Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think students should spend time on important subjects.

In today's rapidly changing world, the education system is constantly evolving to meet the needs of students. One area of debate is whether food science should be part of the school curriculum alongside traditional academic subjects. While some argue that students should prioritize core subjects, I believe that incorporating food science and culinary skills into education is essential for a well-rounded education.

On the one hand, a primary concern regarding requiring students, particularly younger ones, to study food science is that it may put them in danger, especially if they come from overprotective families. Parents, who are excessively meticulous about their children's security, may refuse to include food science in the curriculum due to fearing potential accidents or injuries in the kitchen. Furthermore, many children today already face a heavy academic load with core subjects such as mathematics, literature, and language. Adding another subject could intensify their academic stress and overwhelm them, leading to burnout.

On the other hand, there are compelling reasons to advocate for the inclusion of food science into educational programs. Learning this subject will equip students with essential nutrition knowledge, which can positively influence their health and lifestyle. Understanding the science nature of food from an early age can encourage healthier eating habits, which is vital in addressing issues like obesity or inadequate nutrition. Additionally, for students interested in pursuing careers in culinary arts or nutrition, a background in food science can provide a strong foundation for further studies. For example, a student who aspiring to become a chef can benefit from knowledge of food science, as it deepen their understanding of ingredients properties and enable them to create delicious and healthy dishes.

In conclusion, while concerns about student stress and safety regarding food science education are valid, I support the inclusion of food science in school curriculum due to its significant benefits regarding healthcare and future career. Schools could offer this science as an elective or a part of life skills course to allow students to gain valuable knowledge and skills without adding undue pressure to them.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In today’s rapidly changing world" -> "In the rapidly evolving contemporary world"
Explanation: The phrase "rapidly changing world" is somewhat clichéd and vague. "Rapidly evolving contemporary world" provides a more precise and modern description of the context, enhancing the academic tone.
"One area of debate" -> "One contentious issue"
Explanation: "One area of debate" is somewhat vague and informal. "One contentious issue" is more specific and formal, fitting better in an academic context.
"should prioritize core subjects" -> "should focus on core subjects"
Explanation: "Prioritize" can imply a sense of urgency or importance that might be too strong for an academic discussion. "Focus on" is more neutral and appropriate for an objective analysis.
"put them in danger" -> "pose a risk to their safety"
Explanation: "Put them in danger" is informal and imprecise. "Pose a risk to their safety" is more formal and clearly conveys the potential threat.
"overprotective families" -> "families with an overprotective attitude"
Explanation: "Overprotective families" is somewhat informal and imprecise. "Families with an overprotective attitude" specifies the characteristic being discussed, enhancing clarity and formality.
"fearing potential accidents or injuries in the kitchen" -> "concerned about potential accidents or injuries in the kitchen"
Explanation: "Fearing" is a stronger, more emotional term that may not be suitable for an academic essay. "Concerned about" is more measured and appropriate for formal writing.
"Adding another subject could intensify their academic stress" -> "Introducing another subject could exacerbate their academic stress"
Explanation: "Adding" is somewhat informal and vague. "Introducing" is more precise and formal, and "exacerbate" is academically appropriate for describing the increase in stress.
"overwhelm them, leading to burnout" -> "overwhelm them, potentially leading to burnout"
Explanation: Adding "potentially" softens the statement, making it less definitive and more suitable for academic discourse, where hypotheses are often presented with caution.
"Learning this subject will equip students with essential nutrition knowledge" -> "Studying this subject will provide students with fundamental nutrition knowledge"
Explanation: "Learning" is a bit informal and vague; "studying" is more precise and formal. "Essential" can be replaced with "fundamental" to maintain a formal tone.
"can positively influence their health and lifestyle" -> "can positively impact their health and lifestyle"
Explanation: "Influence" is less specific than "impact," which is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe the effects of actions or factors.
"science nature of food" -> "scientific nature of food"
Explanation: "Science nature" is incorrect; "scientific nature" is the correct phrase, enhancing grammatical accuracy and formality.
"as it deepen their understanding" -> "as it deepens their understanding"
Explanation: "Deepen" should be in the singular form "deepens" to agree with the singular subject "it," ensuring grammatical correctness.
"due to its significant benefits regarding healthcare and future career" -> "due to its significant benefits in healthcare and career development"
Explanation: "Regarding" is somewhat informal and vague; "in" is more direct and precise. "Career development" is a more formal term than "future career."
"Schools could offer this science as an elective or a part of life skills course" -> "Schools could incorporate this subject as an elective or as part of a life skills course"
Explanation: "Offer this science" is informal and imprecise; "incorporate this subject" is more formal and specific. "As part of a life skills course" is grammatically correct and clearer than "a part of life skills course."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting both sides of the argument regarding the inclusion of food science in the curriculum. The author acknowledges the concerns about academic overload and safety, which reflects an understanding of the opposing viewpoint. However, the essay could have been strengthened by explicitly stating the importance of traditional subjects in the introduction and providing a more balanced exploration of both perspectives.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each side of the argument is given equal weight. This could involve dedicating a paragraph to the merits of traditional subjects and how they might be complemented by food science, rather than primarily focusing on the drawbacks of including food science.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of including food science in the curriculum. The author consistently supports this stance with relevant arguments, such as the benefits of nutrition knowledge and career preparation. However, the transition between discussing the opposing view and the author’s position could be smoother to reinforce the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift from discussing the opposing viewpoint to reinforcing their own position. For example, phrases like "Despite these concerns, it is crucial to recognize…" can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-supported ideas, particularly regarding the health benefits of food science and its relevance to future careers. The use of examples, such as aspiring chefs needing knowledge of food science, effectively extends the argument. However, some points, such as the potential dangers of food science, could benefit from further elaboration or examples to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed examples or statistics to support claims, especially regarding the negative aspects of not including food science. For instance, citing studies on the impact of nutrition education on student health could add depth to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate surrounding food science in education. However, there are moments where the discussion of parental concerns about safety feels slightly tangential, as it does not directly relate to the educational merits of food science.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points directly relate to the central argument. It may be helpful to frame concerns about safety within the broader context of educational benefits, perhaps by discussing how safety can be taught alongside food science rather than as a standalone concern.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity, balance, and depth of their response, potentially achieving an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The argument is logically organized, moving from the concerns about food science to the benefits of its inclusion. However, the transition between the two sides could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing concerns to benefits could be more explicitly marked to guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in perspective, such as "Conversely" or "On the contrary." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, which will help the reader follow the argument more easily.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided to distinguish between the benefits of food science for general health and its relevance for specific career paths. This would create a clearer structure within the paragraph itself.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down the second body paragraph into two smaller paragraphs: one focusing on the general health benefits of food science and the other on its relevance for career aspirations. This will provide a clearer structure and allow for more detailed exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," and "Additionally." These devices help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeating "Additionally," consider using alternatives like "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "In addition." Additionally, using phrases that indicate cause and effect, such as "As a result" or "Consequently," can enhance the clarity of the relationships between ideas.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing its overall effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, utilizing terms such as "culinary skills," "academic load," and "nutrition knowledge." These choices reflect an understanding of the topic and contribute to the clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, phrases like "core subjects" and "academic stress" are repeated, which could be substituted with synonyms or paraphrased to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating a broader range of synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "core subjects," you might use "fundamental subjects" or "essential disciplines." Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text. For example, instead of "heavy academic load," you could say "overwhelming academic burden."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the science nature of food" is awkward and unclear. It seems to aim for "the scientific nature of food," which would be more precise. Additionally, "a student who aspiring to become a chef" should be corrected to "a student who aspires to become a chef."
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct and convey the intended meaning clearly. Reviewing sentence structures and ensuring that modifiers are correctly placed can enhance precision. Furthermore, consider using a thesaurus to find more accurate terms that fit the context better.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words like "nutrition," "culinary," and "education" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To maintain and enhance spelling accuracy, continue practicing through writing exercises and proofreading. Consider using spelling check tools or apps that can help identify any potential errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, reading more extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "While some argue that students should prioritize core subjects, I believe that incorporating food science and culinary skills into education is essential for a well-rounded education" effectively conveys contrasting viewpoints. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the second paragraph, where similar sentence beginnings are used, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand." This can make the writing feel formulaic.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using different introductory phrases or varying the order of clauses. For example, instead of starting both paragraphs with "Onthe one hand" and "On the other hand," you could use phrases like "Conversely," or "In contrast," to introduce opposing ideas. Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence lengths can create a more dynamic flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. However, there are some issues that detract from the overall quality. For instance, in the phrase "a student who aspiring to become a chef," the correct form should be "a student who aspires to become a chef." Additionally, the sentence "as it deepen their understanding of ingredients properties" should read "as it deepens their understanding of ingredient properties." These errors indicate a need for careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for common errors, particularly in verb forms and punctuation, can significantly enhance clarity. Reading the essay aloud may also help identify awkward phrasing or grammatical mistakes that might be overlooked during silent reading.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s rapidly evolving contemporary world, the education system is constantly adapting to meet the needs of students. One contentious issue is whether food science should be part of the school curriculum alongside traditional academic subjects. While some argue that students should focus on core subjects, I believe that incorporating food science and culinary skills into education is essential for a well-rounded learning experience.

