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Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Living in large metropolitan areas is often considered detrimental to one's well-being. While it is true that certain aspects of urban life can pose challenges to health, I believe that cities also offer significant advantages that can promote a higher quality of life.
To begin with, one of the primary concerns regarding big city living is the impact on physical health. The prevalence of air and noise pollution, as well as increased stress levels, can contribute to a range of medical issues, such as respiratory problems, cardiovascular disease, and mental health disorders. Additionally, the sedentary lifestyle and fast-paced city life associated with many urban environments can lead to a lack of physical activity and higher rates of obesity.
Nevertheless, these health risks can be effectively mitigated through strategic urban planning and individual lifestyle choices. Well-designed cities with ample green spaces, efficient public transportation, and pedestrian-friendly infrastructure can encourage active, healthy lifestyles. Moreover, the concentration of healthcare facilities, specialized medical services, and research institutions in metropolitan areas can often provide residents with better access to quality healthcare.
Furthermore, the diversity, cultural richness, and economic opportunities in large cities can have significant psychological and social benefits. Exposure to a wide range of cuisines, entertainment options, and intellectual stimuli can enhance overall well-being and life satisfaction. In addition, the concentration of people, businesses, and resources in urban centers can foster a sense of community, facilitate social connections, and create a vibrant, stimulating environment.
In conclusion, while the challenges of big city living should not be dismissed, the advantages often outweigh the drawbacks. By implementing responsible urban planning and encouraging healthy lifestyles, the potential negative impact on health can be minimized, allowing residents to enjoy the multitude of benefits that metropolitan areas can offer.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Living in large metropolitan areas is often considered detrimental to one’s well-being." -> "Residing in large metropolitan areas is frequently regarded as detrimental to one’s well-being."
    Explanation: Replacing "Living" with "Residing" and "often" with "frequently" enhances the formality and precision of the statement, aligning it better with academic style.

  2. "I believe that cities also offer significant advantages" -> "It is argued that cities also offer significant advantages"
    Explanation: Changing "I believe" to "It is argued" shifts the tone from personal opinion to a more objective, academic stance, which is more suitable for formal writing.

  3. "can pose challenges to health" -> "can pose health challenges"
    Explanation: Removing "to" after "pose" simplifies the phrase and makes it more direct and formal, aligning with academic style.

  4. "The prevalence of air and noise pollution" -> "The prevalence of air and noise pollution, respectively"
    Explanation: Adding "respectively" clarifies that the items listed are separate and distinct, enhancing the precision of the description.

  5. "can contribute to a range of medical issues" -> "can contribute to a variety of medical conditions"
    Explanation: Replacing "issues" with "conditions" provides a more specific and medically appropriate term, enhancing the accuracy of the statement.

  6. "can lead to a lack of physical activity" -> "may result in a lack of physical activity"
    Explanation: Changing "can" to "may" introduces a conditional tone that is more appropriate for academic writing, indicating possibility rather than certainty.

  7. "higher rates of obesity" -> "increased rates of obesity"
    Explanation: "Increased" is a more precise and formal term than "higher" in this context, fitting better in academic discourse.

  8. "Well-designed cities with ample green spaces" -> "Well-designed cities featuring ample green spaces"
    Explanation: "Featuring" is a more formal synonym for "with," enhancing the academic tone of the description.

  9. "efficient public transportation" -> "efficient public transportation systems"
    Explanation: Adding "systems" specifies the type of public transportation, increasing the precision of the description.

  10. "pedestrian-friendly infrastructure" -> "pedestrian-accessible infrastructure"
    Explanation: "Pedestrian-accessible" is a more specific and formal term that better describes the accessibility features of urban infrastructure.

  11. "concentration of people, businesses, and resources" -> "concentration of populations, businesses, and resources"
    Explanation: Using "populations" instead of "people" provides a more formal and precise term, suitable for academic writing.

  12. "foster a sense of community" -> "promote a sense of community"
    Explanation: "Promote" is a more formal verb than "foster" in this context, aligning better with academic language.

