Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however, say that cooperation and team working skills are more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Nowaday, children's education receive more and more attention people. so there is an opinion that student should be educated which help to them improve competitiveness in school. by contrast, other people believe that student should be taught skills as cooperation and team working. this way is really important to them. personally, i am on the side of cooperation and team working are significant skills so young age need to leant in school.
To commence with, competitive and team working are skills which children should be learnt in school. this way help to them talent development theirselve. and children also are more confident. they dare to think and express their own ideas. a recent study that children are expressed their opinion early. they are more confident and independent than other people.
However, other people argue that it is more important when student have cooperation and team working skills. the first, when young age are taught to this skills which help to them have a lot of oppotunities to practice soft skills. the second, this way help to them have problem solving skill. Morever, knowledge is so much. if we absorb them by reading book, learning at school or watching TV, it won't enough. so cooperating and working with other people, this way can expand their knowledge. nowaday, cooperation and team working skills which pay attention to many employer.
inconclusion, although school where student should be taught to be competitive. More remarkable when young age also should be to leant other skills. i think both parent and teacher need to connect so that it help to children have a good education enviroment

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Nowaday" -> "Nowadays"
Explanation: "Nowadays" is the correct spelling of the adverb indicating the current time period.
"children’s education receive more and more attention people" -> "children’s education is receiving increasing attention from people"
Explanation: This revision corrects the grammatical structure and replaces the informal "receive more and more attention people" with a more formal and clear expression.
"so there is an opinion that student should be educated which help to them improve competitiveness in school" -> "Thus, there is a belief that students should receive education aimed at enhancing their competitiveness in school"
Explanation: The revision clarifies the sentence structure and replaces the vague "so there is an opinion" with "Thus, there is a belief". Additionally, "educated which help to them improve" is replaced with "receive education aimed at enhancing", making the expression more precise and formal.
"by contrast, other people believe that student should be taught skills as cooperation and team working" -> "Conversely, others argue that students should be taught skills such as cooperation and teamwork"
Explanation: "By contrast" is replaced with "Conversely" for better transition. "Other people believe" is substituted with "others argue" for conciseness. "Skills as cooperation and team working" is refined to "skills such as cooperation and teamwork" for clarity and formality.
"this way is really important to them" -> "these skills are crucial for them"
Explanation: "This way" is ambiguous and informal. "These skills" is more precise and appropriate in an academic context. "Really important" is substituted with "crucial" for a more formal tone.
"so young age need to leant in school" -> "thus, these skills need to be learned at a young age in school"
Explanation: "So young age need to leant" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Thus, these skills need to be learned" is a clearer and more formal expression.
"To commence with" -> "To begin with"
Explanation: "To commence with" is less commonly used in formal writing. "To begin with" is a more appropriate and widely recognized phrase.
"competitive and team working are skills which children should be learnt in school" -> "competitiveness and teamwork are skills that children should acquire in school"
Explanation: "Competitive and team working are skills which children should be learnt" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Competitiveness and teamwork are skills that children should acquire" is a more concise and accurate expression.
"this way help to them talent development theirselve" -> "this facilitates their self-development of talent"
Explanation: "This way help to them talent development theirselve" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "This facilitates their self-development of talent" is more precise and maintains a formal tone.
"a recent study that children are expressed their opinion early" -> "A recent study found that children express their opinions early"
Explanation: "A recent study that children are expressed their opinion early" is grammatically incorrect. "A recent study found that children express their opinions early" presents the information more clearly and accurately.
"they are more confident and independent than other people" -> "they exhibit greater confidence and independence than their peers"
Explanation: "Than other people" is vague. "Than their peers" is more specific. "They are more confident and independent" is refined to "they exhibit greater confidence and independence" for clarity and formality.
"However, other people argue that it is more important when student have cooperation and team working skills" -> "However, others argue that having cooperation and teamwork skills is more important for students"
Explanation: "It is more important when student have cooperation and team working skills" is awkwardly phrased. "Having cooperation and teamwork skills is more important for students" is clearer and more concise.
"the first, when young age are taught to this skills which help to them have a lot of oppotunities to practice soft skills" -> "Firstly, when taught these skills at a young age, children have numerous opportunities to practice soft skills"
Explanation: "The first, when young age are taught to this skills which help to them have a lot of oppotunities to practice soft skills" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Firstly, when taught these skills at a young age, children have numerous opportunities to practice soft skills" is clearer and more concise.
"Morever, knowledge is so much" -> "Moreover, the amount of knowledge is vast"
Explanation: "Morever" is a misspelling. "Moreover" is the correct term. "Knowledge is so much" lacks clarity and precision. "The amount of knowledge is vast" is more formal and specific.
"if we absorb them by reading book, learning at school or watching TV, it won’t enough" -> "Merely absorbing information from books, school, or television is insufficient"
Explanation: "If we absorb them by reading book, learning at school or watching TV, it won’t enough" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. "Merely absorbing information from books, school, or television is insufficient" is more concise and clear.
"cooperating and working with other people, this way can expand their knowledge" -> "Collaborating and working with others can broaden their knowledge"
Explanation: "Cooperating and working with other people, this way can expand their knowledge" is awkwardly phrased. "Collaborating and working with others can broaden their knowledge" is clearer and more concise.
"nowaday, cooperation and team working skills which pay attention to many employer" -> "Currently, cooperation and teamwork skills are highly valued by many employers"
Explanation: "nowaday" is a misspelling. "Currently" is a more appropriate term. "Cooperation and team working skills which pay attention to many employer" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Cooperation and teamwork skills are highly valued by many employers" is clearer and more concise.
"inconclusion" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: "inconclusion" is a misspelling. "In conclusion" is the correct term for signaling the end of an essay.
"although school where student should be taught to be competitive" -> "Although schools should foster competitiveness among students"
Explanation: "although school where student should be taught to be competitive" lacks clarity and precision. "Although schools should foster competitiveness among students" is more concise and clear.
"More remarkable when young age also should be to leant other skills" -> "Furthermore, it is noteworthy that at a young age, other skills should also be learned"
Explanation: "More remarkable when young age also should be to leant other skills" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Furthermore, it is noteworthy that at a young age, other skills should also be learned" is clearer and more formal.
"i think both parent and teacher need to connect so that it help to children have a good education

