Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, white while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both rews and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that t is risky sports and activities that governments had better prohibit, while others say that freedom for doing any sports is fundamental, Although personal choice in doing sports can contribute to the development of tourism and finance when attracting viewers to natch, I firmly believe that enacting the laws about not playing dangerous sports can assist authorities to Keep safety for citizens
On the one hand, many programs around the world related to risky sports or activities have been held and successfully given players the opportunities to follow their dreams and strong passion. This is not only substantial with participant to boost their high spirit and develop interpersonal skills but also governments when helping them
limiting financial, burden from attracting international tourists who have interest in dangerous sports. A good example of this is Queenstown,
which is of the most well-known destination a in the world with many games such as bungle, skydiving or sailing,.
On the other hand, a significant percentage of playes who arcess to dangerous sports are seriously injuried. This can lead to them government being responsible for paying too much money on health insurance as well as depressed when suffering from detrimental reputation.However , the strict laws related to ban risky sports are enacted can ensure the safety for general community together with decrease potential danger.
In conclusion, even though gaining independence of playing any sports is very important for the development of particular skills of each player, the difficulty in ensuring the physical health and country's beauty the which governments must suffer make me agree that they should ban dangerous sports

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"t is risky sports and activities that governments had better prohibit" -> "it is risky sports and activities that governments should prohibit"
Explanation: Correcting the typo "t" to "it" and replacing "had better" with "should" refines the sentence to a more formal and direct expression of recommendation.
"freedom for doing any sports is fundamental" -> "the freedom to engage in any sport is fundamental"
Explanation: Changing "doing any sports" to "engage in any sport" uses a more precise and formal verb, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"natch" -> "matches"
Explanation: Correcting the typo "natch" to "matches" ensures the proper spelling and clarity of the text.
"enacting the laws about not playing dangerous sports" -> "enacting laws prohibiting dangerous sports"
Explanation: Replacing "about not playing" with "prohibiting" streamlines the phrase and makes it more direct and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"Keep safety for citizens" -> "maintain public safety"
Explanation: "Maintain public safety" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of ensuring safety for the general public.
"many programs around the world related to risky sports or activities have been held" -> "numerous programs worldwide have been organized for risky sports and activities"
Explanation: "Numerous programs worldwide have been organized" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone of the sentence.
"substantial with participant to boost their high spirit" -> "substantial benefits for participants in boosting their morale"
Explanation: "Substantial benefits for participants in boosting their morale" corrects the awkward phrasing and uses more precise vocabulary suitable for an academic context.
"limiting financial, burden from attracting international tourists" -> "reducing financial burdens from attracting international tourists"
Explanation: "Reducing financial burdens" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea of decreasing financial costs.
"Queenstown, which is of the most well-known destination a in the world" -> "Queenstown, which is one of the most well-known destinations in the world"
Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error and replacing "a" with "one of" and "in" with "in" improves the sentence structure and accuracy.
"bungle, skydiving or sailing" -> "bungee jumping, skydiving, or sailing"
Explanation: Correcting the typo "bungle" to "bungee jumping" and adding commas for clarity and proper listing improves the accuracy and readability of the list.
"playes who arcess to dangerous sports are seriously injuried" -> "players who engage in dangerous sports are seriously injured"
Explanation: Correcting the typos "playes" to "players" and "arcess" to "engage" and "injuried" to "injured" ensures grammatical correctness and clarity.
"the difficulty in ensuring the physical health and country’s beauty the which governments must suffer" -> "the challenges in ensuring the physical health and environmental protection, which governments must address"
Explanation: Replacing "the difficulty in ensuring the physical health and country’s beauty the which governments must suffer" with "the challenges in ensuring the physical health and environmental protection, which governments must address" corrects the awkward and unclear original phrasing, using more precise and formal language.
"the which governments must suffer" -> "which governments must address"
Explanation: Replacing "suffer" with "address" corrects the misuse of "suffer" in this context, which is inappropriate and unclear, and aligns with the intended meaning of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether governments should ban dangerous sports. The writer presents the viewpoint that supports the ban, emphasizing the safety of citizens and the financial burden on the government due to injuries. However, the discussion on the opposing view is somewhat underdeveloped. While the essay mentions the benefits of risky sports in terms of tourism and personal development, it lacks depth in exploring these points. For instance, the mention of Queenstown as a tourist destination is relevant but could be expanded to include more examples or statistics that illustrate the economic benefits of dangerous sports.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more balanced discussion by elaborating on the benefits of dangerous sports. This could include discussing how these sports promote physical fitness, foster community engagement, or contribute to local economies in more detail. Including specific examples or data to support these claims would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is clear in favor of banning dangerous sports, as stated in the conclusion. However, the clarity of this position is somewhat undermined by the initial presentation of both sides. The transition between discussing the benefits of dangerous sports and the argument for banning them could be smoother. Phrases like "I firmly believe" indicate a personal stance, but the essay could benefit from more explicit connections between the arguments presented and the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently link back to their viewpoint throughout the essay. This can be done by using transitional phrases that reinforce their stance after presenting the opposing view. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the conclusion while summarizing the key points discussed would help solidify the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of dangerous sports for tourism and the risks associated with them. However, the support for these ideas is often vague or lacking in detail. For example, while the essay mentions that risky sports can boost spirits and develop skills, it does not provide concrete examples or evidence to substantiate these claims. The argument about the financial burden on the government due to injuries is a strong point but could be enhanced with specific statistics or case studies.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should focus on providing detailed examples and evidence for each point made. This could involve citing studies on the economic impact of adventure tourism or providing statistics on injury rates in dangerous sports. Additionally, using more varied vocabulary and sentence structures would enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt about the debate over banning dangerous sports. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion about the benefits of risky sports. The mention of interpersonal skills and the vague reference to "governments when helping them" could be more directly tied to the topic of the debate.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether dangerous sports should be banned. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. Additionally, avoiding tangential points that do not directly support the thesis will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, clarity of position, and support for ideas. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their Task Response score in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The arguments for both sides of the debate are presented, which is essential for discussing both views. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by unclear phrasing and awkward transitions. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of risky sports to the negative consequences is abrupt, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main point. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the contrary" or "In contrast" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the internal structure of the paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph mixes ideas about personal development and economic benefits without clearly delineating them, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: It would be beneficial to separate distinct ideas into their own sentences or even sub-points within the paragraphs. For example, the writer could first discuss the personal development aspect and then transition to the economic benefits in a new sentence or a new paragraph. This would create a clearer structure within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal the contrasting views. However, the essay lacks a wider range of cohesive devices, and some connections between sentences are weak. For example, phrases like "this is not only substantial with participant" are unclear and disrupt the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "Consequently," and "In addition." Additionally, ensuring that each sentence logically connects to the previous one will enhance the overall cohesiveness of the essay. Clarifying ambiguous phrases will also help maintain the flow of ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, but it often relies on basic terms and phrases. For instance, words like "risky sports," "freedom," and "government" are repeated without variation. While there are attempts to use more complex phrases, such as "enacting the laws" and "detrimental reputation," these are not consistently effective. The phrase "high spirit" is somewhat awkward and could be expressed more naturally as "high spirits."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "dangerous sports," alternatives like "extreme sports," "high-risk activities," or "hazardous sports" could be utilized. Additionally, using phrases like "personal autonomy" instead of simply "freedom" can elevate the lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "governments had better prohibit" is awkward; a more precise expression would be "governments should consider prohibiting." The term "financial burden" is used, but the context is unclear, making it difficult to understand the intended meaning. The phrase "assist authorities to Keep safety" is also imprecise and should be rephrased for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on context and clarity. For instance, instead of "assist authorities to Keep safety," a clearer phrase would be "help authorities maintain public safety." Additionally, it’s important to ensure that the vocabulary matches the context; for example, using "financial implications" instead of "financial burden" might convey the intended meaning more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. Words such as "t" (which should be "that"), "arcess" (which should be "access"), "injuried" (which should be "injured"), "natch" (which should be "watch"), and "bungle" (which should be "bungee") indicate a lack of attention to detail. These errors can confuse readers and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a proofreading strategy. This could include reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can help reduce mistakes in future essays. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to engage with complex ideas, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("Although personal choice in doing sports can contribute to the development of tourism and finance…"). However, many sentences are either overly simplistic or contain errors that hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "governments had better prohibit" and "this is not only substantial with participant" reflect awkward constructions that detract from the overall effectiveness. Additionally, the use of conjunctions and transitions is inconsistent, which affects the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Incorporating more varied sentence beginnings and using relative clauses can help. For example, instead of "On the one hand, many programs around the world related to risky sports or activities have been held," the writer could say, "Many countries have successfully hosted programs related to risky sports, providing opportunities for participants to pursue their passions." Regular practice with sentence combining exercises and reviewing examples of well-structured sentences can also be beneficial.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues that significantly impact clarity and coherence. For example, "t is risky sports" appears to be a typographical error, while "enacting the laws about not playing dangerous sports can assist authorities to Keep safety for citizens" contains awkward phrasing and capitalization errors. Additionally, punctuation mistakes, such as the incorrect use of commas (e.g., "sailing,."), disrupt the flow of reading. The phrase "the difficulty in ensuring the physical health and country’s beauty the which governments must suffer" is grammatically incorrect and confusing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence fragments. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can help identify mistakes before finalizing the essay. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, particularly with commas and periods, will enhance clarity. Reading more academic texts can also provide insights into proper grammar and punctuation usage, helping the writer internalize correct forms.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant discussion on the topic, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will be essential for achieving a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people argue that it is risky sports and activities that governments should prohibit, while others say that the freedom to engage in any sport is fundamental. Although personal choice in doing sports can contribute to the development of tourism and finance when attracting viewers to matches, I firmly believe that enacting laws prohibiting dangerous sports can assist authorities in maintaining public safety.

On the one hand, many programs around the world related to risky sports or activities have been held and successfully given players the opportunity to follow their dreams and strong passions. This is not only substantial for participants in boosting their morale and developing interpersonal skills but also beneficial for governments by reducing financial burdens from attracting international tourists who have an interest in dangerous sports. A good example of this is Queenstown, which is one of the most well-known destinations in the world with many activities such as bungee jumping, skydiving, or sailing.

On the other hand, a significant percentage of players who engage in dangerous sports are seriously injured. This can lead to the government being responsible for paying too much money on health insurance as well as dealing with a detrimental reputation. However, if strict laws related to banning risky sports are enacted, they can ensure the safety of the general community while decreasing potential dangers.

In conclusion, even though gaining independence in playing any sport is very important for the development of particular skills of each player, the challenges in ensuring physical health and environmental protection, which governments must address, make me agree that they should ban dangerous sports.