: Some people think paying taxes is a big enough contribution to their society, while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than only paying taxes. Discuss both views and give your opinion

: Some people think paying taxes is a big enough contribution to their society,
while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than
only paying taxes. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Many individuals reckon that paying taxes is an adequte contribution to the society while other advocating that there are numerous responsibilities needed to be done as a member of the society not only paying taxes. I firmly agree with the latter since it holds merit while the former may not a comprehensive opinion. In order to enhance the society, people also need to preserve the environment and hinder detrimental crimes. This essay will explore some of the benefits of improving
Paying taxes is compulsory with some certain occupation such as retailer and banker, furthermore, taxes evasion violence the law in many nations such as Vietnam and China.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Many individuals reckon" -> "Many individuals believe"
   Explanation: "Reckon" is somewhat informal and less precise than "believe," which is more commonly used in formal academic writing to express a thought or opinion.

2. "an adequte contribution" -> "a suitable contribution"
   Explanation: "Adequate" is misspelled; the correct spelling is "adequate." Additionally, "suitable" is more precise in this context, indicating that the contribution is appropriate or fitting.

3. "advocating that there are numerous responsibilities needed to be done" -> "arguing that there are numerous responsibilities that need to be fulfilled"
   Explanation: "Advocating" is correct, but "needed to be done" is awkward and informal. "That need to be fulfilled" is more formal and grammatically correct.

4. "not only paying taxes" -> "not only by paying taxes"
   Explanation: Adding "by" clarifies that the responsibilities extend beyond just paying taxes, enhancing the sentence structure and clarity.

5. "I firmly agree with the latter" -> "I strongly support the latter"
   Explanation: "Firmly agree" is somewhat informal and less precise; "strongly support" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.

6. "may not a comprehensive opinion" -> "may not be a comprehensive opinion"
   Explanation: "May not a" is grammatically incorrect; "may not be" corrects this error and maintains the formal tone.

7. "people also need to preserve the environment" -> "individuals also need to protect the environment"
   Explanation: "People" is somewhat informal; "individuals" is more formal. "Protect" is more specific than "preserve" in the context of environmental conservation.

8. "hinder detrimental crimes" -> "prevent detrimental crimes"
   Explanation: "Hinder" is less commonly used in this context; "prevent" is more direct and appropriate for discussing actions against crimes.

9. "Paying taxes is compulsory with some certain occupation" -> "Paying taxes is compulsory for certain occupations"
   Explanation: "With some certain occupation" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "For certain occupations" corrects this and clarifies the meaning.

10. "taxes evasion violence the law" -> "tax evasion violates the law"
    Explanation: "Taxes evasion" is incorrect; "tax evasion" is the correct term. "Violence" is also incorrect; "violates" is the correct verb form.

