Some people think schools should record students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to record students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Normal day. many individuals believe that learning outcomes from students who good in studying and exam should be recorded by the schools. Other Trust that students who have improve in studying more important to record than order. Both views are good, students who get good academic results should be recorded because it is their good academic results, while student who have improve should record because they are hard working in study to get more better in study. With me, both statement all have positive things.

In first statement, some people want the school to record the good academic results, it will be the motivation so they can continue to have good marks or good academic results for next class and next exam, Also record the students who show the best academic results can allow other students can see that results and try to study hard to get good academic results like those students.

Many individuals want the students who have try hard and improve in their study can be recorded. After hard working in study, they need to be record so they can be promoted by that record and they will more hard working than.

In my opinion, both ideas are good, it will motivate the students to study hard than, schools need to record both students who have good in academic results and students who have improved in study, It will fair for both types of students.

In conclusion, student who have good academic results or show improvements can be recorded by the schools, both students have try hard in study so both them can be recorded so. Other students can learn from those students.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Normal day." -> "Typically"
Explanation: "Typically" is a more formal and precise term that enhances the academic tone of the introduction, replacing the colloquial and vague "Normal day."
"many individuals believe" -> "many people believe"
Explanation: "People" is a more commonly used term in academic writing than "individuals" in this context, making it more natural and appropriate.
"who good in studying and exam" -> "who excel in their studies and exams"
Explanation: "Excel" is a more precise and formal term than "good," and "studies and exams" is grammatically correct compared to the awkward and incorrect "studying and exam."
"Other Trust that" -> "Others believe that"
Explanation: "Others believe" is grammatically correct and more formal than "Other Trust," which is incorrect and awkward.
"student who have improve" -> "students who have improved"
Explanation: "Students" should be plural to match the subject, and "improved" should be the past participle to agree with the past tense of "have."
"should be recorded because it is their good academic results" -> "should be recorded as a reflection of their academic achievements"
Explanation: "As a reflection of their academic achievements" is more formal and precise, replacing the vague and informal "it is their good academic results."
"student who have improve" -> "students who have improved"
Explanation: Same correction as before: "students" should be plural and "improved" should be the past participle.
"they are hard working in study to get more better in study" -> "they demonstrate increased effort in their studies to achieve better results"
Explanation: "Demonstrate increased effort" and "achieve better results" are more formal and precise than the colloquial "hard working" and "get more better."
"both statement all have positive things" -> "both statements have merits"
Explanation: "Both statements have merits" is more formal and academically appropriate than "both statement all have positive things," which is grammatically incorrect and overly simplistic.
"want the school to record the good academic results" -> "advocate for the school to record their academic achievements"
Explanation: "Advocate for" is a more formal expression than "want," and "academic achievements" is a more precise term than "good academic results."
"it will be the motivation so they can continue" -> "it will serve as motivation to encourage them to continue"
Explanation: "Serve as motivation to encourage" is more formal and precise than "be the motivation so they can."
"record the students who show the best academic results" -> "record the students who achieve the highest academic standards"
Explanation: "Achieve the highest academic standards" is more formal and specific than "show the best academic results."
"try hard and improve in their study" -> "demonstrate effort and improvement in their studies"
Explanation: "Demonstrate effort and improvement" is more formal and academically appropriate than "try hard and improve."
"After hard working in study" -> "After putting in effort in their studies"
Explanation: "Putting in effort" is a more formal expression than "hard working," and "their studies" is grammatically correct.
"they need to be record so they can be promoted by that record" -> "they require recognition to be promoted based on that record"
Explanation: "Require recognition to be promoted based on that record" is more formal and clear than "need to be record so they can be promoted by that record."
"they will more hard working than" -> "they will work even harder"
Explanation: "Work even harder" is grammatically correct and more formal than "more hard working than."
"student who have good in academic results" -> "students who excel academically"
Explanation: "Students who excel academically" is a more concise and formal way to express academic achievement than "student who have good in academic results."
"both them can be recorded so" -> "both can be recorded accordingly"
Explanation: "Can be recorded accordingly" is grammatically correct and more formal than "both them can be recorded so."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding whether schools should record students with the best academic results or those who show improvement. However, the discussion is somewhat superficial. For instance, while the essay mentions that recording high achievers can motivate others, it does not delve deeply into the implications of this practice. Similarly, the argument for recording students who improve lacks specific examples or detailed reasoning. The conclusion reiterates the points but does not synthesize them effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each view is explored in more depth. This could involve providing specific examples or scenarios that illustrate the benefits of recording both types of students. Additionally, the writer should clearly articulate the implications of each viewpoint, perhaps discussing the potential impact on student motivation and school culture.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that both views are valid; however, this position is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. The introduction suggests a balanced view, but the body paragraphs tend to favor one side over the other without clear transitions or reinforcement of the overall stance. For example, the phrase "both statement all have positive things" is vague and does not clearly indicate a strong opinion.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reinforce it in each body paragraph. Using transitional phrases that link back to the main argument can help maintain focus. Additionally, a more definitive conclusion that summarizes the writer’s stance would strengthen the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but does not extend or support them effectively. For example, the claim that recording high achievers motivates others is made but not backed by evidence or examples. Similarly, the argument for recognizing improvements lacks depth and specific instances that illustrate the hard work of these students. The ideas tend to be repetitive and do not evolve throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with examples, statistics, or anecdotes. This could involve discussing specific cases of students who have benefited from recognition or how such practices have been implemented in schools. Encouraging the use of varied sentence structures and vocabulary can also enhance the overall quality of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirements. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the body paragraphs where the arguments become repetitive and lack clarity. For instance, phrases like "they will more hard working than" are unclear and detract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the prompt. