Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at at least 7 years old. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at at least 7 years old.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

On the one hand , many people opine that children should let children come to school at a very young age ,because teaching when they were at a very young age could let them absorb knowledge more effectively. It is a critical point of their life , if the youngsters started forming habits by studying , it would let them remember more about it and follow it up until adulthood. An example of it is from learning foreign language, we can easier to absorb when we were small and we can talk as a native speaker in the short time .
On the other hand , a large number of people don’t agree with that , they prefer to let their children join formal education when they are at least 7 . When they are developed enough, it could be easier for them to deal with more new knowledge better and also the 7th children could have more discipline in the class, not noisy as a very young age and it would have a better educational outcome than it , too. For example, children who are fully developed in thinking should have more awareness to do their own home work, not like a younger person who prefers playing .
In conclusion, although starting formal education at the very young age help the children have more effectively to absorb more new knowledge better , started come to school at 7 would have more discipline from the student to let them have more care to teachers and in my opinion , it would be better to let children come to school when they was 7.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "should let children come to school at a very young age" -> "should allow children to commence schooling at a tender age"
   Explanation: "Let" is overly simplistic and informal. "Commence schooling" is a more formal alternative, and "tender age" conveys the idea of very young age with a more sophisticated tone.

2. "because teaching when they were at a very young age could let them absorb knowledge more effectively" -> "since teaching at a young age facilitates more effective knowledge absorption"
   Explanation: "Could let them" is informal. "Facilitates" is a more precise term in an academic context. "Young age" is replaced with "at a young age" for clarity and formality.

3. "It is a critical point of their life" -> "This period is crucial in their development"
   Explanation: "Critical point" is vague; "period" is more precise. "In their development" adds clarity and formality to the sentence.

4. "An example of it is from learning foreign language" -> "An illustration of this is language acquisition"
   Explanation: "An example of it is from learning foreign language" is awkward. "Language acquisition" is a more formal term to refer to learning a foreign language.

5. "we can easier to absorb when we were small and we can talk as a native speaker in the short time" -> "Language absorption is easier in childhood, enabling native-like proficiency in a shorter duration"
   Explanation: "We can easier to absorb when we were small" is grammatically incorrect. "Language absorption" is a more formal term. "In childhood" replaces "when we were small" for clarity. "Native-like proficiency" is more precise than "talk as a native speaker."

6. "a large number of people don’t agree with that" -> "A significant proportion of individuals disagree with this notion"
   Explanation: "A large number of people don’t agree with that" is informal. "Disagree with this notion" is a more formal way to express dissent.

7. "When they are developed enough" -> "Once they have reached sufficient maturity"
   Explanation: "Developed enough" is imprecise; "sufficient maturity" is clearer and more formal.

8. "not noisy as a very young age" -> "less prone to being disruptive compared to younger children"
   Explanation: "Not noisy as a very young age" is informal. "Less prone to being disruptive" is more formal and precise.

9. "For example, children who are fully developed in thinking" -> "For instance, intellectually mature children"
   Explanation: "Fully developed in thinking" is awkward. "Intellectually mature" is more concise and formal.

10. "started come to school at 7 would have more discipline" -> "commencing schooling at age 7 would instill greater discipline"
    Explanation: "Started come to school" is grammatically incorrect. "Commencing schooling" is more formal. "Instill greater discipline" is more precise than "have more discipline."

11. "and in my opinion" -> "and from my perspective"
    Explanation: "In my opinion" is informal; "from my perspective" maintains formality and clarity.

