Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports while others think people should have the freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, many individuals argue with authority regulation in putting an indefinite suspension on extreme athletics, in contrast to those who advocate for freedom in selecting preferred activities. From my perspective, I think the government should have stringent laws for these sports despite both having beneficial effects and drawbacks.

On the one hand, a group of people believes that the ban would raise significant positive results for residents. Dangerous physical games inherently involve tragic occurrences and health risks, especially when subject to extreme weather conditions, which necessitate a robust body and prolonged periods of uninterrupted efforts. Thus, it could pose disastrous injuries for the long-term as well as mitigate average life-span. For that reason, various adverse sports like skydiving and bungee jumping should be restricted to avoid unpredictable accidents for athletes. One of the paradigmatic examples of non- intense activities is China, where they require a prohibitive fee for violating the rules of suspending physical games since the running competition tragedy in 2021.

On the other hand, the freedom to choose outdoor activities is respected as a human right. Athletes often experience predominantly different ranges of traumas; consequently participants always adhere to the protection requirements in playing games. There are many safeguards that fit perfectly with types of actions to alleviate partial damage, encouraging society to attend in exercise to promote immune systems. As a result, sports accidents rarely occur throughout the race because their safety has been thoroughly verified by scientific research. Moreover, although inhabitants might understand the entire risk they might encounter, for some people who prefer to stimulate their adrenaline, they should be entitled to pursue their interests without limitation by public policy.

In my opinion, while extreme sports can offer mental fitness benefits, I suppose that the proponents need to establish rules in sports to avoid people participating in exorbitant activities. It not only harms the skilled person's health but also has negative effects on teenagers. In this day and age, the lack of censorship videos, coupled with the proliferation of social media has a remarkably unfavorable trend on children’s virtue, inspiring them to obey dangerous instructions from influencers, leading to serious physical and mental health consequences. Therefore, it is crucial for government authorities to implement regulations on hazardous pastimes to eliminate potential adverse effects on society.