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to discuss both sides of the argument, addressing the importance of competitiveness in school education while also acknowledging the significance of cooperation and teamwork skills. However, the discussion lacks depth and coherence. While the essay briefly touches upon competitiveness and teamwork, it fails to delve into a nuanced analysis of both perspectives.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide a more balanced exploration of the advantages and disadvantages of both competitiveness and cooperation/teamwork in education. This could involve dedicating separate paragraphs to each viewpoint, providing specific examples or evidence to support each argument, and critically evaluating the implications of each approach.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay takes a clear stance in favor of cooperation and teamwork skills, as indicated by the author’s personal opinion stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, the essay’s discussion lacks consistency, with some points vaguely alluding to the importance of competitiveness.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the essay should maintain a more focused discussion throughout, consistently reinforcing the chosen perspective on the importance of cooperation and teamwork skills. This could involve explicitly stating the author’s position in each paragraph and ensuring that all arguments and examples align with this stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to competitiveness and cooperation/teamwork but lacks depth and development. Ideas are often presented in a superficial manner without sufficient elaboration or support from evidence or examples.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the essay should provide more detailed explanations, examples, and evidence to bolster each argument. This could involve delving deeper into the implications of competitiveness and cooperation/teamwork in education, drawing on research findings, real-life examples, or personal experiences to enrich the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to address the topic of competitiveness versus cooperation/teamwork in education, it occasionally veers off course with tangential points or vague statements. There are instances where the relevance to the topic is unclear, and the overall focus of the essay could be sharpened.
- How to improve: To maintain better focus on the topic, the essay should ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to the discussion of competitiveness and cooperation/teamwork in education. Avoiding tangential points and maintaining a clear thread of argumentation will help strengthen the coherence and relevance of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument in favor of cooperation and teamwork skills, there is room for improvement in depth of analysis, clarity of position, development of ideas, and relevance to the topic. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a more comprehensive and nuanced treatment of the prompt, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present arguments for both sides of the issue—competitiveness versus cooperation—although the organization is somewhat fragmented. It begins with a brief introduction to the topic but lacks clear topic sentences in subsequent paragraphs to guide the reader through each argument. For instance, switching from discussing competitiveness to cooperation isn’t clearly signaled, making the flow less coherent.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the overall thesis statement. This helps maintain a coherent progression of ideas. Additionally, consider using transition phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "In contrast," "Moreover") to clearly signal shifts between arguments and improve overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but they are not consistently developed. Paragraphs should ideally contain a clear main idea with supporting details. Some paragraphs lack development or contain multiple ideas without clear separation.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on one main idea related to either competitiveness or cooperation. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main point. Ensure that supporting details are provided to strengthen each argument. For example, in the second paragraph, separate points about confidence and independence could each be their own paragraphs with additional supporting evidence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: There is limited use of cohesive devices in the essay. There are a few instances of basic linking words ("however," "although") but they are not consistently used throughout. This affects the overall cohesion of the essay, as there are abrupt shifts between ideas and paragraphs.
- How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., "furthermore," "consequently," "in addition") to better connect ideas and show relationships between arguments. This will help the essay flow more naturally and improve overall coherence.

