some people think that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than other ones. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many individuals argue that outdated buildings are more valuable than modern buildings today. I totally believe with this statement , given that old buildings help people to remind about historical events and these buildings attract foreign visitors

The first reason is that historical architectures help the youth to remind about historical events. In the modern society, teenagers are straightforwardly to forget historical values due to the efforts of predecessors bringing for nation, as a result, architectures in the past will help them to remember the merits. For example, many schools in the Ho Chi Minh city organize tour in Con Dao prison annual in order to remember the father’s generations who had bring peaceful for us. Therefore, educational authorities in Vietnam should celebrate about historical tours with the aim of encouraging students to remember the efforts of predecessors.

The second reason is that old building attracting number of foreign visitors. Nowadays, a growing number of oversea tourists concern about historical events which is why they have a tendency to visit to historical attractions in another country. For instance, Hoi An old town has been attracting huge number of visitors in Australia in order to acquire more knowledge about historical this orgin. As a result, the Vietnamese government should decrease the price of airfares with the aim of making favourable conditions for oversea tourists easily to learning about historical attractions.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"I totally believe with this statement" -> "I fully agree with this statement"
Explanation: "I totally believe with this statement" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "I fully agree with this statement" corrects the grammar and enhances the formal tone of the sentence.
"given that old buildings help people to remind about historical events" -> "given that old buildings serve as reminders of historical events"
Explanation: The phrase "help people to remind about" is awkward and verbose. "Serve as reminders of" is more concise and academically appropriate.
"straightforwardly to forget" -> "easily forget"
Explanation: "Straightforwardly" is incorrectly used here; "easily" is the correct adverb to convey the intended meaning of simplicity or lack of difficulty in forgetting.
"the efforts of predecessors bringing for nation" -> "the efforts of predecessors that brought benefits to the nation"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammar.
"celebrate about historical tours" -> "organize historical tours"
Explanation: "Celebrate about" is incorrect; "organize" is the correct verb to use in this context, indicating the planning and execution of events.
"old building attracting number of foreign visitors" -> "old buildings attracting numerous foreign visitors"
Explanation: "Old building" should be plural to match the context, and "numerous" is more formal than "number of."
"oversea tourists concern about historical events" -> "overseas tourists are concerned with historical events"
Explanation: "Concern about" is grammatically incorrect; "are concerned with" is the correct form. Also, "oversea" should be "overseas" for the correct adjectival form.
"have a tendency to visit to historical attractions" -> "tend to visit historical attractions"
Explanation: "Have a tendency to visit to" is redundant and awkward. "Tend to visit" simplifies and clarifies the expression.
"huge number of visitors in Australia" -> "a large number of visitors from Australia"
Explanation: "Huge" is too informal and imprecise; "a large number" is more appropriate for academic writing. Also, "in" should be "from" to correctly indicate origin.
"decrease the price of airfares" -> "reduce the cost of airfares"
Explanation: "Decrease" is less formal than "reduce," and "cost" is more precise than "price" in this context, referring to the overall expense rather than the specific price.

