Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old. Discuss both views and give opinions.

Opinions are divided on when a child should start receiving formal schooling. Although some champion the idea of children starting school at a very young age, I agree with those who believe that such a proposal would probably do more harm than good.
Admittedly, there are reasons to say that giving six-year-olds and under formal schooling is beneficial to them. Chief of these is that since young children’s ability to learn is almost infinite, exploiting it early on could enhance their cognitive and intellectual development. . Some research shows that 6-year-old children's brains can be similar to adults' in both structure and function, so they can start their formal schooling at a young age. Moreover, commencing their academic education can help parents discover their children's talents early so that they can have a chance to maximize their innate potential in the future. As a result, this plays an important role in choosing a future career. For instance, Mozart's musical talent was discovered when he was just 2 years old, after hearing his mother play the piano. In addition, insomuch as every formal educational setting has certain rules in place, children would learn to obey them and become more mature.
However, there are stronger reasons to argue that waiting until they are older is a more sensible course of action. The key argument is that social skills, such as communication ones, and the ability to recognize and appeal to others’ emotions, are repeatedly proven to contribute more to the likelihood of one being successful. Kids who live in not only a nuclear family but also an extended family can benefit from the diverse support and experiences, they can develop higher emotional intelligence (EQ) and social skills more effectively. Besides, EQ plays a vital role in determining their lives rather than Intelligence Quotient (IQ). Furthermore, one can imagine how difficult it would be for a 5-year-old child to spend an hour every day preparing for his lessons the next day or doing his homework. Under the pressure of today's reformed education system, children are under homework pressure, they don’t have time to participate in outdoor and indoor activities that foster physical development. Consequently, they no longer can experience a truly meaningful and memorable childhood, they may become passive, shy, and lack essential life skills.
In conclusion, I believe that not until the age of 7 should young children be taught formally; if anything, it would potentially be counter-productive.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Opinions are divided on" -> "There is a divergence of opinion regarding"
Explanation: "There is a divergence of opinion regarding" is a more formal and precise way to introduce the topic, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"champion the idea" -> "advocate for the idea"
Explanation: "Advocate for" is more formal and academically appropriate than "champion," which can sound overly colloquial in this context.
"such a proposal would probably do more harm than good" -> "such an initiative would likely be detrimental"
Explanation: "Detrimental" is a more precise and formal term than "do more harm than good," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"Chief of these is" -> "The primary reason is"
Explanation: "The primary reason is" is more direct and formal, improving the clarity and formality of the sentence.
"almost infinite" -> "virtually limitless"
Explanation: "Virtually limitless" is a more precise and academically suitable phrase than "almost infinite," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"exploiting it early on" -> "utilizing it early"
Explanation: "Utilizing" is a more formal and precise term than "exploiting," which can carry negative connotations in this context.
"Some research shows" -> "Studies indicate"
Explanation: "Studies indicate" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "Some research shows," which is somewhat casual.
"commencing their academic education" -> "initiating their formal education"
Explanation: "Initiating their formal education" is more specific and formal than "commencing their academic education," which is redundant.
"plays an important role in choosing a future career" -> "significantly influences career choices"
Explanation: "Significantly influences career choices" is more concise and formal, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.
"insomuch as" -> "inasmuch as"
Explanation: "Inasmuch as" is the correct form of the phrase, which is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"Kids who live in not only a nuclear family but also an extended family" -> "Children residing in both nuclear and extended families"
Explanation: "Children residing in both nuclear and extended families" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "Kids" and the awkward construction of "not only… but also."
"they can develop higher emotional intelligence (EQ)" -> "they can develop higher emotional intelligence"
Explanation: Removing "EQ" (which is informal and redundant) enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.
"Under the pressure of today’s reformed education system, children are under homework pressure" -> "Under the pressure of the contemporary education system, children face excessive homework burdens"
Explanation: "Face excessive homework burdens" is more specific and formal than "are under homework pressure," which is vague and informal.
"they no longer can experience a truly meaningful and memorable childhood" -> "they are deprived of a truly meaningful and memorable childhood"
Explanation: "Are deprived of" is a more formal and precise way to express the loss of an experience, improving the academic tone.
"they may become passive, shy, and lack essential life skills" -> "they may develop passivity, shyness, and lack essential life skills"
Explanation: "Develop passivity, shyness" is more precise and formal than "become passive, shy," aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the appropriate age for starting formal education. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of early education, citing cognitive development and early talent recognition as key points. The second paragraph presents the opposing view, emphasizing the importance of social skills and emotional intelligence, along with the potential drawbacks of early schooling. The essay successfully covers the prompt’s requirement to discuss both perspectives before presenting a clear opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide a more balanced exploration of each viewpoint. While the arguments for early education are presented, they could be more thoroughly developed with additional examples or counterarguments to strengthen the discussion. Including a brief mention of potential middle-ground solutions, such as a flexible starting age based on individual readiness, could also enrich the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring later formal education, articulated effectively in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. The stance is supported by logical reasoning and relevant examples, such as the reference to emotional intelligence and the pressures of modern education.
