Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that children should go to school until they are older. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In this modern era, many people believe that children should enter formal school at a young age whereas others think that children should go to school when they are mature enough.In my opinion, i totally agree with the statement that beginning school as soon as possible offers many benefits than a later start.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why individuals consider commencing study at a later life have more advantages.Entering school at a later age facilitates children to have more opportunity to explore themselves in terms of mental and physical health .Critically, at present , many parents put their children in the tough environment where they should develop many skills and learn many subjects .Thus, they coincidentally make their children can not enjoy their childhood in a comprehensive way and have a burden of learning ,as a result many children prone to be affected their well-being and mental health such as depression.For example, if children go to school in the later age they may have more time to explore themselves and their surroundings throughout many activities which make them more mature and intelligent in upcoming years.
On the other hand , I believe that starting formal schooling at an early age may have more merits for the development of children.Initially,the more children early enter the formal schooling , the more opportunity they have to develop their software skills and their competences. When children start learning in the age of 5 or 6 , they would immerse themselves in education environment which help them to comprehend faster and help the brain develop in a comprehensive way, hence it allows children to set up their foundation in the basic learning which brings many benefits in their future education.For instance, if child's early schooling expose , they may have more chance to develop their hidden talents and give them a suitable surroundings to develop.Furthermore, they also develop communication skills and confidence which make them integrate easily with educational and sociable environment.
In conclusion , I believe that children should start school at an early age. Not only does it offers the environment to help them develop many soft skills but also the comprehensiveness of their talents.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this modern era" -> "In the contemporary era"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "modern," which can be vague and overly broad in this context.
"many people believe" -> "many individuals believe"
Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal and precise term than "people" in academic writing, enhancing the formality of the statement.
"i totally agree" -> "I strongly agree"
Explanation: Capitalizing "I" is necessary for proper grammar, and "strongly agree" is a more formal expression than "totally agree."
"offers many benefits than a later start" -> "offers more benefits than a later start"
Explanation: "More" is the correct comparative form for "benefits," and the phrase should be revised for grammatical correctness.
"individuals consider commencing study at a later life have more advantages" -> "individuals consider delaying their education to have more advantages"
Explanation: "Delaying their education" is a clearer and more precise phrase than "commencing study at a later life," which is awkward and unclear.
"facilitates children to have more opportunity" -> "allows children more opportunities"
Explanation: "Allows" is a more direct and formal verb than "facilitates," and "more opportunities" is grammatically correct.
"at present, many parents put their children in the tough environment" -> "currently, many parents place their children in challenging environments"
Explanation: "Currently" is more formal than "at present," and "challenging environments" is a more precise and formal term than "tough environment."
"they coincidentally make their children can not enjoy" -> "they inadvertently prevent their children from fully enjoying"
Explanation: "Inadvertently prevent" is a more precise and formal way to express unintended consequences, and "fully enjoying" corrects the grammatical error.
"have a burden of learning" -> "bear a heavy academic burden"
Explanation: "Bear a heavy academic burden" is a more formal and specific phrase than "have a burden of learning."
"prone to be affected their well-being" -> "prone to affecting their well-being"
Explanation: "Prone to affecting" is grammatically correct and more formal than "prone to be affected."
"may have more time to explore themselves" -> "may have more time to explore their surroundings"
Explanation: "Their surroundings" is a clearer and more appropriate term than "themselves," which is awkward and unclear in this context.
"more merits for the development of children" -> "more benefits for the development of children"
Explanation: "Benefits" is the correct term for advantages in this context, replacing the less formal "merits."
"the more children early enter the formal schooling" -> "the earlier children enter formal schooling"
Explanation: "The earlier" is grammatically correct and more formal than "the more children early."
"software skills" -> "academic skills"
Explanation: "Academic skills" is more specific and appropriate in the context of formal education, whereas "software skills" is typically used in a technological context.
"comprehend faster" -> "learn more quickly"
Explanation: "Learn more quickly" is a more natural and precise expression than "comprehend faster," which is awkward and less common.
"help the brain develop in a comprehensive way" -> "aid in comprehensive brain development"
Explanation: "Aid in comprehensive brain development" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase.
"child’s early schooling expose" -> "children’s early schooling exposes"
Explanation: "Children’s" is the correct possessive form, and "exposes" should be "expose" to agree with the singular subject "schooling."
"give them a suitable surroundings" -> "provide a suitable environment"
Explanation: "Provide a suitable environment" is grammatically correct and more formal than "give them a suitable surroundings."
"integrate easily with educational and sociable environment" -> "integrate seamlessly into educational and social environments"
Explanation: "Seamlessly" is a more precise adverb than "easily," and "social environments" is the correct plural form.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively discusses both views regarding the age at which children should start school. The first paragraph outlines the argument for starting school later, mentioning the potential negative impacts on children’s mental health and well-being. The second paragraph presents the opposing view, advocating for early schooling and highlighting its benefits for skill development and social integration. However, while both perspectives are addressed, the discussion could be more balanced, as the argument for early schooling is more developed than the argument for starting later.
