reusing existing housing, creating parks), but transitions between these ideas are abrupt. This disrupts the essay’s overall coherence.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph focuses on one main idea related to the thesis statement. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that relates back to the thesis. Use supporting sentences to develop the main idea further. Transition smoothly between paragraphs by repeating key words or using pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices. While some basic linking words (e.g., moreover, beside that) are used, they are repetitive and do not effectively connect ideas across the essay. This limits the essay’s coherence.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices such as pronouns (it, they), conjunctions (however, therefore), and transitional phrases (in conclusion, on the other hand). Use them strategically to show relationships between ideas (cause and effect, contrast, addition) and to guide the reader through the argument more clearly.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear opinion and attempts to address the prompt, there is substantial room for improvement in organizing ideas logically, structuring paragraphs effectively, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. By focusing on these areas, the essay can enhance coherence and cohesion, thereby improving its overall clarity and persuasiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. There is usage of terms like "advantages," "environmental pollution," "sightseeing," "quality of life," and "entertain," which contribute to the discussion.
- Specific examples from the essay include phrases like "direct advantages," "indirect effects," and "environmental pollution," which show an attempt to use varied vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more precise and nuanced terms. For instance, instead of "a lot of people," consider "a substantial portion of the population." Replace common phrases like "good looking view" with more descriptive terms such as "scenic vistas" or "panoramic landscapes." This can enrich the lexical diversity and sophistication of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its points clearly, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, "advantages for opinion" is imprecise and could be better articulated. On the other hand, terms like "reduce environmental pollution" and "increasingly serious" are used with relative clarity.
- The phrase "increase the number of travelers to sightseeing" could benefit from clearer expression, perhaps by specifying the type of sightseeing or tourism being referred to.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by using vocabulary that exactly fits the intended meaning. Instead of "advantages for opinion," consider alternatives like "merits of this perspective." Replace vague terms like "good looking view" with more specific language such as "enhance urban aesthetics" or "improve cityscape attractiveness."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a sufficient level of spelling accuracy. Examples such as "advantages," "pollution," and "developed" are correctly spelled.
- However, there are minor errors like "staying place" instead of "a place to stay" and "entertain themselves" where "themselves" should be "themselves," which can impact readability.
  improve**: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading carefully, using spell-check tools, and practicing writing to reinforce correct spelling patterns. Reading more frequently can also help familiarize with correct spellings of less common words.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary appropriate for the task, with some room for improvement in precision and spelling accuracy. Strengthening these aspects will enhance the clarity and sophistication of the writing, potentially leading to a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of sentence structures, primarily simple and compound sentences. There are instances of complex sentences, such as "Having a lot of direct advantages for opinion as planting more trees than providing housing," although these can be awkwardly constructed or unclear in meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance variety and clarity, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures with clear subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings. For instance, instead of starting every sentence with a straightforward subject-verb pattern, introduce more variety with participial phrases or adverbial clauses.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits frequent grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues ("Having a lot of direct advantages for opinion"), improper tense usage ("Beside that"), and awkward phrasing ("It provides space for people, especially children and older people to have a place to exercise and entertain themselves"). Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas in complex sentences and incorrect usage of periods.
- How to improve: Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly concerning verb conjugation and tense consistency. Practice using commas correctly in complex sentences to improve readability and clarity. Additionally, proofread carefully to identify and correct punctuation errors that disrupt the flow of ideas.

Overall, while the essay presents a coherent argument with relevant points, the language lacks sophistication due to grammatical inaccuracies and limited sentence structure variety. Improving these aspects will significantly enhance clarity and fluency, thereby elevating the essay to a higher band score level.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, cities worldwide have faced rapid population growth, sparking widespread debate over whether it is more crucial to plant trees in urban open spaces or to prioritize housing development. Personally, I support the notion of prioritizing tree planting over housing construction.

There are numerous direct advantages to planting more trees. As urban populations expand swiftly, this has led to increased waste and severe environmental pollution. Therefore, planting trees can significantly mitigate environmental pollution. Furthermore, enhancing the city’s aesthetic appeal with flowers could potentially attract more tourists.

Moreover, allocating more space for planting offers numerous indirect benefits. Despite urban areas being densely populated and developed, many low-rise housing structures still exist, which could be repurposed into high-rise apartments, improving living conditions and focusing on residents’ quality of life. Additionally, establishing parks with abundant trees provides recreational spaces for individuals, particularly children and the elderly, promoting physical activity and leisure.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that prioritizing tree planting over housing construction holds more importance. This approach has both direct and indirect impacts on the city, yielding various benefits for its inhabitants and the environment alike.