- How to improve: To further solidify the clarity of the position, the essay could use transitional phrases to reinforce the argument throughout the body paragraphs. For instance, explicitly stating how each point relates back to the main argument against early schooling would enhance coherence and remind the reader of the essay’s overall stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The use of examples, such as the reference to Mozart, effectively supports the points made. However, some ideas, particularly those related to the drawbacks of early education, could benefit from further elaboration to provide a more comprehensive understanding.
- How to improve: To improve the depth of analysis, the essay could include more specific examples or statistics to support claims about the negative impacts of early schooling. Additionally, exploring potential counterarguments or acknowledging the complexity of the issue could provide a more nuanced discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays focused on the topic throughout, addressing the prompt directly without deviating into unrelated areas. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument regarding the timing of formal education.
- How to improve: While the essay remains on topic, ensuring that each point made directly ties back to the central question can enhance clarity. For example, explicitly linking the discussion of emotional intelligence back to the question of formal education timing would reinforce the relevance of each argument presented.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating more detailed examples, enhancing the clarity of the position, and ensuring all points are tightly linked to the prompt, the essay could achieve an even higher score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is well-organized, presenting a clear structure that effectively discusses both views on the topic. The introduction succinctly outlines the two perspectives, while the body paragraphs are logically sequenced. The first body paragraph presents arguments in favor of early education, followed by a counter-argument in the second body paragraph. This logical progression aids the reader in understanding the contrasting viewpoints. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of early education to the drawbacks of it is smooth and coherent.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs. For instance, at the beginning of the second body paragraph, a phrase like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" could further clarify the shift in perspective. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea can strengthen the overall organization.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas and arguments, which contributes to its clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion, making it easy for the reader to follow the argumentation. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of early education, while the second addresses the reasons for delaying formal schooling. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the essay could benefit from clearer delineation of ideas within paragraphs. For example, in the first body paragraph, the discussion could be split into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on cognitive development and the other on the discovery of talents. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and prevent the paragraph from becoming too dense.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "moreover," and "consequently," which help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the argument. These devices effectively guide the reader through the writer’s reasoning. For instance, the use of "Admittedly" at the beginning of the first body paragraph signals an acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which enhances the essay’s coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using alternatives such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "on the contrary" can add variety and improve the overall cohesion of the essay. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately; for instance, the phrase "insomuch as" could be replaced with a more straightforward alternative like "because" to enhance clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information and using cohesive devices to guide the reader. By implementing the suggested improvements, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "cognitive," "intellectual development," "emotional intelligence," and "counter-productive." These words effectively convey complex ideas and contribute to a nuanced discussion of the topic. The use of phrases like "exploit it early on" and "innate potential" showcases an ability to articulate thoughts with sophistication.
- How to improve: While the vocabulary range is impressive, further enhancing it with more varied synonyms or expressions could elevate the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "formal schooling," alternatives like "structured education" or "institutional learning" could be employed to avoid redundancy and demonstrate even greater lexical flexibility.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "insomuch as" is somewhat awkward and could be replaced with "since" or "because," which would make the sentence clearer. Additionally, the term "reformed education system" could be more specific; clarifying what reforms are being referenced would enhance understanding.
- How to improve: To improve precision, focus on ensuring that all vocabulary choices are the best fit for the context. Consider revising sentences for clarity and specificity. For instance, when discussing "the pressure of today’s reformed education system," elaborating on what specific pressures or reforms are meant would provide clearer context and strengthen the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "cognitive," "intelligence," and "potential" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, it is always beneficial to maintain this standard by proofreading for any overlooked typos or errors. Engaging in regular reading and writing practice can also help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, utilizing tools like spell checkers or writing apps can provide an extra layer of assurance in maintaining spelling accuracy.