- How to improve: To enhance the balance between the two views, the writer should provide more detailed examples or evidence supporting the argument for starting school later. This could include discussing specific developmental milestones or studies that show the benefits of a later start. Additionally, a clearer comparison between the two perspectives could strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is clear in favor of early schooling, as stated in the introduction and conclusion. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing view throughout the body paragraphs. While the writer mentions the drawbacks of early schooling, the transition between discussing both views could be smoother, and the position could be reinforced more consistently.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use transitional phrases that reinforce their stance while discussing the opposing view. For example, phrases like "While some argue that…" followed by "I believe that…" can help clarify the writer’s position. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in each body paragraph can strengthen the overall clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of early schooling, such as skill development and improved communication. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration and supporting details. For instance, the mention of "software skills" is vague and could be better defined or exemplified. The argument for later schooling touches on important aspects like mental health but could benefit from more specific examples or data to support these claims.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide clearer definitions and examples. For instance, instead of "software skills," the writer could specify skills like teamwork or problem-solving. Additionally, incorporating statistics or research findings could lend credibility to the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the pros and cons of early versus late schooling. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the burdens of learning without directly tying it back to the main argument. The conclusion reiterates the writer’s opinion but could better summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that clearly relate to the main argument can help keep the discussion centered. Additionally, a more structured conclusion that summarizes the main arguments from both sides before restating the writer’s opinion would enhance coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a clear opinion, addressing the suggestions for improvement could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the disadvantages of starting school later to the advantages of starting early could be more fluid. The phrase "On the one hand" is followed by a discussion that lacks a strong connection to the subsequent paragraph, which begins with "On the other hand." This could confuse readers about the relationship between the two views.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the disadvantages of starting school later, you might add a sentence that highlights how these disadvantages lead to the benefits of starting school early. This creates a more cohesive argument and guides the reader through your reasoning.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific viewpoint, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the internal structure of some paragraphs could be improved. For example, the first body paragraph contains several long sentences that could be broken down for clarity. Additionally, the second paragraph introduces multiple ideas without clear separation, which can overwhelm the reader.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, aim for a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph that summarizes the main idea. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea, ensuring that each sentence logically connects to the one before it. Consider using bullet points or lists for complex ideas to enhance readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help signal shifts between contrasting ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the use of conjunctions and linking phrases could enhance clarity. For example, phrases like "for instance" and "furthermore" are used, but there are opportunities to incorporate more varied devices to improve the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "In addition," "Conversely," and "As a result." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also help clarify the relationships between your ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately and do not disrupt the sentence structure.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents coherent arguments, focusing on improving logical connections, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with attempts to use varied expressions such as "formal school," "explore themselves," and "soft skills." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or basic, such as the frequent use of "children" and "develop." The phrase "tough environment" is an example of a more vivid expression, but it could be more effectively contextualized.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "children," alternatives like "young learners," "youth," or "students" could be employed. Additionally, phrases like "early education" or "academic foundation" could replace simpler expressions to add depth.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "commencing study at a later life" is awkward and unclear; it would be more precise to say "beginning formal education at a later age." Similarly, "the tough environment" lacks specificity and could be better articulated to clarify what is meant (e.g., "high-pressure academic environment").
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity in their word choices. Reviewing phrases for clarity and ensuring that they accurately convey the intended meaning is crucial. For example, instead of saying "the more opportunity they have to develop their software skills," it would be clearer to say "the greater their opportunities to develop essential skills."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "i" instead of "I," "comprehending" instead of "comprehend," and "child’s early schooling expose" which appears to be a grammatical error rather than a spelling one. These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing common spelling rules can also be beneficial. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with frequently misspelled words in academic writing can help prevent these errors in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, there are notable areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Focusing on these aspects will enhance the overall quality of the writing and potentially improve the Lexical Resource score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the sentence "Entering school at a later age facilitates children to have more opportunity to explore themselves in terms of mental and physical health" employs a complex structure. However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar pattern, which can make the writing feel repetitive. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the tough environment where they should develop many skills," which detracts from clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using different types of clauses and phrases. Incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses can add depth. For example, instead of saying "if children go to school in the later age they may have more time," the writer could say, "If children start school at a later age, they may have more time to explore their interests and develop their skills." This not only varies the structure but also improves clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, the phrase "i totally agree" should have a capital "I," and "many benefits than a later start" should be "more benefits than a later start." There are also issues with comma placement, such as in "at present , many parents," where the space before the comma is incorrect. Additionally, the sentence "Thus, they coincidentally make their children can not enjoy their childhood" is grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased to "Thus, they inadvertently prevent their children from enjoying their childhood."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work to catch basic errors, particularly with capitalization and punctuation. Additionally, reviewing the rules for subject-verb agreement and sentence structure can help. For instance, ensuring that verbs are correctly conjugated and that sentences are not overly complicated will enhance clarity. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can also contribute to improvement.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical structures, there is room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, many individuals believe that children should enter formal school at a young age, whereas others think that children should start school when they are mature enough. In my opinion, I strongly agree with the statement that beginning school as soon as possible offers more benefits than a later start.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why individuals consider delaying their education to have more advantages. Entering school at a later age allows children more opportunities to explore themselves in terms of mental and physical health. Critically, currently, many parents place their children in challenging environments where they are expected to develop various skills and learn numerous subjects. Thus, they inadvertently prevent their children from fully enjoying their childhood and impose a heavy academic burden on them. As a result, many children are prone to experiencing negative effects on their well-being and mental health, such as depression. For example, if children go to school at a later age, they may have more time to explore their surroundings through various activities, which can make them more mature and intelligent in the years to come.

On the other hand, I believe that starting formal schooling at an early age may have more benefits for the development of children. Initially, the earlier children enter formal schooling, the more opportunities they have to develop their academic skills and competencies. When children start learning at the age of 5 or 6, they immerse themselves in an educational environment that helps them comprehend information more quickly and aids in comprehensive brain development. This early exposure allows children to establish a solid foundation in basic learning, which brings many advantages for their future education. For instance, if children’s early schooling exposes them to various subjects, they may have more chances to discover their hidden talents and provide them with a suitable environment for growth. Furthermore, they also develop communication skills and confidence, which enable them to integrate seamlessly into educational and social environments.

In conclusion, I believe that children should start school at an early age. Not only does it provide an environment that helps them develop many soft skills, but it also enhances the comprehensiveness of their talents.