  13. "can foster" -> "may foster"
    Explanation: Replacing "can" with "may" again introduces a conditional tone, which is more appropriate for academic writing by indicating possibility rather than certainty.

  14. "the multitude of benefits" -> "the numerous benefits"
    Explanation: "Numerous" is a more precise and formal adjective than "multitude," which can be seen as slightly informal and vague in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the negative and positive aspects of living in big cities. The writer acknowledges the health risks associated with urban living, such as pollution and stress, while also presenting counterarguments that highlight the benefits of city life, including access to healthcare and social opportunities. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response further, the writer could explicitly state their position regarding the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement in the prompt. For instance, clarifying whether they believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa could strengthen the overall argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that, while acknowledging the health challenges of city living, ultimately argues that the benefits outweigh these drawbacks. This position is consistently reflected throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion where the writer reiterates their belief in the advantages of urban life.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use more definitive language when stating their position. Phrases like "I strongly believe" or "It is my firm opinion" can enhance the assertiveness of the stance. Additionally, a brief summary of their position in the introduction could provide clearer guidance for the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the health risks of urban living and the benefits of urban planning. Each point is supported with relevant examples, such as the mention of healthcare access and the psychological benefits of cultural diversity. This thorough development of ideas contributes to a strong overall argument.
    • How to improve: To further extend and support ideas, the writer could include specific examples or statistics that illustrate the points made. For instance, referencing studies that quantify the health impacts of pollution or the positive effects of green spaces on mental health could provide additional weight to the arguments.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the health implications of living in big cities without straying into unrelated areas. Each paragraph contributes to the central argument, maintaining relevance to the prompt.
    • How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, the writer should ensure that every point made directly ties back to the health implications of city living. To maintain focus, they could periodically refer back to the prompt within the body of the essay, reinforcing how each point relates to the question of health in urban environments.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-reasoned argument. With some adjustments to clarity, support, and explicit connections to the prompt, the response could achieve an even higher level of excellence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical organization of ideas. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. Each subsequent paragraph addresses specific aspects of the argument, starting with the health risks associated with urban living, followed by counterarguments that highlight the benefits of city life. This logical progression allows the reader to follow the writer’s reasoning easily. For example, the transition from discussing health risks to the benefits of urban planning is smooth and well-articulated, demonstrating a strong grasp of logical sequencing.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow further, the writer could consider using more explicit transitional phrases between paragraphs. For instance, adding phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" at the beginning of the paragraph discussing the benefits could strengthen the contrast and guide the reader more clearly through the argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs explore health risks and benefits, and the conclusion summarizes the main points. Each paragraph is well-structured, beginning with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. This structure enhances readability and comprehension.
    • How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the writer could improve by ensuring that each paragraph contains a clear concluding sentence that reinforces the main idea. For example, after discussing the benefits of urban living, a sentence summarizing how these benefits counteract the previously mentioned health risks could provide a stronger closure to that section.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "nevertheless," "moreover," and "in addition," which help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the argument. These devices effectively signal relationships between ideas, making the essay cohesive. For instance, the use of "Nevertheless" at the beginning of the paragraph discussing urban planning indicates a shift in focus while maintaining the overall argument.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using alternatives like "furthermore," "however," or "consequently" in different contexts could enhance the richness of the text. Additionally, varying sentence structures and lengths can also contribute to a more engaging and dynamic writing style.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas and using paragraphs and cohesive devices to enhance clarity. With minor adjustments in transitional phrases, concluding sentences, and the variety of cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, employing terms such as "detrimental," "well-being," "prevalence," "sedentary lifestyle," and "psychological benefits." These choices reflect a strong command of language and an ability to articulate complex ideas effectively. The use of phrases like "strategic urban planning" and "pedestrian-friendly infrastructure" showcases the writer’s ability to convey nuanced concepts related to urban living.
    • How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, the writer could incorporate more varied synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "health" and "living," alternatives such as "wellness" or "residing" could be used. Additionally, integrating idiomatic expressions or collocations related to urban life could enrich the essay’s vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. For example, the phrase "impact on physical health" accurately describes the relationship between urban living and health outcomes. However, there are moments where the vocabulary could be more precise. For instance, the term "medical issues" is somewhat vague; specifying types of issues (e.g., "chronic conditions") could enhance clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to use more specific terms when discussing health-related topics. Instead of "medical issues," consider using "chronic diseases" or "health complications." Additionally, when discussing benefits, terms like "wellness initiatives" or "community health programs" could provide clearer insights into the advantages of urban living.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "respiratory," "cardiovascular," and "infrastructure" are spelled correctly, reflecting the writer’s attention to detail and proficiency in English.
    • How to improve: While the spelling is commendable, the writer can maintain this standard by consistently proofreading their work for any potential typographical errors. Engaging in regular reading and writing practice can also help reinforce correct spelling habits, particularly for more complex or less commonly used vocabulary.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can further elevate the quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "While it is true that certain aspects of urban life can pose challenges to health, I believe that cities also offer significant advantages that can promote a higher quality of life" showcases the writer’s ability to convey nuanced ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, which helps maintain reader engagement and clarity. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be further diversified. For example, the phrase "the prevalence of air and noise pollution, as well as increased stress levels, can contribute to a range of medical issues" could be restructured to emphasize the consequences of these issues more dynamically.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more conditional sentences (e.g., "If urban planners prioritize green spaces, residents may experience improved health outcomes") or use inversion for emphasis (e.g., "Never have urban dwellers had such access to diverse healthcare options"). Experimenting with different sentence openings and varying the length of sentences can also contribute to a more engaging writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors that do not impede understanding. For instance, the phrase "the sedentary lifestyle and fast-paced city life associated with many urban environments can lead to a lack of physical activity and higher rates of obesity" is grammatically sound and effectively communicates the point. Punctuation is generally well-handled, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and items in a list. However, there are a few areas where punctuation could be improved for clarity, such as in the sentence "Moreover, the concentration of healthcare facilities, specialized medical services, and research institutions in metropolitan areas can often provide residents with better access to quality healthcare," where the use of "and" before the last item could be reconsidered for stylistic consistency.
    • How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review the use of commas in complex sentences, ensuring that they are used to clarify meaning rather than create confusion. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles, can also help solidify understanding. Additionally, reading high-quality academic writing can provide insights into effective punctuation and grammatical structures.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation usage. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing, potentially achieving an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Living in large metropolitan areas is often considered detrimental to one’s well-being. While it is true that certain aspects of urban life can pose challenges to health, I believe that cities also offer significant advantages that can promote a higher quality of life.