In summary, the essay effectively utilizes a wide range of vocabulary with a generally precise application, achieving a strong Band 8 score in Lexical Resource. To further enhance this score, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary variety, improving precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy through consistent practice and proofreading.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases such as "Although some champion the idea of children starting school at a very young age, I agree with those who believe that such a proposal would probably do more harm than good." This structure effectively conveys contrasting viewpoints. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, such as "the key argument is that" and "besides," which can make the writing feel formulaic and less engaging.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using more introductory phrases and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "the key argument is," try rephrasing to incorporate different structures, such as "One compelling argument against early schooling is…" or "Another significant point to consider is…". Additionally, integrating more transitional phrases can help create smoother connections between ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, but there are a few notable errors. For example, in the sentence "Some research shows that 6-year-old children’s brains can be similar to adults’ in both structure and function, so they can start their formal schooling at a young age," the phrase "can be similar to adults’" could be more clearly expressed as "can resemble those of adults." Furthermore, there is an instance of a misplaced period in "development. . Some research shows," which disrupts the flow. The use of commas is mostly correct, but there are places where additional commas could enhance clarity, such as before "they can develop higher emotional intelligence (EQ) and social skills more effectively."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread the essay to catch typographical errors and ensure punctuation is used correctly. Pay attention to sentence clarity and coherence, especially when using complex structures. Practicing sentence combining can also help in creating more fluid and grammatically correct sentences. Additionally, consider reviewing common grammatical pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of possessives, to further enhance accuracy.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy, demonstrating not only a variety of structures but also a mastery of grammatical conventions.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions are divided on when a child should start receiving formal schooling. Although some advocate for the idea of children starting school at a very young age, I agree with those who believe that such a proposal would likely do more harm than good.

Admittedly, there are reasons to say that giving six-year-olds and under formal schooling is beneficial to them. The primary reason is that young children’s ability to learn is virtually limitless, and utilizing it early on could enhance their cognitive and intellectual development. Some studies indicate that 6-year-old children’s brains can be similar to adults’ in both structure and function, so they can start their formal schooling at a young age. Moreover, initiating their formal education can help parents discover their children’s talents early, allowing them to maximize their innate potential in the future. As a result, this plays an important role in choosing a future career. For instance, Mozart’s musical talent was discovered when he was just 2 years old, after hearing his mother play the piano. In addition, inasmuch as every formal educational setting has certain rules in place, children would learn to obey them and become more mature.

However, there are stronger reasons to argue that waiting until they are older is a more sensible course of action. The key argument is that social skills, such as communication skills and the ability to recognize and appeal to others’ emotions, have been repeatedly proven to contribute more to the likelihood of one being successful. Children residing in both nuclear and extended families can benefit from diverse support and experiences, allowing them to develop higher emotional intelligence (EQ) and social skills more effectively. Besides, EQ plays a vital role in determining their lives rather than Intelligence Quotient (IQ). Furthermore, one can imagine how difficult it would be for a 5-year-old child to spend an hour every day preparing for lessons or doing homework. Under the pressure of the contemporary education system, children face excessive homework burdens and don’t have time to participate in outdoor and indoor activities that foster physical development. Consequently, they are deprived of a truly meaningful and memorable childhood, and they may develop passivity, shyness, and a lack of essential life skills.

In conclusion, I believe that not until the age of 7 should young children be taught formally; if anything, it would potentially be counter-productive.