In conclusion, while severe sports can be beneficial to a player's mental well-being, I hold the view that prohibitions are necessary to manage potential risks and negative influences, particularly on younger audiences.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"argue with" -> "discuss"
Explanation: "Argue with" can imply a confrontational tone; "discuss" is more neutral and appropriate for academic discourse.
"indefinite suspension" -> "temporary suspension"
Explanation: "Indefinite" implies a lack of end date, which is not accurate in this context; "temporary" correctly conveys a limited duration.
"extreme athletics" -> "extreme sports"
Explanation: "Athletics" typically refers to track and field events, whereas "sports" is a broader term encompassing various activities, making it more appropriate in this context.
"stringent laws" -> "stringent regulations"
Explanation: "Regulations" is more specific and formal than "laws," which can imply legal codes, which may not be the intended meaning here.
"both having beneficial effects and drawbacks" -> "both offering benefits and drawbacks"
Explanation: "Offering benefits" is a more precise and formal way to describe the advantages and disadvantages of something.
"a group of people believes" -> "some individuals believe"
Explanation: "Some individuals believe" is more precise and formal than "a group of people believes," which can be vague and informal.
"raise significant positive results" -> "yield significant positive outcomes"
Explanation: "Yield" is more academically precise than "raise," and "outcomes" is preferred over "results" in formal writing.
"Dangerous physical games" -> "High-risk physical activities"
Explanation: "High-risk physical activities" is a more specific and formal term than "dangerous physical games."
"tragic occurrences" -> "serious incidents"
Explanation: "Serious incidents" is a more formal and precise term than "tragic occurrences," which can be overly emotional for academic writing.
"mitigate average life-span" -> "reduce average lifespan"
Explanation: "Reduce" is the correct verb to use with "lifespan," and "average" should be "average" for grammatical correctness.
"paradigmatic examples" -> "illustrative examples"
Explanation: "Illustrative" is more appropriate in academic contexts to describe examples that demonstrate a principle or concept.
"prohibitive fee" -> "substantial fine"
Explanation: "Substantial fine" is a more precise and formal term than "prohibitive fee," which can be vague and informal.
"freedom to choose outdoor activities" -> "freedom to engage in outdoor activities"
Explanation: "Engage in" is a more formal and precise verb than "choose" in this context, emphasizing the active participation in activities.
"predominantly different ranges of traumas" -> "varied types of injuries"
Explanation: "Varied types of injuries" is more specific and formal than "predominantly different ranges of traumas," which is awkward and unclear.
"safeguards that fit perfectly with types of actions" -> "measures that align with the types of activities"
Explanation: "Measures that align with the types of activities" is more precise and formal than "safeguards that fit perfectly with types of actions."
"entitled to pursue their interests" -> "entitled to pursue their passions"
Explanation: "Passions" is a more formal and precise term than "interests" in this context, suggesting a deeper commitment to activities.
"exorbitant activities" -> "high-risk activities"
Explanation: "High-risk activities" is a more precise and formal term than "exorbitant activities," which is vague and informal.
"lack of censorship videos" -> "absence of video censorship"
Explanation: "Absence of video censorship" is a more formal and precise phrase than "lack of censorship videos."
"remarkably unfavorable trend" -> "significant negative trend"
Explanation: "Significant negative trend" is a more formal and precise term than "remarkably unfavorable trend," which is overly dramatic and informal.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the ban on dangerous sports. The first body paragraph discusses the potential benefits of banning such activities, highlighting health risks and tragic occurrences associated with extreme sports. The second body paragraph presents the opposing view, emphasizing the importance of personal freedom and the safety measures that can mitigate risks. However, while both perspectives are discussed, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the nuances within each viewpoint, particularly in terms of the balance between safety and freedom.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include more specific examples or statistics that illustrate the arguments for both sides. Additionally, a clearer distinction between the types of dangerous sports and the varying degrees of risk associated with them could provide a more comprehensive analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay, advocating for government regulations on dangerous sports. This stance is consistently supported by arguments about health risks and societal impacts, particularly on youth. However, the introduction could be more assertive in stating the writer’s opinion, as it currently presents a somewhat ambiguous stance by mentioning "both having beneficial effects and drawbacks."
- How to improve: Strengthening the thesis statement in the introduction to clearly reflect the writer’s opinion would improve clarity. Additionally, reinforcing the position in the conclusion by summarizing key points that support the argument would enhance consistency.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a range of ideas, such as the health risks of extreme sports and the importance of personal freedom. However, some ideas could be better developed. For instance, the mention of safety measures is somewhat vague and could benefit from specific examples of how these measures work in practice. The reference to China’s regulations is a good start but lacks depth and could be expanded to illustrate the effectiveness of such policies.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing specific safety equipment used in extreme sports or citing studies that show the impact of regulations on injury rates would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as the discussion on social media’s influence on youth, which, while relevant, could be better integrated into the overall argument about dangerous sports.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central argument about the regulation of dangerous sports. It may be helpful to explicitly connect the influence of social media to the broader discussion of safety and regulation in sports, rather than treating it as a separate issue.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By refining the clarity of the position, expanding on key ideas, and ensuring all points are tightly connected to the main topic, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the author’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively highlights the dangers of extreme sports, while the second paragraph emphasizes the importance of personal freedom in choosing activities. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for example, the connection between the risks of extreme sports and the need for regulations could be more explicitly stated to enhance logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer delineation of main points. For example, the second body paragraph could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the argument for personal freedom and the other on safety measures in sports.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should consider the main idea of each paragraph and ensure that it is fully developed before moving on to the next point. This could involve adding more supporting details or examples within each paragraph. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear concluding sentence can help reinforce the main idea and provide a sense of closure before transitioning to the next point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some transitions feel mechanical. For instance, phrases like "For that reason" and "Moreover" are used, but their effectiveness could be improved by varying the language and incorporating more nuanced connectors that reflect the relationship between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should explore synonyms and alternative phrases that convey similar meanings. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Moreover," the writer could use "Additionally," "In addition," or "Furthermore." Additionally, incorporating more complex cohesive devices, such as "Despite this," "Although," or "Consequently," can enhance the sophistication of the writing and improve the overall flow of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents coherent arguments. By focusing on enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate their score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "indefinite suspension," "adverse sports," and "prohibitive fee" showcasing the writer’s ability to use varied language. However, some phrases could be more varied or sophisticated. For instance, the term "dangerous physical games" could be replaced with "high-risk sports" for greater precision and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeating "dangerous sports," consider using "extreme sports," "high-risk activities," or "hazardous pastimes" in different sections. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could also help in this regard.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "tragic occurrences" could be more accurately described as "serious injuries" or "fatal accidents," which would better convey the intended meaning. Additionally, "non-intense activities" is vague; it would be clearer to specify "low-risk activities."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the exact meaning of words and choose those that accurately reflect their intended message. Reading academic articles or essays on similar topics can provide insight into more precise language usage. Practicing paraphrasing sentences can also help in honing this skill.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. However, the term "life-span" should be written as "lifespan," and "censorship videos" might be better phrased as "censored videos." Such errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or use spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Reading extensively can also help in reinforcing correct spelling through exposure.

