Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In the contemporary era, the issue of early academic pursuit for children has sparked a heated debate. While some argue that children ought to commence formal studies at a younger age, others believe 7 years old is the minimum to start education. From a general perspective, this essay takes a comprehensive view and aims to discuss both ideas in detail.

On the one hand, those who view a very early age as a good time to integrate serious studies into a child’s life are positive about the merits they can bring. It cannot be denied that early teaching for children below 7 years old might navigate them on the correct path of study. Through this, children can be a step ahead in academic pursuit compared to their fellow friends. As statistics have shown, children who have been integrated with studying from a very early age tend to have a better chance of getting successful academic achievements. Moreover, children with cognitive incapabilities can perform better at school, as they have been familiar with studying before. In other words, an early introduction to studying may get children through many intricacies that the academic field can bring

On the other hand, those who believe formal education should only be apprehended by 7 years old or older argue that too-young children might only face drawbacks through studying. Undoubtedly, a child’s childhood can be ruined by forced studying by parents, as these studies were never what a child wanted. In the wonderful period of childhood, every child needs to have fun through recreational activities which are often hindered by studying. Furthermore, it is imperative to state that it’s a pivotal part of a child’s life. During this early stage of life, children learn many core knowledge about the vast world like how people treat each other. As a result, studying too early might make less space for a child’s brain to process and apprehend other information. For those reasons, people might not want to get their children indulged in academic pursuits too early.

In conclusion, when it comes to early education, there are two contrasting views discussed above. On balance, I am inclined to believe that children should not take part in studies too early. Parents should take this into consideration to find the best way to bring up their children

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In the contemporary era" -> "In the current era"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is often used to imply a sense of modernity, but "current" is more straightforward and precise in this context, enhancing clarity and formality.
"heated debate" -> "intensive debate"
Explanation: "Heated" can imply emotional intensity, which is less appropriate in academic writing. "Intensive" maintains a neutral tone and is more suitable for formal essays.
"ought to commence" -> "should begin"
Explanation: "Ought to" is somewhat archaic and less commonly used in modern academic writing. "Should" is more contemporary and straightforward, improving readability.
"7 years old is the minimum to start education" -> "seven years old is the minimum age for formal education"
Explanation: Adding "formal" clarifies the type of education being referred to, and using "seven" instead of "7" adheres to the formal style of academic writing.
"this essay takes a comprehensive view" -> "this essay presents a comprehensive perspective"
Explanation: "Presents" is more precise and formal than "takes," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic writing.
"positive about the merits they can bring" -> "advantages they offer"
Explanation: "Merits" is somewhat formal but can be vague; "advantages" is more specific and direct, enhancing clarity and precision.
"might navigate them on the correct path of study" -> "may guide them along the correct academic path"
Explanation: "Guide" is more specific and academically appropriate than "navigate," which can imply a more general direction rather than a specific educational path.
"children who have been integrated with studying" -> "children who have been introduced to formal education"
Explanation: "Integrated with studying" is awkward and unclear; "introduced to formal education" is more precise and appropriate for academic discourse.
"cognitive incapabilities" -> "cognitive limitations"
Explanation: "Incapacities" can imply a complete inability, which might be too strong; "limitations" is more accurate and less absolute, fitting the context better.
"get children through many intricacies" -> "facilitate children’s understanding of various complexities"
Explanation: "Get through" is informal and vague; "facilitate understanding of various complexities" is more formal and specific, enhancing the academic tone.
"too-young children" -> "young children"
Explanation: "Too-young" is informal and redundant; "young" is sufficient and maintains the formal tone.
"ruined by forced studying by parents" -> "adversely affected by parental pressure to study"
Explanation: "Ruined" is overly dramatic and informal; "adversely affected" is more measured and appropriate for academic writing.
"wonderful period of childhood" -> "formative period of childhood"
Explanation: "Wonderful" is subjective and informal; "formative" is neutral and academically precise, describing the developmental stage of childhood.
"learn many core knowledge" -> "acquire fundamental knowledge"
Explanation: "Learn many core knowledge" is grammatically incorrect and awkward; "acquire fundamental knowledge" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"make less space for a child’s brain to process and apprehend other information" -> "reduce the space for a child’s brain to process and absorb other information"
Explanation: "Make less space" is awkward and unclear; "reduce the space" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing, and "absorb" is more precise than "apprehend" in this context.
"get their children indulged in academic pursuits too early" -> "involve their children in academic pursuits too early"
Explanation: "Get their children indulged in" is informal and unclear; "involve their children in" is direct and formal, fitting the academic style better.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both viewpoints regarding the appropriate age for children to begin formal education. It discusses the perspective of starting early and waiting until at least 7 years old, offering arguments for each side.
- How to improve: To enhance completeness, ensure each viewpoint is equally elaborated upon with balanced argumentation. Provide specific examples or studies to support assertions about the benefits or drawbacks of early education.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against early formal education, evident from the concluding paragraph. This stance is consistently supported throughout the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: Strengthen clarity by explicitly stating the position earlier in the introduction to guide the reader from the outset. Ensure that all supporting arguments directly reinforce this viewpoint without ambiguity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented with basic clarity, but some arguments lack depth and specificity. For instance, while benefits and drawbacks are mentioned, they are not fully developed with concrete examples or detailed reasoning.
- How to improve: Expand on each argument by providing specific examples, relevant statistics, or hypothetical scenarios to substantiate claims about the advantages and disadvantages of early education. This will enrich the essay’s content and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by discussing the two views on the age at which formal education should begin. However, there are occasional moments where the focus shifts slightly away from the central theme.
- How to improve: Maintain a more focused discussion by consistently tying all arguments and examples back to the central theme of early education. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to the main topic.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both perspectives and offering a clear opinion, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed and balanced arguments. Strengthening the depth of analysis and ensuring a consistent focus throughout will elevate the coherence and persuasiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally clear organization of ideas. It starts with an introduction that introduces the topic and presents both views clearly. Each paragraph focuses on one viewpoint, supported by relevant arguments and examples.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider using linking words or phrases more consistently to guide the reader through the progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to separate different points of view. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and develops its idea coherently. However, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to improve overall coherence.
- How to improve: Aim for stronger topic sentences that clearly connect to the thesis statement. Use transitional words and phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "In conclusion,") to improve the flow between paragraphs and better unify the essay’s structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices such as pronouns ("those who," "it," "this"), conjunctions ("while," "on the other hand"), and referencing ("these studies," "those reasons") effectively to link ideas within and between sentences.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating more advanced linking words and phrases (e.g., "moreover," "furthermore," "conversely") where appropriate. This will enrich the essay’s coherence and demonstrate a wider range of linguistic devices.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents both sides of the argument and maintains a clear structure, improvements in the coherence and cohesion could elevate the essay to a higher band score. Focus on enhancing the flow between paragraphs and diversifying the use of cohesive devices to strengthen the logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is some variety in word choice, such as "contemporary era," "comprehensive view," "cognitive incapacities," and "intricacies." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more diverse and precise, relying on more common words like "apprehended" instead of "understood."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim for more nuanced vocabulary choices that accurately convey the intended meaning. For example, instead of "core knowledge," consider using terms like "fundamental principles" or "essential insights." This will add depth and sophistication to your writing, aligning more closely with higher band descriptors.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage varies. Effective terms like "navigate," "ruined," and "recreational activities" contribute to clarity. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For instance, "too-young children" could be more accurately expressed as "very young children."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that precisely conveys your intended meaning without ambiguity. Instead of using general terms like "studies," specify whether you mean formal education, academic pursuits, or learning activities. This specificity enhances clarity and improves the overall coherence of your arguments.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally satisfactory with minor errors, such as "cognitive incapabilities" (should be "capabilities"). There are also instances of awkward phrasing ("integrated with studying") that do not affect spelling but impact clarity.
- How to improve: Proofreading carefully can help catch minor spelling errors and refine sentence structures for clearer expression. Additionally, reviewing sentence constructions to ensure they are grammatically and stylistically correct will enhance the overall readability of your essay.