12. "it would be better to let children come to school when they was 7" -> "it would be preferable to commence children’s schooling at the age of 7"
    Explanation: "When they was 7" is grammatically incorrect. "Commence children’s schooling" is more formal. "Preferable" is a more precise term for expressing a judgment.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both perspectives presented in the prompt. It discusses the advantages of starting formal education at a young age and contrasts it with the benefits of commencing at the age of 7. However, the analysis lacks depth and could benefit from more detailed exploration of each viewpoint.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, it would be beneficial to delve deeper into the reasons behind each perspective. Additionally, providing more specific examples or citing research studies could bolster the argumentation.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, asserting that starting formal education at age 7 is preferable. This position is evident from the introductory paragraph through the conclusion.
  • How to improve: While the position is clear, further reinforcement of this stance throughout the body paragraphs would strengthen the coherence of the essay. Ensuring that each argument directly supports this position would enhance clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in their development and support. Each perspective is briefly introduced, but there is minimal elaboration or expansion on the arguments presented.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should include more detailed explanations and examples to support each viewpoint. Providing specific instances or data to reinforce arguments would enhance the overall quality of the essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the two views presented in the prompt. However, there are moments where the relevance of the examples provided is tangential to the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the topic of when children should begin formal education. Avoid introducing extraneous information that detracts from the central argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both perspectives and presenting a clear position, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, coherence of arguments, and relevance of examples. Strengthening these aspects would elevate the essay’s overall quality and potentially result in a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present both views regarding the age at which children should start formal education. However, the organization lacks clarity and coherence. The essay begins with an introduction of the two perspectives but fails to maintain a clear separation between the arguments for and against early formal education. The transition between paragraphs is somewhat abrupt, making it challenging for the reader to follow the flow of ideas smoothly.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay could benefit from a clearer structure. Consider dedicating separate paragraphs to each viewpoint, with a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea. Additionally, use transitional phrases or sentences to smoothly transition between ideas and paragraphs, creating a cohesive narrative flow.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into three paragraphs, indicating an attempt to utilize paragraphs effectively. However, the structure within each paragraph is somewhat disorganized. Each paragraph attempts to address a specific aspect of the argument but lacks coherence within itself. Additionally, the conclusion paragraph does not effectively summarize the main points discussed in the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and provides sufficient supporting details. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that previews the content of the paragraph. Use transitions to connect ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs to maintain a smooth flow of information. In the conclusion, summarize the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs and reiterate your opinion on the topic.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. However, the variety and effectiveness of cohesive devices are limited. The essay relies heavily on basic transitional phrases such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," without exploring a broader range of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, or transitional adverbs.
  • How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of transitional words and phrases throughout the essay. Use pronouns (e.g., "this," "these") to refer back to previously mentioned ideas and maintain coherence. Additionally, employ conjunctions (e.g., "however," "therefore") to establish logical relationships between sentences and paragraphs. Varying the types of cohesive devices used will improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to vary word choice. For instance, synonyms like "youngsters," "young age," "very young age," and "7th children" are used to refer to children at different stages of development. However, there is limited exploration of more sophisticated vocabulary or nuanced language. While the essay touches upon concepts such as absorption of knowledge and discipline, it lacks depth in exploring these ideas with diverse vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, strive for greater diversity and precision in vocabulary usage. Instead of repeating phrases like "very young age," consider alternatives such as "early childhood" or "tender age." Expand your vocabulary repertoire by reading extensively and noting down new words and phrases. Additionally, aim to incorporate idiomatic expressions or collocations where appropriate to add richness to your language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, but there are instances where imprecise or awkward word choices detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "let children come to school" could be more precisely replaced with "enroll children in formal education." Additionally, the expression "more discipline from the student" could be refined to "greater student discipline." While the essay generally conveys meaning, precise word choices could enhance clarity and coherence.
  • How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, carefully consider the context and intended meaning of words and phrases. Consult a thesaurus or vocabulary resources to explore alternative terms that convey your ideas more precisely. During the revision process, scrutinize your writing for any instances of vague or ambiguous language and replace them with clearer, more exact expressions.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally satisfactory, with only minor errors observed. However, there are a few instances of misspelled words, such as "come to school" instead of "come to school at 7" and "when they was 7" instead of "when they were 7." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they detract from the overall polish of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing spell-checking tools during the writing process to catch and correct errors. Additionally, allocate time for careful proofreading before submitting your work to identify and rectify any spelling mistakes. Developing a habit of reviewing your writing for spelling errors systematically can help improve overall spelling accuracy over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency towards simpler sentence structures, which can limit the sophistication of expression. For instance, the essay predominantly uses simple sentences with straightforward subject-verb-object constructions. There are occasional attempts at complex structures, such as subordinate clauses, but they are not consistently employed throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and sophistication of the essay, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences with subordinate clauses to add depth and complexity to your arguments. Additionally, experiment with different sentence beginnings and transitions to create a more dynamic and engaging writing style.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of grammatical accuracy overall. However, there are several instances of grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes throughout the text. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("let children come" instead of "let children come"), tense consistency ("when they were" should be "when they are" for agreement with the present tense), and punctuation misuse (e.g., missing commas after introductory phrases).
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review and practice key grammar concepts, such as subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper punctuation. Take time to proofread your writing carefully, paying particular attention to common error patterns. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify recurring grammatical issues and areas for improvement. Incorporating grammar exercises and quizzes into your study routine can also help reinforce these skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates proficiency in basic grammar and sentence construction, there is room for improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and addressing common grammatical errors, you can enhance the clarity, sophistication, and overall effectiveness of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

On one hand, many people believe that children should commence schooling at a tender age as it allows them to absorb knowledge more effectively. This period is crucial in their development; thus, forming study habits early on can lead to better retention of information into adulthood. An illustration of this is language acquisition, where children can achieve native-like proficiency in a shorter duration due to their natural ability to absorb information effortlessly.

On the other hand, a significant proportion of individuals disagree with this notion and argue that children should begin formal education at least at the age of 7. They contend that once they have reached sufficient maturity, children are less prone to being disruptive compared to younger children. For instance, intellectually mature children, commencing schooling at age 7, would instill greater discipline in the classroom, resulting in a more conducive learning environment.

From my perspective, it would be preferable to commence children’s schooling at the age of 7. Although starting formal education at a very young age may help children absorb new knowledge more effectively, initiating schooling at 7 would instill greater discipline and responsibility in students. This, in turn, fosters better engagement with teachers and classmates, ultimately leading to a more beneficial educational experience.