Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Various companies establish dress codes to enhance the image of employees and the company, too. Consequently, it is argued that chief executives should concentrate on workers’ contribution instead of paying attention to their dress. I disagree with this point of view and this essay will give out more details to this opinion.

On the one hand, some opinions agree that staff’s productivity is more important than their attire for several reasons. If employees are forced to follow a certain dress code, they might feel constrained by those rules which can affect their productivity. Moreover, staff’s dresses are also a means for them to express their personality and individuality, thus creating a positive working atmosphere. For example, engineers at Apple always wear casual clothes and they are not required to follow any dress code since their major is to develop technology appliances.

On the other hand, in my perspective, both employees’ attire and their quality of work affect and reflect company’s professionalism and productivity. In many big companies or corporations, having a good image by wearing formal attire is essential. Beside the employee's contribution, their image is an effective way to impress their chief, thus offering them various precious opportunities to enhance their work achievements. In addition, attending a formal event, neat dress codes such as suit, vest,… create a professional and reliable image to business partners.

In conclusion, although both attire and work quality play important and essential roles, I think companies should have regulations about dress code to synchronize firm and professional image of employees in my perspective. Furthermore, workers can optimize productivity by spending less time on attire.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Various companies establish dress codes" -> "Numerous organizations implement dress codes"
   Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise than "various" in this context, and "implement" is a more formal verb than "establish" when referring to the adoption of policies or practices.

2. "too" -> "also"
   Explanation: "Too" is incorrectly used here as an adverb; "also" is the correct conjunction to indicate addition.

3. "chief executives should concentrate on workers’ contribution" -> "chief executives should focus on employees’ contributions"
   Explanation: "Focus" is more specific and formal than "concentrate," and "employees’ contributions" is grammatically correct and more formal than "workers’ contribution."

4. "giving out more details to this opinion" -> "providing further details in support of this view"
   Explanation: "Providing further details in support of this view" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "giving out."

5. "staff’s dresses" -> "employees’ attire"
   Explanation: "Employees’ attire" is more specific and formal than "staff’s dresses," which is vague and informal.

6. "forced to follow a certain dress code" -> "required to adhere to a specific dress code"
   Explanation: "Required to adhere to" is more formal and precise than "forced to follow."

7. "they might feel constrained" -> "they may feel restricted"
   Explanation: "Restricted" is a more formal synonym for "constrained," and "may" is more appropriate than "might" in formal writing.

8. "staff’s dresses are also a means for them to express" -> "employees’ attire serves as a means for them to express"
   Explanation: "Serves as a means" is more formal and precise than "are also a means for."

9. "casual clothes" -> "casual attire"
   Explanation: "Attire" is a more formal term than "clothes" in this context.

10. "they are not required to follow any dress code" -> "they are not mandated to adhere to any dress code"
    Explanation: "Mandated" is more formal than "required," and "adhere to" is more precise than "follow."

11. "Beside the employee’s contribution" -> "In addition to the employee’s contribution"
    Explanation: "In addition to" is grammatically correct and more formal than "beside."

12. "attending a formal event, neat dress codes such as suit, vest,… create" -> "at formal events, attire such as suits and vests creates"
    Explanation: "At formal events" is grammatically correct, and "attire" is a more formal term than "dress codes." Also, "creates" should agree with the plural subject "attire."

13. "I think companies should have regulations about dress code" -> "I believe that companies should establish dress code regulations"
    Explanation: "Believe that" is more formal than "think," and "establish dress code regulations" is a more precise and formal expression.

14. "optimize productivity by spending less time on attire" -> "enhance productivity by minimizing time spent on attire"
    Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal synonym for "optimize," and "minimizing time spent" is more precise than "spending less time."