In summary, while your essay demonstrates competence in vocabulary usage and spelling, refining your vocabulary choices for precision and expanding the range of terms used can further elevate your score in Lexical Resource. Focus on clarity and specificity in your language to strengthen the coherence and impact of your arguments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. It includes complex sentences ("While some argue…"), compound sentences ("On the other hand…"), and simple declarative statements ("In conclusion…"). However, there is a tendency towards simpler structures, and some sentences could be more varied to enhance coherence and complexity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating more complex structures such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If children start formal education early, they might…"), passive voice constructions where appropriate (e.g., "It is argued that early academic pursuits should be encouraged…"), and rhetorical questions to engage the reader. This will enrich the essay’s syntax and improve overall coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy with few errors. There are instances of incorrect verb tense consistency ("studied" should be "study" in "children with cognitive incapabilities can perform better at school, as they have been familiar with studying before"). Punctuation is generally accurate but could benefit from more varied use of punctuation marks like colons and semi-colons to enhance sentence structure.
- How to improve: Focus on maintaining consistent verb tense throughout the essay. For instance, in the sentence mentioned, revise to "children with cognitive incapabilities can perform better at school, as they are familiar with studying." Additionally, practice using colons to introduce lists or explanations (e.g., "There are two contrasting views discussed above: on balance, I am inclined to believe…"). Review comma usage for clarity and precision, ensuring they are used appropriately to separate clauses and phrases.

Overall, the essay exhibits a good command of grammar and punctuation, with minor errors that do not significantly impede understanding. Further development of sentence variety and careful attention to verb tense consistency will enhance the essay’s coherence and sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the current era, the debate surrounding the commencement of formal education for children has intensified. While some advocate for beginning studies at a very young age, others argue that starting at seven years old is more appropriate. This essay presents a comprehensive perspective on both viewpoints.

On one hand, proponents of early academic engagement posit that it can offer significant advantages. Starting formal education before the age of seven may guide children along the correct academic path, potentially giving them an early academic advantage. Research indicates that children introduced to formal education early on often achieve better academic outcomes. Additionally, children with cognitive limitations may benefit from early exposure to structured learning, as it can facilitate their understanding of various complexities in academic settings.

Conversely, advocates for a later start to formal education, at least by the age of seven, emphasize potential drawbacks of early academic pressure on young children. They argue that children’s formative years should prioritize play and social development over structured studies. Forcing young children to study prematurely could negatively impact their enjoyment of childhood activities and limit their brain’s capacity to absorb a wide range of information.

In conclusion, the debate over the appropriate age for formal education presents contrasting viewpoints. While early academic initiation may offer advantages in academic achievement and cognitive development, it is crucial to consider the potential risks of imposing formal studies on young children. In my view, it is preferable not to involve children in academic pursuits too early, allowing them to enjoy a balanced childhood that supports their overall development. Parents should carefully consider these factors when deciding how to best nurture their children’s growth.