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Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

As possible outcome of the conventional wisdom in our modern lifestyle of not judging people by their appearance, comprising their outfits at workplaces, many people insist that the employers should not have a moral right to pay attention to prejudice what people have to wear while working. Instead, the efficacy of their productivity ought to be taken into consideration. In my viewpoint, I am relatively convinced by this proposition but still advocate the employees to dress in the way following the sensitive regulations in companies.
Initially, the employers should be sympathized for their strict rules imposed on formal clothes or even uniform because it is understandable that the workers also represent the dignity of the enterprises they are working for. That is one among the diverse reasons why they have to dress formally and coiffed while working, especially with customers and collaborators. For example, when trading or working with a prestigious business, it is the first impression of the tidy uniforms of the practitioners performing jobs there that depicts the respect and beguiles people’s attention, which then makes them feel more comfortable to commence cordial discussions with these employees and somehow lead to unanimous agreement with customers or collaborators. Moreover, if the employees wear outfits contingent upon their arbitrary conations, there would be some dress in a way that deviates from the traditional stereotype, and then become prone to criticize from others, probably effects negatively the reputation of their companies.
However, on the other end of the spectrum, clothes have nothing to do with the effectiveness in term of manufacturing products. Set all the nonsensical outer appearance aside, the professional quality of the labors is the most crucial criterion that should, if not must, be taken seriously into meticulous examination, which is characterized by the rapidity of performing and accomplishing tasks, necessary skills, application and the ability to endure pressure derived from strenuous jobs or hectic schedule. To reuse the aforementioned example of working with important customers and collaborators or investors, outfits are the trivial component in terms of success in making lucrative deals and profits, only to make marvelous first impression. Hence, they are naught compared to the diplomatic and communicating skills in this case.
In conclusion, it is reasonable for the leaders of the enterprises to enact some rules, or even the unwritten ones, on their workers’ fashion. However, were it not for the efficiency of one company’s labor force, regardless how they dress, that company would not compete against their foes or even survive in the economy by producing and accomplishing items and contracts as fast as possible replied on their employees.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "comprising their outfits at workplaces" -> "including their attire in the workplace"
    Explanation: "Comprising their outfits at workplaces" is an awkward construction. "Including their attire in the workplace" is a more formal and concise way to convey the same idea.

  2. "employers should not have a moral right to pay attention to prejudice what people have to wear" -> "employers should not discriminate based on attire"
    Explanation: The phrase "pay attention to prejudice what people have to wear" is convoluted. "Employers should not discriminate based on attire" is a clearer and more direct way to express the idea without compromising formality.

  3. "the efficacy of their productivity" -> "their productivity"
    Explanation: "The efficacy of their productivity" is redundant. "Their productivity" suffices to convey the intended meaning in a more concise manner.

  4. "advocate the employees to dress" -> "encourage employees to dress"
    Explanation: "Advocate the employees to dress" is an awkward phrasing. "Encourage employees to dress" is a clearer and more standard way to express the idea.

  5. "sympathized for their strict rules imposed" -> "understood for implementing strict rules"
    Explanation: "Sympathized for their strict rules imposed" is unnatural. "Understood for implementing strict rules" is a clearer and more formal expression.

  6. "dress formally and coiffed while working" -> "dress formally and maintain a groomed appearance while working"
    Explanation: "Coiffed" is not commonly used in academic or formal writing. "Maintain a groomed appearance while working" provides a clearer and more appropriate description.

  7. "when trading or working with a prestigious business" -> "when engaging in trade or collaborating with prestigious businesses"
    Explanation: "When trading or working with a prestigious business" lacks precision. "When engaging in trade or collaborating with prestigious businesses" is a more specific and formal phrasing.

  8. "beguiles people’s attention" -> "captures people’s attention"
    Explanation: "Beguiles people’s attention" has a slightly misleading connotation. "Captures people’s attention" is a more direct and suitable phrase in this context.

  9. "contingent upon their arbitrary conations" -> "based on personal preferences"
    Explanation: "Contingent upon their arbitrary conations" is unclear and overly complex. "Based on personal preferences" offers a clearer and more straightforward alternative.

  10. "become prone to criticize" -> "be subject to criticism"
    Explanation: "Become prone to criticize" is an awkward construction. "Be subject to criticism" is a more natural and formal way to convey the idea.

  11. "effects negatively the reputation" -> "negatively impacts the reputation"
    Explanation: "Effects negatively the reputation" is grammatically incorrect. "Negatively impacts the reputation" is a more precise and grammatically correct phrase.

  12. "Set all the nonsensical outer appearance aside" -> "Disregarding superficial appearances"
    Explanation: "Set all the nonsensical outer appearance aside" is informal. "Disregarding superficial appearances" maintains formality and clarity.

  13. "if not must" -> "if not a necessity"
    Explanation: "If not must" is an awkward phrasing. "If not a necessity" provides a clearer and more formal expression.

  14. "naught compared to" -> "nothing compared to"
    Explanation: "Naught compared to" is archaic and less common. "Nothing compared to" is a more modern and appropriate phrase.

  15. "enact some rules" -> "implement certain guidelines"
    Explanation: "Enact some rules" is less formal. "Implement certain guidelines" is a more suitable and formal alternative.

  16. "or even the unwritten ones" -> "including implicit regulations"
    Explanation: "Or even the unwritten ones" is slightly informal. "Including implicit regulations" maintains formality and clarity.

  17. "were it not for" -> "without"
    Explanation: "Were it not for" is more literary than academic. "Without" is a simpler and more appropriate alternative for formal writing.