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that each point is relevant to the discussion will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, reviewing the essay for redundancy and ensuring that each sentence adds value can improve coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents a basic understanding of the topic, it requires more depth, clarity, and organization to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents two viewpoints regarding the recording of students’ academic achievements. However, the organization of ideas is somewhat disjointed. For instance, the introduction lacks clarity and does not effectively set up the discussion. The transition between the views is abrupt, and the points made within paragraphs often lack a clear connection. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of recording high achievers but does not logically lead into the second body paragraph, which addresses students who show improvement.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using a clear structure: introduction, body paragraphs (one for each viewpoint), and a conclusion. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "On the other hand," or "Furthermore," can help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does use paragraphs, but their effectiveness is limited. The paragraphs are not well-developed, and some sentences feel incomplete or fragmented. For example, the first body paragraph mixes ideas about motivation and the visibility of good results without a clear focus. The conclusion is also weak, merely reiterating points without summarizing the discussion effectively.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. Aim for at least three to five sentences per paragraph to ensure thorough development of ideas. Additionally, a more robust conclusion should summarize the key points discussed and restate your opinion clearly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, but their use is limited and often repetitive. Phrases like "both students" and "good academic results" are used frequently, which can make the writing feel monotonous. There are also instances where cohesive devices are misused or absent, leading to awkward transitions between sentences and ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a mix of conjunctions, adverbials, and referencing techniques. For example, use "In addition," "Conversely," or "As a result," to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, pronouns can be used to refer back to previously mentioned subjects, which can help avoid repetition. Practicing the use of a wider range of cohesive devices will improve the overall flow of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion. Focus on organizing ideas logically, developing paragraphs effectively, and using a variety of cohesive devices to create a more cohesive and coherent argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "academic results," "motivation," and "improve." However, the range is limited, and phrases like "good in studying" and "hard working in study" are repetitive and lack sophistication. The use of "try hard" and "good marks" also reflects a basic level of vocabulary that does not fully convey the nuances of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For instance, instead of "good in studying," consider using "high-achieving students" or "students who excel academically." Additionally, phrases like "demonstrate significant improvement" or "exhibit a strong work ethic" could replace simpler expressions.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "students who have improve" instead of "students who have improved." The phrase "it will be the motivation" lacks clarity; it would be more precise to say "this recognition can serve as motivation." Additionally, the phrase "both statement all have positive things" is vague and could be articulated more clearly.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity. For example, replacing "students who have improve" with "students who have shown improvement" enhances precision. Furthermore, using more specific terms, such as "recognition" instead of "record," can clarify the message.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "improve" (should be "improved"), "hard working" (should be "hardworking"), and "order" (which seems to be a misused word, possibly intended as "others"). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can also be beneficial. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly may help reinforce correct spelling.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to engage with both sides of the argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay primarily employs simple sentence structures, such as "Many individuals believe that learning outcomes from students who good in studying and exam should be recorded by the schools." This sentence lacks complexity and variety, which limits the overall effectiveness of the argument. There are attempts at more complex structures, such as "it will be the motivation so they can continue to have good marks," but these are often poorly constructed and lead to confusion. The use of phrases like "good academic results" and "students who have improve" demonstrates a reliance on repetitive structures, which detracts from the overall fluency of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating compound and complex sentences. For instance, instead of saying, "students who have improve should record because they are hard working," you could say, "students who have shown significant improvement should also be recognized, as their hard work and dedication deserve acknowledgment." Additionally, using varied conjunctions and transitions can help create more fluid and engaging sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as "students who good in studying" (should be "students who are good at studying") and "students who have improve" (should be "students who have improved"). There are also issues with punctuation, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion. For example, "Also record the students who show the best academic results can allow other students can see that results" is a run-on that lacks clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. For instance, ensure that verbs are correctly conjugated (e.g., "improve" should be "improved"). Additionally, practice using commas to separate clauses and improve sentence clarity. A helpful strategy is to read sentences aloud to identify where natural pauses occur, which can indicate where punctuation is needed. Consider revising sentences for clarity and correctness, such as changing "both them can be recorded so" to "both groups can be recognized for their achievements."

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals believe that schools should record the learning outcomes of students who excel in their studies and exams. Others argue that it is more important to recognize students who have shown improvement. Both views have merits; students who achieve high academic results should indeed be acknowledged for their accomplishments, while those who have improved should also be recognized for their hard work in striving for better results. In my opinion, both statements have positive aspects.

On one hand, some people advocate for schools to record the best academic results. This recognition can serve as motivation for students to maintain or even enhance their performance in future classes and exams. Additionally, when schools highlight students who excel academically, it encourages other students to strive for similar achievements, fostering a competitive yet supportive learning environment.

On the other hand, many individuals believe that students who demonstrate improvement in their studies should also be recorded. After putting in significant effort, these students deserve recognition for their progress, as it can motivate them to continue working hard. By acknowledging their improvements, schools can promote a culture where effort and dedication are valued, encouraging all students to strive for personal growth.

In my opinion, both ideas are beneficial. Recognizing students who excel academically and those who have improved will motivate all students to work harder. Schools should record both types of achievements, as this approach is fair and encourages a balanced perspective on academic success.

In conclusion, schools should record both students who achieve high academic results and those who show improvement. Both groups have put in considerable effort in their studies, and recognizing their achievements can inspire other students to learn from their examples.