Some people think scientific research should focus on solving world health problems. Others

Some people think scientific research should focus on solving world health problems. Others

Nowadays, the revolutionary development in technologies has allowed researchers to further enhance medical services. However, some people hold a belief that scientists should turn their focus to more urgent problems. From my perspective, both notions come with some noticeable merits, which will be discussed in the following essay.
To shed light on the benefits of concentrating on other issues across the globe, an improvement to the world ecosystem should be mentioned. For instance, as global warming is currently a devastating obstacle for the destructive effect that it caused on the surrounding environment, the faunas and floras will be ensured better living conditions if governments choose to invest in solving it. This decision will not only recover the biological circle but also maintain the diversity of wildlife, which contains many unfolded mysteries for a potential breakthrough in future scientific research. Thus, making the previously mentioned statement a worthwhile initiative to consider.
On the other hand, pouring time and money into resolving global health problems plays a threshold role in allowing safety for another research to be proceeded. To be more specific, a number of innovative experiments contain dangerous substances that pose a threat to scientist’s survivability. Additionally, society will also benefit from these developments since remedies for incurable diseases will definitely be in top priority. Take cancers as a prime example, our orbit has been suffering from this illness for centuries, making an effective antidote the ultimate outcome that the current era needs. Because of this aforementioned importance, I personally believe the merits that further analysis of health issues will eclipse that of other important troubles.
To reiterate, although both ideas provide concrete evidence about why they should have more privilege, the benefits that solving health problems will utterly outweigh the opposite opinion in terms of significance toward the general public.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
    Explanation: "Nowadays" is a more colloquial term, while "currently" is more formal and aligns better with an academic tone.

  2. "some people hold a belief" -> "some individuals maintain the belief"
    Explanation: "Hold a belief" is slightly informal; using "maintain the belief" provides a more formal and sophisticated expression.

  3. "notions" -> "perspectives"
    Explanation: While "notions" is acceptable, "perspectives" adds a more formal and academic tone to the sentence.

  4. "to shed light on" -> "to highlight"
    Explanation: "To shed light on" is a bit informal; "to highlight" maintains clarity and formality in academic writing.

  5. "For instance" -> "For example"
    Explanation: Both are used to introduce examples, but "For example" is more commonly used in academic writing for clarity and formality.

  6. "devastating obstacle" -> "serious challenge"
    Explanation: "Devastating obstacle" sounds somewhat informal; "serious challenge" maintains a formal tone and precise description.

  7. "faunas and floras" -> "flora and fauna"
    Explanation: Reversing the order to "flora and fauna" is the conventional and academically accepted phrase.

  8. "unwrapped mysteries" -> "unrevealed mysteries"
    Explanation: "Unwrapped" has a slightly informal connotation; "unrevealed" sounds more formal and suitable for academic writing.

  9. "making the previously mentioned statement a worthwhile initiative" -> "rendering the aforementioned proposal commendable"
    Explanation: The suggested phrase is more sophisticated and aligns better with academic writing, offering a more formal and nuanced expression.

  10. "pouring time and money" -> "investing time and resources"
    Explanation: "Pouring time and money" sounds less formal; "investing time and resources" provides a more academic tone.

  11. "plays a threshold role" -> "plays a pivotal role"
    Explanation: "Threshold role" doesn’t fit well in this context; "pivotal role" is more fitting and formal for describing importance.

  12. "To be more specific" -> "Specifically"
    Explanation: "To be more specific" can be replaced with the more concise and formal "specifically" in academic writing.

  13. "contain dangerous substances" -> "involve hazardous materials"
    Explanation: "Contain dangerous substances" can be replaced with "involve hazardous materials" for a more formal and precise description.

  14. "scientist’s survivability" -> "the safety of scientists"
    Explanation: "Survivability" is less formal; "safety of scientists" is a clearer and more academic term.