Overall, while the essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both competitiveness and cooperation, there are significant opportunities for improvement in coherence and cohesion. Strengthening logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and enhancing the use of cohesive devices will help elevate the clarity and coherence of the arguments presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, although some repetition and limited variety are evident. For example, phrases like "children’s education," "competitive in school," "cooperation and team working," and "skills as cooperation and team working" are repeated throughout the essay. There are instances of more varied vocabulary, such as "talent development," "soft skills," and "problem-solving skill," but these are not consistently utilized.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, strive for greater diversity and precision in word choice. Instead of repeating phrases like "cooperation and team working," consider using synonyms or related terms such as collaboration, teamwork, or cooperative skills. Additionally, explore different ways to express ideas to avoid redundancy and enrich the overall lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, which can occasionally impede clarity and effectiveness of communication. For example, the phrase "cooperation and team working are skills which children should be learnt" could be refined for precision; "learnt" should be replaced with "learn" for grammatical accuracy, and "cooperation and team working" could be replaced with a more specific term like "collaborative skills." Furthermore, phrases like "express their opinion early" lack precision and could be clarified.
- How to improve: Aim for precision by selecting vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Use terms precisely and avoid vague or ambiguous language. Consider rephrasing sentences to ensure clarity and specificity in expression. For instance, instead of "express their opinion early," you could say "articulate their thoughts confidently from a young age."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of spelling accuracy, with some errors scattered throughout the text. Examples include "nowaday" instead of "nowadays," "learnt" instead of "learned," and "enviroment" instead of "environment." While these errors do not significantly detract from overall comprehension, they indicate a need for improvement in spelling consistency.
- How to improve: Enhance spelling accuracy through diligent proofreading and utilization of spelling aids such as spell-checkers. Review each word carefully to identify and correct any misspellings. Additionally, consider expanding vocabulary through reading and actively learning new words, which can improve spelling proficiency over time. Practice writing regularly to reinforce correct spelling habits and minimize errors in future compositions.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there is a lack of complex sentence structures or variety in sentence length. For instance, most sentences follow a similar structure, lacking complexity and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, incorporate more complex sentences such as compound-complex sentences and use varied sentence lengths to maintain reader engagement and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Introduce clauses, phrases, and transitions to connect ideas more cohesively and create a smoother flow of thought.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes that hinder clarity and coherence. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("Nowaday, children’s education receive more and more attention people."), article usage ("there is an opinion that student should be educated which help to them improve competitiveness in school."), and sentence structure ("so there is an opinion that student should be educated which help to them improve competitiveness in school.").
- How to improve: Focus on mastering basic grammatical concepts such as subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. Proofread your essays carefully to identify and correct errors before submission. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to improve your grammatical accuracy. Practice using punctuation marks correctly to enhance clarity and readability. Pay close attention to comma placement, apostrophes, and capitalization rules to avoid punctuation errors that can distract from your message.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, children’s education is receiving increasing attention from society. Thus, there is a belief that students should receive education aimed at enhancing their competitiveness in school. Conversely, others argue that students should be taught skills such as cooperation and teamwork, which are crucial for them. Thus, these skills need to be learned at a young age in school.

To begin with, competitiveness and teamwork are skills that children should acquire in school. This facilitates their self-development of talent. A recent study found that children express their opinions early; they exhibit greater confidence and independence than their peers.

However, others argue that having cooperation and teamwork skills is more important for students. Firstly, when taught these skills at a young age, children have numerous opportunities to practice soft skills. Moreover, the amount of knowledge is vast. Merely absorbing information from books, school, or television is insufficient. Collaborating and working with others can broaden their knowledge. Currently, cooperation and teamwork skills are highly valued by many employers.

In conclusion, although schools should foster competitiveness among students, it is noteworthy that at a young age, other skills should also be learned. Therefore, I believe both parents and teachers need to collaborate to create a conducive educational environment for children.