: Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that good health play a crucial role to every person, so medical servies should no be run by profit-making companies. In my opinion, I think there are many benefits form private health care services, so I believe that the advantages of private health care outweigt the drawbacks. In the following paragraphs I shall put forth my arguments to support my view.
The most important bebefit for private health care is that high-quality systems. This means profit-making companies usually invest a large amount of money to buy the most modern systems to provide the best felling to patients. Therefore, patients against with particular sicks more effective. Furthermore, doctors and nurses in the private health care organization are paid higher salary than non profit companies. So they are trained to take care the patients more carefully and provide a suitable schedule for each patients.
Secondly, the private heath care also contribute to the economic growth. The large amount of job opportunities are created. Moreover, private heath care services contribute the huge amount of money to the government’s budget. What is more, the patients deal with their sicks effectively by using high quality systems, so they could go back to work early to develop their country.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"good health play a crucial role to every person" -> "good health plays a crucial role for every individual"
Explanation: The verb "play" should be in the singular form "plays" to agree with the singular noun "health," and "for" is more appropriate than "to" in this context, enhancing the formal tone and grammatical correctness.
"medical servies" -> "medical services"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "servies" to "services" ensures accuracy and professionalism in the text.
"should no be run" -> "should not be run"
Explanation: Correcting the typo "no" to "not" fixes a grammatical error, improving the sentence’s clarity and correctness.
"I think there are many benefits form private health care services" -> "I believe there are numerous benefits from private healthcare services"
Explanation: Replacing "I think" with "I believe" and "form" with "from" corrects the preposition usage, and "numerous" is a more precise and formal adjective than "many."
"outweigt" -> "outweigh"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "outweigt" to "outweigh" ensures the correct spelling of the word.
"The most important bebefit for private health care is that high-quality systems." -> "The most significant benefit of private healthcare is the high-quality systems."
Explanation: Changing "bebefit" to "benefit" corrects a spelling error, and rephrasing the sentence improves clarity and formality by removing the unnecessary "for" and using a more formal structure.
"This means profit-making companies usually invest a large amount of money to buy the most modern systems to provide the best felling to patients." -> "This means that profit-making companies typically invest substantial funds to acquire the most advanced systems, thereby providing the best care to patients."
Explanation: Replacing "a large amount of money" with "substantial funds" and "buy" with "acquire" refines the language, and "thereby providing" is more formal and precise than "to provide the best felling."
"against with particular sicks" -> "treat patients with specific illnesses"
Explanation: Correcting "against with particular sicks" to "treat patients with specific illnesses" fixes grammatical errors and uses more precise medical terminology.
"take care the patients" -> "care for patients"
Explanation: Simplifying "take care the patients" to "care for patients" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances the formal tone.
"the private heath care also contribute" -> "private healthcare also contributes"
Explanation: Correcting "heath" to "health" and "contribute" to "contributes" fixes spelling and verb agreement errors, improving grammatical accuracy.
"The large amount of job opportunities are created" -> "The creation of numerous job opportunities"
Explanation: Replacing "The large amount of job opportunities are created" with "The creation of numerous job opportunities" streamlines the sentence and uses more formal language.
"contribute the huge amount of money" -> "contribute a significant amount of money"
Explanation: Replacing "contribute the huge amount of money" with "contribute a significant amount of money" corrects the grammatical structure and uses more precise language.
"What is more, the patients deal with their sicks effectively" -> "Furthermore, patients effectively manage their illnesses"
Explanation: Replacing "What is more" with "Furthermore" and "deal with their sicks" with "manage their illnesses" corrects informal expressions and uses more precise medical terminology.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a viewpoint on private healthcare, asserting that its advantages outweigh the disadvantages. However, it fails to adequately discuss the disadvantages of private healthcare, which is a critical component of the question. The essay mentions benefits such as high-quality systems and economic contributions but does not explore any potential drawbacks, such as accessibility issues or the profit motive potentially compromising care quality.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly discuss both sides of the argument. This could involve acknowledging disadvantages such as the high cost of private healthcare, which may limit access for lower-income individuals, or the risk of prioritizing profit over patient care. Including a balanced view will demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear position in favor of private healthcare, but the argument lacks consistency and depth. The phrase "I believe that the advantages of private health care outweigh the drawbacks" is present, but the subsequent paragraphs do not sufficiently reinforce this stance with a thorough exploration of the advantages or a counter-argument to the disadvantages.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that each paragraph consistently supports the main argument. This can be achieved by clearly linking each point back to the thesis statement and providing evidence or examples that reinforce the position. Additionally, a concluding statement summarizing the position would help solidify the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the investment in modern systems and the economic benefits of private healthcare. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail. For instance, the claim that "profit-making companies usually invest a large amount of money" lacks specific examples or data to substantiate it. Additionally, the argument about job creation is mentioned but not elaborated upon.
- How to improve: To improve the extension and support of ideas, the writer should provide specific examples, statistics, or studies that illustrate the points made. For instance, citing a study that shows improved patient outcomes in private healthcare settings would strengthen the argument. Each point should be elaborated with explanations of how they relate to the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on private healthcare. However, there are moments where the relevance of certain points is unclear, such as the mention of patients returning to work early. This point could be better connected to the overall argument about the advantages of private healthcare.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the advantages or disadvantages of private healthcare as outlined in the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that each paragraph serves a clear purpose in supporting the thesis.