  15. "our orbit has been suffering from this illness" -> "humanity has been afflicted by this illness"
    Explanation: "Our orbit" is an unusual and less formal phrase; "humanity has been afflicted by this illness" offers a more formal and suitable expression.

  16. "the ultimate outcome that the current era needs" -> "a crucial necessity for the present era"
    Explanation: The suggested phrase offers a more formal and academic expression, avoiding overly casual language.

  17. "utterly outweigh" -> "significantly outweigh"
    Explanation: "Utterly" can be replaced with "significantly" to maintain formality and precision in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the prompt, discussing the benefits of focusing on global issues such as environmental problems and the significance of solving health problems. However, the discussion of global warming could be more detailed, and there is room for a more nuanced exploration of the prompt.
    • How to improve: Provide a more comprehensive analysis of the global issues mentioned and ensure a balanced discussion of each perspective. Consider exploring the complexities of global warming and its impact in more depth.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that solving health problems is more significant, as indicated by the statement, "I personally believe the merits that further analysis of health issues will utterly outweigh the opposite opinion."
    • How to improve: While maintaining a clear position is essential, provide a more nuanced discussion by acknowledging potential merits of the opposing viewpoint. This can strengthen the overall argument by demonstrating a deeper understanding of the complexities involved.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in the exploration of global issues. For instance, the discussion of global warming is somewhat brief and could benefit from more elaboration. Additionally, the link between solving global health problems and ensuring safety for other research is not fully developed.
    • How to improve: Extend the discussion on global issues, providing more detailed examples and explanations. Strengthen the connection between solving health problems and enabling other research, making the logical progression of ideas more explicit.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but occasionally digresses, such as when discussing the survivability of scientists due to dangerous substances. While the point is relevant, the connection to the main topic could be clarified.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each point made directly relates to the main topic of whether scientific research should focus on solving world health problems. Eliminate any tangential details that do not contribute substantially to the overall argument.

In summary, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents a clear position. However, improvements can be made in addressing both sides more comprehensively, providing deeper analysis of global issues, presenting more nuanced perspectives, and ensuring that every point directly contributes to the overall argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. The introduction sets the stage for discussing both perspectives, and each body paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument. However, the connection between ideas is sometimes unclear, leading to a slightly disjointed flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. Use topic sentences to clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph, and consider the overall progression of ideas to create a more cohesive structure.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure could be more effective. The second paragraph, for example, introduces the idea of solving global issues but lacks a clear topic sentence. Additionally, some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, making it challenging for the reader to follow the main points.
    • How to improve: Focus on creating well-structured paragraphs with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Ensure each paragraph has a singular focus and explores that idea thoroughly. Consider breaking down complex ideas into smaller, more digestible parts within separate paragraphs.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "on the other hand" and "to reiterate." However, the variety and effectiveness of these devices could be improved for smoother transitions between ideas.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, including pronouns, conjunctions, and linking words. This will create a more seamless connection between sentences and paragraphs. Pay attention to the logical relationship between ideas when selecting cohesive devices.

Overall, while the essay exhibits a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in terms of logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. Ensuring a clearer progression of ideas and refining paragraph construction will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating terms like "revolutionary development," "ecosystem," "floras," "faunas," "innovative experiments," "survivability," "incurable diseases," and "antidote." However, there’s room for enhancement by diversifying the vocabulary further. For instance, synonyms or alternative phrases could be used instead of repeatedly employing terms like "global health problems" and "benefits."
    • How to improve: To broaden lexical resource, consider utilizing synonyms, idiomatic expressions, or varied vocabulary choices throughout the essay. Instead of frequently using phrases like "global health problems," try alternatives such as "public health issues," "worldwide medical concerns," or "international healthcare challenges" to enrich the vocabulary and demonstrate a wider lexical range.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary with precision, as seen in phrases like "devastating obstacle," "unfolded mysteries," and "ultimate outcome." However, there are instances where language could be more precise. For example, the phrase "maintain the diversity of wildlife" might benefit from a more specific description, such as elaborating on how preserving biodiversity could lead to scientific breakthroughs.
    • How to improve: Enhance precision by providing specific details and using more nuanced vocabulary. Instead of general statements like "diversity of wildlife," elaborate on particular aspects or species within the ecosystem that could contribute to scientific discovery. Utilize precise language to articulate thoughts and ideas more accurately.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some spelling errors and inconsistencies, such as "faunas" (plural of fauna is "fauna"), "survivability" (correct term but may be less commonly used), and formatting issues (e.g., "scientist’s"). These errors slightly detract from the overall quality of the writing.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider using spelling and grammar tools, proofreading carefully, and paying attention to detail when typing or copying text. Additionally, double-checking formatting and special characters to ensure they’re accurately represented can significantly enhance the overall presentation and coherence of the essay.