11. "in many nations such as Vietnam and China" -> "in many countries such as Vietnam and China"
    Explanation: "Nations" is less specific than "countries," which is the correct term for referring to sovereign states in formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding the role of taxes in society. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of each perspective. The first viewpoint is mentioned briefly, stating that paying taxes is an adequate contribution, but it does not provide any supporting arguments or examples. The second viewpoint is somewhat elaborated upon, but it is still vague and lacks depth. The essay fails to clearly articulate the implications of each stance, resulting in an incomplete discussion of the topic.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both perspectives are explored in detail. This could include providing examples of how taxes contribute to society, such as funding public services, and contrasting that with the responsibilities of citizens beyond taxation, such as community service or environmental stewardship. Each viewpoint should be presented with clear arguments and supporting details.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer states a clear opinion in favor of the view that individuals have more responsibilities than just paying taxes. However, the position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The initial statement of agreement is somewhat lost in the subsequent discussion, which lacks a clear link back to the writer’s stance. This inconsistency can confuse the reader about the writer’s true position.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their opinion throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases that link back to the main argument and summarizing how each point supports their stance. Additionally, a concluding statement that reiterates their position and summarizes the key arguments would strengthen the clarity of the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the need to preserve the environment and reduce crime, but these ideas are not fully developed or supported with examples. The mention of tax evasion is relevant but is not elaborated upon, leaving the reader wanting more information. The lack of depth in the discussion of responsibilities beyond taxes results in a weak presentation of ideas.
  • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should expand on each point made. For instance, when discussing environmental preservation, specific actions individuals can take (like recycling or volunteering for clean-up efforts) should be mentioned. Each idea should be followed by explanations or examples that illustrate its importance, thereby providing a more robust argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the responsibilities of individuals in society. However, some sentences are unclear or poorly structured, which can distract from the main argument. For example, the phrase "taxes evasion violence the law" is grammatically incorrect and disrupts the flow of the essay, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should ensure that all sentences are grammatically correct and clearly articulated. Proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can help improve the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that relates back to the main argument, ensuring that all content is relevant to the discussion.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on fully addressing both sides of the argument with clear examples, maintaining a consistent position, developing ideas with supporting details, and ensuring clarity and grammatical correctness throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure, attempting to introduce two contrasting views regarding the role of taxes in society. However, the organization lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the transition from the introduction to the body is abrupt, and the points made in the body paragraphs do not clearly relate back to the thesis statement. The mention of "preserving the environment" and "hindering detrimental crimes" appears disconnected from the discussion about taxes, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should clearly outline the main points in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph addresses these points systematically. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, a clear conclusion summarizing the main points would reinforce the logical flow.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but the structure is ineffective. The first paragraph combines multiple ideas without clear separation, making it difficult to identify distinct points. The second paragraph begins with a statement about taxes but quickly shifts to legal implications without a smooth transition, leading to confusion about the main argument.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, each paragraph should focus on a single idea or argument. The first paragraph could be split into two: one discussing the view that taxes are sufficient and another addressing the additional responsibilities of citizens. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which hampers the overall flow of ideas. Phrases such as "furthermore" and "while" are used, but they are not always effectively integrated into the sentences. For example, the transition from discussing taxes to mentioning tax evasion lacks a cohesive link, making the connection between ideas unclear.
  • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases that indicate contrast, addition, and cause-effect relationships. For instance, using phrases like "on the other hand," "in addition," or "consequently" can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are placed appropriately within sentences will improve the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, the essay needs to improve its logical organization, enhance paragraph structure, and utilize a wider range of cohesive devices effectively. Focusing on these areas will lead to a clearer and more persuasive argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective word choices such as "contribution," "advocating," and "detrimental." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variety, particularly in phrases like "the society" and "member of the society." The use of "numerous responsibilities" is a good attempt at complexity, but overall, the vocabulary could be more diverse to enhance the essay’s quality.
  • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "the society," alternatives like "the community" or "society at large" could be used. Additionally, exploring more complex vocabulary related to civic responsibilities, such as "civic duties," "social obligations," or "community engagement," would enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, "advocating" should be "advocates" to maintain grammatical accuracy. The phrase "may not a comprehensive opinion" is awkward and unclear; a more precise expression could be "may not represent a comprehensive view." Furthermore, "taxes evasion" should be corrected to "tax evasion," as "taxes" is not needed in this context.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should review their sentences for grammatical correctness and clarity. Using a thesaurus can help find more appropriate words, but it’s crucial to ensure that the chosen words fit the context accurately. Practicing sentence restructuring can also aid in expressing ideas more clearly and effectively.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "adequte" (adequate) and "evasion violence" (which should be "evasion violates"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing exercises focused on commonly misspelled words. Utilizing spell-check tools during the writing process can also help catch errors before submission. Additionally, reading more extensively can help internalize correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some strengths in vocabulary use, there are clear areas for improvement that could elevate the Lexical Resource score. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and improving spelling accuracy, the writer can achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at varied sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("In order to enhance the society, people also need to preserve the environment and hinder detrimental crimes.") and simple sentences. However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed. For instance, the phrase "while other advocating that there are numerous responsibilities needed to be done" lacks proper grammatical structure and clarity. The use of "other" should be "others," and the gerund "advocating" is incorrectly used without a subject.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice combining simple and complex sentences more effectively. For example, instead of saying "Paying taxes is compulsory with some certain occupation such as retailer and banker," the writer could use a more complex structure: "In certain occupations, such as retail and banking, paying taxes is compulsory." Additionally, incorporating conditional sentences (e.g., "If individuals only pay taxes, they neglect other important societal responsibilities.") can provide more depth and variety.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "adequte" is a misspelling of "adequate," and "taxes evasion violence the law" should be "tax evasion violates the law." The phrase "not only paying taxes" lacks parallel structure, as it should be "not only by paying taxes." Furthermore, the sentence "this essay will explore some of the benefits of improving" is incomplete and lacks a clear subject or object, which leads to confusion. Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with the use of commas; for instance, a comma is needed before "while" in the first sentence to separate the two independent clauses.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work to catch spelling and grammatical errors. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing sentence structure and ensuring parallelism in lists will enhance clarity. For example, the writer should revise sentences for grammatical correctness and clarity, such as changing "other advocating" to "others advocate" and ensuring all parts of the sentence are grammatically aligned. Regular practice with writing exercises focusing on common grammatical structures can also help solidify understanding.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals believe that paying taxes is a sufficient contribution to society, while others argue that there are numerous responsibilities that need to be fulfilled as members of society, not only by paying taxes. I strongly support the latter perspective, as it holds merit, while the former may not be a comprehensive opinion. In order to enhance society, individuals also need to protect the environment and prevent detrimental crimes. This essay will explore some of the benefits of improving our societal responsibilities.

Paying taxes is compulsory for certain occupations, such as retailers and bankers. Furthermore, tax evasion violates the law in many countries, such as Vietnam and China. However, it is essential to recognize that contributing to society extends beyond financial obligations. Individuals have a duty to engage in community service, support local initiatives, and promote social welfare. By doing so, they can create a more cohesive and supportive environment for everyone.

In conclusion, while paying taxes is indeed an important responsibility, it is not the only one. Individuals must also take active steps to contribute positively to their communities and the environment. Therefore, I believe that fulfilling these additional responsibilities is crucial for the overall well-being of society.