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for Lexical Resource, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their overall performance in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "which necessitate a robust body and prolonged periods of uninterrupted efforts" and "while extreme sports can offer mental fitness benefits" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "there are" or "on the one hand." This can lead to a monotonous reading experience.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should experiment with different ways to start sentences and incorporate more varied conjunctions and transitional phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "there are," the writer could use phrases like "One notable aspect is…" or "An important consideration is…" to introduce new ideas. Additionally, varying the length and complexity of sentences can help maintain reader interest and improve overall flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "the ban would raise significant positive results for residents" could be more clearly expressed as "the ban would lead to significant positive outcomes for residents." Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, such as in "the freedom to choose outdoor activities is respected as a human right," where a comma before "is" would clarify the sentence structure. Furthermore, the phrase "the lack of censorship videos" is awkward and should be revised to "the lack of censorship in videos."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly in sentence structure and punctuation. It may be beneficial to read the essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing and ensure that punctuation is used correctly to separate clauses. Additionally, the writer could benefit from reviewing rules regarding comma usage, especially in complex sentences. Engaging in targeted grammar exercises could also help reinforce these skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will enhance clarity and effectiveness, potentially raising the band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, many individuals argue with authority regulation in putting an indefinite suspension on extreme sports, in contrast to those who advocate for freedom in selecting preferred activities. From my perspective, I think the government should have stringent regulations for these sports despite both offering benefits and drawbacks.

On the one hand, a group of people believes that the ban would yield significant positive outcomes for residents. Dangerous physical activities inherently involve tragic incidents and health risks, especially when subject to extreme weather conditions, which necessitate a robust body and prolonged periods of uninterrupted effort. Thus, it could pose disastrous injuries in the long term as well as reduce the average lifespan. For that reason, various high-risk activities like skydiving and bungee jumping should be restricted to avoid unpredictable accidents for athletes. One of the illustrative examples of non-intense activities is China, where they require a substantial fine for violating the rules of suspending physical activities since the running competition tragedy in 2021.

On the other hand, the freedom to choose outdoor activities is respected as a human right. Athletes often experience varied types of injuries; consequently, participants always adhere to the protection requirements when playing games. There are many safeguards that align with the types of activities to alleviate partial damage, encouraging society to engage in exercise to promote immune systems. As a result, sports accidents rarely occur throughout the race because their safety has been thoroughly verified by scientific research. Moreover, although inhabitants might understand the risks they might encounter, for some individuals who prefer to stimulate their adrenaline, they should be entitled to pursue their passions without limitation by public policy.

In my opinion, while extreme sports can offer mental fitness benefits, I suppose that proponents need to establish rules in sports to avoid people participating in exorbitant activities. It not only harms the skilled person’s health but also has negative effects on teenagers. In this day and age, the absence of video censorship, coupled with the proliferation of social media, has a remarkably unfavorable trend on children’s virtue, inspiring them to obey dangerous instructions from influencers, leading to serious physical and mental health consequences. Therefore, it is crucial for government authorities to implement regulations on hazardous pastimes to eliminate potential adverse effects on society.

In conclusion, while extreme sports can be beneficial to a player’s mental well-being, I hold the view that prohibitions are necessary to manage potential risks and negative influences, particularly on younger audiences.