Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Ever since humans settled the Earth, they have been naturally evolved to cooperate and compete with others with a view to survival. Nevertheless, while some hold beliefs that people should join forces to prevail in any environment, others are deemed to be proponents of competition. Therefore, this essay will attempt to analyze both views before coming to the final conclusion.
The inclination towards competition can be justified as followed. It is commonly believed that competing with others in daily life and working, studying environments provides opportunities to improve skills. That is, in order to defeat rivals, people would give a phenomenal amount of diligence into researching to constantly push their limits. For example, when high school students compete with thousands of people to get scholarships from prestigious universities, they have to build a strong profile, including extracurricular activities, excellent academic performance, passion projects and the like, which would give them many useful skills for their future.
Similarly, collaboration is also crucial to achievinge a particular goal in any setting. Firstly, working processes would be fostered substantially if people unite. To be more specific, dividing a complex task into small ones and delegating them to teammates with suitable skills is much more efficient than solving the problem solely. This can ensure the quality of work as well as punctuality. Secondly, people can improve their weaknesses and learn new skills from cooperating. That is, a team can include people with different sets of skills and specialization, leading to an array of approaches and solutions to the problem. As a result, this provides a great opportunity to learn more skills such as problem-solving, defending, decision making and the like.
In conclusion, although competition and cooperation themselves have completely contrasting meanings, they both have their own advantages which can be utilized in daily life, at work or school. Therefore, from my point of view, neither of them is superior to the other and we should try to find the optimal balance between them.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Ever since humans settled the Earth" -> "Since humans first inhabited the Earth"
Explanation: "Settled" can be vague and less formal; "first inhabited" is more precise and academically appropriate, emphasizing the historical context of human presence on Earth.
"naturally evolved" -> "naturally developed"
Explanation: "Evolved" typically refers to biological evolution, whereas "developed" is more appropriate for describing the evolution of human societies and behaviors.
"with a view to survival" -> "for survival"
Explanation: "With a view to" is somewhat formal but can be simplified to "for" to maintain clarity and conciseness in academic writing.
"are deemed to be proponents of" -> "are considered proponents of"
Explanation: "Deemed to be" is slightly awkward and less direct; "considered" is more straightforward and commonly used in academic discourse.
"as followed" -> "as follows"
Explanation: "As followed" is grammatically incorrect; "as follows" is the correct phrase used to introduce a list or explanation.
"competing with others in daily life and working, studying environments" -> "competing in various environments, including daily life and work/study"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured and unclear. The revision clarifies the types of environments and improves readability.
"a phenomenal amount of diligence" -> "a significant amount of diligence"
Explanation: "Phenomenal" is an overused and somewhat informal term; "significant" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"to constantly push their limits" -> "to continually challenge themselves"
Explanation: "Push their limits" is colloquial; "challenge themselves" is more formal and suitable for academic contexts.
"achievinge" -> "achieving"
Explanation: "Achievinge" is a typographical error; "achieving" is the correct form.
"working processes would be fostered substantially" -> "work processes would be significantly enhanced"
Explanation: "Fostered substantially" is less common and slightly awkward; "enhanced significantly" is clearer and more direct.
"dividing a complex task into small ones" -> "dividing complex tasks into smaller tasks"
Explanation: "Small ones" is informal and vague; "smaller tasks" is more precise and formal.
"solving the problem solely" -> "solving the problem individually"
Explanation: "Solely" implies exclusivity, which is not the intended meaning; "individually" correctly conveys the idea of separate efforts.
"people can improve their weaknesses" -> "individuals can address their weaknesses"
Explanation: "Improve" can be vague; "address" is more specific and appropriate for the context of overcoming challenges.
"learn more skills such as problem-solving, defending, decision making and the like" -> "acquire skills such as problem-solving, defense, decision-making, and others"
Explanation: "Defending" is not typically used as a skill; "defense" is more appropriate. Also, "the like" is informal; "and others" is more formal and precise.
"neither of them is superior to the other" -> "neither approach is superior to the other"
Explanation: "Them" is vague; specifying "approach" clarifies the subject being compared, enhancing the academic tone.
"we should try to find the optimal balance" -> "it is essential to strike a balance"
Explanation: "Try to find" is too casual; "strike a balance" is a more formal and precise expression, fitting the academic style better.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to discuss both views regarding competition and cooperation. It briefly introduces the topic but could benefit from a more thorough exploration of each perspective. The discussion on cooperation is more detailed than that on competition, which is somewhat underdeveloped.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should ensure equal attention is given to both views. It should explicitly analyze how competition is viewed positively and how cooperation is perceived as beneficial, supported with specific examples or reasoning.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance that neither competition nor cooperation is superior, emphasizing the need for balance between the two. This position is maintained throughout the essay, providing coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that the introduction clearly states this balanced perspective, and reinforce this stance with stronger transitions and topic sentences in each body paragraph.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented adequately but could be further extended and supported. For instance, while the benefits of cooperation are well-explained with examples of teamwork and skill development, examples supporting the benefits of competition are somewhat lacking.
- How to improve: Strengthen the essay by providing more specific examples and details for both perspectives. Include concrete instances where competition leads to skill enhancement or personal growth, balancing the discussion with the cooperation aspects.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing competition versus cooperation. However, there are moments where the discussion seems slightly tangential, such as the brief historical reference in the introduction.