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and grammar to align with the expectations of academic writing, ensuring clarity, formality, and precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the importance of dress codes versus the quality of work. The writer presents a clear disagreement with the notion that employers should not care about employee attire. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. The introduction states a disagreement but does not clarify the degree of this disagreement, which is crucial for a "to what extent" question.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction and conclusion. For example, they could specify whether they believe dress codes are entirely necessary, somewhat necessary, or not necessary at all, providing a clearer framework for their argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position that dress codes are important, but there are moments where the argument could be more cohesive. The transition between discussing the importance of productivity and the need for a dress code is somewhat abrupt. The phrase "in my perspective" is used, but it could be more effectively integrated to reinforce the writer’s stance.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should use transitional phrases that link ideas more smoothly and reinforce their position. For instance, they could use phrases like "This leads me to believe that…" or "Therefore, I maintain that…" to connect their thoughts and maintain a consistent viewpoint throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the impact of dress on productivity and the importance of a professional image. However, some points lack sufficient development. The example of Apple engineers is relevant but could be expanded to illustrate how their casual dress contributes to their work environment and productivity. Additionally, the argument about formal attire at events is introduced but not fully explored.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points with more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, they could discuss specific scenarios where dress codes have positively impacted employee performance or company reputation. Providing more concrete examples will help to substantiate their claims and make the argument more persuasive.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relationship between employee attire and work quality. However, there are instances where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the conclusion introduces the idea of optimizing productivity through less time spent on attire, which feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument about the importance of dress codes.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central argument regarding the importance of dress codes. They could revise the conclusion to summarize the main arguments more succinctly and reinforce the thesis without introducing new ideas that could distract from the main message.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By addressing the suggestions above, the writer can enhance clarity, depth, and relevance, potentially improving their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs addressing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, while the body paragraphs provide supporting arguments. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for instance, the shift from discussing productivity to the importance of dress codes could be better signposted to enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the contrary" or "Furthermore" can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer separation of ideas. For example, the discussion of how attire affects professionalism and productivity could be divided into two distinct points to enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is supported by relevant examples. Consider using a more defined structure within paragraphs, such as starting with a topic sentence, followed by explanation and examples, and concluding with a summary statement that ties back to the main argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "moreover," and "in addition." These devices help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the essay. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using alternatives like "furthermore," "conversely," or "in contrast" can enhance the sophistication of the writing. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can also improve cohesion and reduce redundancy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on improving the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "dress codes," "productivity," "professionalism," and "individuality." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "employees’ attire" and "dress code," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language. For instance, using synonyms such as "apparel," "uniform," or "dress standards" could diversify the vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of vocabulary related to the topic. This could involve using more specific terms or phrases that convey nuanced meanings, such as "corporate image," "workplace culture," or "professional attire." Engaging with vocabulary exercises or reading articles on workplace dynamics could help in this regard.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "give out more details to this opinion" is vague and could be more clearly articulated as "provide further justification for this viewpoint." Additionally, the phrase "neat dress codes such as suit, vest,…" lacks clarity; it would be better to specify "formal attire such as suits and vests."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately convey their intended meaning. Practicing paraphrasing and using contextually appropriate synonyms can help. Furthermore, reviewing the essay for clarity and ensuring that each term used aligns with the intended message will improve overall precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "beside" which should be "besides," and "chief" which may confuse readers as it could be interpreted as "chief executive" rather than "boss." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, possibly reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing writing regularly and reviewing spelling rules will help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "If employees are forced to follow a certain dress code, they might feel constrained by those rules which can affect their productivity" showcases an ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of simple and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "I disagree with this point of view" and "In my perspective" are somewhat formulaic and could benefit from more varied introductory phrases.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more complex and compound-complex sentences. For example, instead of repeatedly using "I think" or "In my perspective," the writer could use phrases like "From my point of view," or "It is my belief that." Additionally, varying the placement of clauses within sentences can help create a more dynamic flow. For instance, instead of starting sentences with the subject, the writer could begin with an adverbial clause, e.g., "While some argue that attire is secondary, I contend that…"

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "staff’s dresses are also a means for them to express their personality" could be more effectively expressed as "staff’s attire serves as a means for self-expression." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the misuse of commas in "neat dress codes such as suit, vest,…," disrupt the flow of reading. The ellipsis is also inappropriate in formal writing and should be replaced with a more precise list or omitted altogether.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For instance, "the company" should be used instead of "company" when referring to a specific entity. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas and conjunctions, will enhance clarity. The writer should also consider revising sentences for conciseness and clarity, ensuring that each sentence conveys its message effectively without unnecessary complexity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy, the writer can elevate their writing to achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Various companies establish dress codes to enhance the image of employees and the company as well. Consequently, it is argued that chief executives should concentrate on workers’ contributions instead of paying attention to their dress. I disagree with this point of view, and this essay will provide further details in support of this opinion.

On the one hand, some people believe that staff productivity is more important than their attire for several reasons. If employees are forced to follow a certain dress code, they may feel restricted by those rules, which can affect their productivity. Moreover, employees’ attire serves as a means for them to express their personality and individuality, thus creating a positive working atmosphere. For example, engineers at Apple always wear casual clothes, and they are not mandated to adhere to any dress code since their main focus is to develop technology appliances.

On the other hand, in my perspective, both employees’ attire and their quality of work affect and reflect the company’s professionalism and productivity. In many large companies or corporations, having a good image by wearing formal attire is essential. In addition to the employee’s contributions, their image is an effective way to impress their superiors, thus offering them various valuable opportunities to enhance their work achievements. Furthermore, at formal events, attire such as suits and vests creates a professional and reliable image for business partners.

In conclusion, although both attire and work quality play important roles, I believe that companies should establish dress code regulations to synchronize the firm and professional image of employees. Additionally, workers can enhance productivity by minimizing time spent on attire.