Overall, the essay needs to address the prompt more comprehensively, develop ideas with more depth and support, and maintain a consistent focus on the topic to improve the Task Response score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, asserting that the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages. The arguments are logically sequenced, starting with the benefits of high-quality systems and then moving to economic contributions. However, the introduction could be more effectively structured to clearly outline the main points that will be discussed. For instance, the phrase "In the following paragraphs I shall put forth my arguments to support my view" is somewhat vague and does not explicitly preview the specific arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, it would be beneficial to include a brief outline of the main points in the introduction. This could be achieved by stating, for example, "This essay will discuss the benefits of high-quality medical systems and the economic contributions of private health care." Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the thesis can improve clarity.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate ideas, which is a strength. However, the first paragraph could be more effectively divided into two distinct sections: one focusing on the quality of care and the other on the economic aspects. Currently, the transition between these ideas is abrupt, which can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea. The first paragraph could be split into two: one discussing the quality of care provided by private health services and the other addressing the economic impact. This would allow for a more thorough exploration of each point and improve overall coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "furthermore," and "moreover," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "patients against with particular sicks more effective" is unclear and lacks proper cohesion, which detracts from the overall flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "consequently," and "on the other hand." Additionally, ensuring that each sentence logically follows from the previous one will enhance clarity. For example, rephrasing unclear sentences and ensuring grammatical accuracy will improve the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use more complex terms such as "profit-making companies," "high-quality systems," and "economic growth." However, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the phrase "private health care" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which limits the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "private health care," alternatives like "private medical services" or "for-profit health systems" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "healthcare sector" or "medical industry" can add variety and depth.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that hinder clarity. For example, "the best felling to patients" is unclear and likely intended to convey "the best experience for patients." Additionally, phrases like "patients against with particular sicks" are awkward and do not convey the intended meaning effectively.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. For example, instead of "the best felling to patients," the writer could say "the best care for patients." Furthermore, revising "patients against with particular sicks" to "patients suffering from specific illnesses" would enhance clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "servies" (services), "no" (not), "outweigt" (outweigh), "bebefit" (benefit), "heath" (health), and "sicks" (sick). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize tools like spell checkers. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary and frequently used terms can help. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use a range of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in lexical resource. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word usage, and correcting spelling errors, the writer can enhance their score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the writer predominantly uses simple and compound sentences, such as "In my opinion, I think there are many benefits form private health care services," which lacks complexity. There are few examples of more complex structures, such as subordinate clauses, which could enhance the sophistication of the writing. Additionally, phrases like "the most important bebefit for private health care is that high-quality systems" are awkwardly constructed and could be expressed more clearly.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "the private heath care also contribute to the economic growth," the writer could say, "While private health care contributes to economic growth, it also raises concerns about accessibility." This not only adds variety but also demonstrates the ability to articulate nuanced ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "good health play a crucial role" should be "good health plays a crucial role," indicating subject-verb agreement. Additionally, "medical servies should no be run" contains a spelling error ("no" should be "not"). Punctuation is also inconsistent; for instance, the sentence "Therefore, patients against with particular sicks more effective" lacks clarity and proper structure, making it difficult to understand the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and double-check spelling. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors and improve fluency. Furthermore, practicing with grammar exercises that target common mistakes, such as verb forms and sentence structure, can be beneficial. It would also be helpful to review punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas and periods to separate ideas clearly.

In summary, while the essay presents some relevant ideas, improving the variety of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing. Regular practice, feedback, and revision can help the writer achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people believe that good health plays a crucial role for every individual, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. In my opinion, I think there are many benefits from private healthcare services, so I believe that the advantages of private healthcare outweigh the drawbacks. In the following paragraphs, I shall put forth my arguments to support my view.

The most significant benefit of private healthcare is the high-quality systems. This means that profit-making companies usually invest a large amount of money to acquire the most advanced systems, thereby providing the best care to patients. Therefore, patients with specific illnesses are treated more effectively. Furthermore, doctors and nurses in private healthcare organizations are paid higher salaries than those in non-profit companies. So, they are trained to care for patients more carefully and provide a suitable schedule for each patient.

Secondly, private healthcare also contributes to economic growth. A large number of job opportunities are created. Moreover, private healthcare services contribute a significant amount of money to the government’s budget. What is more, patients effectively manage their illnesses by using high-quality systems, so they can return to work early and contribute to the development of their country.