- How to improve: Focus on directly addressing all parts of the essay prompt throughout each paragraph. Ensure that every example or argument provided directly relates back to the theme of competition and cooperation.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a coherent stance and addresses the topic adequately, there are areas for improvement in depth of analysis, balance of examples, and maintaining strict relevance to the prompt. By strengthening these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher band score by more effectively demonstrating a comprehensive understanding and discussion of the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views on competition versus cooperation. Each body paragraph explores one perspective (competition and cooperation) in turn, providing examples to support these arguments. The conclusion summarizes the main points and provides a personal opinion. However, transitions between paragraphs are somewhat abrupt, lacking smooth connections that would enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly signal shifts in focus. For instance, phrases like "On the other hand," or "Furthermore," can help readers follow the progression of ideas more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to organize its ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. However, paragraph structure could be improved for clarity and coherence. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear separation, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of that paragraph. Support this main idea with relevant examples or arguments, and then conclude the paragraph by summarizing its importance or relevance to the overall thesis. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve readability and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "Nevertheless," "Similarly," "In conclusion"), which help to connect ideas within sentences and between paragraphs. However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices used. More diverse devices, such as pronouns ("this," "these," "that"), synonyms, and parallel structures, could be employed to strengthen coherence further.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas more smoothly. For example, use pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned concepts or employ parallel structure to emphasize similarities or contrasts. This will help create a more cohesive and unified essay structure.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in transitional flow between paragraphs, clearer paragraph structuring, and more diverse use of cohesive devices would elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher band score level. These enhancements will make the essay easier to follow and more persuasive in its argumentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is a fair attempt to use varied vocabulary throughout, such as "phenomenal amount of diligence," "proponents," "fostered substantially," "array of approaches," etc. However, some phrases are repetitive ("daily life," "working environments," "people," "skills"), which limits the diversity and richness of expression.
- How to improve: To enhance your lexical resource score, aim for more nuanced synonyms and avoid repetitive phrases. For instance, instead of "daily life," consider alternatives like "everyday existence" or "routine." Utilize a thesaurus to explore synonyms and practice incorporating them into your writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of precise vocabulary usage, such as "extracurricular activities," "passion projects," and "dividing a complex task." However, there are also areas where vocabulary could be more precise or specific. For example, using "phenomenal amount of diligence" could be substituted with "dedicated effort" or "intensive research."
- How to improve: Focus on choosing words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Consider the exact nuances of words and whether they accurately reflect your ideas. Re-read your essay and evaluate if each word contributes to the clarity and depth of your argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay. However, there are a few minor errors, such as "achievinge" (achieving) and "defending" (depending on context, possibly intended to be "decision-making").
- How to improve: Proofreading carefully can help catch these minor errors. It’s beneficial to review commonly misspelled words and practice writing to improve spelling accuracy. Additionally, using spell-check tools can assist in identifying and correcting errors before finalizing your writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of vocabulary usage and spelling accuracy, but there is room for improvement to achieve a higher band score. By focusing on expanding your range of vocabulary, using words more precisely, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy, you can enhance the lexical resource criterion in your essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences alongside simpler constructions. For instance, there are instances of complex sentences used effectively to elaborate on ideas, such as "That is, a team can include people with different sets of skills and specialization, leading to an array of approaches and solutions to the problem."
- How to improve: To enhance variety, consider integrating more rhetorical devices like parallelism or rhetorical questions where appropriate. This can add depth and rhetorical flair to your arguments.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy with few errors. There are instances where articles are omitted or incorrectly used, such as "give a phenomenal amount of diligence" (should be "give phenomenal diligence") and "collaboration is also crucial to achievinge a particular goal" (typo: achieving). Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are occasional comma splice errors or missing commas in compound sentences.
- How to improve: Focus on consistent and accurate use of articles (a, an, the) and revise sentences to ensure they are grammatically sound. Review the use of commas in complex sentences to avoid run-ons or comma splices. Proofreading for typos, like "achievinge," is essential to maintain clarity and correctness.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a good variety of sentence structures, contributing to its Band Score of 7 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. With attention to detail in proofreading and further diversification of sentence structures, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Ever since humans first inhabited the Earth, they have naturally developed tendencies both to cooperate for survival and to compete in various environments, including daily life and work or study settings. Some argue that collaboration is essential for success in any environment, while others advocate for competition. This essay will analyze both perspectives before presenting a conclusion.

Advocates of competition argue that it fosters skill improvement. By striving to outperform others, individuals invest significant effort into pushing their limits. For instance, high school students competing for scholarships must excel in academics, extracurricular activities, and personal projects, thereby acquiring valuable skills for their future.

Conversely, collaboration is crucial for achieving goals efficiently. By dividing complex tasks among team members based on their skills, teams can enhance work processes significantly. This approach ensures both quality and timeliness. Moreover, collaborating allows individuals to address their weaknesses and acquire skills such as problem-solving, decision-making, and others from their team members who possess different expertise.

In conclusion, while competition and cooperation represent contrasting approaches, both offer distinct advantages applicable to daily life, work, and school. Therefore, in my opinion, neither approach is superior, and it is essential to strike a balance between them to optimize outcomes in various environments.