some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. others believe that we should try cooperative more, rather than competing against each other

In today's world, the debate over whether competition or cooperation serves as the paramount motivation for achieving better outcomes is gaining traction. This essay aims to shed light on both views and give my own opinion.

On the one hand, competition fosters a sense of urgency and effort. In the workplace, products are completed with high quality for the purpose of showing the creation and getting recognition from superior. Furthermore, competition forces students at school to improve and perform their talents to achieve prizes at exams. Additionally, this also builds up a positive effect among individuals, when we observe others are trying hard for a target, it ignites incentive within us, promoting us to become a better version of ourselves.

On the other hand, cooperation is significantly contributing to mental health that leads to increased unity among individuals. In a company, cooperation is shown by the activities of sharing ideas and developing successful ways that rapidly increase the quality of the products. At schools, children are encouraged to be more in harmony with friends for improving social skills and finding suitable mates for them. Moreover, cooperation also reduces the pressure from competition, and comfortable conditions help humans to work and perform to the best of their ability. The Vietnamese nation is one of the excellent for this, due to the unity they successfully push back a serious problem called Coronavirus.

To summarize, both ideas also have their positive effect, depending on the situation. While competition offers the motivation that forces us to be more laborious, cooperation brings back a pleasant atmosphere for development. For that reason, balancing both is essential.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In today’s world" -> "In the contemporary world"
Explanation: "In the contemporary world" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the essay.
"gaining traction" -> "gaining prominence"
Explanation: "Gaining prominence" is a more formal expression that better suits academic writing, replacing the colloquial "gaining traction."
"shed light on" -> "explore"
Explanation: "Explore" is a more direct and academically appropriate verb for discussing the analysis of a topic, replacing the metaphorical "shed light on."
"give my own opinion" -> "present my perspective"
Explanation: "Present my perspective" is a more formal and precise way to express personal opinion in academic writing, replacing the more conversational "give my own opinion."
"products are completed with high quality" -> "products are produced with high quality"
Explanation: "Produced" is the correct verb to use in this context, as "completed" implies finishing a task, which is not the intended meaning here, where "produced" correctly indicates the creation of products.
"for the purpose of showing the creation and getting recognition from superior" -> "to demonstrate their creation and garner recognition from their superiors"
Explanation: "To demonstrate their creation and garner recognition from their superiors" is more precise and formal, improving clarity and appropriateness for academic writing.
"forces students at school to improve and perform their talents" -> "compels students to enhance and showcase their talents"
Explanation: "Compels" and "enhance" are more formal and precise terms, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"builds up a positive effect among individuals" -> "promotes a positive impact among individuals"
Explanation: "Promotes a positive impact" is a more precise and formal way to describe the effect of competition on individuals, replacing the less formal "builds up a positive effect."
"ignites incentive within us" -> "stimulates motivation within us"
Explanation: "Stimulates motivation" is a more precise and formal expression than "ignites incentive," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
"increased unity among individuals" -> "enhanced unity among individuals"
Explanation: "Enhanced" is a more precise and formal term than "increased," which is somewhat general and less specific in this context.
"sharing ideas and developing successful ways" -> "sharing ideas and developing effective strategies"
Explanation: "Effective strategies" is a more specific and formal term than "successful ways," which is vague and less precise.
"rapidly increase the quality of the products" -> "significantly enhance the quality of the products"
Explanation: "Significantly enhance" is a more formal and precise way to describe the impact on product quality, replacing the less formal "rapidly increase."
"comfortable conditions help humans to work and perform to the best of their ability" -> "conducive conditions facilitate optimal performance"
Explanation: "Conducive conditions facilitate optimal performance" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to describe the effect of cooperation on work performance, replacing the more casual "comfortable conditions help humans to work and perform to the best of their ability."
"the excellent for this" -> "a model for this"
Explanation: "A model for this" is a more precise and formal expression than "the excellent for this," which is grammatically incorrect and unclear.
"balancing both is essential" -> "striking a balance between both is crucial"
Explanation: "Striking a balance between both is crucial" is a more formal and precise way to conclude the essay, emphasizing the importance of balancing competition and cooperation.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding competition and cooperation, presenting a balanced view. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of competition, such as fostering urgency and improving performance, while the second body paragraph highlights the advantages of cooperation, particularly in terms of mental health and social skills. The conclusion summarizes the points made and suggests a balance between the two approaches, which aligns well with the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide more specific examples or case studies to illustrate the points made. For instance, mentioning specific industries or educational settings where competition or cooperation has led to notable outcomes would strengthen the argument. Additionally, addressing potential drawbacks of both competition and cooperation could provide a more nuanced perspective.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that both competition and cooperation have their merits, which is articulated in the introduction and reinforced in the conclusion. However, the position could be more explicitly stated in the body paragraphs to ensure that the reader understands the writer’s stance consistently throughout the essay. Phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" could be incorporated to clarify the author’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author should explicitly state their position in each body paragraph. This could involve reiterating the importance of balance between competition and cooperation more clearly, perhaps by using transitional phrases that indicate the author’s perspective on the discussion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a range of ideas related to both competition and cooperation. Each idea is supported with examples, such as the impact of competition on workplace performance and the benefits of cooperation for mental health. However, some points could be further developed. For instance, the mention of the Vietnamese response to the Coronavirus could be elaborated upon to provide a clearer connection to the benefits of cooperation.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on examples and provide more detailed explanations. This could involve discussing specific cooperative strategies used in Vietnam during the pandemic or providing statistics that illustrate the effectiveness of competition in educational settings.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing competition and cooperation in various contexts such as work and school. There are no significant deviations from the main topic, and the points made are relevant to the prompt. However, the introduction could be more directly tied to the specific contexts mentioned in the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that the introduction explicitly references the contexts of work, school, and daily life as outlined in the prompt. This could involve rephrasing the introduction to directly mention these areas, ensuring that the reader understands the scope of the discussion from the outset.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-rounded argument. By incorporating more specific examples, clarifying the position throughout, and elaborating on ideas, the author could further elevate the quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs (one for competition and one for cooperation), and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a distinct viewpoint, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. However, the transition between the two main ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing competition to cooperation feels somewhat abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that connects the two concepts.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in focus. For example, at the end of the competition paragraph, a sentence like, "While competition has its merits, it is equally important to consider the benefits of cooperation," would provide a clearer transition to the next paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more detailed topic sentences that encapsulate the main point of each paragraph. Additionally, the conclusion could be more robust, summarizing the key points discussed in the body paragraphs rather than introducing new ideas.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences by ensuring they clearly state the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the competition paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Competition plays a crucial role in driving individuals to excel in various aspects of life." In the conclusion, instead of introducing new information about balancing both concepts, reiterate the main arguments made in the body paragraphs to reinforce the essay’s overall message.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited. There are instances where cohesive devices could enhance clarity and connection between ideas. For example, the phrase "this also builds up a positive effect among individuals" could be more clearly linked to the previous sentence with a cohesive device that indicates a result or consequence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "In addition," and "Consequently" to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help in maintaining cohesion throughout the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "paramount motivation," "fosters," and "unity." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "competition fosters" and "cooperation is significantly contributing." The essay could benefit from more varied expressions to convey similar ideas, which would enhance the overall richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "competition" and "cooperation," you could incorporate terms like "rivalry," "collaboration," or "teamwork." Additionally, using phrases like "drives innovation" or "cultivates relationships" can help diversify the vocabulary and make the writing more engaging.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "showing the creation" is unclear and could be better articulated as "demonstrating creativity" or "showcasing innovative work." The term "positive effect" is vague and could be more specific, such as "beneficial outcomes" or "constructive impact."
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary, focus on selecting words that accurately reflect the intended meaning. For instance, instead of saying "this also builds up a positive effect," you could specify what kind of effect you mean, such as "this also fosters a supportive environment." Engaging in exercises that focus on word connotation and context can also help sharpen vocabulary precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances that could be improved, such as "incentive" which should be "incentives" to match the plural context, and "the Vietnamese nation is one of the excellent" which should be rephrased for clarity and correctness (e.g., "the Vietnamese nation is exemplary in this regard").
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is beneficial to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing common spelling rules can also help. Additionally, keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can aid in improving spelling skills.