  18. "replied on their employees" -> "relied on their employees"
    Explanation: "Replied on their employees" is a typographical error. "Relied on their employees" is the correct phrase, meaning to depend or trust in them.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "As possible outcome of the conventional wisdom in our modern lifestyle of not judging people by their appearance, comprising their outfits at workplaces, many people insist that the employers should not have a moral right to pay attention to prejudice what people have to wear while working. Instead, the efficacy of their productivity ought to be taken into consideration. In my viewpoint, I am relatively convinced by this proposition but still advocate the employees to dress in the way following the sensitive regulations in companies."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction does present the writer’s viewpoint, which is positive. However, the expression is convoluted and could be clearer. Additionally, it lacks a brief overview of the main points that will be discussed in the essay. To enhance clarity, consider rephrasing the introduction for smoother articulation and include a concise summary of the key arguments you’ll delve into.
    • Improved example: "In our contemporary society, the prevailing notion urges us not to judge individuals based on their appearance, including workplace attire. Many argue that employers should prioritize the efficacy of their employees’ productivity over their dress code. While I am inclined towards this perspective, I also emphasize the importance of adhering to workplace dress regulations."
  2. Quoted text: "Initially, the employers should be sympathized for their strict rules imposed on formal clothes or even uniform because it is understandable that the workers also represent the dignity of the enterprises they are working for."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The idea expressed here is valid, acknowledging the significance of formal attire in representing a company’s dignity. However, the sentence structure is complex and may confuse the reader. Simplify the sentence structure for better comprehension, ensuring that your ideas are communicated clearly.
    • Improved example: "Employers deserve empathy for enforcing strict rules on formal or uniform attire. This is justified as employees serve as representatives, reflecting the dignity of the enterprises they work for."
  3. Quoted text: "Moreover, if the employees wear outfits contingent upon their arbitrary conations, there would be some dress in a way that deviates from the traditional stereotype, and then become prone to criticize from others, probably effects negatively the reputation of their companies."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The argument presented here is somewhat unclear due to awkward phrasing. The writer’s point about deviating from traditional stereotypes needs clarification. Simplify and rephrase for greater coherence and precision.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, if employees choose outfits based on personal preferences, some may deviate from traditional norms, leading to potential criticism. This, in turn, could adversely impact the reputation of their respective companies."

Overall, the essay maintains a coherent structure and addresses the prompt adequately. However, refinement in expression and clarity could elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, presenting the conventional wisdom and the main argument. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, maintaining a coherent flow of information. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices, such as transitions and pronouns, contributing to the overall coherence. The central topic within each paragraph is clear, supporting the essay’s structure. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider refining the use of cohesive devices to ensure a seamless connection between sentences and paragraphs. Avoid overuse of complex sentences, as it can sometimes lead to a slight lack of clarity. Additionally, maintain a consistent tone throughout the essay, balancing formality and clarity. Overall, a solid effort, but minor adjustments could elevate the score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonably broad range of vocabulary with attempts to use less common lexical items. There is a mix of sophisticated vocabulary (e.g., "contingent upon," "connotations," "unanimous agreement") and less common terms (e.g., "concluded," "fashion"). The candidate shows awareness of style and collocation, although occasional inaccuracies in word choice and word formation are present throughout the essay. For instance, phrases like "imposed on formal clothes" might be more effectively expressed as "requiring formal attire." There are instances where the language used is somewhat convoluted, impacting the overall clarity and precision of the message.

How to improve:
To improve, the candidate should focus on refining the use of vocabulary and ensuring precision in word choice and sentence structure. Simplifying complex sentences and using more straightforward language could enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, paying attention to grammar and sentence construction will further elevate the lexical resource in the essay. Practicing the use of varied vocabulary in different contexts will aid in achieving a more natural and nuanced expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of complex sentence structures. There is an attempt at sophisticated language and the writer effectively conveys their viewpoint. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to good overall control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances of awkward phrasing and minor errors that slightly impact the flow.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures further. Paying careful attention to word choice and avoiding occasional awkward phrasing will contribute to smoother communication. Additionally, a more thorough proofreading process could help eliminate the minor errors present in the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In our contemporary society, where the prevailing wisdom urges us not to judge individuals based on appearances, including their workplace attire, there is a belief held by many that employers should not concern themselves with how their employees dress. Instead, the emphasis should be on the quality of their work. While I am generally inclined to support this idea, I also advocate for employees adhering to the established dress regulations within companies.

Initially, it is important to empathize with employers who enforce strict rules regarding formal attire or uniforms. Understandably, employees represent the dignity of the enterprises they work for. This is one of the reasons why dressing formally, especially when dealing with customers and collaborators, is essential. For instance, in interactions with prestigious businesses, the tidy uniforms worn by employees create a favorable first impression, conveying respect and capturing people’s attention. This, in turn, fosters a comfortable environment for engaging in friendly discussions, potentially leading to unanimous agreements with customers or collaborators. Furthermore, if employees were allowed to wear outfits based on personal preferences, there might be deviations from traditional stereotypes, risking criticism and negatively impacting the reputation of their companies.

On the other hand, when it comes to the effectiveness of producing goods, clothing becomes inconsequential. Setting aside superficial appearances, the professional quality of labor is the paramount criterion. This involves the speed and proficiency in performing tasks, possession of necessary skills, application, and the ability to endure pressure arising from demanding jobs or hectic schedules. Taking the example of dealings with important customers, collaborators, or investors, outfits play a trivial role in achieving success and making profitable deals. In this context, diplomatic and communication skills far outweigh the significance of clothing.

In conclusion, it is reasonable for enterprise leaders to establish rules, written or unwritten, concerning their workers’ attire. However, the efficiency of a company’s workforce, regardless of their dress, is the decisive factor in competition and survival in the economy. The ability to produce and complete tasks swiftly and effectively is what truly enables a company to thrive.

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