Some people think that modern communication is having a negative effect on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, A lot of individuals assume that the way we communicate at present time may cause harmful consequences on social relationships. I strongly disagree with this point of view.
On the one hand, it is justifiable why some people are concerned about interaction in modern times. The simple reason is that nowadays, we depend heavily on technology when communicating with other people. By owning a mobile phone, we can connect with our friends, families, relatives without worrying about the distance. This can lead to reduction in face-to- face communication, therefore we can not be close with each other compared to meeting directly. In addition, The way we connect with other people through a screen also leads to decrease in physical contact or gestures such as a warm hug or lovely kiss,which are considered as powerful tools strengthening our relationships.
On the other hand, I believe that communication today can bring us potential benefits. First and foremost, Thanks to the advent of technological devices, we can keep in touch with each other anytime and anywhere, especially in some emergency situations. For instance, we may inform some crucial information about our works, studies with our parents through mobile phones in case they are doing something and can not meet us immediately. As a result, all of the information can be delivered on time. It can be much faster and more effective compared to the traditional way of giving information- using letters from the post office, which takes a lot of time for transporting. Furthermore, with a lot of social apps which assist us for texting and calling, they can lessen some moments that we are going to hurt anyone, especially in some discussions. By offering some useful and practical sentences, social apps can limit some arguments as well as strengthen relationships while giving some helpful advice.
In conclusion, while we rely on social media too much at the moment, i believe that it’s benefits outweighted some drawbacks.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"A lot of individuals assume" -> "Many individuals assume"
Explanation: "A lot of" is somewhat informal and vague; "many" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"at present time" -> "currently"
Explanation: "At present time" is redundant and verbose; "currently" is concise and maintains the formal tone.
"harmful consequences" -> "adverse effects"
Explanation: "Harmful consequences" is somewhat vague; "adverse effects" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic contexts.
"I strongly disagree" -> "I firmly disagree"
Explanation: "Strongly" is somewhat informal; "firmly" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"it is justifiable why" -> "it is understandable why"
Explanation: "Justifiable" implies a moral or ethical justification, which may not be the intended meaning here; "understandable" better fits the context of explaining a reason.
"we depend heavily on technology" -> "we rely heavily on technology"
Explanation: "Depend" can imply a sense of necessity, which might be too strong; "rely" is more neutral and appropriate for describing habitual behavior.
"By owning a mobile phone" -> "With a mobile phone"
Explanation: "By owning" is redundant; "with" is more direct and appropriate for describing the relationship between the phone and the action.
"can not be close with each other" -> "cannot be as close as we once were"
Explanation: "Can not" is grammatically incorrect; "cannot" is the correct form. The phrase also clarifies the comparison to a past state.
"The way we connect with other people through a screen also leads to decrease in physical contact" -> "The use of screens for communication also leads to a decrease in physical contact"
Explanation: "The way we connect with other people through a screen" is verbose; "the use of screens for communication" is more concise and clear.
"which are considered as powerful tools" -> "which are considered powerful tools"
Explanation: "As" is unnecessary before "powerful tools" in this context, making the sentence more direct and formal.
"Thanks to the advent of technological devices" -> "thanks to the advent of technological devices"
Explanation: "Thanks" should be lowercase in formal writing unless it is the beginning of a sentence.
"we may inform some crucial information" -> "we may convey some crucial information"
Explanation: "Inform" is not the correct verb here; "convey" is more appropriate for transmitting information.
"can not meet us immediately" -> "cannot meet us immediately"
Explanation: "Can not" is grammatically incorrect; "cannot" is the correct form.
"all of the information can be delivered on time" -> "all information can be delivered on time"
Explanation: "All of the information" is redundant; "all information" is sufficient and more concise.
"using letters from the post office" -> "via postal mail"
Explanation: "Using letters from the post office" is verbose; "via postal mail" is a more concise and formal expression.
"which takes a lot of time for transporting" -> "which takes a considerable amount of time to transport"
Explanation: "For transporting" is awkwardly phrased; "to transport" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"they can lessen some moments that we are going to hurt anyone" -> "they can reduce the likelihood of causing harm to others"
Explanation: "Lessen some moments that we are going to hurt anyone" is unclear and informal; the suggested revision clarifies the meaning and enhances formality.
"i believe" -> "I believe"
Explanation: "i" should be capitalized as "I" in formal writing.
"it’s benefits outweighted some drawbacks" -> "its benefits outweigh some drawbacks"
Explanation: "It’s" is a contraction and should be "its" for possessive form; "outweighted" is a typo and should be "outweighed."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that modern communication negatively affects social relationships. The introduction states the author’s position, and both sides of the argument are explored. However, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the extent of agreement or disagreement, as the prompt specifically asks "to what extent." The author mentions both positive and negative aspects but does not clearly delineate how these balance out.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should explicitly state the extent of their disagreement in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, integrating a more detailed analysis of how the positive aspects outweigh the negatives could provide a more comprehensive answer.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position of disagreement throughout, especially in the introduction and conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the negative impacts and the positive aspects could be smoother. The phrase "On the one hand" indicates a shift, but the connection to the author’s main argument could be clearer.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity, the author should use transitional phrases that reinforce their stance while discussing counterarguments. For example, they could state, "While some may argue that technology reduces face-to-face interactions, I believe that the benefits of modern communication significantly enhance our relationships."
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the convenience of technology and the ability to maintain relationships over distances. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For instance, while the author mentions that social apps can reduce arguments, they do not provide concrete examples or evidence to support this claim.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should elaborate on their points with specific examples or data. For instance, they could mention studies that show how technology helps maintain long-distance relationships or provide anecdotal evidence of how communication apps have improved their own relationships.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of modern communication on social relationships. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the mention of "crucial information about our works, studies" feels slightly tangential to the main argument about social relationships.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central thesis. They could refine their examples to more closely align with the theme of social relationships rather than general communication.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents a clear position, it could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the extent of the author’s disagreement, deeper support for ideas, and tighter focus on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with distinct sections for opposing views. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs each focus on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the transition between the two sides could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the negative impacts of modern communication to its benefits feels abrupt and could benefit from a clearer linking statement.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two sides of the argument. For example, after discussing the negative aspects, a sentence like "However, it is also important to consider the advantages that modern communication brings" would create a smoother transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. The first body paragraph discusses the negative impacts, while the second addresses the positive aspects. However, the paragraphs could be improved by ensuring that each one begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Many individuals express concern that modern communication negatively affects personal relationships."
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by beginning each paragraph with a clear topic sentence. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a concluding sentence that summarizes the main point and links back to the thesis, reinforcing the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to delineate opposing viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the flow could be enhanced with additional linking words or phrases. For example, the phrase "As a result" is used effectively, but other transitions could be incorporated to improve coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify the range of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," and "Consequently." This will not only enhance the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a more sophisticated command of language. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas.