On the one hand, a primary concern regarding requiring students, particularly younger ones, to study food science is that it may pose a risk to their safety, especially if they come from families with an overprotective attitude. Parents, who are excessively meticulous about their children’s security, may refuse to include food science in the curriculum due to concerns about potential accidents or injuries in the kitchen. Furthermore, many children today already face a heavy academic load with core subjects such as mathematics, literature, and language. Introducing another subject could exacerbate their academic stress and overwhelm them, potentially leading to burnout.

On the other hand, there are compelling reasons to advocate for the inclusion of food science in educational programs. Studying this subject will provide students with fundamental nutrition knowledge, which can positively impact their health and lifestyle. Understanding the scientific nature of food from an early age can encourage healthier eating habits, which is vital in addressing issues like obesity or inadequate nutrition. Additionally, for students interested in pursuing careers in culinary arts or nutrition, a background in food science can provide a strong foundation for further studies. For example, a student aspiring to become a chef can benefit from knowledge of food science, as it deepens their understanding of ingredient properties and enables them to create delicious and healthy dishes.

In conclusion, while concerns about student stress and safety regarding food science education are valid, I support the inclusion of food science in the school curriculum due to its significant benefits in healthcare and career development. Schools could incorporate this subject as an elective or as part of a life skills course to allow students to gain valuable knowledge and skills without adding undue pressure to them.