Improving these aspects—expanding vocabulary with precision and ensuring accurate spelling—will significantly contribute to elevating the lexical resource band score in your essay writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 9

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. The writer employs complex sentences, compound sentences, and effectively uses transitional phrases. There is a notable balance between simple and complex structures, contributing to the overall fluency of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the richness of sentence structures, consider incorporating advanced grammatical constructions such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, and varied sentence lengths. This can add depth and sophistication to the essay, showcasing a more nuanced command of language.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay showcases a high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are a few instances where errors in subject-verb agreement and article usage appear. For instance, "the faunas and floras will be ensured better living conditions" should be revised to "the fauna and flora will enjoy better living conditions." Additionally, there is a minor issue with word usage in "remedies for incurable diseases will definitely be in top priority," where "at the top priority" would be more accurate.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and word choice. Proofread the essay thoroughly to catch and rectify these minor errors. Consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to gain additional insights into areas that might need improvement.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are a few instances where errors occur. For example, the sentence "Additionally, society will also benefit from these developments since remedies for incurable diseases will definitely be in top priority" would benefit from a comma after "Additionally" to enhance clarity. Also, there is an issue with an apostrophe in "scientist’s survivability," which should be corrected to "scientists’ survivability."
    • How to improve: To refine punctuation skills, carefully review the rules for commas, apostrophes, and other punctuation marks. Ensure consistent and proper use throughout the essay. Utilize grammar-checking tools and seek feedback to identify and correct punctuation errors. Developing a keen eye for punctuation nuances will contribute to the overall polish of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s era, the remarkable advancements in technology have empowered researchers to enhance medical services significantly. Nevertheless, there are differing views on whether scientists should prioritize addressing global health issues or focus on other pressing problems. In my view, both perspectives have merits that warrant consideration, as discussed below.

To underscore the advantages of addressing broader global issues, it’s crucial to highlight the positive impact on the world ecosystem. For instance, global warming poses a serious challenge due to its destructive effects on the environment. By investing in solutions to mitigate this issue, governments can ensure better living conditions for flora and fauna. This decision not only restores the biological balance but also preserves the diversity of wildlife, offering potential breakthroughs for future scientific research. Therefore, considering this proposal is commendable.

Conversely, allocating time and resources to tackle global health problems plays a pivotal role in ensuring the safety of scientists involved in cutting-edge research. Specifically, certain innovative experiments may involve hazardous materials, posing risks to the well-being of researchers. Moreover, addressing health challenges is crucial for society, prioritizing the development of remedies for incurable diseases. Take cancers, for example, an affliction that has plagued humanity for centuries; finding effective treatments is a crucial necessity for the present era. Given this significance, I personally believe that the merits of further analysis of health issues significantly outweigh those of addressing other important global concerns.

In conclusion, while both perspectives present valid reasons, the benefits of focusing on solving health problems surpass the opposing opinion in terms of significance for the general public. It is imperative to recognize the critical role that addressing health issues plays in ensuring both scientific progress and the well-being of society as a whole.

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