In summary, to elevate the band score for Lexical Resource, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise word choice, and maintaining high spelling accuracy. Engaging in targeted vocabulary exercises and thorough proofreading will contribute to these improvements.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "In today’s world, the debate over whether competition or cooperation serves as the paramount motivation for achieving better outcomes is gaining traction" effectively convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a reliance on similar structures, such as "competition fosters" and "cooperation is significantly contributing," which can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound and complex sentences, as well as varying the sentence openings. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "competition" or "cooperation," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses, such as "While competition fosters…" or "In contrast, cooperation enhances…". Additionally, employing a mix of short, impactful sentences alongside longer, more detailed ones can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors that affect clarity. For example, in the phrase "showing the creation and getting recognition from superior," the term "superior" should be pluralized to "superiors" for grammatical correctness. Additionally, the sentence "this also builds up a positive effect among individuals, when we observe others are trying hard for a target, it ignites incentive within us" is a run-on sentence that could be improved with proper punctuation or by breaking it into two sentences. The use of commas is sometimes inconsistent, particularly in complex sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and punctuation misuse. Practicing sentence structure variations and ensuring that each sentence is clear and concise will also help. For instance, the writer could revise the run-on sentence mentioned earlier by splitting it into two: "This also builds up a positive effect among individuals. When we observe others trying hard for a target, it ignites incentive within us." Additionally, reviewing grammar rules related to pluralization and punctuation can further enhance accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, the debate over whether competition or cooperation serves as the paramount motivation for achieving better outcomes is gaining prominence. This essay aims to explore both views and present my perspective.

On the one hand, competition fosters a sense of urgency and effort. In the workplace, products are produced with high quality for the purpose of demonstrating their creation and garnering recognition from superiors. Furthermore, competition compels students at school to enhance and showcase their talents to achieve prizes in exams. Additionally, this also promotes a positive impact among individuals; when we observe others trying hard for a target, it stimulates motivation within us, encouraging us to become a better version of ourselves.

On the other hand, cooperation significantly contributes to mental health, leading to enhanced unity among individuals. In a company, cooperation is shown through activities such as sharing ideas and developing effective strategies that rapidly enhance the quality of the products. At schools, children are encouraged to be more in harmony with friends to improve social skills and find suitable mates. Moreover, cooperation also reduces the pressure from competition, and conducive conditions facilitate optimal performance. The Vietnamese nation is a model for this, as their unity successfully pushed back a serious problem called Coronavirus.

To summarize, both ideas have their positive effects, depending on the situation. While competition offers the motivation that compels us to work harder, cooperation creates a pleasant atmosphere for development. For that reason, striking a balance between both is crucial.