To begin with, one of the primary concerns regarding big city living is the impact on physical health. The prevalence of air and noise pollution, as well as increased stress levels, can contribute to a range of medical conditions, such as respiratory problems, cardiovascular disease, and mental health disorders. Additionally, the sedentary lifestyle and fast-paced city life associated with many urban environments may result in a lack of physical activity and increased rates of obesity.

Nevertheless, these health risks can be effectively mitigated through strategic urban planning and individual lifestyle choices. Well-designed cities featuring ample green spaces, efficient public transportation systems, and pedestrian-accessible infrastructure can encourage active, healthy lifestyles. Moreover, the concentration of healthcare facilities, specialized medical services, and research institutions in metropolitan areas can often provide residents with better access to quality healthcare.

Furthermore, the diversity, cultural richness, and economic opportunities in large cities can have significant psychological and social benefits. Exposure to a wide range of cuisines, entertainment options, and intellectual stimuli can enhance overall well-being and life satisfaction. In addition, the concentration of people, businesses, and resources in urban centers may foster a sense of community, facilitate social connections, and create a vibrant, stimulating environment.

In conclusion, while the challenges of big city living should not be dismissed, the advantages often outweigh the drawbacks. By implementing responsible urban planning and encouraging healthy lifestyles, the potential negative impact on health can be minimized, allowing residents to enjoy the numerous benefits that metropolitan areas can offer.

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