Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extend do you agree or disagree with statement. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge and exprience.

It's belive that if people live in development citys, they will have bad health problems. From my point of view, I agree with statement, because of the fllowing reasons.
Firstly, living evironment in big cities influnece bad physical problems. It include dust and smoke which some people suffer from serious lung problems. Currently, many factory was builded in town rather than countryside. Besides, moto and car be used popular. Industry and transport exhaust gas main cause of fine dust, environmental pollution influencing bad people health.
Next, urban people under pressure the mind. Town city include pression from study, employment, position, competition. For example, competition on the urban universitys tenser than rural life. That is cause of serious depression.
All in all, Urban life enable bad mind and physical problems. For this reason, I can accede opinion that living in big cities to impact on people health. In addition, community should give a hand protect evironment. So that our life more and more green and clean.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It’s belive" -> "It is believed"
Explanation: "It’s" is a contraction of "it is," which is informal and inappropriate in academic writing. "It is believed" is the correct form for formal expression of opinion or belief.
"development citys" -> "developing cities"
Explanation: "Development citys" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Developing cities" is the correct term, which refers to cities undergoing growth and development.
"bad health problems" -> "health problems"
Explanation: "Bad" is an adjective that is too simplistic and informal for academic writing. Using "health problems" alone is more neutral and appropriate.
"From my point of view, I agree with statement" -> "I concur with this statement"
Explanation: "From my point of view, I agree with statement" is awkwardly phrased and lacks precision. "I concur with this statement" is more direct and formal.
"fllowing reasons" -> "following reasons"
Explanation: "fllowing" is a typographical error. "Following" is the correct spelling.
"living evironment" -> "living environment"
Explanation: "Evironment" is a typographical error. "Environment" is the correct term.
"influnece" -> "influence"
Explanation: "Influnece" is a typographical error. "Influence" is the correct spelling.
"bad physical problems" -> "adverse physical health effects"
Explanation: "Bad physical problems" is vague and informal. "Adverse physical health effects" is more precise and formal.
"many factory was builded" -> "many factories have been built"
Explanation: "Factory was builded" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Many factories have been built" corrects the verb tense and form.
"moto and car be used popular" -> "motor vehicles are widely used"
Explanation: "Moto and car be used popular" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Motor vehicles are widely used" is grammatically correct and formal.
"Industry and transport exhaust gas main cause of fine dust" -> "industrial and transportation emissions are the primary cause of fine dust"
Explanation: "Exhaust gas main cause of fine dust" is awkward and unclear. "Industrial and transportation emissions are the primary cause of fine dust" is clearer and more formal.
"urban people under pressure the mind" -> "urban residents face mental pressure"
Explanation: "Urban people under pressure the mind" is awkward and unclear. "Urban residents face mental pressure" is more precise and formal.
"Town city include pression" -> "urban areas experience pressure"
Explanation: "Town city include pression" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Urban areas experience pressure" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"competition on the urban universitys" -> "competition at urban universities"
Explanation: "Competition on the urban universitys" is grammatically incorrect. "Competition at urban universities" corrects the grammatical error and pluralizes "university" correctly.
"All in all, Urban life enable bad mind and physical problems" -> "In summary, urban life leads to mental and physical problems"
Explanation: "Enable bad mind" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Leads to mental and physical problems" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"I can accede opinion" -> "I concur with this opinion"
Explanation: "Accede opinion" is incorrect. "Concur with this opinion" is the correct expression of agreement.
"give a hand protect evironment" -> "assist in protecting the environment"
Explanation: "Give a hand protect evironment" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Assist in protecting the environment" is grammatically correct and formal.
"So that our life more and more green and clean" -> "Thus, our lives will become increasingly green and clean"
Explanation: "So that our life more and more green and clean" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Thus, our lives will become increasingly green and clean" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by agreeing with the statement that living in big cities is detrimental to health. However, it lacks a comprehensive exploration of the topic. The introduction briefly mentions health problems but does not clearly outline the specific aspects of health that will be discussed. The body paragraphs focus on pollution and mental pressure but do not fully develop these points or explore counterarguments, which would provide a more balanced view.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure that all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed. This includes explicitly stating the reasons for agreement or disagreement and considering both sides of the argument. A clearer outline in the introduction that previews the main points would also enhance the essay’s structure.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that living in big cities negatively affects health; however, the clarity of this position is undermined by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, phrases like "I agree with statement" and "enable bad mind and physical problems" lack clarity and precision. The conclusion reiterates the initial stance but does so in a vague manner.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use precise language and ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the key points made in the essay, reinforcing the writer’s position without introducing new ideas.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as pollution and mental pressure, but these points are not well-developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For instance, the mention of "dust and smoke" lacks specific examples or statistics that could strengthen the argument. The discussion of competition in urban universities is relevant but could benefit from further elaboration on how this competition leads to mental health issues.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and relevant examples. Incorporating statistical data, studies, or personal anecdotes would help substantiate claims and make the argument more persuasive. Each point should be clearly linked back to the main thesis to maintain coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the health implications of living in big cities. However, there are moments where the connection to the main argument becomes tenuous, particularly in the conclusion where the suggestion of community action feels somewhat disconnected from the earlier discussion of health issues.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central argument about health. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion that do not tie back to the main discussion. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that relates to the thesis statement to guide the reader.