These changes enhance the formal tone, improve grammatical accuracy, and clarify the meaning of the essay, making it more suitable for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by arguing that old buildings are more valuable than modern ones due to their historical significance and tourism appeal. It discusses how old buildings help in remembering historical events and attract foreign visitors.
- The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the value of old buildings in preserving historical events and attracting tourists but lacks depth in discussing whether certain old buildings are more worth preserving than others.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly address whether it agrees or disagrees with the statement that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than others. It should also provide more nuanced arguments and examples to support its stance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay’s position is somewhat clear throughout, asserting that old buildings are more valuable due to historical importance and tourism benefits. However, there are instances of unclear phrasing that slightly muddy the stance.
- For example, the statement "I totally believe with this statement" could be clearer by stating whether the author agrees or disagrees with the idea that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than others.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should clearly state their agreement or disagreement with the prompt early on and consistently reinforce this stance throughout the essay. Avoid ambiguous language that might confuse the reader about the author’s position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the historical significance and tourism benefits of old buildings. It attempts to support these ideas with examples, such as mentioning schools organizing tours and the attraction of foreign tourists to places like Hoi An.
- However, the development of these ideas lacks coherence and depth. For instance, the examples provided are not fully elaborated upon to demonstrate their significance or impact.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the essay should provide more specific examples with detailed explanations of how these examples relate to the argument. Additionally, ensure a logical flow between ideas to better develop the essay’s argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the value of old buildings compared to modern ones, focusing on historical importance and tourism appeal.
- However, there are instances where the essay veers slightly off-topic, such as discussing airfare prices for foreign tourists, which does not directly relate to the preservation of old buildings.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all examples and discussions directly relate to the argument about the preservation of old buildings. Avoid introducing tangential topics that do not contribute to the main argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of the prompt and attempts to present arguments, it falls short in clarity, depth of analysis, and coherence. To improve, focus on clearly stating and maintaining a stance, providing more specific and developed examples, and ensuring all content directly supports the main argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting two main points supporting the argument. It starts with an introduction stating the opinion, followed by two body paragraphs each elaborating on a reason (historical education and tourism attraction). The conclusion restates the thesis without introducing new information.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider more nuanced transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph directly supports the thesis and consider a more balanced development of arguments.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to structure ideas; however, transitions between paragraphs are somewhat abrupt, affecting the overall coherence. The first body paragraph discusses historical education, while the second focuses on tourism.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph coherence by using topic sentences that clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Ensure each paragraph develops a single coherent point with sufficient supporting details.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs basic cohesive devices such as conjunctions ("therefore," "however") and examples ("For example," "For instance") to link ideas within sentences and paragraphs. However, there is a need for more variety and sophistication in cohesive devices.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices such as pronouns (it, they), linking adverbs (moreover, consequently), and synonyms to avoid repetition. This will enhance the flow and coherence of ideas throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic organizational structure and coherence, there are clear areas for improvement to achieve a higher band score. Focus on developing more sophisticated transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices to strengthen the clarity and coherence of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of vocabulary, with some attempt to use different terms (e.g., "historical architectures," "attracting number of foreign visitors"). However, the range is somewhat limited and often lacks depth in exploration. For instance, repetitive use of phrases like "historical events" and "old buildings" suggests a need for more nuanced vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim for greater diversity in vocabulary by employing synonyms and more specific terms. Instead of repeatedly using "historical events," consider alternatives like "historical milestones," "cultural heritage," or "historical significance." This can enrich the essay’s expression and demonstrate a broader lexical repertoire.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely but also includes instances of imprecise language. For example, "attraction number of foreign visitors" lacks precision and clarity. On the other hand, terms like "historical tours" and "educational authorities" are relatively precise.
- How to improve: Strive for more precise vocabulary throughout. Replace vague phrases like "attraction number of foreign visitors" with clearer terms such as "drawing a significant influx of international tourists." This will sharpen the essay’s clarity and effectiveness in conveying ideas.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: There are several spelling errors throughout the essay ("oversea" should be "overseas," "orgin" should be "origin"). These errors, though not overly frequent, impact the readability and overall impression of the essay.
- How to improve: Improve spelling accuracy by proofreading carefully and using tools like spell checkers. Specifically, pay attention to commonly misspelled words and ensure correctness before finalizing the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource with some attempt at variety and precision, there is room for improvement in enhancing vocabulary diversity, precision, and spelling accuracy to achieve a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic variety of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. For instance, it utilizes simple declarative statements ("Many individuals argue that outdated buildings are more valuable than modern buildings today") and complex sentences ("For example, many schools in Ho Chi Minh City organize tours to Con Dao prison annually in order to remember the efforts of predecessors."). While these structures are generally adequate, there is a lack of more complex sentence types such as conditional sentences, passive constructions, or complex clauses.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and effectiveness of the essay, incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures. Introduce conditional sentences to speculate or express possibilities ("If historical buildings were better preserved, more tourists might visit"). Utilize passive voice constructions to shift emphasis ("Historical sites are often visited by tourists"). Additionally, integrate complex sentences with subordinate clauses to add depth and complexity to your arguments ("While modern buildings may have their advantages, historical structures play a crucial role in preserving cultural heritage.").
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits noticeable grammatical errors and inconsistencies in punctuation. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("educational authorities… should celebrate about historical tours") and punctuation errors like missing commas and incorrect usage of capitalization ("…in another country. For instance," should be "…in another country, for instance,"). These errors occasionally hinder clarity and readability.
- How to improve: Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by reviewing basic grammar rules such as subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles ("…to remember the efforts of the predecessors" instead of "the efforts of predecessors"). Pay attention to punctuation details such as using commas correctly in lists and to separate clauses for better clarity and flow. Proofreading the essay before submission can help catch these errors. Additionally, consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct mistakes more effectively.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in expressing ideas, enhancing sentence variety and improving grammatical accuracy would significantly elevate the clarity and impact of the arguments presented.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many people argue that preserving certain old buildings is more important than preserving modern ones today. I fully agree with this statement, given that old buildings serve as reminders of historical events and easily forget the efforts of predecessors that brought benefits to the nation.

The first reason is that historical buildings help the youth remember important historical events. In modern society, teenagers are prone to forget historical values due to the rapid pace of change, so historical buildings play a crucial role in reminding them of past achievements. For example, many schools in Ho Chi Minh City organize annual tours to Con Dao prison to commemorate the generations who worked for peace. Therefore, educational authorities in Vietnam should promote historical tours to encourage students to remember the efforts of their predecessors.

The second reason is that old buildings attract numerous foreign visitors. Nowadays, an increasing number of overseas tourists are interested in historical events, prompting them to visit historical sites in other countries. For instance, Hoi An old town in Vietnam attracts a large number of Australian visitors who seek to gain knowledge about its historical origins. Consequently, the Vietnamese government should consider reducing airfare prices to facilitate easier access for foreign tourists to learn about historical attractions.

In conclusion, old buildings hold significant value not only as reminders of history but also as attractions that draw international visitors. Therefore, it is crucial to prioritize the preservation of such buildings to ensure that future generations can benefit from their historical and cultural significance.