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid level of coherence and cohesion, improvements can be made in the areas of logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument can be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "harmful consequences," "depend heavily on technology," and "potential benefits." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks variety. For example, the phrase "connect with our friends, families, relatives" could be more succinctly expressed as "connect with loved ones." Additionally, the use of "social apps" is somewhat informal and could be replaced with "social media applications" for a more academic tone.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "communicate," alternatives like "interact," "engage," or "connect" could be employed. Keeping a thesaurus handy while writing can aid in diversifying vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the way we communicate at present time" which could be more effectively phrased as "contemporary communication methods." Additionally, the phrase "the way we connect with other people through a screen" could be made more precise by specifying "digital communication." The use of "lessen some moments that we are going to hurt anyone" is vague and could be clearer.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing each sentence to ensure that the chosen words best express the idea. Practicing with academic writing resources can help in learning how to select more precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "A lot of individuals" (should be "a lot of individuals"), "therefore we can not" (should be "cannot"), and "it’s benefits outweighted" (should be "its benefits outweighed"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing it regularly can help in minimizing errors in future writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource score. Focusing on these areas will contribute to a more polished and effective writing style.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "By owning a mobile phone, we can connect with our friends, families, relatives without worrying about the distance" showcases a complex structure with a dependent clause. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which could be varied further to enhance the flow and engagement of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using a mix of introductory phrases, subordinate clauses, and varying the order of subjects and verbs. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "I believe" or "The way," you could use phrases like "It is evident that…" or "One might argue that…" to introduce new ideas. Additionally, incorporating more passive constructions or conditional sentences could add depth to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For instance, "A lot of individuals assume that the way we communicate at present time may cause harmful consequences on social relationships" could be improved by removing "at present time" for conciseness. Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas before conjunctions in compound sentences (e.g., "such as a warm hug or lovely kiss,which are considered as powerful tools" should have a space after the comma) and inconsistent capitalization (e.g., "The way" should be lowercase).
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully. Focus on common errors such as subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and correct use of articles. Practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and conjunctions, will also be beneficial. Consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct mistakes before finalizing your essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, you can enhance the overall quality of your writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in the future.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, many individuals assume that the way we communicate currently may have adverse effects on social relationships. I firmly disagree with this point of view.

On the one hand, it is understandable why some people are concerned about interaction in modern times. The simple reason is that nowadays, we rely heavily on technology when communicating with others. With a mobile phone, we can connect with our friends, families, and relatives without worrying about distance. This can lead to a reduction in face-to-face communication; therefore, we cannot be as close as we once were compared to meeting directly. In addition, the use of screens for communication also leads to a decrease in physical contact or gestures such as a warm hug or a loving kiss, which are considered powerful tools for strengthening our relationships.

On the other hand, I believe that communication today can bring us potential benefits. First and foremost, thanks to the advent of technological devices, we can keep in touch with each other anytime and anywhere, especially in emergency situations. For instance, we may convey some crucial information about our work or studies to our parents through mobile phones in case they are busy and cannot meet us immediately. As a result, all information can be delivered on time. This method can be much faster and more effective compared to the traditional way of delivering information via postal mail, which takes a considerable amount of time to transport. Furthermore, with numerous social apps that assist us in texting and calling, they can reduce the likelihood of causing harm to others, especially during discussions. By offering useful and practical suggestions, social apps can limit arguments and strengthen relationships while providing helpful advice.

In conclusion, while we rely on social media heavily at the moment, I believe that its benefits outweigh some drawbacks.