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic but requires significant improvement in clarity, development, and coherence to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on these areas will enhance the overall quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, arguing that living in big cities negatively affects health. However, the organization of ideas lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the transition from discussing environmental issues to mental health pressures is abrupt and does not flow smoothly. The introduction states the writer’s agreement with the statement but does not outline the main points that will be discussed, which would help guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should include a brief outline of the main points in the introduction. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that indicates what the paragraph will discuss. Additionally, using linking phrases such as "firstly," "next," and "finally" can help to signal the progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness are inconsistent. The first paragraph addresses environmental health issues, while the second focuses on mental health. However, the connection between these ideas is weak, and the paragraphs do not clearly delineate separate points. The conclusion attempts to summarize the argument but lacks a strong closing statement that reinforces the main idea.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea and be clearly separated from others. The writer could improve paragraph structure by ensuring that each one begins with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly restate the main argument and provide a final thought or call to action related to the topic.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly" and "Next," but they are limited in variety and effectiveness. The transitions between sentences and ideas are often unclear, which disrupts the flow of the essay. For example, the phrase "That is cause of serious depression" lacks a clear connection to the preceding sentence, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "In addition," "On the other hand," and "Consequently." These devices can help clarify relationships between ideas and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensuring that each sentence logically follows from the previous one will strengthen coherence.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant argument regarding the health implications of living in big cities, it requires significant improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic of urban living and health. Phrases such as "bad health problems," "environmental pollution," and "serious depression" indicate an effort to engage with relevant terminology. However, the vocabulary range is somewhat limited, with repetitive use of terms like "bad" and "problems," which detracts from the overall lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "bad," alternatives like "adverse," "detrimental," or "harmful" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "urbanization challenges" or "health implications of city living" would enrich the essay’s vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "development citys" is unclear and should be corrected to "developed cities." Similarly, "moto and car be used popular" is awkward and grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased to "motorcycles and cars are commonly used." Such inaccuracies can hinder the reader’s understanding.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This includes ensuring grammatical correctness and clarity. For example, instead of "urban people under pressure the mind," a clearer expression would be "urban residents experience significant mental pressure." Regularly consulting a thesaurus and practicing paraphrasing can also help in selecting more precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "belive" (believe), "citys" (cities), "fllowing" (following), "influnece" (influence), "builded" (built), "pression" (pressure), "universitys" (universities), and "accede" (agree). These errors not only affect the professionalism of the essay but also impede comprehension.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check tools can help catch errors before submission. Reading more extensively can also improve spelling through exposure to correctly spelled words in context.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use relevant vocabulary, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that would showcase a higher level of grammatical range. For example, phrases like "living evironment in big cities influnece bad physical problems" and "urban people under pressure the mind" are not only grammatically incorrect but also lack variety in structure. The use of more complex sentences, such as those that incorporate subordinate clauses or varied conjunctions, is minimal.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences into their writing. For instance, instead of stating "living evironment in big cities influnece bad physical problems," the writer could say, "Living in big cities can lead to various health issues due to environmental factors such as pollution and overcrowding." Additionally, using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences will create a more engaging and sophisticated essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes that hinder clarity. For example, "It’s belive that if people live in development citys" should be corrected to "It is believed that living in developed cities." The incorrect use of verb forms, such as "was builded" instead of "was built," and the misspelling of words like "believe," "cities," "influence," and "environment" detract from the overall quality. Additionally, punctuation is often missing, particularly in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. Practicing writing sentences with correct forms and seeking feedback on their writing can also be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading for spelling and punctuation errors before submission will help enhance clarity. For instance, the phrase "urban people under pressure the mind" could be revised to "Urban residents often experience mental pressure due to various factors." This not only corrects the grammar but also improves the overall coherence of the argument.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy, the writer should work on diversifying sentence structures and ensuring grammatical and punctuation accuracy. Regular practice, feedback, and revision will be key in making these improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is believed that living in developing cities can lead to serious health problems. From my point of view, I concur with this statement for the following reasons.

Firstly, the living environment in big cities influences adverse physical health effects. It includes dust and smoke, which can cause serious lung issues for some individuals. Currently, many factories have been built in urban areas rather than in the countryside. Additionally, motor vehicles are widely used, contributing to air pollution. Industrial and transportation emissions are the primary cause of fine dust, which significantly impacts people’s health.

Next, urban residents face mental pressure. Life in cities includes stress from studies, employment, social status, and competition. For example, competition at urban universities is often more intense than in rural areas, leading to increased levels of anxiety and, in some cases, serious depression.

In summary, urban life leads to both mental and physical health problems. For this reason, I concur with the opinion that living in big cities negatively impacts people’s health. Furthermore, communities should assist in protecting the environment to ensure that our lives become increasingly green and clean.